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Dimitri is a cat person. He’s been a cat person for almost two decades now, starting from a playground fight during which Sylvain and Ingrid both declared dogs better than cats. That had made Felix cry until Dimitri took his side to even the numbers. He can still remember the image of baby Felix, squishy puffed-out cheeks so red they were almost purple, tears dripping down his face while he bit his lips and refused to make a sound.
Prior to that he hadn’t known people had to choose sides when it came to animals, but Dimitri’s been a cat person since then, just by virtue of saying so. He never had any other pets that demanded his loyalty, and he did find cats to be very cute. His family crest is a lion. See, a cat.
There’s not much left of said family, after the accident. The crash took his parents and an eye, and only left him with years of physical therapy and an uncle who showed up for the funeral but left shortly after. So Dimitri sold everything in his inheritance, moved far away, and holed up in a cabin in the woods somewhere to slowly recover. Only his closest friends know where he’s gone. They say they'll visit sometime. He doesn’t know what to do with his life, so they tell him to get a cat.
Well, Felix tells him to get a cat. Ingrid says he needs to get out more, and she’ll support him in whatever he needs to feel safe doing that. Having a fluffy friend to come back home to after draining his social battery is totally valid, she says, though she’s still on team dog in that dog walking will force him to leave the house. Sylvain says he needs to get laid, and girls love animals, “like that cute chick you said you met at the park, the vet? Did you at least get her number?”
“Marianne? Um, she gave me a business card for the animal shelter she works at.”
“…Yeah. Get a cat.”
“Okay?”
Correction. Sylvain also tells him to get a cat.
Dimitri doesn’t do anything by halves, so before he even goes to adopt the cat, he transforms his place into a cat paradise. He buys a cat tree – with ramps in case his future companion is disabled/elderly/has stubby legs and can’t make the leaps. He buys a water fountain and automated food dispenser and cat exercise wheel.
The windchimes above the door tinkle as he walks into the animal shelter. The pink-haired receptionist is busy on the phone, but she quickly says, “Just a sec,” and turns to him. “Can I help you?”
Put on the spot, it’s difficult to articulate what he’s looking for. “Ah, just, looking to… adopt?”
“Okay, feel free to take a look around, or ask if you have something specific in mind.” She gestures vaguely to the right and returns to her heated phone conversation about… rats and pest control?
There are a few seats out here, but more in a fenced-in area to the right that the receptionist likely meant for him to go. Once past the gate, it’s separated into a dog area and a cat area, with a few people mingling in each, almost like they’re at an animal cafe. It seems like the tamest of the adoptable animals socialize with each other and with the people who come looking for a compatible pet.
Before Dimitri can make it over there, he’s distracted by the sound of one of the back doors swinging open. A large, calm bulldog is in the lead, but on its heels is a… rabbit. A tiny brown floppy-eared rabbit. Behind them is another member of the shelter’s staff, a handsome man with a parrot on one shoulder and a baby wyvern on the other, both chewing on his tousled hair.
“No, not you,” he says to the rabbit, and tries to block its path with his foot. The rabbit nimbly leaps over the obstacle like it’s nothing.
The dog makes her way to the gate, and another shelter worker opens it to let her in. The guy with the wyvern shouts out, “Cyril! Gate! Bean!”
The gate slams shut right before the rabbit can join all the dogs. Cyril, presumably the guy who closed the gate, stares at the rabbit, who stares balefully back. It thumps its hind legs, and though Dimitri has never been close enough to a rabbit to decipher their body language, that looks an awful lot like disapproval.
“Dogs only,” Cyril says to the bunny. It thumps again. He shakes his head and returns to watching over the dogs and potential future adopters.
There is now a bunny in front of where Dimitri wants to go, and he’s pretty sure if he goes there the bunny will slip into the dog enclosure. Tame though the dogs may be, no one wants to test their instincts if a tiny prey animal were to be suddenly introduced, not to mention what could happen if it were to hop over to the cat side of things.
Behind him, the receptionist starts ranting to exotic-pets-guy. “Oh. My. Goddess. Claude, you won’t believe. Hubert called about his rat problem again and I’m like, just call pest control? I don’t know if he’s speaking in code or what.”
