Chapter Text
Music.
Almost everyone enjoys it to some extent. For some it is just a nice way of spending time either listening to or making music, for some it is the only thing that makes them feel happy, and for some it is the only thing that makes them feel worthy.
In Dabi's case, it was the latter. His father had been one of the best musicians in japan but as much as he tried he was always number 2, he had a one sided rivalry with the number 1, All Might. When his father accepted the fact that he couldn't surpass all might himself, he decided to push that responsibility on his children. He taught his children all he could and trained them to become number 1, while doing all this he didn't realise( or didn't care) that he was making his children believe that their self worth was directly connected to their rank in the music industry.
Two of his children were able to escape this because enji believed they had no musical talent, that left them feeling like rejects but their mother did her best to erase that belief. The other two are still stuck, thinking that they have to be number 1 to be worthy of love.
Even though a lot of people believe music is subjective and thus shouldn't be ranked, society loves to tell people how good they are their own job. So, the Music Corporation of Japan releases a "fame ranking" of musicians every year, it is determined by votes given by citizens of japan. When the voting is done they upload the rankings on their website and host the biggest musical event in the country. The top 10 musicians are paid extremely high amounts according to their ranks to perform at the event. The tickets are ridiculously expensive and hard to get hands on. It's a huge cash grab and it's been working wonderfully for decades.
It was the night of the rankings and musicians all over japan were waiting anxiously. Not dabi though, he was dancing his drunk ass off at a club, trying to drown all his worries with alcohol, as it wasn't working as well as he had hoped he decided to add sex to the mix. He just wanted to be completely out of his mind when the rankings would be announced because deep down..........dabi was scared. He was scared that the outcome wouldn't be what he wanted it to be and he would feel like a failure once again. It had happened every year. He tried so hard but the best he had gotten was number 5 last year. Dabi was 23 when he reached number 5 while his brother shoto had gotten to number 9 last year at the age of 15. Given that shoto's band had all might's adopted son izuku midoriya or deku add that to shoto being endeavour's son , this gave them a lot more recognition during their debut while dabi had tried his best to make sure no one would associate his band with endeavor. Dabi wanted to shove it in his father's face that he could be number 1 without associating himself with his name and status. He wanted revenge for his father completely abandoning his music training as soon as shoto started showing potential. Enji todoroki rejected dabi because he was soo sure that shoto had more potential because shoto was an extremely fast learner from a young age. He could never forgive his father for that. But he didn't wanna think about any of that right now.....
It was the morning after the rankings. Dabi entered the band's office where they did all the brainstorming and planning. He already knew everyone else would be there discussing the rankings. "Well look who decided to finally show up" said Giran as he entered, dabi just rolled his eyes in response and took a seat with the other. "As I was saying , we have to start rehearsing for the event and plan out the show" Giran continued telling about the details of the event but dabi wasn't listening to a word of it. He was feeling sick to the stomach thinking about what the rankings are, he knew they had made it the top 10 but that wasn't his goal, he had to be number 1, he had to prove it to him.
He decided to scroll through Instagram to distract himself which was stupid because of course everyone was talking about it, the first thing he saw was the advertisement of the event. It was completely centred around an artist named "Tomura" and by "centred" he means that the poster literally had a huge ass picture of the artist and the details were written around it and unfortunately for dabi the names of the artist were written with their ranks. He saw the name of their band "Cremation" on number 2. Some people would be jumping with happiness right now but dabi knew that number 2 wasn't enough, it wasn't enough to make him worthy.....
Anger started to rise in him at the picture of the artist. He couldn't see his face because tomura was wearing a hand shaped mask isn't that fucking creepy but he could see those bright piercing red eyes and those curly blue locks. He couldn't wait to meet the person who had stolen the number 1 rank from him.
I already hate this fucking guy
They spend the day discussing what songs they'd play, special effects, choreography, etc for their performance. Dabi was acting like his normal snarky and sarcastic self but it wasn't fooling anyone. All his friends knew how he was feeling but also didn't know how to help him.
Dabi was smoking in the balcony alone and toga decided that she couldn't just sit there and see him be miserable anymore. "Hey emo boy!" Toga exclaimed as she entered the balcony , "how long are you planning on sulking around?".
When she didn't get a reply from dabi , she sighed heavily and said "Dabi , I know what you're thinking. I've know you for 7 years for goodness sake! I know you're not happy about the rankings. Music is your life and trying to gain that excuse of a father's acceptance is ruining it for you."
