Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Summer of 2002

“So, that’s it? You’re not talking anymore, not even texting?” George Nolan placed a mason jar of ice-cold lemonade on the garden table.

His granddaughter has been sulking and it was halfway through summer. Emma adjusted her eyeglasses; a drop of sweat from her forehead almost hit her eye. She was wearing a red cap, a yellow tank top, and denim shorts. Her skin looked sunburnt and she did not seem to mind but she would regret that decision later in the evening when she starts to feel the burn even if she has applied any topical remedy possible.

“What for, Pops?” Emma muttered. She looked up at the sky; she was flying a kite at the empty lot behind their yard.

“You know, you two were best friends first before you got together.” George mumbled beside her in his checkered shirt and khaki shorts.

“Well, nothing lasts forever.” Emma retorted.

“Hah, you’re always a little too romantic for your age.” George chuckled.

“Who isn’t?” Emma snapped.

“Like I said, most kids.” George draped an arm over his granddaughter’s shoulder.

“Newsflash, I won’t be much of a kid any longer. May I remind you that I’ll be driving myself to California in a few weeks?” Emma stated.

“Yeah, yeah, it will take some getting used to.” George huffed.

“Life after this summer is what I should get used to.” Emma sighed. “I just miss her so much already, Pops.” George noticed a lone tear rolling down Emma’s cheek.

This summer has been hard on Emma. She had been friends with Alyssa Greene since they were freshmen, there was a lot of confused feelings at first but after some acceptance and support from their family, they finally got together senior year. But as always, most good things come to an end. Getting into the universities of their dreams was bittersweet; it only meant that they would be in the opposite ends of the region. Alyssa got into NYU and Emma is going to UCLA. Alyssa needed to leave early for a summer program. Therefore, the reckoning of their relationship came earlier.

“Do long-distance relationships really fail?” Emma furrowed her brows.

“Kid, frankly, I don’t know what’s wrong with your generation. In our time, the telegram was expensive and the snail mail was nicknamed as such because of its pace but we got through it. Some people went through wars, separated for years but I guess what kept us going was faith. Trust that someone is willing to wait for you to come back to them.” George detailed. “Nowadays, you have mobile phones and you can even see the person’s face through those things. But trust, I’m not really sure if you have it. Sometimes, it even drives you nuts, seeing whom that person is with on screen on those Facebooks. In my time, we kept a sole photograph in our wallets and take care of it like it was the most precious thing.” George pointed out.

“I’ve got Alyssa’s photo.” Emma countered.

“But do you see my point?” George inquired. “Look, it’s just like that kite you’re flying. At the beginning, you run as fast as you can to make sure it takes flight. The moment it is up in the air, you hurt your neck looking up trying to catch the wind. It’s painful and arduous, I know but once you caught wind, it’s the most satisfying thing in the world. It stays up there and it stays up for a very long time. But you know that you can’t hold on to it forever. It’s either you tie it to a tree and wait until it gets tattered or fly away or perhaps you can pull it back to the ground and try to fly it again the next day.”

Emma remained silent as she listened to her grandfather.

“I’m not really privy to what’s happening but I guess when you and Alyssa decided to break up because of the long distance thing, you were afraid to get into something that might only end terribly. I suppose by making that decision, you may have spared yourself some grief. You would not want to tire yourself by keeping things afloat but it only ends up being torn and in the end you will resent each other more. You are both young, Em. If both of you are meant to be you will find your way back. Right now, I think you have your whole life ahead of you.” George advised.

“But I love her, Pops.” Emma sobbed. “What if this is it?”

“Then probably this is it, maybe you’re simply bound to learn from your first heartbreak. Don’t shut out just yet, you will meet many people in the future.” George tried to comfort Emma.

“It just hurts.” Emma mumbled.

“Then bask on the hurt for now. Then pick yourself up.” George gave her a side hug. “Now, put that kite down, you’re sunburnt already. I made you lemonade.”

As soon as George left her side, Emma tugged on the kite. She coiled the line slowly until the kite tumbled down to the ground, much to her dismay.

Winter of 2014     

“Deliveries arrive on Friday and we are already low on flour, sugar, gin and whiskey.” Emma tapped her logbook with the back of her pen.

George Nolan eyed her from behind the counter; he was finishing a transaction from a previous customer.

“See you around, Patrick; give my regards to your dad.” George bade the teenage boy farewell as he exited with the jingle of the bells above the store’s front door.

The boy just muttered inaudibly as he struggled with the bags of groceries that he was carrying.

“What’s with this town? Does bread go hand in hand with booze?” Emma scowled as she marched towards the counter scratching her neck in curiosity. She was donned in a red flannel and a pine green apron with Nolan’s Grocery embroidered on the upper left corner. She lumbered towards George in her hiking books, dark slim fit pants, and black beanie.   

“What can I say; people here bake their own bread and are probably a bunch of alcoholics.” Her grandfather joked as he fixed his own green apron.

“Maybe we can make some adjustments with our next order so that we don’t run out of stocks right away.” Emma studied the inventory list in her hands.

“That’s why I keep you around.” George patted Emma on the head lightly.

“Pops, you know why I’m around.” Emma gave her grandfather an incredulous look. George knew why Emma suddenly came back home but Emma was actually keeping the real reason from them. 

“Where’s Noah, anyway? He’s supposed to be here an hour ago?” Noah was the only other employee that George had around.

“I gave him a day off. He needs to have a day off, you know that boy is not your slave.” Emma informed her grandfather.

“Things in Edgewater has been so slow, every day is a day off.” George scoffed.

Emma has been helping her grandparents run their store for almost a year now. Being one of the only three grocers in Edgewater has kept them afloat despite the rise of several supermarket chains a few miles outside of town. They remained as one of the oldest enterprises in Edgewater Main Street, together with the deli, the bakery, the diner, the salon, and the tailor shop.

Just a few years ago, life was different for Emma in California, until she had to move back with her grandparent’s for a while. She always told herself that it was nothing permanent, until a week turned into a month, and a month turned into a year and she has been helping them manage ever since. It had been hard to go back to Edgewater; there were a lot of painful memories for Emma, ones that she dare not speak of anymore. But Edgewater seems different now, familiar faces were still there. Emma moved in to Edgewater when she was only six after her parents’ demise in a tragic car accident. Edgewater used to be ground zero for Emma but her wounds had healed and perhaps it is time to give this town another chance. People had changed and things had started to look up. Emma’s relationship with Edgewater is a bit bittersweet, it used to be that she couldn’t wait to get out, now, it seemed to be the safest place for her. Though the sense of nostalgia would spring up on her as she walked the almost empty streets but this was where her grandparents lived and for now, this was still home.

“Alright, since you’re here, I think I should go grab my afternoon coffee then.” George raised the counter’s flip up door and removed his apron.

Emma knows that this coffee break at the diner meant that George was already off for the rest of the day, chatting the afternoon away with some of his buddies.

“Make sure you don’t eat too many sandwiches to still have an appetite for dinner. You saw Gran’s face when you did not have enough of that meatloaf last week.” Emma reminded her grandfather as she put away his apron.

“Betsy always has that look. Plus, I’m old, I get acid reflux, doesn’t mean that her cooking was bad.” George waved Emma off as he exited the store fixing the collar of his beige shirt.

Emma just shook her head at her grandfather’s antics. She busied herself realigning the display of candy on the front counter when the bells of the front door jingled once again.

“Good afternoon.” Emma greeted casually but she put on an even wider smile when she realized who it was.

Dressed in her navy pantsuit and walking in with much confidence in her stride was no other than Veronica Greene. Emma used to detest the woman with her self-righteousness and prejudice but Veronica Greene had come a long way. Let us say that Emma took all the brunt of Edgewater’s fears and hate when she came out in her junior year in high school. It was inadvertent and there was a huge fiasco but Emma survived it and somehow, she had softened the blow for Veronica’s own daughter. When Emma Nolan and Alyssa Greene dated in their senior year in high school, Veronica had a hard time wrapping her head around the idea. Surely, Veronica took grueling baby steps to get to where she is now but she would do anything for her own daughter. Now, she had smoothed the way for the succeeding PTA to allow the students to create a GSA in Edgewater’s James Madison High School. Perhaps Alyssa Greene’s grand speech and coming out had opened her mother’s mind and heart several years back. Though Emma and Alyssa’s relationship did not survive when they realized that they had to go long distance for college, Emma and Veronica remained kindly to each other. However, the name Alyssa Greene still punctures Emma’s heart every time it comes up.

“Hello, Mrs. Greene.” Emma greeted.

“How are you, Emma?” Mrs. Greene greeted back as she approached the counter. Emma used to be a permanent fixture around the Greene household; therefore, Emma could not help but remain friendly with the older Greene especially with her newfound approachability and change of outlook.

“Well, same old, same old.” Emma responded with a smile. “I saw that you already sold that Cape Cod that has been on the market for some time.” Emma began with some small talk.

“About time I’d say, a young couple has finally made the purchase.” Mrs. Greene stated enthusiastically.

“That’s good to hear then.” Emma smiled. “So, how can I help you?”

“Oh, do you still have that fine chardonnay that your grandfather had laying around?” Mrs. Greene asked with a glint in her eyes.

