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A gasp of air. Though he had been breathing all this time, that single gasp of air was all it took for Draco to feel like he was actually breathing again.
He could feel how wide his eyes were as he stared straight up at the ceiling, yet he saw nothing but darkness.
He waited a minute. There! A flash of light erupted across the room for less than a second. Lightening? He couldn’t be sure, but he saw it — the details of a hospital room.
His heartbeat spiked at the possibilities of why he would be in a fucking hospital. No memories were coming to him. He swore he was going to have a heart attack.
Draco swallowed the lump in his throat and his hands gripped the sheets on each side of his body tightly. Definitely a hospital. These sheets are horrid feeling.
He took a moment and gathered himself, trying to get the banging of his heart against his rib cage to stop.
He grabbed his left hand and held it with his right — rubbing the back of his own hand to calm himself down. It worked within’ seconds.
The sensation felt... familiar. It made him feel comfortable.
“Malfoy?” A groggy sounding voice called out in a whisper.
Draco widened his eyes and kept his mouth sealed.
He heard the creak of a chair followed by footsteps walking in the opposite direction of where we was laying.
The light of a candle began glowing in the corner of the room, and a tall Theo was standing near it. A much taller, older looking Theo.
Theo looked down at him with tired eyes. He still seemed to be half asleep. Then it finally clicked.
“Malfoy!” He paced over to him and put a hand on Draco’s shoulder in disbelief. “Oh mate! You’re really awake! I can’t believe you’re fucking awake! After all this bloody time, I knew you wouldn’t let up! Merlin, when Blaise and Pansy get a load of—”
“Theo,” Draco snapped. “You’re giving me a headache.” He put his fingers to his temples and squeezed his eyes shut.
Theo laughed loudly as if he had no regard for what Draco had just told him. “Of course the first thing you’d say is a bloody insult! Fucks sakes! I’ve missed you, mate!”
Draco didn’t budge.
He could hear Theo crouch down next to him to be eye level. “So, how are you feeling?” His tone of voice was still a bit too energized for Dracos liking.
“I told you, you’re giving me a fucking head ache.” Draco spoke in a low tone and finally looked up to him.
He met Theos mossy green eyes. “Well, no surprise there!” He laughed again and bumped Dracos shoulder with his fist in a jokingly way.
Draco fumed only for a moment before he fully processed all of the words Theo has said to him so far.
“...I can’t believe you’re fucking awake!...”
“...After all this bloody time, I knew you wouldn’t let up...”
“...Of course the first thing you’d say is a bloody insult...”
“Theo,” Draco quickly closed his mouth and he stumbled on words to say. “What... happened to me?” His voice was a nervous shake.
Instantly, Theos entire face dropped and froze as he looked his friend directly in the eyes. “Y- You don’t remember anything? Like anything?”
Draco narrowed his eyebrows hard and he tried to think. He shook his head.
Theo inhaled a sharp breath as he blinked and looked away from his friend. He stood up straight and quietly walked over to grab a chair. He pulled it up next to the bed and leaned over, putting his elbows on his knees.
There was a long silence in the room.
Theo licked his lips. “The war against Voldemort... it went pretty bad for you.”
“Against Voldemort?” Dracos eyes shot down to his left arm in search for his dark mark, but all he found was smooth bright pale skin.
“We fought against him, Malfoy. All of us. We rebelled against our parents and we actually fucking won. You, me, Parkinson, Astoria, Daph, Crabbe, Goyle.” He listed.
Draco blinked a couple times, then nodded lightly. “Yes. I remember that.”
“Voldemort was beyond fucking angry that you were the leader of the rebellions, so he crucio’d you until you were hardly breathing. Luckily Potter arrived in time to face Voldemort. All his energy had been used up on you that it was an easy win.” He swallowed. “But you... you’ve been unconscious ever since then.”
Draco shifted his jaw. “I was the leader of the rebellions? What the fuck would have made me ever do such a thing, Nott? Was it Zabini? Him and his bloody artistry—”
“Malfoy.” Theo spoke sternly to gain back his attention.
Dracos looked at him — chest breathing heavily. “What?”
Theo looked down to the ground and chewed on his bottom lip. “Do you seriously not remember why you did it?” His voice almost sounded... hurt?
Worried, Dracos eyes quickly shifted back and forth between both of Theos.
Theo inhaled deeply, again. He rubbed his palms against his trousers to stop them from sweating.