“Oh, yeah, I think that’s code. By rats he means his family. He probably wants me to be his date for dinner with the ‘rents. He’s trying to kill them by giving them racist and homophobic conniptions, haha…”
“Well he needs a better code. Don’t go out with him, guy’s a creep.”
“He’s not really my type, but it’s not like there are a lot of options in this sort of town. Prince Charming’s not just going to waltz right in.”
Dimitri doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he’s stuck frozen in place. Should he ask for help? Should he just go for the cats and leave the shelter workers to hold back the bunny? Uh oh, he’s been spotted.
The bunny comes hopping up to him.
Hnnnnk.
It makes a weird buzzing sound that’s barely audible over the various other sounds of animals and people.
Hnnnn hzzzzznnnnnk. It nudges his foot, then looks up with an expression that can only mean please pet me please please.
Its nose is twitching and it looks so soft. There is no resisting the bun. Dimitri crouches and shakily reaches out to pat the bunny as gently as he can. His hand sinks into the fur – the silkiest, puffiest fur he has ever felt, much softer than any cat or dog he’s ever touched. How. How can such magic exist?
Hgggnnn hzzznnng hnnng! The bunny buzzes like a remote control car and runs laps around Dimitri before coming back to nudge his hand more pets please please.
“That’s a happy sound. It means he likes you.”
Dimitri is still stroking the bunny as he looks up. The handsome exotic-pets-guy, Claude, is smiling down at him. He crouches down a moment later to join in the bunny petting.
“This little guy is Bean. He thinks he’s a dog. Can’t bark though.”
“O-oh, I didn’t even know rabbits could make noise.”
“They’re quiet, so you won’t ever have to worry about disturbing the neighbors, but yeah, they make lots of interesting sounds. They buzz when they’re excited and cluck like chickens when they’re relaxed. But anyway, can I help you with something?”
“Um, I’m looking to adopt an animal…”
“Any animal in particular? We’ve got tons of bunnies this time of year. Great Tree Moon rolls around, people buy them as spring gifts for their kids, you know? A month or two later half of them end up here when the kids get bored.”
Dimitri bites his lip. “I was thinking maybe a cat.”
Snuffle. Lick. Hnnnnnnnk. The bunny looks at him with its big soulful eyes. How could anyone have chosen to give up such a sweet creature? Dimitri has known him for less than ten minutes and he would die for this rabbit.
“…or a rabbit.”
He leaves the shelter without ever getting close to a cat. Bean sits in a travel cage in the passenger’s seat of his car, a very smug bunny. The little guy is strangely fearless. In the back is a bale of hay, a bag of pellets, a bag of rabbit litter, and every pamphlet on rabbits they had on hand.
Claude had taken a look at the pictures of his cat setup on his phone and said, “You know, with some minor adjustments that would make a great rabbit playroom too.”
And it does. Bean immediately takes over the cat tree.
Felix and Dimitri are the first to log in to their monthly group call.
“You look better. Did you get a cat?” Felix asks.
“Ummm….” Dimitri glances behind him at the cat tree where Bean is currently residing. The bunny is grooming himself in one of the little hidey holes. How to explain the rabbit in the cat tree…
Felix snorts. “Whatever, I can clearly see your cat in there.”
Ingrid joins the call. “What’s going on?”
“Dimitri got a cat,” Felix says.
“Oh, congrats! You are looking more relaxed.”
Sylvain joins, and the conversation gets weird. “Did you see her again?”
“Who?”
“Marianne! Did you see her when you went to the shelter?”
“No, but Claude helped me out. He’s a really interesting guy! He really has a knack for birds and reptiles, and he does wildlife rehabilitation too.”
“You made a new friend, that’s great. But come on. You were there for a date with Marianne, what about that?”
“I was?” Suddenly everything makes sense. “Ohhh, you were trying to hook us up!”
“Now he gets it!”
“If you ask me, it seems like this Claude’s more your type,” Ingrid says. “I haven’t heard you so excited about meeting someone in… probably ever.”
