Chapter Text
Lea never considered himself a patient man.
Even after everything, though, he still waited. He waited through all of the events during his time with the Organization and everything that happened at Castle Oblivion, which he found himself regretting more and more as the days flew by. He waited through the agonizing demise of Axel and the much more blissful and satisfying end of the Organization. He waited all the way through to his own recompletion. And even though his emotions were stronger and felt like a hot flame in his chest, he continued to wait.
And even with every new turn, he stayed hopeful.
Lea found himself as one of the guardians of light not too long ago, which he immediately decided was extremely ironic. Considering his track record with darkness? He assumed he would definitely be a no go for that kind of a title, especially taking into account how important being a guardian of light was and what crazy, universe saving responsibilities it held. Not to mention, he had only summoned his keyblade not too long before that, making him a completely unexperienced soon to be universe saver. It left him uneasy in a way, specifically because he knew that the words unexperienced and universe saver didn't exactly go well together.
But who else was there to fill in that gaping hole? After all, Yen Sid was beyond dry on his keyblade wielder reservoir. In fact, it was bone dry, what with Sora going off to go restore his powers and Riku leaving with Mickey to try to find Aqua in what he would describe as, for lack of a better term, actual hell. So, he did what the only logical idea would be to do at this point and went to go train with the only other keyblade wielder left, Kairi. Another complete newbie and Axel's ex captive. That last bit, unfortunately, made things unbearably awkward for him at the beginning.
Truly, how was he supposed to react, spending most of his time with her? He had ruined this girl's life for longer than he would like to admit, and hell, no one wants to get kidnapped. Axel had eventually let her go, of course, but the fact still remained that his nobody self had taken her hostage way back when. Kairi was a sweet girl, though.. utterly forgiving and cheerful. Almost immediately when they started training together, Lea had apologized for his actions. She didn't hesitate in telling him that it was alright and that that was all in the past now. And despite all of her reassurance, he wouldn't stop feeling like shit over it. Lea knew that everything was fine now and that he had to focus on his training, but he couldn't help himself from apologizing whenever he saw the chance to. Kairi was patient with him.
That was when he started to lose himself.
Nightmares were.. well, they were more often an issue than not. Most nights, Lea found himself dreaming about Castle Oblivion and the murders he took part in. And of fucking course, now that he was training and needed to be at his peak physically and mentally, his mind had other ideas for him. He felt beyond pathetic in those moments after waking up from one of those god awful nightmares, covered in a cold sweat and panicked. It was his own fault, though, and he knew that. Even when the images of Vexen's silhouette going up in flames and of Zexion getting choked by Riku Replica danced in his mind, he couldn't feel bad for himself. For the trauma he caused himself and the guilt he felt. Because deep down, he knew that it was his fault, no matter how much he regretted it now. Sleep was hard to come by those nights, but he dealt with it. He refused to tell Kairi about it, even on the frequent occasions that she asked about it. Lea knew that she knew something was wrong, but he brushed it off.
Merlin had suggested that they write letters.
Kairi had taken a liking to that idea. It wasn't very hard to tell, when they had been given stationary supplies, that the letters she wrote were mostly for Sora. She never let Lea read them, despite his curiosity. He found it amusing, when he would try to peek at the papers and she would hold them tight to her chest. "They're for Sora," she would say, looking at him through narrowed eyes. "No one else! And yes, that includes you!" He made it a habit to prod, just to get on her nerves. They both knew it was all in good fun, but he still ever got a peek at a single one of the letters. After awhile, he found that the letters she wrote kept piling up. Not that she wrote a ton of them, but he took notice of whenever she set aside a new one. When he asked about it, she said the letters were more for herself. Lea found himself being charmed by the idea. It was utterly romantic, the way she would write to him. And the way her eyes shone when she wrote was something to behold. Powerful, in a way. It was obvious to Lea and everyone and their grandmother that those two loved each other.
It made him want to write, too.