Emma browsed the display behind her and not finding what she was looking for; she realized that her grandfather probably kept it for special occasions. “Can you wait here? I’ll go check at the back.”

Emma hurried to the stock room and returned with two bottles in her hand. “Extra special, limey citrus with juicy ripe peach notes.” Emma declared as she read the label. “We only have two bottles left.”

Mrs. Greene smiled as she examined the bottles. “I’ll take these two then.”

“What’s the special occasion if you don’t mind me asking?” Emma inquired as she placed the bottles in a sturdy canvas bag.

“Oh, just that Alyssa is coming home for the holidays.” Mrs. Greene beamed. “With someone!”

Emma struggled not to drop her smile but she suddenly felt this churning sensation at the pit of her stomach. It has been a long time, why does this still bother her.  

“It’s just extra special since Alyssa has never brought someone home for quite a while.” Mrs. Greene suddenly remembered where Emma stood at the topic. “Actually, since you back then. Sorry, I just got excited.”

Emma tried to mask her emotions further. “Oh don’t worry, Mrs. Greene, we were so young back then. I guess we have both changed a lot, I think we won’t even recognize each other after all these years.”

“So, you never went back to speaking terms after the…” Mrs. Greene was caught dumbfounded.

“After the breakup…” Emma supplied right away to prevent the awkwardness of the situation. “Well, I actually think it’s for the best. But time has passed now, I’m good.” Emma almost choked on a lie.

“And here I am talking about my daughter like nothing happened.” Mrs. Greene tried to apologize again.

“Like I said, we’ve moved on.” Emma assured. “It’s been what, twelve years? Not that I’m counting.”    

Mrs. Greene gave her a wry smile. “Anyway, I heard about the names of the girls that she dated in college but they were only names if you know what I mean.” Mrs. Greene winked playfully. “But this one sounds serious actually, you know my daughter, she’s actually cagey about these things but I’m just so happy that I’m making her comfortable now.” Mrs. Greene radiated. Emma wished that Mrs. Greene would just stop telling her things but she just seemed too eager.

Emma chastised herself eternally that she does not seem to show equal enthusiasm but she caught herself eventually. “Yeah, I know.”

“How about you? Surely, you must have someone back in California?” Mrs. Greene probed.

“I dated back then but it did not work out with anyone.” Emma lied. “I’m glad that Alyssa has finally found someone.” Emma managed to utter.

“Well, I still have my fingers crossed.” Mrs. Greene grinned.

“Here’s to hoping for the best.” Emma mumbled as she fidgeted with the cash register.

“Anyway, I’ll be hosting a small gathering on Sunday since they arrive tomorrow, you should come. I already invited George and Betsy but I’m sure Alyssa would be thrilled if she saw familiar faces around.” Mrs. Greene requested.  

“Well, maybe not my face.” Emma joked. “Also, if Gran and Pops will be out, I think I would need to be here at the store.” Emma excused herself. “Plus, I don’t know if Alyssa would want me there.”

“I’m sure Noah could take care of things here, it’s only for one night.” Mrs. Greene urged. “Also, I bet Alyssa will be fine with it, after all, you both moved on, right?”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Emma remained noncommittal.

“A lot of time has passed, surely, things are different now.” Veronica Greene grabbed the bag of wine from Emma’s grasp and started to head out of the store. “Also, Emma, even though I used to give you a hard time, you know that I believe that you were good for my daughter, right? So, thank you.”

“I don’t really know what to say to that.” Emma scratched the back of her neck. Hearing this from Veronica Greene after all those years digs into a lot of weighty issues.

“Just be there, okay?” Veronica urged.

“I make no promises.” Emma called after her.

“I won’t take no for an answer.” Mrs. Greene responded before she disappeared into the sidewalk.

Emma shook her head in disdain. This can’t be happening, so much for Veronica Greene’s change of heart.

“Dear, are you okay?”

Alyssa’s knuckles were almost white by how tight she held on to the stirring wheel. Her car was already parked in her mother’s driveway about a minute ago but she remained in her seat with a petrified look. She stared at the three-stoned yellow gold engagement ring on her finger.

“Alyssa, darling, are you okay?” The gentle voice finally broke her from her reverie.

“I’m good.” Alyssa gulped. “I’m just not so sure how she’ll take it.”

Her fiancée took off her seatbelt and faced Alyssa. “Look, you have nothing to worry about. You said that your mother has already wrapped her mind around things; surely, she’ll be delighted. Plus, I don’t think anyone could resist my charm.” She smiled at Alyssa.

“My mother is a realtor; she’s the personification of charm.” Alyssa tapped her fiancée’s cheek softly.

The duo exited the sedan prudently. Alyssa fixed the seams of her hounds tooth blazer before she went to get their bags from the trunk. The couple trudged towards the front door of Veronica Greene’s home with nervous looks at each other. But before Alyssa could even ring the bell, the door had already swung open and revealed an excited Mrs. Greene.

“I waited an eternity before you got out of that car.” Mrs. Greene enveloped her daughter in a tight hug, which caused Alyssa to drop the bags she was carrying on her feet.

“And you,” Mrs. Greene directed her attention to Alyssa’s companion. “How come I never heard anything about you until now?” She gave Alyssa a disappointed look.

“Mom, meet Carrie Donovan,” Alyssa articulated. “My fiancée.” She added, showing her ring finger to her mother.

“Say that again.” Mrs. Greene flashed Alyssa a frustrated look.

“My fiancée, mom.” Alyssa repeated.

Veronica finally came to her senses. “Oh, it’s so good to finally meet you, Carrie.” She gave Carrie a light hug.

“I’m so sorry, ma’am, I did not mean to be disrespectful. I wanted to ask you formally as well but this one had always managed to avoid the topic.” Carrie explained. “I could not wait until then.”

“Stop apologizing, dear. I know how my daughter is; I’m even quite surprised that I got to meet you before I received a wedding invitation.” Mrs. Greene reprimanded Alyssa. “C’mon let’s get settled, the house is warm, why are we even having this conversation at the front door, we’ll let the draft in.” Mrs. Greene grabbed some of their bags and led the couple in.

“She doesn’t seem as bad as you put it.” Carrie whispered to Alyssa’s ear.

“You’ve only talked to her for thirty seconds; I’ve known her for thirty years.” Alyssa scoffed.

Chapter Text

“Mom, you said this was supposed to be a small gathering.” Alyssa fidgeted in her outfit. It was a red rose frill back bandeau dress. She was standing in the threshold next to her mother, scanning the opposite room full of guests.

“Well, it is. We just have a few people around.” Mrs. Greene motioned to the crowd in their living room.

Most of Alyssa’s closest high school friends were there, not that they were still that close. As expected, Kevin Shields and Shelby Gonzales were married with twin sons. Shelby is a tax manager, probably one of the few accountants in town and Kevin put his charm into good use by being in real estate with Mrs. Greene.

“Kevin helped me sell that Craftsman bungalow in the South Bend last month.” Mrs. Greene grinned proudly.

Surprisingly, Kaylee Klein did not end up with Nick Boomer. Kaylee now owns a catering business and is still single and Nick Boomer is going through a divorce. Nick now works in campus security for James Madison High School.

“I wasn’t aware that you were turning this into a mini-high school reunion.” Alyssa hissed at her mother.

“Well, it’s not. I invited some people in the neighborhood, the Lims, the Millers, and even the Nolans are coming over.” Veronica detailed nonchalantly.

“The Nolans?” Alyssa’s eyes widened at the news.

“I’m good friends with George and Betsy.” Mrs. Greene defended.

If things could not get any awkward, Alyssa felt that it was sort of insensitive to announce her engagement to some other woman in front of George and Betsy, especially after her past with their granddaughter.

“Oh, pumpkin, George and Betsy are great people. There’s nothing to worry about.” Veronica assured.

“Of course, I know that, mom.” Alyssa was reminded of the time she had spent in the Nolan household and George and Betsy had treated her like their own. It had been several years; surely, things would be less awkward by now.

“Actually, maybe you should go and say hi to them.” Veronica directed Alyssa towards the couple. George Nolan was in one of his typical beige shirts and a navy woolen vest. Betsy was in a radiant yellow dress. Both Nolans were chatting gleefully with Kaylee.

Before Alyssa could stop herself in her tracks, her mother had already shoved her closer towards the group.

“Dear me, is that really you, Alyssa Greene?” Betsy greeted amiably.

“Hello.” Alyssa smiled awkwardly.

“Oh, don’t be such as stranger. Get in here and give ol’ Gran a hug.” Betsy chuckled and enveloped Alyssa in a warm embrace.

“Still a stunner.” George tipped an imaginary hat.

“Hey, ‘Lys, it has been so long.” It was Kaylee’s turn to hug her. Kaylee still had this wide-eyed look in her black spaghetti strap dress.

Alyssa just grinned awkwardly at everyone, still not knowing what to say. She just wanted a quiet weekend with her mom and Carrie after the hectic last few months in her life. She was caught off-guard when she was plunged into this high-pressure situation once again.

“So, there’s been a talk that you brought someone home.” Kaylee winked at her. George and Betsy still had smiles painted on her faces but Alyssa hoped that she was not imagining things when she noticed George give Betsy a knowing look.