“Theo, do I not remember what?” Draco demanded.
“Fuck.” Theo mumbled under his breath and put his face into his hands.
Draco leaned upwards a bit. His stomach began to tie in knots. “What the fuck aren’t you telling me?” He panicked.
Again, Theo said nothing.
“Nott, fucking tell me right now!” He demanded in a scream.
Calmly, Theo lifted his head and let out a deep sigh. He shoved his hand into the pocket of his trousers and dug around for something.
He pulled out a small golden ring with a silver diamond in the middle of it. The diamond gleamed with soft colors of green and pink.
Once Dracos eyes saw the ring, it felt like everything inside of him stopped. His heart, his brain, his blood flow. All of it.
“Granger.” He whispered so lightly that it was almost inaudible.
The corners of Theos mouth curved lightly as he handed the ring to Malfoy. “So, you do remember.”
Oh I fucking remember. How could I not? Worst of all, how did it take me this long?
Every single emotion he has felt towards Granger since before the war just slammed and locked back up into his heart.
He remembered everything.
The constant bickering of her trying to convince him to call The Dark Lord, You-Know-Who.
Stealing pages out of her precious notebooks to create a plan that would get all the children of death eaters on her side.
Making her tea just before bed because she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep otherwise.
Arguing over peanuts, making sure they both got an equal amount and not a single peanut more.
Accommodating a plan to erase the dark mark from everyone’s left arms.
Having sex with one another for the first time. It was... decent. She has only slept with one other person and both times haven’t been good. She didn’t tell him that it was uncomfortable the entire time because that’s how she’d always thought sex was like. After all the reading she does, she had no high expectations for it.
It horrified him when he found out her mindset of what sex is and has been for her. He felt like he had used her. After all, it was only his benefit in the end. It made him enraged almost that she expected so little of him... and sex in gernal.
Then he made love to her for the first time. It was nothing like the fast paced, lust-filled, sloppy sex they had done the first time. They were both aware of their feelings for each other this time. He knew how it should be for her, and nothing less. It was euphoric.
A few months later he fell for her. She defended him to the entire Resistance and explained to them that he was going to help them win. Even when they didn’t believe her, the most honest girl they’ve ever known, she still chose to defend him to her own lifetime friends. That made him fall hard.
Anytime Potter or Weasel would say something to get his blood boiling, Hermione would take his hand in hers and rub the pad of her thumb on the back of his hand. A signal that she’s there with him. That she has faith in him. And that’s all the mattered.
From that moment on, he was hers. It didn’t matter what she needed him to do, he would do it. And he did. He was whatever she wanted him to be.
She knew how much he loved her. He’d reminded her everyday through his physical affection and acts of service. So when she told him that she loves him more than he loves her, he was fucking gone. His heart couldn’t possibly take it anymore of her, could it? It was too full of her. There weren’t words to describe how deeply he was in love with her, and the fact that she thought she could beat him at the ‘who loves who more’ game reassured him that this was his person.
Day before the war, he put a ring on her finger. A symbol of hope for if they made it out of the war alive, they would fully be each other’s for... forever.
And thats who Hermione Granger is to him.
But where is she?
And why isn’t the ring on her fucking finger?
Draco stared at the ring in his hand and a numbing pain circulated through his stomach. He made his hand into a fist and held onto the ring tightly.
He looked toward the window to avoid eye contact. “How long has it been?” He asked.
“Five years in two weeks.”
Draco inhaled a sharp breath and held it. “And where is she?”
“Somewhere in London. It’s been seven... eight months since I’ve personally seen her. Blaise knows the exact location.” He explained.
Draco nodded.
“I’m not saying this as Grangers friend, I’m saying it truthfully as yours. That girl loved you. I don’t know bloody how, but she did.” He laughed briefly. “It was too hard for her to keep seeing you like this. Especially when you were, you know, unresponsive and all.” He joked again.
The corner of Dracos mouth twitched.
“Look mate, we can get the address from Blaise and apperate to her. I can’t imagine the look on her face when she sees that you’re awake. Hell, I can’t imagine the look on Blaises either.” Theo chuckled lightly in attempt to break the tension.
Draco smiled softly at his friend. “Thank you. For... you know... being here. I almost had a bloody panic attack when I woke up.”
“Well what the fuck do you think best mates are for?” Theo beamed and stood up from his chair. “Let me go get Padma so we can get you checked out of here.”