There were multiple twilights where he sat on an old log near the edge of a cliff and watched the reds and yellows of the sunset, a notepad and pencil in hand. For the longest time, he couldn't bring himself to make the words flow. His mind was chaotic and loud and eerily quiet all at the same time. It wasn't until a certain night, when the sky was a mix of blues and purples, that he finally found it in himself to say what he wanted to. Lea wrote until the lack of light wouldn't let him see the paper anymore.
And even after he stopped his training in favor for bigger, more important things, he still kept the single letter he had written close. It sat in his pocket, even when the final battle came and went. Even as he gained Roxas and Xion back and hugged them for the first time in years. Even as he held Saix, when he lay dying in his arms, looking up at him with the kindest and most vulnerable expression he had seen the man make in far too many years. Lea didn't think he had ever experienced anything more painful than that.
And even now, as he sit on a beach towel over top of the sand with the newly reformed Isa, watching Roxas and Xion play in the ocean water.
He didn't think he could be happier and more emotional at the same time.
Lea was still getting used to the whole emotions thing, even after being whole again for awhile. The years of being in the Organization hung over his head like a wet blanket, cold and heavy, and it made feeling each old sensation he was so used to as a teenager feel new again. Everything was so raw, so unclouded. The first time he had truly cried as a whole person again, when Roxas and Xion returned, had left him almost paralyzed. To feel such a large relief as that while still having a relatively new heart was such an amazing feeling.
He couldn't help but wonder how Isa felt.
And Isa sat next to him, clad in a new outfit that suited him almost too well, teal eyes glued to the water and the kids. He had never really liked them as Saix- in fact, one would probably say that he hated them. And it was obvious that he did. Lea had never really known exactly why until Saix had confessed while he was fading away, laying in his arms the day that Roxas and Xion had returned. He had been jealous. So to see him now, watching them with such a kind expression? It made his chest flutter with a kind of nervousness that felt all kinds of right. Lea recognized this exact feeling from his teenage days, when he and Isa were young and dumb and naïve. When they would spend their days fixing up their old hiding place and reading comic books. From when Lea would tug a half awake Isa to the square in the middle of the night to watch meteor showers. From the morning after sleepovers they had, where they would sleep in all day after a night of just talking. He knew what it was, but he didn't want to acknowledge it. No, not yet. Hell, he didn't even know if Isa felt anything similar to that throb in his chest. He didn't even know if Isa had felt it back then, like Lea had, when they were those dumb teenagers who were dangerously curious and had a way of getting what they wanted.
"Lea."
The sound of his name shocked him out of his trance. Teal eyes were looking directly into his own now, tired and infuriatingly captivating.
"Yeah?" Lea didn't look away, soaking in their color. It had been years since he had seen them- Isa's eyes. The memory of gold was dangerously fresh in his mind, but he pushed it away. Those gold, empty eyes had been returned to his normal, comforting teal. It was grounding, in a way, to see them again after all of this time.
"You're staring." Isa's voice held the slightest bit of amusement to it. He missed that, too. How he let his emotions lie so subtly under his speaking tone. Lea finally registered what he had said after reveling in the sound of his words, he couldn't help but crack a grin. "Well, excuse me. It's totally not like I haven't seen you in like, forever. Cut me some slack." A chuckle slipped out of Isa's throat. It was heavenly. When was the last time Lea had heard a sound like that come from him?
"Some people say that staring is rude," Isa countered, lines forming at the corners of his eyes from where he had narrowed them ever so slightly. The ends of his mouth turned upward in a smug sort of smile. Another rare sight. "Anyone else would be offended."
"Good thing I'm with you, then."
Lea found himself placing his hands behind him on the beach towel so he could lean back on his arms. He let his eyes wander to the water again, the greens and blues of the water unbearably rich. The faint scent of sea salt had him breathing in deep. He was truly happy.
Except, there was a weight in his pocket.
He would have to be patient for a little while longer. He hated it, but he knew he needed it. He wanted to wait for the right moment to give it to him. To let him know.