“Oh, she’s just outside answering a phone call.” Alyssa informed.

“Carrie is a lawyer, you know.” Mrs. Greene stated but she seemed to be implying something.  

“Like what they say, only lawyers and painters can turn white into black.” George chuckled.

“Speaking of artists, I invited your granddaughter but I don’t see her.” Veronica looked around.

That small tidbit of information caused Alyssa’s mind to panic. What else can make a high-pressure situation more unbearable than adding the ex that you have been avoiding for years into the mix.

“Emma?” Alyssa realized that she asked this aloud.

“Oh, I forgot to mention, she’s back in town.” Mrs. Greene twitched.

“She left California?” Alyssa furrowed her brows.  

“She’s actually been back for nearly a year.” Betsy added.

“Been helping us at the store.” George stated. “Which I guess is where she still is.”

Whatever happened to Emma? Why was she back with her grandparents?

“I thought Noah was closing up?” Betsy realized.

“She insisted. You know how she is.” George reasoned.  

“Or that old beat up truck of hers probably bogged down again. Remember how she got us late at the bakers’ fair last week.” Kaylee sighed. 

It suddenly felt like Kaylee and Emma were close again. Since when had they been close again? There were too many questions that Alyssa wanted to ask.

“She’s probably just late.” George assumed.

“Who’s late?” Suddenly, Carrie emerged right beside Alyssa giving her fiancée a soft peck on the cheek. She was dressed in a black pantsuit with a crisp white shirt. Her tapered curly pixie haircut matched her outfit and her brown skin was complemented by various gold jewelry that she had on.  

“Hey, everyone, meet Carrie, my fiancée.” Alyssa simply blurted out.

George, Betsy, Kaylee, and Veronica just exchanged meaningful looks.

“Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere else this evening?” Noah emerged from the stock room carrying a box. He had a bandana over his head, he was wearing a green apron similar to Emma’s over a stripped t-shirt and cargo pants. He has this temple fade haircut and his olive skin gleamed under the warm lights. Emma was still in the front counter, arranging stuff on the display shelves. She was fiddling with her eyeglasses and murmuring something as she went along. 

“I don’t think that would be good for me.” Emma mumbled.

“Wow, so you’re really still that affected by Alyssa Greene?” Noah placed the box of ramen on the counter.

“I’m not still affected, Noah. I’m just avoiding stressful situations, it gives me anxiety.” Emma explained, crossing her arms over her torso.

“You know, when we were still in high school, I thought you guys were the forever type.” Noah muttered.

Noah was a few years younger than Emma. Unlike Emma and Alyssa, Noah stayed in Edgewater because he deemed himself unfit for college. Now, he works for the Nolans and does a lot of remote work from his parents’ basement. Occasionally, he boasts about saving enough for setting up his own electronics supply shop.

“There’s no such thing as a forever type, Noah.” Emma groaned.

“Well, there’s Kevin and Shelby.” Noah pointed out.

“Oh yeah, except for them, they’re probably outliers.” Emma realized. 

“Actually, I think I understand why you don’t want to see her. I mean I ghosted my ex for a couple of months, then I found out she was pregnant.” Noah recalled. Emma looked at him fascinatingly. “Don’t worry, it was not my kid. Turns out she was cheating on me before the breakup and now, she’s happily married with four kids and a house in a cul-de-sac.”

“Wow, I really see the point, such a good metaphor.” Emma scoffed.

“I know you see me as a simpleton or something…” Noah stated.

“A simpleton? What makes you think…” Emma interrupted.

“Let me finish,” Noah went on. “Look, aren’t you just a bit curious about how her life panned out? I mean, shutting yourself out of it will just make you think about her more. Then, you’ll keep asking yourself what if, then you’ll want to see her more. But why don’t you just show up tonight and find out once and for all. Have your closure, have your peace of mind.” Noah enlightened.

Emma deliberated on Noah’s words for a moment. “You know what, I think you’re right. I think you have a point. Actually, maybe that’s why I’m here and that she’s also here at this moment. So, why not have this closure once and for all!” Emma realized.

“Or maybe it can be fate, too.” Noah teased.

“Stop, Noah.” Emma sighed. “It was already good, why ruin it, dude?”

“I’m just saying.” Noah shrugged his shoulders.

“Tell me, did my grandparents put you up to this?” Emma gathered as she removed her apron.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Noah mumbled as he lifted the box from the counter once again.  

“Oh, remember that time when our volleyball went into the Carsons’ lawn and Emma lifted you over the fence to get it and then their dog chased you out of their property?” Shelby was sharing another funny anecdote from their high school years at the dinner table.

“I never seen Alyssa run fast enough.” Kaylee chuckled.

Much to Alyssa’s dismay, the entire evening was filled with reminiscing about their past shenanigans from high school. Alyssa and Carrie were currently seated at a table with all of Alyssa’s high school friends. To fit everyone, Mrs. Greene set up various tables in their house.  

“I didn’t know you had such a shady past?” Carrie elbowed her fiancée.

“Let’s say Little Miss Perfect here, wasn’t that perfect at all. Well, Emma had her ways of making her let her hair down.” Kaylee pointed out.

“I keep hearing about Emma, will I get to meet her soon? I would like to meet my favorite person’s closest friend.” Carrie wondered.

Then, it dawned at everyone at the table; Carrie did not have a clue who Emma was. 

“Well, Em and ‘Lys weren’t just…” Kevin was about to say something but his wife kicked him in the shin. “Ow.”

“Are you okay, Kevin?” Carrie eyed him curiously. “You were about to say something.

Shelby gave Kevin a piercing look. “I just accidentally hit my knee on the table.” Kevin reasoned.

Alyssa remained impassive at the entire exchange.

“Well, what he’s trying to say is that Emma and Alyssa weren’t the only best of friends, we all are.” Kaylee was quick to add.

“The three of us were in the cheer squad together.” Shelby added.

“Well, that explains her athleticism.” Carrie teased with a wink.  

Alyssa just smiled at Carrie and took a big gulp of water.

“Can you excuse me for a while; I think I need some fresh air.” Alyssa stood up.

“Oh, I can go with you.” Carrie got up.

“No, you can stay, get to know everyone more.” Alyssa insisted.

As if understanding that Alyssa needed space. Shelby was quick to suggest, “Yeah, you should tell us more about how you guys met.”

“Oh, okay.” Carrie sat down again.

That was what Alyssa appreciated about Kaylee and Shelby, even if they haven’t seen each other for a while, they could still easily read her like a book.

“I won’t take long.” Alyssa headed for the front porch.

What was she thinking? Why did she hide so much of her past from Carrie? Now, it had turned into one lie after another. Well, not telling is not equivalent to a lie right? Alyssa was deep in thought as she took a drag of a cigarette in her mother’s front yard. Alyssa was not much of a smoker but she had developed this nervous habit. Not to mention that Carrie influenced her to form this habit. Her job as a producer was indeed chaotic but this was more about coping with Carrie.

Alyssa took another deep drag and let her mind wander.

“I didn’t know you smoked.” Her reverie was suddenly broken when a familiar voice suddenly emerged from the darkness behind her.

“Fuck! You scared me.” Alyssa huffed.

She wished that she was imagining things but she could place that calming voice anywhere. She actually missed hearing it.

“Didn’t know you also cursed now. Don’t worry, I won’t tell you mom.” Emma mumbled.

“Ha ha very funny.” Alyssa put out the cigarette with her shoe.

When Emma emerged from the dimness, Alyssa finally got a good look at her. She was wearing a fit blazer with intricate black floral patterns over a white shirt and dark denims. Her hair was cut shorter than she remembered it is now a pixie with choppy, messy crops and seemed to a darker shade of blonde. The lenses of her eyeglasses were thicker now and the frame was in a darker tone. Her more confident demeanor was a stark contrast from the tear-stained face that she parted with years ago.

“Why are you out here?” Emma went up the porch steps to approach Alyssa.

“Just getting some fresh air.” Alyssa mumbled.

“Yeah, fresh air with a hint of tobacco.” Emma joked.

“It’s good to know that you still have your wit, Nolan.” Alyssa quipped. She did not know why this came out easy. After not seeing Emma for so long, how they started effortlessly with their usual banter.

“After what I have been through, I’m glad I still have my wit.” Emma remarked. It was a bit of a low blow but Alyssa knew she deserved it. Clearly, Emma was still not okay. But who would be okay? Especially after the way they left things.

“How are you, Em?” Alyssa’s demeanor softened.

“I should ask you the same thing.” Emma responded. “Shouldn’t you be inside?” Emma stood next to Alyssa as they both looked into the empty street and parked cars.

But before Alyssa could answer, the front door suddenly swung open.

“Oh, there you are! I have been looking all over for you.” Carrie hugged Alyssa from behind. Emma suddenly jolted away from Alyssa.

“Hey, I said I just needed some air.” Alyssa broke away from Carrie’s hold.

“Well, come on, your mother has been looking for you.” Carrie informed. Suddenly, she realized that Alyssa was not alone. “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m Carrie Donovan, Alyssa’s fiancée and you must be?” Carrie turned to Emma extending her hand.

