Chapter Text
Skeppy’s mouth felt dry as he tried to focus his eyes on the screen of his phone. His finger hovered over his best friend’s name. He so badly wanted to hear Bad’s voice. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine Bad’s face. All he could see was an outline and some fuzzy features. Skeppy found that he often couldn’t picture Bad’s face clearly. Of course, he had seen Bad’s face plenty of times over FaceTime and but still he often caught himself just watching old clips of Bad’s facecam steams just to study the shape of his eyes and the slope of his nose.
Skeppy glanced at his phone’s glowing screen. It was 2 in the morning. Skeppy was buzzed. He had slowly been trying to grow his alcohol tolerance since his 21st birthday and was desperately trying to be more rational and less needy in his buzzed state. Skeppy could count the number of times he had drunkenly called his best friend on his right hand and he knew Bad was tired of it.
It wasn’t Skeppy’s fault really. Skeppy wasn’t proud that the second an ounce of alcohol entered his system, his mind floated off to Bad. Imagining the feel of Bad’s lips brushing against his own flited through his mind. It doesn’t mean anything though, because it is just a drunken thought, Skeppy rationalized.
All Skeppy knew was that If a shot of vodka could make him stare at his ceiling and see Bad’s face more clearly, it was worth it. Skeppy, shook his head. He was being dumb. But he wanted to call Bad. He was down bad. Skeppy snickered at his own thoughts.
Why wouldn’t Bad just let Skeppy visit him? Skeppy was impulsive. He was a traveler. He was the kind of guy who could book a flight for the next day just to see an acquaintance and he had the money to do so. It made his heart clench to think about it. To think that he could go see anyone in the world except for the one person he wants to see the most. The one person he needs to see. But Bad won’t see him. Skeppy’s chest tightens, and tears prick his eyes. Shit. He thinks he had a bit too much to drink.
His finger hits the number. Skeppy breathes sharply. He didn’t really mean to. He probably won’t pick up, right?
“Hello? Skeppy?” Bad’s muffled voice answers.
“Bad! Sorry, were you sleeping?” He hears his voice squeak unnaturally.
“Not yet, I was just about to. Is everything okay? You sound different.”
“I want to see your face. I can’t remember what you look like.” The words tumble out of his mouth.
“Skeppy. Have you been drinking, you muffin-head?” Bad’s voice was a mixture of amusement and disappointment.
“Yes, maybeeeee.” Skeppy stretches out the word, “But seriously, Bad, I can’t see your face.”
“How many drinks does it take you to forget your best friend’s face, Skeppy?” Bad lightly joked before changing into a worried tone, “I don’t think you should be drinking so much.”
“I always have a hard time imagining your face. Maybe if I can just see it in person, I can burn your features into my brain.” Skeppy whispers. There is a pause. Skeppy heard his heartbeat in his ears before Bad speaks again.
“Skeppy, I don’t want you to burn your brain. I want your brain unscorched!” Bad’s tone is light. It is a defection.
“Why don’t you want to see me, Bad?” Skeppy keeps his tone even. His hazy mind vows this will be the last time he asks. If Bad wants to see him, he will have to be the one to ask.
“Of course, I want to see you! You are the one who is always sick or visiting other people. I have always been the one trying to meet you!” Bad’s voice is loud and familiar. It’s his streaming tone and Skeppy winces.
“Bad, we aren’t streaming right now. You know that isn’t true, stop gaslighting me.” Skeppy starts to feel the anger bubble up but he keeps his tone even.
“I know, I am sorry Skeppy. But I am not lying about being busy and my fear of flying. Can we talk about this when you are more sober? Let’s talk in the morning?” Bad sighs, giving up his act. He doesn’t want to commit to anything and Skeppy keeps pushing.
“Baaaaaaaad. You never want to talk about it. Why don’t you want to meet me?” Skeppy whines dropping his even tone.
“I do Skeppy. I promise. I want to. It’s just that- I don’t know” Bad whispers. Skeppy’s ears perk. He is so close to finding out what is stopping his best friend from letting him visit.
“It’s just what?” whispers back.
“Erhm.” Bad grumbles, “I don’t know Skeppy. I don’t know why I am like this.”
“Why you are like what?”
“Hmm?”
“Bad, I don’t know what you are trying to say. It feels like you are, like, breaking up with me, like with that whole, ‘it’s not you, it’s me phrase.’ Right?”
“I am not breaking up with you—uh you know what I mean. But, uh, yes I guess you are kind of getting what I am saying.” Bad squeaks out, “Look, I am just not ready. And I should have told you earlier. I am so sorry. I just have a lot of things that I have to do mentally before we can meet up.”
Silence fills the call. Skeppy feels stone cold sober. He can’t breathe. What is it? Despair? Disappointment? A release of tension? Finally, he can start to process that the meet up won’t happen. It’s no longer a question of “when.” But a question of “if.” Skeppy can have everything in the world. But the one thing he wants the most.
It is so unfair. He had told his fans that He would meet up with Bad in the next three months, and he was just going to disappoint them again. What would people think of him? He’s just a guy who can’t even get his best friend in the world to meet up with him. Was he that terrible? When did he become so alone in this? Skeppy was spiraling.
“Skeppy? Are you okay?” Bad’s timid voice reached across the void.