Lea closed his eyes for a moment. Isa had been an ever present thought on his mind all of these years, and now he was back to his usual self again. Next to him. Even with his eyes closed, he could feel the other man's presence- comforting and chilly in a way. But, there was that letter he had written. He had yet to deliver it, even though the recipient was sitting right next to him.
"Axel!" When hearing his old name, he sat up, eyes landing on Roxas and Xion. He found himself chucking a bit at the sight of the two of them, since both were absolutely sopping wet, eyes big. Lea decided that best way to describe it would be to say that they looked like puppies who had just gotten out of a bath.
"I told ya, just use Lea from now on, okay?" He knew his name change would be hard for them, so he didn't mind giving out the reminder. Roxas, who had called his name earlier, gave an apologetic smile. "Oh, yeah. Sorry. Forgot." Lea waved a hand at him. "No big deal, kid." Except, it sort of was. That name reminded him of way too many bad things. He dismissed those thoughts before they spiraled out of control. "What's up? You two look like you want something." Xion giggled at his words, letting him know that he had guessed correctly. "We're getting kind of hungry. You think we could head home?'
"Hungry? Well, we'll just have to fix that."
It was a few minutes until they were back in Twilight Town, headed towards their new home. A month prior, they had all pooled their money together to get a rather cozy apartment close to the clock tower (which Lea had determined a necessity.) It was large but scarce of furniture, something that they were working on currently. Dining room empty of tables and chairs, the group of four sat around a coffee table that was covered in two greasy pizza boxes, one filled with a pepperoni pizza and the other filled with cheese bread. They feasted, and Lea avoided the comment Isa made about eating healthier. "We'll have to get something better in our systems soon. We can't survive off of pizza alone," he said, staring down at the slice on his plate like it would kill him. "Maybe you can't, but I know I can. Besides, it's not like we have the munny right now." Thats why the place was so bare, after all. All four of them had been doing odd jobs around town to supplement their bank account, and it was filling up, albeit agonizingly slowly. "We'll get to that eventually," Roxas offered, and Lea knew it was just to try to appease Isa. It drew out a little bit of a snicker from redhead, who nudged the boy.
And after they were done with dinner, they sat around that worn coffee table and talked to each other. The atmosphere was comfortable, almost unbearably so. Everything was just too perfect, despite the obvious disorganized state of the apartment. Everything was far, far better than he imagined it would be. Isa had stayed with him and Roxas and Xion, and as far as Lea knew? The kids were content with it. Even after everything Isa had done to them as Saix, they were kind to him. He knew Isa still felt awful about everything, though. He could see it in his eyes when he spoke to them. And he knew that the man was growing to love them, just like how Lea did.
Before he knew it, Xion was half asleep on Roxas' shoulder. The blonde woke her up for a split second to coax her into going back to their shared room. Goodnights were shared, and Lea watched them leave the room to retreat back to their beds. It was almost like a dream, if he was being honest. Too sweet and too much for words. He felt like he could wake up any moment and be back in his old room at the Organization's headquarters, which was a thought that only soured his mood a little bit.
And then, it was Lea and Isa.
The other man was already in the kitchen, putting the leftover pizza in the fridge for later. Lea knew he would probably have one of the leftover slices for breakfast the next day. When Isa returned, he leaned in the entryway separating the kitchen and the living room and he looked like a gorgeous sort of phantom.
His skin was pale somehow, even after spending a day in the sun. He had always been that way, even as a teenager back when they were in Radiant Garden. His blue hair was tousled from the hours of sitting by the beach- "You're staring again."
Damn him and his perceptiveness. Lea rolled his eyes in response, finally getting up from his seated position. His feet tingled with the sensation of his blood circulation having been cut off and returned to him. "What, is that a crime?" He felt a smirk on his face.
"I guess not." Isa stepped closer to him, and he gained a sort of smug look all of his own. Lea enjoyed that expression way, way too much. "Go take a shower. You smell like sea salt."
Lea reached for the only throw pillow on the couch and chucked it at him.