“Padma?” Draco sharply raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, right. You’ve been knocked out for five years.” Theo scratched the back of his head. “Um, well after the war, Padma helped Poppy Pomfrey with healing over twenty people. She decided to take it up as a career.”
Draco stuck out his bottom lip and nodded a few times in surprise.
Theo left to hunt down Padma and boy he better hurry because Draco was clawing at his own skin to get out of here and see Granger.
____
Blaise had them use legilimency to see what the place Hermione was staying at looked like that way they could apperate.
“That’s where Granger lives?” Draco narrowed his eyebrows tightly in disbelief.
“That is the area she lives around.” Blaise corrected. “I’ve never been to the exact home.”
Draco nodded sternly. His anxiety was skyrocketing and his fingers were fidgeting. Five fucking years since he’s seen the love of his life and she doesn’t even know that he’s awake yet.
“Alright. You ready?” Theo asked and he looked over to Draco.
Draco scoffed, “I’ve been fucking ready.”He held his hand out to Theo.
He took it and they both looked back to Blaise.
“Happy your back, mate. You better swing by Pansy’s flat later while you’re at it. You’ve got a list of people who’d be in tears to see you.” Blaise gave a warm grin while tapping Dracos shoulder and taking a step back.
“Will do.” Draco smirked.
He turned back to Theo and he gave him a nod of reassurance. With a gust of wind following them, they were gone.
Stumbling only a couple of steps, they appeared in the exact same spot that they had seen in Blaises mind.
Draco swung his head around in all four directions, but saw no one. Only a street of houses that were very... country like. Dracos face jerked in judgment, but he quickly wiped it away.
“You go that way, I’ll go this way.” Theo pointed in both directions of the narrow dirt road.
Draco nodded and began walking — no, jogging — down the road. A rush of adrenaline spiked through his veins.
Each house he approached, he glanced in the windows from a fair distance away to not look too creepy. He looked in the windows, on the sides of the house, and even partially the backs of the house considering they had no gates or fences.
Merlin, he was desperate.
As he approached the last few houses on his end of the street, he began to get overwhelmed with panic. His breathing was heavy coming out of his mouth and his eyebrows knotted together tightly.
He whipped his head around to see if Theo may have had any luck, but he was still looking in the windows of a few of the houses. Still searching.
So, Draco kept searching. He clenched his jaw and tried to swallow the doubt that Blaise may have been wrong. Maybe she moved to a different area? Or maybe he got the roads mixed up.
Fuck he needed to find her fast or he was going to hyperventilate.
He was already on his second to last house and there was no one inside. He walked around the back and still no luck. Just an empty grass land with a table and a few chairs.
Draco stopped walking. He could feel the lump in his throat beginning to make him choke. Where was she? All he wanted was to see her. To hold her. Where the fuck was she?
He put his hands behind his head as he stood up tall and attempted to calm himself down and catch his breath. He turned towards the last houses backyard, and he saw her.
Every amount of stress, anxiety or worry vanished into thin air just by the sight of her.
Merlin, did she even age?
Sat at an outside table with a book on it and leaned over in her chair to read it. Her eyebrows threaded together and she nibbled on her bottom lip in concentration. Fuck, he has never seen anything so beautiful.
His hands dropped from his head as he stared at her from across the yard. The corner of his lip curved upwards and he looked at her in awe.
Five years too fucking long. He hated the universe for taking away this view for five dreadfully long years. What did he do to deserve such a punishment?
He swallowed and began to walk across the yard towards her own.
When he almost reached her, the back door to Hermione’s house opened and Draco stopped dead in his tracks.
It felt like he had just been punched in the gut.
Weasley.
Weasel fucking Weasley.
Hermione didn’t look away from her book when he walked out with a cup of tea and a copy of the daily prophet.
Draco, don’t you dare over think this.
Stay fucking calm.
They could look up at you at any moment.
They live together simply platonically.
Or maybe he’s just visiting.
Maybe Potter is hanging around in there too.
Dracos hands balled into fists. His nails dug so hard into his palm that it could draw blood. But he didn’t fucking care.
He watched Weasley make his way over to the table. He put the cup down in front of her, which made her concentration break from the book she was reading.
She thanked him and smiled widely.
That damned beautiful smile. I miss that fucking smile. I rarely got to see it with the war ruining our lives.
