Work Text:
"How do you know that, Lan Zhan? Are you stalking me?"
Oops! He slipped!
No, Lan Wangji does not stalk. He obviously doesn't stalk Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji, the perfect student with the perfect GPA, the student council president, principal's pride, the star of Gusu University knows stalking people is illegal and can be considered as a criminal offense. His uncle (the principal duh) will be so disappointed. Xichen will be so upset, Lan Wangji can already imagine the sad smile he'll get from his xiongzhang if he comes to know bout this.
But, Wei Ying is not any people, he's his best (and only) friend. Knowing important things about your friend's life isn't stalking.
And the fact that Wei Ying posts about everything and nothing on his Instagram, that everybody can know what he had for breakfast to what colour of nail polish he'll be wearing today.
Also, Wei Ying is the only one Lan Zhan follows on Insta (if we exclude the bunny-saving-charity account Lan Zhan follows to get what else? Bunny pics!)
And the fact that last Saturday Lan Zhan disguised himself as the club janitor and followed Wei Ying to the restroom-
No, Lan Zhan doesn't stalk Wei Ying.
Lan Zhan is atheist so he doesn't swear on god but he swears on his uncle's moustache that he was just looking around for his best friend, and nothing else. Few months ago, Wei Ying was so down from the midterms where Su She dragged him into the gutter with the cheat sheets Wei Ying didn't even know were kept under his table and the invigilator cancelled his paper (that invigilator being none than Lan Qiren, do we any need more introductions)
So Wei Ying decided to go fully down and get wasted in the local pub because nothing seemed a better choice (Wangji suggested a few but Wei Ying just didnt want to play with Bubbles because apparently Bubbles kept looking at him with judging bunny eyes and that made Wei Ying feel worse)
He'd come round, Lan Zhan thought.
Until Wei Ying started having a drinking problem. And anxiety. And 47 other problems Lan Wangji knew not to solve.
So keeping an eye out for Wei Ying can't be considered as stalking.
Lan Wangji felt very shy to just ask him if he could accompany him to the clubs, but Wei Ying being Wei Ying, immediately refused because "oh Lan Zhan, my good Lan Zhan, I'll be okay, plus you dont like loud music and crowd and drinking right? Also that 9 pm sleep schedule-"
Okay, maybe Lan Zhan had some barriers to cross before he could finally manage loving Wei Ying like he deserves.
He did say love, right?
(No surprise there, wbk Lan Zhan)
Anyways, how can he handle the current question? Lan Wangji, the perfect student, always been a follower of truth, how can he-
"Wei Ying I-"
"Fine, you know coz I must've drunk texted you at night. Thanks for the lip balm though, really. I should have been careful before dropping it into the toilet bowl." Wei Ying pouts and Lan zhan has an immediate desire to wipe it off his face with a-
"Mn. You were drunk."
"Still! That was my favourite lip balm. Oh wait you got me the same one, you are the best Lan Zhan. Lemme thank you with tea there in the cafe?"
They went to the cafe and selected the same place where the sun falls just at the right angle at this time that it hides behind Wei Ying, giving off a halo around Wei Ying's head like the angel he is, and Lan Zhan can't move his eyes.
Wei Ying is so godlike that his existence fuels Lan Zhan's energy.
The way Wei Ying treats him like he's the best person out there also fuels his expectations, which he shouldn't have but relishes anyway.
After they set their order, and Wei Ying talks bout how he recorded Jiang Cheng's eyerolls for his statistics project ("Jiang Cheng should definitely sign up for Guinness"
"SHIJIE EYEROLLED FOR ONCE CAN YOU BELIEVE ME! AND ALL BECAUSE OF THAT PEACOCK ASSHOLE!"
"Lan Zhan I have never seen you eyeroll for once you aren't helping in my project!") and Lan Zhan listens and listens because raining Wei Ying with attention is the best thing he can do.
Still there's something, that Lan Wangji can't do best, or hell even tolerate, that is living with the fact that Wei Ying did something special to someone else who's not Lan Zhan, or his family.
The hug-
"Hey, you okay Lan Zhan? Does the sun hurt your eyes?" Wei Ying asks, grinning.
"No. I am okay."
"Um, if you say so Lan Zhan, oh we're done here, aren't we? The new flavour was actually good Lan Zhan, we should try it out next time too."