Dabi finally turned and looked at her with his piercing eyes full of anger "I don't want his acceptance" grumbled dabi ,
"You want to prove yourself to him, you want to show him you're worthy but dabi you need to first believe that you're worthy yourself and I don't think you're doing that"
Toga took out a bunch of pages from her pockets, "look at this, so many people look up to you dabi , I know you read fan letters , you should know you've helped so many people get through their problems with your music! Your music helps people dabi, how can you think that this is worthless just because it isn't number 1?"
Dabi's expression softened, it was true , he did love reading fan letters. They made him feel like he...mattered. "I- I know....I'm sorry..I just can't help but feel like shit"
Toga hugged dabi tightly "I know you want to be number 1 and we will definitely get there, we will improve and work hard together but dabi you're worthy of love no matter what your father says."
Dabi finally smiled lightly and looked at toga fondly, she really knew how to make someone feel better. She was great at reading people, that was his favourite trait of hers. "Now come on in we need to celebrate!" Toga said as she dragged him back inside with the rest.
They decided to leave the work for now as giran got a bottle of champagne out from the cabinets. The rest of the evening was spent chatting around and talking shit. Dabi was actually enjoying it but of course it wasn't gonna last. He was in an intense argument with spinner about which barbie movie was the best when he got interrupted by the buzzing of his own phone. He saw fuyumi's name flash on his screen and frowned. It's not that he didn't like talking to his sister but he had a guess as to why she was calling him today of all days.
"I have to take this but if you think diamond castle isn't the gayest barbie movie then I don't even wanna continue this conversation!"Dabi went to the balcony and picked up the call.
"Hey fuyumi"
"touya! Congratulations!"
"Thanks fuyumi but I'm not coming to the dinner"
fuyumi got silent for a second and then signed heavily, "Touya please, even natsuo is coming this year! We're all really proud of you and trust me dad is trying to improve too"
"Fuyumi I don't care how many times he says he's sorry, his apologies mean nothing to me"
"I know that, but I also know that mom's apologies mean a lot to you"
"Mom doesn't have anything to apologise for-"
"but you know she still feels guilty"
"Touya please come, for me, for natsuo, for shoto, for mom"
Dabi stayed silent, he did miss his family but he didn't wanna meet his father, especially not today
"Touya we really miss seeing you, I just want my family to be complete for one night"
"Ok I'll come, but you gotta stop this sentimental bullshit"
Fuyumi giggled "ok, I'll see you soon then" as the call ended dabi felt sorry for his sister, fuyumi had always tried to make their shitshow of a family normal.
"I guess I can deal with that bastard for one dinner"
When dabi entered the room again , everyone was staring at him with concern in their eyes, not everyone knew exactly why dabi hated his father and was distant with his family but they didn't pressure dabi into telling them. Only toga knew the details because she had been his childhood friend. Spinner must have told them that dabi had gotten a call from his sister and that's why they were all concerned.
"I gotta go to a family dinner" dabi announced to the group "do you have to?" Toga asked, she was probably the most concerned. "Fuyumi convinced me somehow, don't worry I'll be fine" dabi tried to reassure them. They didn't look very convinced but seeing they couldn't do anything about it they let him go after making him promise he'd call them if something happened and he needed anything. Dabi felt a warmth in his heart. These moments reminded him that people did love him even though he didn't feel like he was worthy of it.
At the todoroki household, Rei and fuyumi were lecturing enji while preparing dinner. "Dad, I know you want to improve yourself but you need to understand that they wont forgive you that fast" said fuyumi while getting the cakes out of the oven.
"Today is a special day for both of them and you need to make both of them feel special and that you're proud of them" rei explained.
"It was really hard to convince natsuo to come so don't forget about him either" said fuyumi.
Enji listened to them carefully, after talking with his old rival all might, he had realised how badly he had treated his family, toshinori had told him it still wasn't too late to right his wrongs. This dinner was an opportunity for him to do just that.
Dabi was the last to arrive at the mansion. He had left on time but he wanted to piss of the old man so he decided to be late. He was surprised by enji not commenting on him being late and just sitting quietly like a grumpy old man.
They all sat at the dinner table and dabi could sense a type of tension between rei, fuyumi and enji . Suddenly enji got up and said "Before we start this celebratory dinner, I'd like to say a few words" everyone beside fuyumi and rei were shocked but decided to go along with it.
"I want to say thank you to all of my children, fuyumi for being such a caring soul and taking care of her sibling when I failed to and for this wonderful dinner, natsuo for being independent and successful in his field and of course toya and shoto for making it so high in the rankings, I have failed you as a parent but you still turned out to be such wonderful people, I'm truly proud of you all" enji continued.