Emma gave Carrie a once over. So, Alyssa did not just bring someone home, she actually brought a fiancée home. What was she even thinking? This looks like it was enough closure as she expected. Of course, someone like Alyssa could not be single for so long.

“Emma, Emma Nolan.” Emma muttered shaking Carrie’s hand.

“Oh my gosh, you’re Emma? It’s great to finally meet you! I’ve been hearing so much about you.” Carrie greeted enthusiastically.

Emma was baffled. Why was Carrie excited to meet her fiancée’s ex?

“I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.” Emma furrowed her brows.

“Well, I’m hoping to get to your good side, being Alyssa’s closest friend, who she had happen to never mention to me.” Carrie directed the last part at Alyssa.

“It’s not really what you think, Em.” Alyssa paled.

Then, Emma finally caught on. Carrie doesn’t really have a clue who she was.

“Trust me; you don’t want to get on my good side.” Emma grinned. “It’s pretty boring in this side of town.” Emma joked.  

“But I do, I’m just not so sure why this one has kept so much from me.” Carrie placed an arm over Alyssa’s shoulder.

“I guess it’s better that way.” Emma tried not to sound sarcastic.

“You really are so funny, Em.” Alyssa gave her a knowing look.

“You really are as clever as I thought you would be.” Carrie beamed.

“Oh, if I’m so clever I wouldn’t be here in the first place.” Emma teased.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” But before Carrie could continue her question, Alyssa was already leading her back inside.

Chapter Text

“So, what really happened between you and Emma?” Carrie asked as Alyssa was brushing her teeth. They were staying in Alyssa’s old bedroom.

Alyssa spat the toothpaste first before answering. “What do you mean?” She replied as she looked at Carrie through the bathroom mirror. They were both standing in front of the sink and Carrie was removing her makeup.

“I mean you have probably mentioned Kaylee and Shelby once or twice but I never knew Emma existed.” Carrie pointed out.

“Well, Emma wasn’t in the squad.” Alyssa tried to evade the actual answer.

“It does look like she’s not into tumbling and all that.” Carrie leered.

“What do you mean by that?” Alyssa tried not to sound defensive.

“I’m just getting this artistic vibe from her and not the athletic kind.” Carrie was washing her face now.

“Emma was actually flexible and agile,” Certainly Alyssa knew that but based on different circumstances. “She did track.” She added to clear the air. Emma did run in high school, just because their guidance counselor encouraged her to do so, to have some outlet for aggression.

“So, I guess you were friends because you shared some similarities, am I right?” Carrie probed.

“Huh?” Alyssa was suddenly confused.

“My gaydar works perfectly fine, Lys. So, please tell me you and Emma met at GSA or something.” Carrie assumed. She was drying her face with a small towel now and Alyssa was just standing there, done with brushing her teeth.

“For you information, our school did not have a GSA back then. But it did help that I wasn’t the only gay kid at school.” Alyssa recounted.

“Well, that’s good to know. But what really baffles me is that if Emma was the only other lesbian kid at school, how come you didn’t tap that?” Carrie teased.

Alyssa was suddenly tongue-tied. This might be the perfect time to tell Carrie who Emma really is- or was. But before Alyssa could answer, Carrie’s phone started to ring loudly from the bedroom.

“Oh, I’ll go get that. That must be Jules!” Carrie ran towards the bed where her phone was.

As Carrie answered the call in a hushed tone, Alyssa could only chastise herself in front of the mirror. Why can’t she just tell her fiancée that Emma Nolan was her first love?

“So, Carrie doesn’t really have a clue about who you really are to Alyssa?” George Nolan asked over his newspaper.

Emma was having breakfast the next morning with her grandparents before she headed out to the store.

“She thinks I’m Alyssa’s best friend.” Emma chomped on a piece of bacon.

“Well, you were best friends to begin with.” Betsy reminded Emma as she refilled her coffee.

“Then they were girlfriends but that’s also what you call your friends who are girls, right?” George put away the newspaper and directed the question at Betsy.

“Tell me, how would I introduce myself to her? Hi, I was your fiancée’s first girlfriend. Also, I’m the person whose heart she crushed and it was never put back again after almost twelve years.” Emma muttered grumpily.

“Hah! So you have been counting, you do admit it!” Betsy pointed out.

“Wow! It has been twelve years, Em. Seriously, you’re not over her, yet?” George teased. “You should start moving on, you know.” George folded the newspaper and placed it on top of the table.

“Did I just say that last part out loud?” Emma realized.

“So, you still have feelings for Alyssa.” Betsy probed.

“I don’t know, Gran. A lot of things had changed. I’m no longer the same person I was twelve years ago and I bet the same thing applies to Alyssa. I don’t know her anymore; do you know that she smokes now?” Emma pronounced. “Had she even thought about lung cancer or second hand smoke?”

“It baffles me how much thought you have given to that.” Betsy quipped.

“You still talk about it like it just happened yesterday.” George badgered.

“Yeah, like a phantom limb, you miss it and I bet the feelings are still there.” Betsy added.

“Tell you what, whatever I feel or think regarding the matter, guess what, it doesn’t matter anymore. Because she has a fiancée and she seems happy.” Emma concluded. “If she’s happy, then I’m happy.” Emma gulped.

“You sure about that?” Betsy raised an eyebrow.

“You were there last night, you saw everything.” Emma recounted.

“I also saw her being a bit anxious when you arrived.” George stated his observation.

“Let’s face it; Alyssa has clearly moved on, we should be happy for her.” Emma countered. “She’s getting married and that’s that.”

“Well, she’s not yet married, isn’t she?” George quipped.

Emma just frowned at her grandfather.

“How about you? When are you moving on?” Betsy challenged.

“Isn’t this any indication that I have moved on?” Emma asked as she got up from the dining table.

“You did not move on, Em, you just actually moved back.” Betsy confronted.

Betsy’s remark made Emma stop in her tracks between the sink and the dining table.

“Can we just let this go, Gran?” Emma muttered. “You know why I’m here.”

“Okay, if that’s what you want.” Betsy yielded, raising both her hands in defeat.    

“But we just got here!” Alyssa hissed inside her old bedroom. She was wearing a robe over her pajamas and she was pouting in front of the window.

“C’mon ‘Lys, Jules and I had been waiting for this case and we finally got it. I’ll just fly in a couple of days to Boston and I will be back before you know it.” Carrie pleaded. She had been receiving calls from Jules the entire evening but only decided to tell Alyssa the following day.

Carrie works in commercial law and she often handles cases that involve banks, insurance companies, hedge funds, private equity funds, property companies. There is big money but there is always a lot of stress and murky negotiations.

“But we planned for this vacation for some time. What happened to knowing my hometown or winning my mother over your famous steak? We passed up on a trip to Hawaii because you proposed and you wanted to meet my family. What am I supposed to do here?” Alyssa articulated.

“I’ll be gone a week tops, we just need to plan for the arraignment and then we will play it by ear.” Carrie explained.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” Alyssa pointed out.

“Look on the bright side; at least you can spend the rest of the holidays with your mom and friends.” Carrie reasoned.

“Okay, I think I can go over a book or two for my next pitch.” Alyssa huffed.

Alyssa now works as television producer; she goes over materials and pitches it to the network she works for.   

“That’s my girl!” Carrie jumped up and hugged her from behind.

“But I’m really not happy about this.” Alyssa sighed.

“C’mon boss, don’t be such a Scrooge, we’re putting up decorations for crying out loud.” Noah was trying to cheer Emma up as he sat on top of a ladder putting up tinsels from the grocery’s ceiling. “I assume things didn’t go well last night.” Emma was carrying a box at the foot of the ladder, handing the tinsels and tacks to Noah.

“Why do we always have to put up all these decorations? First, Halloween, then, Thanksgiving and now, Christmas, why do we even bother?” Emma snorted.

“Tell that to the set of Holiday mugs on the display shelves.” Noah chuckled. “Your Pops says it’s for marketing.”

“As if people within this radius have a choice to go to another store.” Emma mumbled.

“So, things really didn’t go well last night.” Noah delved.

“She has a fiancée, Noah.” Emma blurted out.

“Oh, that bad, huh.” Noah muttered.

“Anyway, why should I even care?” Emma retorted.

“Beats me.” Noah shrugged his shoulders poignantly.

Emma handed him the last of the tinsels and Noah began to descend from the ladder.

“Tell you what, why don’t I go to the diner and grab you some coffee and donuts, you like that.” Noah offered, wiggling his eyebrows.  

“Alright, just get me the plain glazed ones and not the colorful overly sweet holiday stuff.” Emma waved him off handing him a few bills.

“Happy to serve!” Noah made a mock salute before heading out of the store.

It was happening again, Carrie prioritizing work over personal stuff that they had going on. She always talked about how her job secured their future and she was always doing this for them but it also meant that she was never present. So, when they planned going back to Edgewater for the holidays, Alyssa would not believe her initially. Carrie talked about getting to know Alyssa’s family more and that spending time in her hometown would be a great way to announce their engagement. But Alyssa did not expect that she would flake the moment they got there. She looked at the ring on her finger, she wondered if it meant as much as it cost.