Weasley sat down in the chair next to her as she closed her book and happily took a sip of the tea. Once she swallowed, she scrunched her small little nose, leaned in and kissed him.
This was no punch in the gut. This time it felt like tweety knives were tearing apart the organs in his stomach.
On the outside, not a single muscle on Dracos body flinched at the interaction. But on the inside, it was like a fist punching his heart of glass.
Weasley smiled as he looked at her, then his eyes trailed to something behind her. Or someone.
He looked into Dracos lifeless eyes and completely lost his breath. His face went pale.
Draco stared daggers into Ron so sharply that he could have made him bleed out by just looking at him.
Hermione turned around to see what Ron was so engaged in, and when his eyes shifted to hers, every emotion flooded back into him.
Her beautiful amber eyes were wide in shock and she suddenly became breathless.
Draco clenched his jaw multiple times to hold back his tears, but water began to fill his eyes.
“Draco?” Hermione’s voice was so soft that it was nearly inaudible.
Draco tilted his head slightly, “You didn’t wait for me?” His voice cracked harshly.
Instantly, the expressions on her face melted into desperation. Like she was longing for him. She was hurt seeing him so hurt.
“You woke up from the coma?” Ron interrupted in a confused tone.
Heat built up quickly in Draco. He wanted to kill him in the worst and most painful ways possible. He would do it in front of her and wouldn’t regret it no matter how bad it hurt her.
She turned towards Ron and put her hand on his, “Please go inside.”
Though Draco couldn’t see her face, he knew no one could say no to her when she desperately asked a favor of them.
Ron shifted his jaw as he looked back up. He nodded before he picked up the daily prophet and went back inside.
Hermione stood up and waited until the door fully shut. Once he was gone, she whipped her head back in Dracos direction to see him still standing there looking right at her.
Tears flooded her eyes and she quickly walked towards him. Before he could avoid it, he was in her tight embrace.
He wanted to resist. He tried so hard to resist, but she still smelled like oak wood and honey. Her hair still felt like a smooth bushy mess. Her body still felt like all the warmth he’s ever needed.
For that reason, he gave in. It felt too familiar. Too much like home.
He slowly let his arms wrap around her waist and exhaled a deep breath of relief. He closed his eyes to take in the feeling of her.
”I can’t believe you’re here.” She whispered into his neck. He could feel her entire body shaking.
He almost let the words slip out of him without any thought, but he stopped himself.
He wanted to tell her that he’s here. That he’s here and won’t ever leave her again.
But he stayed quiet.
He held onto those last moments of feeling her body against his, then he slowly started to let go.
Once they were out of each other’s embrace, he backed up another step and cleared his throat.
“H-How? W-When? When did you wake up?” She smiled painfully.
“Two days ago. Theo got me checked out of St. Mungo’s.” He told her.
“And how did you find me?” She tilted her head a little and examined all of his features.
His eyes shifted to hers and he grimaced. “Why? Hiding from me?” He said coldly.
Her smile faded as she looked at him. She half-way looked back to the house behind her where Ron was, then looked back to him. She exhaled a deep breath and shook her head. “Of course not, Draco.” She sounded disappointed, but he really didn’t think she had the right.
He stayed silent and blinked.
She narrowed her eyebrows.
Oh, he’d done it now. He had offended Hermione Granger and she was about to make him regret it.
“Do you really think that I would try to hide from you?” Her voice crackled softly. “I waited 24 hours a day, every day for four years straight. No job, no activities. Just you. I had to deal with Theos half-assed overly inappropriate jokes every damn day. I slept in that tiny hospital bed holding onto my unconscious boyfriend every night praying I would wake up to the feeling of him holding me back.” She was balling at this point. “And you never did.”
All the anger stripped from his body. He stared at her frowning, but refused to speak.
She continued, ”I didn’t know when you would wake up. Or if you were even going to wake up. No one did. I couldn’t just waste my life away in there waiting for you to open your eyes. I had to get a grip and start moving forward.”
“So you just forgot about me and moved on to Weasley?” He stuck his hand out in the direction of the house.
She shook her head. “It wasn’t like that. Please, don’t think it was like that.”
“I don’t know, Granger. Help me understand then, because to me it sounds like you left to start a new life and move on. You wanted to forget about me because if you kept holding on it would just break you more, right? So you went back to your childish school boyfriend and rekindled your stupid fucking feelings and distracted yourself long enough to forget your feelings for me.” He panted heavily.
