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River was bored. Happy, but bored. She had her wife and the TARDIS, she had her freedom, and she had a nice stash of weapons the Doctor didn't know about. Lots of exciting things seemed to be happening but she was bored. No children around anymore, her plants all died, even getting the Doctor to enjoy sex was a chore. Storm cage was more fun than this place. At least she could always escape from there. She sat and thought.
***** "River! There you are! Why do you look so sad? Did something happen? Did I forget something? Tell me so I can fix it!" The Doctor cried. "No. I'm just lonely. " "Lonely! How can you be lonely? Want to visit your parents? That always cheers you up. " The Doctor really wanted her happy wife back. Even if it was only gun happy. "No. I think I want a pet." River said. "Now River, I told the kids no, I'm telling you no!" "Something small?" "Like a horse? No horses allowed. " "No! Like a hamster?" River asked. "No! Nothing that can get loose and chew on things." "A fish?" "No!" "Why?" "Because I said so!" The Doctor was adamant. "That worked on the kids, not on me! I am a responsible adult!" River said. "Prove it!" River held up the latest picture of the grandkids. "I raised four wonderful children to be responsible adults." A compelling argument. Not everyone could raise four mini Time Lords.
*****River made her point. "Isn't dad enough of a pet for you?" Asked Mike, the eldest. "You always have to keep her on a short leash, you clean up after her, you make her meals, you lock up all the sweets. I swear, Mom, you already have a pet. What does dad do when you aren't there?" He asked. "I shudder to think!" River replied. "Hey, I have a good friend that breeds Snerts. A litter was born not too long ago and they are ready for good homes next week. " A Snert was a good pet. It was fluffy, tall, skinny, and blue with a cream colored tummy and a trunk. The Doctor never liked snerts. "Too much trouble during allergy season." She said. Alright, so no snerts. ***** "Gold fish?" River asked. "No! They always chatter about getting out of their tanks. And I'm not going to listen to them pleading with me." The Doctor was dead against fish. "Didn't I say no pets? Well, NO. PETS!" River would need something else. "No cows, no sheep, no livestock of any kind. No snerts. No rodents. No birds. And absolutely NO HUMANS!" They make terrible pets." The Doctor told River. "A human as a pet? That's a good one!" River laughed. "No. Actually, it's quite sad really. They aren't animals and they can care for them selves. For the most part. And before you say anything, I have never treated my companions as pets." "Sure you haven't. 'Stay in the TARDIS.' 'Dont eat that!' 'Stop touching that!' 'Go home!' all things you have said to humans and all things you would say to a pet!" River stated. "You said the same things to the kids!" The Doctor countered. "Yes, but they didn't know better at the time." River said. "Same with humans." The Doctor wasn't going to let this go. *****A few days later, River washed a strange looking dish. "You know I always wanted an attached dish. Makes eating fish fingers and custard easier." Said the Doctor. "But why does it say 'Kitty Cat' on it?" The Doctor asked, hoping the answer was not what she thought it was. "I got a pair of cats." River stated. "How did you do that? You didn't steal them, did you?" "No! I took your bank card when you were in the shower." River was brazen. "And besides, we could always use a good mouser." River defended herself. "We don't have mice!" The Doctor said. She did pride herself on that fact. "Anyway, they needed a good home and we have one." Was what River came up with. "You'll like them once you meet them." River knew exactly what buttons to push.
*****" They are fluffy!" The Doctor said as the cat relaxed in her arms. "What did you say they were?" She asked. "Ragdolls. They go limp when you hold them."River explained. The Doctor was smitten. River had never expected her wife to be so taken with a cat. "What did you call them?" "You are holding Pen and this is her brother, Ink." "Pen and Ink, how cute." The Doctor was no longer aware of anyone else but Pen. "You are such a good kitty! Are you enjoying the pets?" River rolled her eyes. "You didn't buy them, did you?" Asked the Doctor, finally coming out of her trance. "No! I know someone who needed to re-home two cats. That's how I got them." The Doctor half heard. She was too busy playing with a toy mouse.