So, there she was at the driveway of the airport, watching as Carrie disappeared inside with the promise to be back before Christmas. She told herself that she shouldn’t be so hopeful but that was all she could do, to hope that Carrie would not break her promise.

Therefore, with a passive reaction from her mother after hearing the news of Carrie’s sudden departure, Alyssa just drove Carrie to the airport groggily. Veronica was probably masking her emotions for Carrie’s sake but surely, Alyssa Greene would hear about Veronica’s haughtiness about the situation when she gets home. 

Speaking of the devil, her phone beeped with a text message from Veronica.

MOM: Alyssa, be a dear and drop by the grocer for some olive oil

MOM: Also, we might need more wine

Alyssa smirked at the second message, she didn’t know if the extra wine was intended for her or her mother.

ALYSSA: Sure, mom

She replied before she drove out of the airport with much uneasiness and disdain regarding the situation that Carrie has placed her in.

“I told you to skip the holiday donuts.” Emma stared at the smiley Jack Frost and Christmas tree embellished donuts in the box.

“Well, those are not for you, boss, those are for me and I got you your plain ones, okay.” Noah pointed out.

“Okay, thank you.” Emma took one of the donuts and she began sipping her coffee.

“Is Mr. Nolan coming in?” Noah asked as he took a bite of his snack.

“He’ll be decorating the house with Gran, who knows what kind of winter wonderland I’ll be coming home to later.” Emma laughed quietly. “So, it’s just you and me today, bud.”

“It seems like a slow day.” Noah looked at the almost empty streets.

“Well, wait until a few days from now and you’ll be swarmed with inquiries of last minute gifts and pastry ingredients.” Emma chuckled.

“This is the calm before the storm.” Noah declared.

But before Emma could react, the bells of the front door started to jingle.

“Oh wait, I think I left the storage room door open.” Noah suddenly jolted up.

“It’s okay, go ahead.” Emma tried to tidy the counter up; putting away the empty donut box in the trash can behind the counter.

Someone cleared her throat when Emma turned her back. “I’ll just be right with you…” Emma’s words were suddenly caught in her tongue when she realized who it was.

“Sorry, you’re the only grocer along the way.” Alyssa Greene muttered an excuse.

Emma stopped in her tracks when she noticed how Alyssa was dressed. She had a pink beanie on, her wavy hair cascaded to frame her face; she wore a red jumper and a black jacket. Her nose was a bit pinkish probably because of the chilly temperature outside. Not to mention that she looked groggy. She looked like the Alyssa Greene that Emma knew, dressed down and at ease but still quite self-conscious, not the sophisticated urban chick that she stumbled upon smoking in her mother’s front porch last night.

“Not like you have a choice, right?” Emma smirked.

“Sorry, I did not mean to be rude, I’m just having a bad morning.” Alyssa suddenly shifted her demeanor.

“I’m sorry…” Emma’s expression softened.

“Shit, not that you have time for this.” Alyssa bit her lip. Emma knew that she did this when she was nervous or mad to the point that she would just cry. “Anyway, mom asked me to pick up a few things but I realized that I don’t have a clue on what she usually gets, anymore.”

Sensing the frustration in her voice, Emma decided to be more obliging. “Oh, what did your mom need?”

“A bottle of olive oil and some wine.” Alyssa replied immediately.

“Okay, excuse me for a while.” Emma exited the counter through the flip door and rummaged through some of the shelves.

Alyssa noticed that Emma was actually wearing black dungarees and a thermal shirt under her green apron. It was calming to see her in her familiar look, which meant that Emma has probably not changed as much as Alyssa thought.

“Here you go!” Emma carried a bottle of olive oil. “This is the usual brand that she gets. But as for the wine, I’m afraid we ran out of her favorite Chardonnay but you can choose between the Moscato and the Pinot Grigio. Well, actually we don’t have a very varied selection and that’s all there is.” Emma informed.

“She’d go for the Moscato, right?” Alyssa assumed. “I think we would need two bottles or make that three actually.”

“Hey, Noah?” Emma directed her holler at the stock room.

“Yes, boss?” A faint reply came.

“While you’re back there, can you get me three bottles of the Muscat, please?” Emma yelled back.

“Copy.” Another weak reply followed.

“Noah works for you now?” Alyssa raised an eyebrow as she handed her card to Emma.

“Noah works for my grandfather.” Emma corrected as she finished Alyssa’s transaction.

“So, you have been back for a while.” Alyssa did not know if she was supposed to address it as a statement or a question.

“You heard?” Emma furrowed her brows.

“They may have mentioned it last night.” Alyssa mumbled nervously. She just could not explain how difficult it was to talk to someone who you had been so close to in the past. Well, add more than a decade of not talking and the scenario certainly sounds painful.

“Yeah, I have been back for some time.” Emma replied vaguely. 

But before Alyssa could ask another question, Noah had already emerged from the stock room carrying a small box.

“Oh hey, Alyssa Greene!” Noah greeted.

“Hey, Noah, so you work here now?” Alyssa responded with a question.

“Saving up until I open up my own store!” Noah replied gleefully.

“Oh, you’re setting up competition?” Alyssa looked at Emma who just shook her head. The awkward note seemed to have dissipated with Noah’s presence.

“No, no, no competition for the Nolans, if not Mr. Nolan, Emma here might break my neck. I’ll be setting up an electronics store! Now, that’s something in demand around here.” Noah declared.

“Sure thing, Noah! Now, be a champ and please help Alyssa carry those to her car. We shouldn’t be wasting her time.” Emma prodded.

“Oh no, it’s okay, I like catching up. Actually, I have all the time in the world now.” Alyssa countered.

“Huh?” Emma was confused.

“Carrie had some work emergency; I just dropped her at the airport a while ago. So, I guess all my plans just flew out the window now and my mother has the monopoly of my time here.” Alyssa detailed.

“But you guys just arrived.” Emma could not help but point out.

“That’s what I thought but hey, I’m marrying a lawyer. Welcome to the holidays!” Alyssa chuckled uneasily.

“Yeah, yes, you are.” Emma was reminded of their circumstance once again.

“Anyway, I should get going now, maybe I’m taking up so much of your time.” Alyssa realized.

“Do you see other customers, Lys?” Emma badgered.

“You know what I mean. Plus, mom’s probably wondering where I am now.” Alyssa retreated. “Anyway, see you around, Em.”

As Alyssa was exiting the store, Noah followed her trail but he turned and gave Emma an apologetic look.

On that note, Emma had a nagging feeling; things are probably not working out for Alyssa as much as she hoped.

Chapter Text

I said, I’m dreaming of a white Christmas

With every Christmas card I write

May your days be merry and bright

And may all your Christmases be white

“First you asked me to put up tinsels, now you blare Christmas songs in here.” Emma entered the store in a huff.

“What’s wrong with you, young lady? I have been running my store the same way for the past century, I never heard anything from you the last time I found my record player and my Bing Crosby records?” George responded behind one of the shelves.

“Good morning, Mr. Nolan, I see that we are in a jolly holiday mood!” Noah greeted from the threshold, as he took off his coat oblivious to the repartee between George and his granddaughter.

“Tell that to Ms. Grinch over here!” George pointed at Emma who was now looking for something behind the counter.

“I thought it was your day off? Why are you here?” Noah wondered.

“That’s what I wanted to know. No one asked you to be here and mock my musical taste.” George razzed.

“I just forgot something last night.” Emma grabbed something from the counter and showed it to George.

“Your phone? You left it here overnight?” George realized.

“I was on my drive home when I noticed it was missing.” Emma defended.

“Even at my age, I would notice if my phone was not with me in a matter of minutes.” George teased. “Your grandma texts me almost every hour you know.” He winked.

“It’s because you forget things.” Emma countered. “Plus, unlike you it’s not vital in my case.”

“Especially if no one texts you.” Noah pronounced.

“Hah, I have friends.” Emma fidgeted with her phone. “Like…” She paused as she browsed several missed calls and a dozen of messages. “Like Shelby Gonzales, who is quite mad at me right now because I forgot that I promised to look after the twins…” Emma rushed out of the store before she could finish her statement.

“And she claims that I’m forgetful.” George observed.

George and Noah snickered to themselves as they watched Emma fumble back to her truck muttering curses under her breath.

“I’m here, I’m here!” Emma took a breath as she took off her boots in Kevin and Shelby’s mudroom.

“Goodness Emma, I was so worried, you weren’t answering my calls. I was tempted to call Betsy but instead I figured something out.” Shelby was frantic as she approached Emma.

“What do you mean?” Emma was puzzled.

“Damien, Diego, Auntie Emma is here!” Shelby called out for her five-year old twins.

With the frenzy during yesterday’s delivery day at the store and Emma’s sudden sleepless nights because of Alyssa’s impromptu appearance, Emma had almost forgotten that she had promised Kevin and Shelby that she would watch the twins that morning. Kevin had a showing and Shelby was unexpectedly called back to the office for a few hours. Emma agreed to this yesterday morning but after leaving her phone at the store, she woke up with a tingling feeling that she had forgotten something and indeed, she was right.

“Where are they?” The twins would usually come running whenever Emma’s presence was announced.