Sylvain considers this intently. “Hmm, that’s right. Not since Dedue, at least.”
“Yeah,” Ingrid reiterates. “Since forever ago. Dedue was middle school.”
Dedue in the middle school locker room was also probably Dimitri’s first brush with sexual attraction, but he is not having this conversation with the childhood friends who he sees as siblings.
“Who cares?” Felix cuts in. “I want to see the cat.”
Felix unfortunately doesn’t get to see the cat since Bean hopped down and sped off to another room in the house. Next time, Dimitri promises. Maybe next time he’ll have an actual cat as well, if he can find one that gets along with rabbits.
On Dimitri’s second visit to the shelter, he manages to take a proper tour of the place. Claude, this time wearing a vibrant red snake as a living necklace, smiles brightly upon seeing him. “Hey, let me show you around!”
“Don’t be fooled!” Hilda calls after them. “He’s only trying to convert you to his lizardy ways! Stand your ground, cat person!”
Claude sticks his tongue out at her, and the snake does too. He says to Dimitri, “I can confirm, I am a lizard person. I’m just waiting for instructions from the reptilian queen to tell me which politician I should kill and impersonate.”
“I’m sure with your charisma you’ll do well in politics,” Dimitri says. He only notices he was flirting after the fact, whereupon he stumbles and nearly trips over his own feet at Claude’s retaliatory wink.
Contrary to Claude’s supposed lizard agenda, they go through the dog kennel first. Dimitri wants to adopt every single pupper, except he’s not quite ready for the type of commitment a dog would entail.
They see the cats too, and somewhere in between he even sees Marianne again, though briefly. They wave at each other and exchange pleasantries before she has to go into surgery – routine spay and neuter operations done on all strays they take in.
Then there are all manner of birds, reptiles, rodents, and other creatures to see.
Dimitri… adopts another rabbit. Pumpkin, black and white and heckin’ adorable, walked up to him and literally flopped at his feet for belly rubs. He couldn’t not.
His justification is that rabbits are social creatures who don’t like to be lonely. Dimitri is home most of the time at the moment while he tries to finish his degree through online classes (because fate decided the so-called “best years” of his life should be spent half in a hospital bed and half in grief counseling), but someday that might not be the case. He wants only the best for Bean, and that means a friend.
When all the paperwork for Pumpkin is done, Dimitri feels somewhat torn. He’s excited to return home and introduce the rabbits to each other, but he also doesn’t want to leave just yet.
“You know, you can come over anytime just to hang out,” Claude says. “Or volunteer. We always need people to help feed and socialize the animals, make sure they get enough attention, stuff like that.”
“I’ll think about it,” he says, but he’s already made up his mind to come back.
Dimitri receives a mug in the mail. It says, “#1 Cat Dad”.
He drinks out of said mug while looking down at his bunnies, both flopped in his lap.
His friends are happy to see the mug during their next group call, but Felix is frustrated when yet again he can only see the shadow of a “cat” running by.
Weeks pass. Dimitri does not adopt more animals even though his visits to the shelter become more and more regular.
Then the shelter comes into possession of chinchillas.
“Did you know?” Claude whispers conspiratorially. “Chinchillas are even softer than rabbits.”
Dimitri whispers back, incredulously. “No, it can’t be…”
But Claude’s face is absolutely serious the whole way, from entering the small animals room to opening the cage door.
Dimitri reaches in to touch the docile little puffball.
It. Is. A. Cloud.
The cloud sniffs his hand.
The cloud licks his fingers.
He builds a giant chinchilla cage next to the cat rabbit tree and the cat rabbit wheel.
The chinchilla cage dominates the background of his next vid call. Dimitri tells his friends all about the joy of living clouds, but they don’t quite understand. Perhaps it’s best if he doesn’t disclose his adoption escapades after all.
He moves his vid call location to the bedroom.
Weeks pass. Dimitri does not adopt more animals even though he becomes a shelter volunteer.
He gets assigned to the birds. Hilda rolls her eyes when she hears. “C’mon Dimitri, you can resist his reptilian charms. Claude’s just trying to get you into pirate cosplay.”
“Stop giving away my schemes!”