And then Wei Ying excuses himself to the restroom, and Lan Zhan, being the perfect (unofficial) sugar daddy he is, tells him that he'd pay the bill and wait outside the cafe until Wei Ying comes out.
Standing out in the street, Lan Zhan can't but zoom back to the party yesterday. Yes, this has been two months he has started following Wei Ying to all the bars and pubs and nightclubs. Lan Zhan doesn't really do anything except for keeping the dates when Wei Ying goes for parties (which Wei Ying tells Lan Zhan anyway) and just has to be there as a random partier. Lan Zhan tries his best at hiding himself by wearing the darkest set of clothes he has (navy blue and grey count and he also had this black tshirt which he took from Wei Ying coz they are the same size, and according to Wei Ying, he should wear some black coz he looks hot!). He just sits at a corner and watches how Wei Ying relaxes through the parties, gets mixed up yet stands out. How he flirts so openly with the bartenders but flings horny ass men (literally coz we stan a YILLING DADDY) if they try to touch his butt, and dances like a butterfly from here to there. Lan Zhan only sits and watches coz he can't do anything without being noticed, so, yeah?
One thing he made sure is that he always sets the bartender to not give Wei Ying more than 5 drinks, and also less alcohol because it's harmful for him. Good thing Nie Huaisang and Mianmian, the bartenders know Wei Ying (and Lan Wangji but it's a secret) and somehow Wei Ying always listens to them.
This Saturday was a little different.
Everything was just like planned, Wei Ying entered, Lan Zhan followed suit, hid in a corner while keeping an eye out for Wei Ying even though he's completely capable of taking care of himself, while Wei Ying danced and drank and socialized the hell outta people... until, until he went to the restroom and wasn't coming back.
Well, it was wrong to invade someone's privacy (Lan Zhan knows okay you dont have to tell him) but after 15 minutes Lan Wangji just couldn't keep to his seat in the corner and entered the back longue. He saw the bathroom door. When he was about the open the door he heard Wei Ying humming to a random song. Oh! Wei Ying is okay then!
"Dude you gonna pee or eavesdrop like a psycho?" Suddenly, a random dude appears outta nowhere.
No, Lan Zhan can't enter the restroom like that. Wei Ying would definitely see him and call him out as a psycho (which he doubts), report the police (which he doubts as well) and stop being friends (this Lan Zhan can't be so sure.)
So, the best option was to go back to the party. Wei Ying would be alright, wouldn't he?
Meanwhile the scowling face had already entered the bathroom and clicked the door locked from inside.
Wait.
Why did he lock the door?
Wei Ying is still humming, and there's this sound of water, and-
No, Lan Zhan has to enter the restroom no matter what.
He knows Wei Ying is able to protect himself if something happens, but he was kind of tipsy and would prolly end up on the floor if it wasn't the water Mianmian managed to have him drink at last.
Still, Wangji had to enter.
Luckily, Lan Wangji did have his sunglasses and masks on so it's hard knowing it's him, but he's sure Wei Ying'd know him bcoz it's HIM, and it's not period dramas where people can't differentiate the same person with no glasses and glasses on.
[ Yet he could give the excuse that he just came for one day for chilling, which had probably the bizzarest possibility in this world knowing it's The Lan Wangji, but ofcourse our too perfect Lan Zhan does not lie, lying is forbidden in cloud recesses :) ]
So, no entering with this clothes.
Then what clothes...oh!
To Lan Wangji's save, there was surprisingly a janitor's closet which he didn't expect after all, but didn't give even 10 seconds thought before he's put on the uniform shirt over his sweater (Wei Ying was hella tipsy so it'd work) and eavesdropped again, only to hear no sound this time.
Did Wei Ying left?
The door was locked so no, that wasn't the case.
Wasn't it too silent?
Suddenly the weirdo dude's face came in view, his hands zipping his flyer in an oddly satisfied way Lan Zhan went in flight or fight mode, but didn't know if he should charge the man or smth, until the man pushed Lan Zhan to the side and Lan Zhan heard Wei Ying's cry from the inside.
Wei Ying!
Lan Zhan rushed into the restroom to see Wei Ying fisting his hair and crying.
Wei Ying... crying...
"Wei Ying!!"
He went and hugged Wei Ying. Well it was kind of inappropriate to be honest, coz Wei Ying was not supposed to hug a complete stranger like this, even though he's the Social Butterfly™.