“Actually, since you weren’t answering, I sort of called someone the last minute.” Shelby was already putting on her scarf over her neck.

“So, you finally got a sitter? Probably, not a cheapskate anymore.” Was Emma’s first guess.

“You know how I feel about strangers in my house, Em.” Shelby hissed.

Suddenly, the twins emerged from the opposite room, wearing similar blue shirts and khaki shorts, dragging someone with them.

“Look who’s here to visit Auntie Em!” Damian had a spring in his step.

“It’s Auntie ‘Lyssa!” Diego presented, as if it was surprise.

But Emma was definitely surprised seeing Alyssa in a pair of denim pants and a lose JMHS sweater.

“Well, I was desperate and I took my chance to see if ‘Lys was available and look, she is.” Shelby grinned as she put on her coat.

“Oh, so I guess my services are no longer required.” Emma whispered to Shelby.

“Nonsense, the twins were excited to see you today. You two can catch up or something. I’ll be back by lunchtime, I can get takeaways. I need to go, running a bit late.” Shelby gestured at her friends. “Boys, Mommy’s leaving, be good to your aunties!”

Diego and Damien rushed towards Shelby and gave their mom sloppy kisses on the cheek.

“Thank you so much, both of you! Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you, Kaylee and I have something planned for a night out.” Shelby exclaimed as she ran towards the minivan in her driveway.

The rush of the morning dissipated when Alyssa and Emma realized that they were alone in the hallway as the twins already rushed back to the living room.

“So, this is awkward. Maybe I should leave, after all, you seem to know your way around the twins.” Emma moved to put on her shoes once again.

“C’mon, Em. I have no clue what I’m doing, I only been around them during the holidays. If anything, I should be the one to leave; I just heeded Shelby’s distress call. I don’t have a clue how to handle kids.” Alyssa muttered.

“And you’re the one getting married.” Emma chuckled.

“Getting married, didn’t mention having kids.” Alyssa shielded up. “Not part of our plan.” Alyssa meant her and Carrie.

“Alright, geez, I’m sorry to assume.” Emma apologized.

“Plus, you’re the one who’s good with kids.” Alyssa pointed out.

There was a pregnant pause between them, Emma did not know where to go from that but she suddenly decided to change the topic instead.

“How did you get here, anyway? I don’t see any another car at the driveway.” Emma noticed instead of reacting to Alyssa’s statement.  

“My mom dropped me off, she had a showing today, too.” Alyssa replied.

“Then you can stay, unless you have something important at home.” Emma took off her shoes again. “I bet the kids would love for you to stay.”

“Are you sure?” Alyssa hesitated.

“We can make a day out of it. The boys are actually fun to be around with.” Emma gestured for Alyssa to follow her back at the living room.

Why the universe keeps on pushing her into these unusual circumstances, Emma never knew. She just hopes that it is for a good purpose.

Contrary to her assumption that this would be an awkward situation, Alyssa was stunned once again. Emma Nolan wasn’t just good with Shelby and Kevin’s kids, she was very good. The morning started with puzzle making. Apparently, the twins were into puzzles and their dad had bought them various puzzles of dinosaurs, animals, and cartoon characters. With their combined wit and precision, the four of them finished a 100-piece puzzle quickly. When the kids got bored with the puzzle, Emma played An American Tail on DVD. The 1986 musical was not typically popular to most kids at this day and age but Alyssa was surprised that the kids were singing Somewhere Out There together with Fieval as if they already watched the show a hundred times.

“They seem to know the song by heart.” Alyssa whispered to Emma as they were preparing snacks, an assortment that included sliced pears, banana oat cookies, and orange juice.

“Oh, you just don’t know how many times they watched it.” Emma remarked.

“So, this is your influence?” Alyssa knew that Emma enjoyed sentimental but heartwarming cartoons and An American Tail was her favorite. They used to watch Aristocats and The Brave Little Toaster together, too; those were some of Emma’s picks.

“They love The Land Before Time, too.” Emma noted.

“Does Shelby know how much sappy cartoons you make her kids watch?” Alyssa probed but before Emma could answer, the twins had already caught Emma’s attention.

“Sing with us, Auntie Em!” Damien shouted from the sofa.

Emma gave them an unconvinced look.  

“Please, please…” Diego flashed his puppy dog eyes.

“Alright, alright.” Emma gave in, quite conscious that Alyssa was around to witness how she easily caved to their friends’ children.

And even though I know how very far apart we are

It helps to think we might be wishin’ on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby

It helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the same big sky

Emma continued with the last verse. For Alyssa, there was something unnerving having to hear Emma sing again. This moment seemed to have passed her a long time ago. When Emma used to direct words towards her and sing songs that would only reveal their feelings to one another. It had been such a foreign memory, a distant one but Alyssa could not help but listen and savor every word that Emma was singing.

Somewhere out there, if love can see us through

The twins had joined her now.

Then we’ll be together somewhere out there

Out where dreams come true

The twins cheered after the last note and they hopped towards the kitchen counter asking Alyssa for their snacks. They were just quite oblivious of the fact that Emma had lifted her eyeglasses to brush away a lone tear away. Alyssa noticed that part but she had just decided to keep it to herself.

“So, can I give you a ride? I think you’re old enough not to get picked up by your mom.” Emma teased as they headed towards Emma’s truck.

“You’re quite cocky now, Nolan. I remembered the time when you paled every time you sensed that Veronica Greene was around.” Alyssa bantered back.

“It was a long time ago, Greene. I’ll have you know that Emma and Veronica are now good friends.” Emma chuckled.

“Wow, looked how times had changed. Gone were the days when you scurried like a mouse because you were too afraid that my mom might catch you doing something illicit with her daughter in that truck of yours.” Alyssa had already said too much before she realized the direction that she was getting into.

“You’re right, Lys. Those days are gone now.” Emma’s tone was a bit sentimental at that point. “But I’m only offering future Mrs. Donovan a ride home, nothing more.” Emma tried to joke to make the air between them lighter but Alyssa actually fidgeted at the thought that she was to be married soon.

“I’ll have you know that I plan keep my last name.” Alyssa scoffed. “If Carrie wants to hyphenate then it should be Donovan-Greene. It has a better ring to it than Greene-Donovan.”

Emma could not evade thinking of the time when she thought it was going to be Nolan-Greene; it had a better ring actually. However, Emma shook her self away from that daydream; it was too late for that now.

“Yeah, Donovan-Greene does sound better.” Emma fibbed.

“You think so?” Alyssa furrowed her brows.

Emma did not know how to go from there.

“It’s going to be your name, why shouldn’t it be?” Emma managed to reply as she opened the car door for Alyssa.

This action had been so familiar; it used to be second nature to Emma. As they drove away from Shelby’s driveway, Emma looked at Alyssa in the passenger’s seat of her car again. Alyssa flashed her a shy smile and this scene brought back so many feelings that she wished she didn’t have.

They were quiet for a while during the drive to Alyssa’s house. Then Alyssa finally broke the silence. “What happened to us, Em?”

“What?” Emma did not expect Alyssa to bring this up.

“I’m sorry; it’s just sitting here in your car. It just brings back memories.” Alyssa tensed a bit.

“I know what you mean.” Emma sighed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alyssa offered, not taking her eyes off Emma.

Emma focused on the road ahead. “I don’t know, Lys. Everything seems fine; I mean do you really want to open that can of worms?”

“You’re right.” Alyssa slumped back to her seat.

“You know, I’m glad we’re talking though and that we’re friends.” Emma tried to recover.

“We’re friends.” Alyssa repeated to emphasize that realization.

“I hope so.” Emma whispered, still not looking at Alyssa.

“Yes, we are.” Alyssa pondered at the thought for the rest of the drive. They are friends and maybe that’s all they were ever meant to be.

“Was that Emma’s truck?” Mrs. Greene looked out the window as Alyssa got in the house.

“She helped me with the twins. Apparently, she wasn’t answering Shelby’s calls because she forgot her phone at the store yesterday.” Alyssa tried to be nonchalant.

“And you didn’t bother to invite her in.” Veronica inquired.

“We didn’t know you were home.” Alyssa deadpanned.

“Oh, you used to invite her in, especially when I wasn’t home.” Veronica teased.

“C’mon mom, I’m getting married.” Alyssa widened her eyes.

“Of course, I know that and it would have helped if I knew who was snatching my daughter away from me.” Veronica no longer filtered her words. Her actual frustration resurfacing.

“You just told Carrie that you were fine with it.” Alyssa recounted.

“I was fine with it since she was here; I thought I had time to get to know her.” Veronica muttered. “You don’t talk about her much; she’s perfectly a stranger to me.”

“She had a work emergency, mom. It’s something important.” Alyssa related.

“More important than you?” Mrs. Greene delved.

Alyssa suddenly realized that her mother had a point.

“She’s climbing up the ladder in her career; this is an important case. It will be good for us. Plus, we’re saving up for the wedding.” Alyssa explained. 

“It would be understandable in any other day, Lys but during the holidays?” Mrs. Greene probed.

“Carrie usually doesn’t have weekends and I guess it also applies to holidays, though she loves what she does.” Alyssa tried to defend her fiancée. “I’m used to it.”