She stared at him completely broken. A tear streamed down her face as she held eye contact with him.
He licked his lips quickly, “Am I wrong?”
Finally, she broke eye contact and shook her head. She looked down to the floor. “No. You’re not wrong.” Her voice was quiet.
What was left of his already broken heart of glass just got completely shattered.
Even though he had questioned and accused her, he didn’t want it to be true.
They stayed silent for a few long moments.
“So, I won then.” He finally spoke.
“What?” She sniffed her nose.
“I won the ‘I love you more’ game when you had me convinced otherwise.” His numb eyes looked up at her.
“Don’t.” She warned him in a growl. “You don’t get to fucking do that to me.”
“Do what?” He tested.
“How dare you!” She shoved his chest so hard that he had to take a few quick steps backwards to regain balance. “I loved you with every piece my heart, mind, and body could offer! I lived, slept, and dreamt Draco Malfoy! Every decision I ever made was for you, not me! When you were in that coma, the only reason I didn’t kill myself was because you had a chance to wake up! I couldn’t leave you here alone if you did wake up! So don’t ever say that I loved you less because I loved you with every part of my being and that would mean that my love wasn’t enough! That I wasn’t enough!”
She breathed heavily and she stared at him. Her cheeks flushed pink and her eyes filled with water. She was fuming, but even worse, she was broken.
He looked at her. That’s all he could seem to do.
Realizing he wasn’t going to fight back, she sniffed her nose and turned her head to the side to wipe away the tears that had fallen.
Before he could even think, he was walking toward her.
His hand wrapped around her left arm to make her face him, his other hand cupped her cheek. Then his lips were on hers.
He scrunched his face tightly as he held the kiss, and she finally gave in. It felt like a breath of fresh air. Her lips were warm against his. There was a tinge of salt from her tears, but he didn’t care. On her, it all tasted the same.
Her hand gently held onto the wrist of his hand that was so delicately touching her face.
Thinking she was going to deepen the kiss, he was shocked when she slowly pulled away.
He opened his eyes first, seeing that hers were still closed. She looked like she was having an argument inside of her own head.
He kept his hands in their same positions, hoping for fucks sake that she would let him continue.
She opened her amber eyes to look into his silvers. “Its been five years, Draco. I just finally started moving on from you.”
“Hermione, I’m here now. You don’t need to move on.” His voice was desperate.
“Draco, the day I left that hospital, apart of me got left behind there. I went numb after I left and things changed over this past year. I went through so much trauma, that looking at you reminds me of those four years of pain.” Crying, she gently brushed her fingers against this face. “I loved you once, but I let you go.”
Draco swore he could feel his own heart strings die.
She’s scared. She’s scared because she’s never been with me when the world isn’t against us. We were only together through the war and it was the darkest time of our lives. Then when everything was supposed to be bright again, I get put into a fucking coma for five years. She’s scared that if she comes back to me, something will go wrong because when we are together, the universe is unhappy.
This was it for him. It wasn’t possible for love to be real if the girl he loves is walking away. She’s all he knows.
He slowly dropped his hands from touching her and she moved her hand from his face.
He took a step back and cleared his throat while looking down to his shoes.
She bit onto the inside of her cheek and looked at him nervously.
“Will you be happy? Here? With Weasley?” It took everything in him to ask.
Hermione slightly nodded. “I’ve been trying. It’s been difficult, but... I have been so far.” She admitted.
He examined her for a few moments to see if she was being genuine or just trying to scare him off.
He gave her a short nod, then turned around and left.
Even if she had been calling his name, he wouldn’t have been able to hear it. His brain felt like white noise and he walked away.
Theo caught his eye. Standing one yard over, his jaw was dropped. He has heard the entire conversation.
Draco looked at him for a moment, clenched his jaw, then looked back to the ground and continued walking back to the apperation point.
He could hear Theos footsteps catching up to him. It was only moments later that he joined Draco at his side and had a firm hand on his shoulder. He didn’t have to say anything. Draco knew the gesture and that was all the comfort he needed.
Funny. Theo visited everyday for all five years with a positive attitude, yet the supposed love of his life walked away to move on.
See this is where Draco does win the ‘I love you more’ game.
The difference between Draco and Hermione was that Hermione allowed herself to get convinced to leave that hospital. She walked away from him. She gave up.
Draco wouldn’t have left if Voldemort himself had the elder wand pointed at his throat threatening to kill him and everyone he loved.