But Wei Ying hugged back!
"Mr Janitor, my lip balm sli-slipped outta mah bag and fell into the bowl, can you- you can get it out right? Get it out for me, please?"
Wei Ying was not only tipsy, he was drunk.
So Lan Zhan did the only thing he saw fitting, that being taking Wei Ying out of that damn restroom, making sure not to touch much which was kinda hard as Wei Ying was all over him (also the other kind of hard if you know you know) and calling a cab and taking him home while Wei Ying slept on his shoulder (and he booked the cab for the extra 15 minutes as Wei Ying slept in the cab while Lan Zhan was thinking if he should pull Wei Ying into a bridal style and give him a tour to his studio apartment coz waking him up seemed A Sin but then, Wei Ying suddenly stirred a lot, like the way someone wakes up and Lan Zhan not knowing what to do, climbed out of the car while waiting outside)
Then after some time, Wei Ying climbed out, and headed straight to his apartment door not that tipsy like earlier, and Lan Wangji returned to his own residence (he thanked the cab driver for that)
Everything seemed alright.
But Wei Ying hugged the Janitor.
Does Wei Ying hug random people like that? That hug wasn't a normal hug, and yes maybe Lan Wangji is the definition of Social distancing, he knew that the hug wasn't how Wei Ying hugs other, or even acquaintances.
That was how Wei Ying hugs him.
Maybe Wei Ying was so tipsy that he needed stability and grabbed him, or confused the Janitor with him, because no shit Lan Zhan was the Janitor, but Wei Ying addressed him as The Janitor. How can Lan Wangji not pay attention to such small details when it comes to Wei Ying?
Coming to think bout it, Wei Ying has gone for the restroom too long.
Lan Zhan, deciding that he should go check on Wei Ying, enters the cafe again and goes for the restroom door.
He really should be hallucinating or getting a Deja Vu coz Wei Ying is standing in the same way, like he did last night, except he isn't fisting his hair and not crying.
What a relief!
"Wei Ying?" Lan Wangji can't but question, as he comes inside the restroom.
"Lan Zhan hug me!" Wei Ying says with a pout and who is Lan Wangji to refuse him?
This feels good. It's not the janitor Wei Ying's hugging. It's his Lan Zhan. That's certainly more preferable as Lan Zhan sinks more into the hug. Wei Ying is right there, in his arms, his mouth hovering right near Wangji's left ear and Wangji can't but shiver from the little hot puff of breaths Wei Ying is leaving from his mouth. Then, a sigh, and Wei Ying is talking.
"You know, Lan Zhan, there was a Janitor last night who didn't get the lip balm out of the toilet bowl."
It was Lan Zhan who broke the hug and looked at Wei Ying like deer caught on headlights.
"Yeah, Lan Zhan, he brought my drunk ass home though."
Wei Ying played with the Gusu University tie that was hanging from Lan Zhan's collar, and then had this smirk on his face as he caressed Lan Zhan's face.
"Still, sincerity at given task should be maintained. Dont you think, Mr. Janitor?"
_____________________________________________
"And that's how we proposed to each other, children!"
"Can't believe it's this gooey shit. Who asked for this hunh? Jingyi?"
"Shut up Jin Ling, it was your idea!"
"So baba you knew all this time?"
"Well at first I didn't. But how could I not notice your dad wearing the black tshirt I owned? I could even spot you in a pride parade, Lan Zhan. From then I kept an eye out for him too."
"You should have clicked a pic of that janitor suit though, Uncle Xian."
"A-Yi, sadly, your uncle was too much into role-playing that I didn't manage to get a pic. Lan zhan, how bout wearing one this Halloween, for the kids? You didn't happen to return that suit right? Not gonna lie that janitor outfit wasn't too bad for my Lan Zhan-"
"Nobody asked for your kinky dreams, Wei Wuxian. WE HAVE KIDS HERE."
"What the- I just said it normally, not my fault you always have such stuffs in your head. Kids, stay away from Uncle Cheng. He watches bad, really bad things."
"You can say Porn, Uncle Xian."
"OMG look what effect you have on A-Ling already!"
"Wei Wuxian-"
"Lan Zhan come protect your husband! Hug me so that Jiang Cheng doesn't taint me with his dirty brain!"
"Mn."