“Well, I am not.” Mrs. Greene countered. “That’s good but I also hope that she loves you enough.”

“You can’t project everything on me, mom.” Alyssa could not explain why she went there. All of the sudden it felt like everything her mom was saying was becoming an attack. Now, having to think about Carrie’s sudden departure and having to spend a day with Emma, Alyssa just felt emotionally drained.

“I’m not projecting, Alyssa. I’m just protecting you.” Mrs. Greene suddenly sounded stern. “I just hope you remember want happened to us just because my husband loved his work more than his wife and daughter.” Mrs. Greene walked out of the room.

Alyssa slumped on the wall; she knew this was going to happen. She knew that her mother might have qualms regarding Carrie. But she did not mean to hurt her mother and bring back wounds from the past.

Chapter Text

A loud honk startled Emma as she rushed towards the coat closet rummaging for her jacket with a fur hood. Betsy and George were observing her from corners of their eyes. George was watching television and Betsy was reading a book.

“Curfew is at midnight.” George muttered nonchalantly without looking away from the TV screen.

“Ha ha very funny, Pops.” Emma put on a black beanie.

“Just don’t forget your keys so that we don’t need get up in the middle of the night to open the door for you.” Betsy reminded.

“Got it!” Emma responded. She heard another honk.

“Is Kevin driving for you girls, tonight? You be careful, the roads could get slippery.” George reminded.

“We’re no longer in high school, Pops.” Emma muttered under her breath.

“We’ll stop, once you kids stop acting like it.” George teased.

“Is Alyssa going to be there?” Betsy got up to look outside the window.

“I think so.” Emma mumbled.

“Well, have a good time then.” Betsy patted her on the shoulder.

“What does that supposed to mean?” Emma narrow her eyes at her grandmother.

“Whatever you want it to be.” Betsy smirked.

“You guys are impossible.” Emma opened the front door. “Don’t stay up too late, kids.” She reminded her grandparents.

“I was about to say the same thing.” George bantered back.

As Emma trudged towards the driveway, the air was already starting to get chilly. Snow has already fallen a few days ago and she skidded through a thin coat of sleet.

“C’mon Nolan, the night is young and we are not.” Kevin greeted as Emma opened the door of the SUV.

Shelby was seated in front with her husband and Kaylee and Alyssa were already in the backseat.

“This is going to be fun; I never imagined that we would have the old gang back together.” Kaylee giggled as she was seated in between Emma and Alyssa. Kaylee was wearing an all pink ensemble, a pink coat and powder pink beanie.

“Yeah, it has been a long time.” Emma commented as she slumped back on her seat as Kevin drove the car out of the Nolans’ driveway.

Emma noticed that Alyssa remained quiet, she was wearing a stylish grey jacket and her brown locks cascaded over her shoulders. She kept on staring at her phone screen, seemingly lost in thought.

“Carrie not answering, yet?” Shelby commented from the front seat.

“Must be busy.” Alyssa replied forlornly.

“Is there a time difference? Where is she, anyway?” Kaylee inquired.

“Boston, nope, no time difference.” Alyssa responded.

“Well, maybe she’s busy or asleep or whatever. So, why don’t you tuck your phone away and let’s enjoy the evening, okay? This can be like your pre-bachelorette party. Now, that we have you to ourselves.” Shelby commented.

“Yeah!” Kevin chimed in. “As long as you don’t ask me to strip dance for you guys or something.”

“Oh baby, why do you have to go there?” Shelby quipped.

“Yeah, Kev, it’s not a nice picture.” Emma teased, fake belching in disgust.

“C’mon Lys, let’s have fun tonight.” Kaylee placed an arm over Alyssa’s shoulders.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” Alyssa tucked her phone away.

“That’s the spirit!” Kevin jested.   

“Spirits! Yeah, that’s what I’m having tonight. Gosh, I miss going out. So, you better take it easy tonight mister, you’re our designated driver.” Shelby turned to her husband.

“Aye, aye, boss!” Kevin pronounced. “Happy wife, happy life!”

“So, happy couple. Who’s watching the kids tonight?” Emma wondered.

“My mom’s in town.” Shelby grinned at Emma from the rear view mirror.

“So, Mama and Papa are painting the town red, tonight.” Kevin declared.

“The way you said it, Kev. It still does not paint a great picture.” Emma whined. 

The group erupted in laughter as they traversed the highway.

It was like how Emma had remembered it, the stained sidings, and the colonial cornices. The red and purple neon lights, the smell of chargrill meat with a mixture of smoke and alcohol, it brings back a lot of memories. Barry’s was a cozy bar near the Main Street of Edgewater. Since they were there on a weeknight, there were only a few patrons and the karaoke machine was vacant. The brawny bartender smiled at them as they entered.

“I’ll get you ladies some drinks. You can get that machine running.” Kevin gestured at the small stage with the karaoke machine.

Since the temperature inside was warmer, the group found a booth and took off their coats. Emma was wearing a black crewneck ribbed cable knit pullover under her coat. Alyssa laughed quietly when she noticed that she was wearing a similar cable knit sweater but hers was in wine color and was cropped.

“You two look nice, you’re matching!” Kaylee commented.

“Great minds think alike.” Emma responded.

“Look! They have our song!” Shelby suddenly emerged with a songbook in hand.

“Can we sing it?” Kaylee deliberated. “Yes, we should sing it!”

“I don’t know guys.” Alyssa hesitated.

“C’mon Lys, we have this place almost to ourselves. For old times’ sake?” Kaylee pleaded.

“It’s just I haven’t sang anything for so long…” Alyssa tried to reason.

“It’s up! C’mon!” Shelby handed them microphones and the machine began with a suave tune of drums and bass. Kaylee and Shelby were already swaying to the melody.

“You’re up first!” Kaylee eyed Alyssa.

“What are they doing?” Kevin got back to their booth with a bunch of shots and beers. Emma just sat there looking amused.

“They’re doing that song, again.” Emma chuckled.

“Oh, this is going to be epic.” Kevin took out his phone and started filming.

Counted all my mistakes and there's only one

Standing out from the list of the things I've done

Alyssa began singing; Shelby and Kaylee were still swaying beside her. It had been a long time since Emma had heard Alyssa’s voice and she had forgotten how expressive she was when she sang.

All the rest of my crimes don't come close

To the look on your face when I let you go

Alyssa turned towards Emma and Kevin’s direction. Kevin was just smiling at her with a thumbs up as he continued to film the performance. Emma on the other hand had locked eyes with Alyssa and the last line had pricked her heart a bit.

So I built you a house from a broken home

And I wrote you a song with the words you spoke

Alyssa continued with the song, now Emma was deep in thought. She had always heard them sing this song before but the words had never resonated as much as it did now.

Yeah, it took me some time, but I figured out

How to fix up a heart that I let down

Alyssa’s eyes were locked on her and Emma started to feel uneasy. Alyssa was right to ask, what happened to them? Emma took a shot and downed it with some beer. It wasn’t supposed to feel this way.

As the chorus to the song started, the voices of the three women started to blend. Alyssa turned to Kaylee and Shelby and they were singing together, smiling at each other.

Now, I'm searchin' every lonely place

Every corner callin' out your name

Tryna find you, but I just don't know

Where do broken hearts go?

Where do broken hearts go?

Emma knew that she was just right there at that moment, staring at Alyssa like she was the most important thing in the world. How could this happen? How could she allow herself to succumb to such feelings again? This wasn’t happening, this shouldn’t be happening, she kept on telling herself.

“There you are.” Alyssa jolted as she heard Kaylee’s voice.

Alyssa stepped out at the portico to smoke for a bit. The others were still inside as Emma looked on while Shelby and Kevin sang Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now for the second time.

Alyssa took a last puff and put out her cigarette on a concrete ashtray nearby. “Sorry, I just needed to step out a bit.”

“Is everything okay with you and Carrie?” Kaylee inquired.

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t it be?” Alyssa replied tensely.

“You were just a bit edgy earlier.” Kaylee brought up.

“It’s fine, sometimes she just gets so engrossed with work that she forgets about her phone. She’s not very tech-savvy, you know.” Alyssa reasoned.

“Look, Lys, you’ll tell me if something is wrong, right?” Kaylee rested an assuring hand on Alyssa’s shoulder.

“Of course, I would.” Alyssa turned to Kaylee with a wry smile.

“I’m actually so happy that you’re here, now.” Kaylee gave Alyssa a side hug.

“Me too, I haven’t been home for a while.” Alyssa rested her head on Kaylee’s shoulder.

“We miss you around here but don’t get me wrong; watching you achieve your dreams has been awesome. I always knew that you would make it.” Kaylee stated.

“We all made it, I mean you have a successful business, Kevin and Shelby have that beautiful family that I had always seen them having.” Alyssa smiled at the thought.

“Yeah, and despite all that, we still manage to act like the crazy kids we were in high school when we are together.” Kaylee wisecracked.

“Yeah, nothing much has changed.” Alyssa chuckled.

“How about Emma?” Kaylee took a deep breath.

“What about Emma?” Alyssa looked up.

“I always pictured the two of you together.” Kaylee puffed. “Shucks, I’m so sorry, it’s just you’re getting married and it’s just sinking in.”