“Uh yeah. No. I get it. I have to go… It’s late…” Skeppy squeaks as he attempts to end the call quickly. If he stays on any longer, he knows he will cry or yell or something.
“No no no no no, Skeppy! Wait!” Bad calls out desperately, “I love you, you know that, right?”
“Okay.” Skeppy answers. It doesn’t feel like enough. But it should be, he tells himself.
"And you love me too?” Bad tries to make peace. Skeppy can tell, he doesn’t want to leave the call with gaping wounds but Skeppy doesn’t think he can patch himself up so quickly. He needs to hang up and cry or scream and then tomorrow, he can work on moving on. “Skeppy? You love me too, right?” Bad persists.
Skeppy answers the only way he can, honestly, “Of course.” The lump in his throat grew. He was so disappointed.
Skeppy hears a sigh of relief, “Look, I don’t want us to hang up. Can we keep talking, Skeppy?”
“I don’t know, Bad.” Skeppy wants to say no, but he can’t. If he leaves the call now, he feels like something will change. He will be admitting defeat. Or he will be unsupportive of what Bad is trying work through. But it is so effing hard to be supportive when Skeppy has no idea what’s wrong.
“I just- It’s just-,” Bad stumbles to find the words, “It is just so important that you know how important you are to me. Oh gosh, I just said important twice in one sentence.” Bad starts grumbling, “This isn’t coming out right.”
“Bad, it’s okay. Don’t worry.” Skeppy mumbles.
“No, stop. Uh, I won’t be able to sleep tonight if I think you are going to be sad because of me. Like, you are probably my favorite person in the world.” Skeppy’s heart warms at the words. He can feel Bad take his pickaxe to the walls he was starting to build up. Bad continues, “But I just need some time to work through some things.”
“Maybe we can work through whatever is happening together? I want to help.” Skeppy offers.
“Maybe, Skeppy, maybe.” The conversation fades. For a few moments all Skeppy can hear is Bad’s breaths. Bad asks Skeppy about his day. Skeppy inquires about Lucy’s new toys. It is comfortable again. It’s not completely satisfying, but for now it is enough. Skeppy can wait. He just hopes it won’t be for too long.
The next day around 6 pm, Skeppy hears the FaceTime ringtone coming from his phone. He squints at the screen. It is not common for someone to FaceTime him. It’s Bad. They had been texting throughout the day making plans to record a video tomorrow but Skeppy doesn’t remember them making plans to FaceTime. Skeppy quickly runs his hand through his hair and answers the call, “Hello?”
“Skeppy! Hi!” Bad responds. Skeppy is startled to see his face. Bad’s bangs were pushed a bit to the side and his beautiful green eyes were looking at him.
“Bad!” Skeppy grins, “Is everything okay?” They have talked a lot on FaceTime but usually it is planned and even then, it often took quite a bit of prompting before Bad would grumpily turn on the camera. It was deeply unusual to just pick up a call and see his best friend’s face.
“Yeah! Of course! I just wanted to see your face!” Bad smiled. Skeppy knew it now. It was because of their conversation last night. Skeppy tried to hide his wince. Flash backs of their conversation made his cheeks grow hot. Skeppy had told Bad that he had difficulty remembering his face and now Bad’s face was in front of him. Not quite in the way he wanted, but It was Bad’s way of compromising. No visit yet, but a facetime.
“Aww…” Skeppy smiled back at Bad. He treads lightly because he doesn’t want Bad to turn off his camera. “Sorry, my hair is a mess, I haven’t showered yet.”
“No, your hair looks fine.” Bad laughs, “You have really good hair.”
“Thanks, Bad. Yours is nice too.”
“Oh alright, are you going to call me bald now or something?” Bad scoffs, rolling his eyes.
“No” Skeppy laughed, “You do have nice hair. Besides I won’t ever say it on stream, but I think you could pull off the bald look if you ever decide to shave your head again.”
“I am never shaving my head again.”
“Have you thought any more about my one-hundred-thousand-dollar maid outfit offer?”
“Skeppy. You muffin-head, why do you even want to see that?”
“Honestly, I have no idea, all I know is that I do.” Skeppy giggles as he hears Bad start to grumble.
Bad starts FaceTiming Skeppy every day. It starts off with short calls and progresses to them falling asleep slowly blinking at each other at 4 in the morning. As the days lengthen, Skeppy sleep schedule becomes non-existent. He wants to blame Bad. But he knows that he can’t resist Bad’s late night phone calls.
Skeppy often finds himself sleepily tapping Bad’s name on his phone only to land on a stream. Bad always sounds so cheerful when he picks up. So bubbly and so fresh. Skeppy frowns as he walks to his computer to turn on Bad’s twitch notifications. “Do you want me to end stream to talk to you, Skeppy?”
“No, no, just call me after, okay?”
“Okay Geppy, talk to you soon.”
A few moments later, the familiar FaceTime tone blares on his phone. Skeppy can’t get enough of those green eyes and the soft brown hair. Bad’s image is slowly seared into his mind. At first, the frequent FaceTimes and nighttime calls comfort Skeppy. He feet like his friendship and love- or whatever- is reciprocated fully. But the more Bad opens up, the more Bad shows Skeppy, the hungrier Skeppy gets for more. Skeppy is insatiable.