The words said by enji echoed through everyone's minds. They were unlike anything he had ever said to them. Dabi knew it was utter bullshit. That's the fakest shit I've ever heard. It almost sounded like a youtube apology video, so fucking rehearsed. But a small part of him couldn't help but feel.....something. Some comfort at hearing the words he'd dreamed of hearing for years. But it was easily overshadowed by the rage of the child inside him, the child that truly needed these words. Dabi tried his best to not retort or comment on it because he didn't want to make fuyumi sad.
But that didn't stop him from being a little shit. "and mom? what about her? don't you wanna thank her for putting up with you bullshit for so many years?" he says with a bitter smile.
Enji looked like a deer caught in headlights, "oh- well..of course rei deserves all the thanks in the world" he stutters out but seeing touya's shit eating grin brings up his anger. Just as he feels his anger rise, he feels a cold hand squeezing his, he turns to look at rei giving him a scolding look. "thank you enji, i think you should sit down for dinner now" she says sternly.
Enji sits back down and tries to calm his anger by reminding himself of fuyumi's words "I know you want to improve yourself but you need to understand that they won't forgive you that fast".
"and touya? watch you language at the dinner table sweety" rei says sweetly to touya and he looks down embarassed, "sorry ma".
They continued the dinner with idle chit chat. Fuyumi telling them stories about her students natsuo doing the same about his friends and some intriguing patients. Then the topic came over to touya and shoto's bands.
"Have you guys started planning and rehearsing for the upcoming event?" Enji asked both of them.
"Yeah we discussed the songs and stuff today but its gonna take more time to set things in stone" dabi answered.
"We spend the day celebrating, Mr.aizawa said that we deserved a break after working hard on our last album" said shoto.
"You know touya you should try to recruit another singer, it's better to have 2 singers so you can try different types of songs and duets, just look at shoto's band, shoto and midoriya are both lead singers"
"My band doesn't have to be like shoto's, it's just fine as it is" replied dabi bitterly.
"I'm just giving you advice as a musician" enji grumbled trying to keep his temper in check.
Sensing the tension fuyumi decided to change the topic asking dabi to tell them about his band members. "There's not much I can tell you , they're quite eccentric people" dabi said with a smirk. "Well you should bring them over for dinner sometime" rei commented.
The rest of the dinner continued peacefully and in the end fuyumi brought in a beautifully decorated cake in which both sides were decorated differently, one side for toya having the number 2 on it and one for shoto having number 4. It was pretty cute and it make dabi realise that this dinner wasn't the worst after all. Even if his father was still an asshole and dabi could see right through his bullshit the rest of his family made him somewhat tolerable.
Dabi had volunteered to do the dishes while everyone else went to sleep. He was just finishing up when enji entered the kitchen. Dabi didn't acknowledge him so he just spoke up himself. "I can't wait to see your band perform live" enji says with a soft smile and dabi is silent for a second. But suddenly as if the trance was broken he retorts "you never bothered to see us before".
"touya you know i've been trying to come to your concerts for the last six months but you always somehow stop me from entering" enji replied bitterly. He had felt many levels of humiliation when the security at his own son's concerts hadn't let him in because of 'special orders from the band leader'.
"yeah? and what the past few years before that? who was stopping you then?" touya yelled.
Enji was silent at that, he had no excuse. It was him who hadn't found it important to see his own son perform. He'd been too focused on shoto's debut.
"yeah that's what i fucking thought" dabi spits out as he leaves the kitchen. Enji hears his heavy boots thud through the hallway and then out the gate. He just looks at touya's car leave the driveway from the window and feels all the regret and feelings of failure wash over him.
The next week was spent planning and rehearsing for the show. They needed this to be perfect because it was the biggest show in japan and thousands of people would see. They had decided to play a medley of their 3 most famous songs. After toga's pep talk and the family dinner (minus the shit with his father) dabi felt a little at ease but there was still anger bubbling within him.
He wanted to meet the person who was apparently better than him. Dabi had worked so hard for years so he wanted to meet the person who apparently deserved it more than him. It was weird because apparently this person had been unranked before this year. They were a new entry because dabi had been keeping track of the top 20 artists for more than 5 years now. Every year he studied his competition, the last years ranked artists, he listened to their songs, tried to understand what made them good and what were their shortcomings. So how the fuck had "tomura" not been in any of the rankings before and then suddenly earned the no.1 spot. IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE.
He wanted to meet this person who was making him feel like a failure.