Dimitri shrugs. “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time someone suggested it. I do look like a pirate even without a parrot.”
He feeds the birds and cleans their cages. Some are skittish, but others are brash. The rambunctious ones climb up his arms and nip at his clothes and anything that dangles. He also gets a lot of bird snuggles out of it, sometimes right after the nips. Birds are a bit hot and cold like that. They remind him of Felix. And, well… The birds are smart.
It’s one thing to be loved by a rabbit who doesn’t have anything going on in his mind other than food, naps, and cuddles. It’s a different sort of love to be chosen by an animal with the intelligence of a small child, who can talk and tell you exactly what it is that she wants.
Skittles is a palm-sized ball of sass and rainbow feathers, and she wants to be with Dimitri. When it’s time for him to leave, she howls and throws a tantrum, throws her toys around the cage, and just… cries. She cries like a human child.
When he comes back the next day, she leaps into his arms, shoves her head into his armpit, and makes sad noises like I thought you’d never come back why’d you leave??
“You don’t have to adopt her just because she’s a brat,” Claude says.
“But she wants me to adopt her.”
“Yeah, but you don’t have to listen to her if you’re not ready for that sort of commitment. You said you weren’t ready for a dog? Parrots are for life.”
Dimitri does not adopt Skittles. He fosters her.
“You’re doomed,” Claude tells him. “That’s how my wyverns got me.”
Claude has two dwarf wyverns, one brown and one albino. They trail after him everywhere he goes when he’s home, running on two legs since they’re a bit too big to be flying indoors.
“Gotta save up to move to a bigger place, maybe with a yard or something. It’s not fair that they only get to stretch their wings when we go to the park.”
You could come to my place, Dimitri thinks but doesn’t say. It seems weird. It shouldn’t be weird to invite a friend over, but Dimitri is something like a semi-feral hermit in the woods. For him to invite someone over to such a secluded dwelling gives off murder vibes. That’s probably something that you have to wait until the third date to do.
(His murder cabin is filled with bunnies though. That makes it better, right?)
While Claude prepares dinner, the wyverns sit on the kitchen floor behind him, heads craned up, silently begging for scraps. When Dimitri asks if he can help, they glare at him suspiciously. But as soon as Claude turns around, they’re perfect precious babies once more.
Dinner is nice. The food is great and the company even better. Is it a date? Am I on a date? The thoughts race through Dimitri’s mind. I don’t know how to date?
Also, the wyverns keep watching them. Is he projecting too many human emotions onto the lizards? No, no, they’re definitely watching him. If lizards could give the shovel talk…
Claude pecks him on the cheek when he leaves. The wyverns hiss. It was definitely a date.
Six months after they start dating, Claude unofficially moves in. It’s more that the wyverns move in and Claude tags along. They grudgingly accept Dimitri’s presence because they own his yard now.
On this particular winter day, it’s too cold for them to be out there wrestling in the snow for too long, so Claude calls for them to come inside before they get the lizard sniffles. Not long after they’ve curled up on the rug in front of the TV, the doorbell rings.
That… has never happened in the entire year he’s lived here.
Dimitri opens the door and is surprised to see his friends.
“Surprise! Happy birthday!” Ingrid and Sylvain shout, before they’re taken aback by the bright orange parrot on his shoulder.
“Arrr me mateys! Arrr! Arrrrrrrrrr!” the parrot says.
Felix glares at the bird even as he shoves a gift bag into Dimitri’s arms. “We got you more cat stuff.”
For a second, Dimitri looks troubled. Then he chuckles, gives them all hugs, and invites them inside.
This is what they see:
Dimitri’s boyfriend (when did that happen?) waves from where he’s being smothered by two wyverns each the size of a large dog.
Speaking of dogs, there’s a Pomeranian walking sedately in the exercise wheel meant for cats.
The cat tree is full of rabbits.
In front of the cat tree is a cage with a pair of chinchillas in it.
On top of the cat tree there are what look to be bird perches installed. The parrot flies over there, screaming “Arrrr! Arrrrrrr!” all the way.
A series of terrariums lines the walls, housing small reptiles and amphibians.
There are no cats.