“It’s alright, Kay, it’s nice of you to look out for us but we have sorted things out.” Alyssa tried to console her friend.

“Have you? Have you talked?” Kaylee piped up.

“Well, sort of, it wasn’t much but we are better now, I think, we’re friends now.” Why did it feel weird for Alyssa to say that out loud?

“If that’s the case, then I’m happy for you guys. I know it was a long time ago but she was just such a disaster when you guys broke up.” Kaylee recounted. “Even years after that, she looked like she held on. Even her trip to New York didn’t help.”

“She went to New York? When?” Alyssa caught that detail.

“You didn’t know about that? I thought you guys met? It was after college or a year after that, I can’t really remember.” Kaylee struggled with details.

“It’s fine, Kay. I just didn’t know about that.” This was new information to Alyssa. Did Emma actually go all the way to New York to see her? If she did, why did Emma keep this from her?

“Shit, if you don’t know about that perhaps I said too much.” Kaylee realized.

“Why did she leave California?” Alyssa wondered.

“I can’t say anything more. I think you should talk to Emma.” Kaylee advised.

“Yeah, you’re right, there’s a lot that I don’t know.” Alyssa grasped.

“Alright, Greene, easy does it.” Kevin and Emma were assisting Alyssa inside the guest room at Kevin and Shelby’s house. It was already two in the morning and Alyssa had a little bit to drink. Kevin and Emma tried to be as quiet as possible as not to wake the twins and see their Auntie ‘Lyssa drunk. Emma held her up by the torso and Kevin lifted her from her legs, they then carefully positioned Alyssa on the bed.

“Shelby is checking on the kids, I’ll go get her a glass of water and some Advil for tomorrow.” Kevin whispered as he exited the room.

The group decided that Alyssa spend the night at Kevin and Shelby’s because Alyssa seem to have lost her house keys and they didn’t want to wake Mrs. Greene up. Even in their adulthood, the group was still afraid of Mrs. Greene even if she had already mellowed down.

“You’ve always been a lightweight, Greene.” Emma muttered as she adjusted Alyssa’s head on the pillow.

“I’m not.” Alyssa muttered in her half-asleep state.

“You were never good with alcohol.” Emma laughed quietly. 

“Hey, Em.” Alyssa tried to open one eye.

“Yeah?” Emma tried her best not to fall into those brown orbs again. The moonlight from the window hit Alyssa’s face and she glowed underneath it.

“Stay?” Alyssa mumbled almost inaudibly.

Emma was quiet for a while; she knew that Alyssa was always clingy in her inebriated state. “You know I can’t.” Emma hummed. “Not anymore.” She wiped some of Alyssa’s soft curls that covered her forehead.

“I miss you.” Alyssa whispered as she closed her eyes.

“No, you don’t mean that.” Emma sighed.

Emma knew better, she knew that Alyssa did not mean that. Even if she meant it, she knew that Alyssa just probably missed her as a friend and nothing more.

As soon as Emma got up from the bed, Kevin returned with a small tray with a glass of water and a couple of pills and placed it on Alyssa’s bedside table.

“I should go.” Emma whispered to Kevin.

“Okay, I’ll drive you.” Kevin offered.

The area darkened as Emma and Kevin left the room. Alyssa turned and she opened her eyes to look out the window. The shadows of the branches of the trees outside danced in the glimmer of the night.

“You looked like you had fun last night.” Mrs. Greene was making a smoothie for Alyssa. Shelby dropped off Alyssa a few hours ago. Alyssa walked into the kitchen in a loose sweater and her hair up in a messy bun.

Alyssa knew that the air between her and her mother was quite tensed after the disagreement that they had last time.

“Sorry, I misplaced my keys but I found it, I left it at the dresser.” Alyssa answered.

“Look, love, don’t get me wrong, you know that I love you and I only want what is best for you.” Mrs. Greene paused from her task. “Even if you say otherwise, mothers have instincts and mine are telling me that something is wrong.”

Alyssa looked at her mother with glassy eyes. “You know that feeling when you realized that everything seems to be working out but deep inside you know that something is out of place?” Alyssa played with the ring on her finger.

“That seems contrasting but can you elaborate further?” Mrs. Greene urged.

“New York has always been great, my career, my life, Carrie, it was everything I always wanted but I don’t know, somehow, it doesn’t feel right.” Alyssa confessed.

“Are you having second thoughts?” Mrs. Greene confronted.

“I don’t know, but being back here just puts things into perspective, you know.” Alyssa acknowledged.

“You might get mad again but does it have something to do with Emma?” Mrs. Greene brought up.

“I think we haven’t really had that closure.” Alyssa admitted.

“Do you often wonder, what if?” Mrs. Greene probed.

Alyssa just nodded.

“Talk to her, love. A lot has changed over the years but you both need to disentangle all those loops. If she’s willing to go through it, why not? It’s for your peace of mind, both of you.” Mrs. Greene advised.

“You’re right, thanks, mom.” Alyssa gathered. “I’m really so sorry about being such a jerk last time.”

“But you did have a point.” Mrs. Greene disclosed. “I may be projecting but I hope that you see it for your own good. I just don’t want you to go through the same thing.”

“I know, mom, thank you.” Alyssa was glad that Veronica Greene was indeed more open and accepting now.

Chapter Text

“Well, maybe you should not come back at all!” Alyssa was screaming as she entered the kitchen. Veronica was startled as Alyssa stormed in fuming.

Alyssa huffed and shut off her phone, placing it callously on the island countertop. She rested her head on her arms as she muffled a squeal. 

“What was that about?” Mrs. Greene turned towards her as she was preparing to put a dish of lasagna into the oven for dinner.

“Carrie.” Alyssa muttered without looking up.

“What is it now?” Mrs. Greene shut the lasagna into the oven.

“She’s not sure if she’ll be back by Christmas Eve,” Alyssa puffed. “With a possible blizzard coming in or whatever, I don’t know if she’ll make it back.”

“Well, she shouldn’t travel if the weather is getting bad.” Mrs. Greene cautioned.

“This keeps happening.” Alyssa looked frustrated.

“Tell me, how many times has this happened before?” Mrs. Greene inquired.

Alyssa just shrugged her shoulders at her mother.

“You can tell me anything, you know. We’re talking about the person you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with. Are you sure about her, Lys?” Mrs. Greene sat in front of Alyssa.

“What do you mean, mom?” Alyssa looked up.

“Tell me about the things that you love about Carrie.” Mrs. Greene confronted.

“Well, she’s ambitious, we have that in common. Her life is very much put together; she has a clear plan for the near future. She is structured, smart, and guileless.” Alyssa answered.

“So, what does that have to do with you?” Mrs. Greene challenged.

“What do you mean?” Alyssa furrowed her brow.

“Sure, she has positive qualities, seems like you’re going to have a financially stable life. But what about the little things, ‘Lys, the everyday things? Tell me, does she make you laugh? Does she love your quirks? Is she supportive of your career? Does she make you happy?” Veronica bombarded her with questions.

“Of course, she makes me happy; why else would I be with her?” Alyssa countered.

“Well, for the entire time that you were home, you don’t seem to show it. I either see you apprehensive or irate, every time we talk about her.” Mrs. Greene pointed out.

“That’s because we’re probably past the honeymoon stage.” Alyssa defended.

“Honey, you just got engaged, you’re in the honeymoon stage, you’re not even married, yet. How can you say that?” Mrs. Greene alleged.

Alyssa was speechless when she realized what she just said.

“If you’re not fully convinced or happy about your decision, if you’re having doubts, that’s not just cold feet, love. It probably means that you were never convinced to begin with.” Mrs. Greene counselled.

Hearing that from her own mother made Alyssa more tangled up.

“Happy Christmas, Mrs. Bennett, be careful on your way home.” Emma bade the sixty-year-old woman as she exited the store.

“Look at you, boss, jolly and all, the holidays getting’ to ya?” Noah joked as he was stacking some canned peaches on the shelves.

“Mrs. Bennett is a senior, have some respect.” Emma chastised.

“We should get some hot chocolate that would cheer you up!” Noah chimed.

“Finish your task first before getting a snack.” Emma reprimanded.

Before Noah could retort anything, the door swung open letting in the cold draft shortly. Dressed in layers of a thick trench coat and sweaters, Alyssa Greene entered the store.

“Hey, can we talk?” She greeted Emma while rubbing the tip of her nose that was almost turning red. Aside from her beef with Carrie over the phone yesterday, Alyssa was also sleepless with what Kaylee revealed during their karaoke night. Alyssa looked restless and scruffy and Emma knew that she needed to give in to an agitated Alyssa.  

“Sure,” Emma exited the counter through the flip door. “Can you watch the store first, Noah?”

Noah just nodded in agreement.

“We can go to the back office.” Emma led Alyssa past some shelves, through the stock room; there was a small partitioned space inside with a desk and a few chairs around it.

“You can sit over there.” Emma offered Alyssa a chair and they sat across each other.

Since the room was a lot warmer, Alyssa took off her coat and draped it on the back of the chair.

“Are you okay, Lys?” Emma looked worried.  

Alyssa slumped back on the chair with an exasperated groan. “Years ago, you went to New York and you never told me.” Alyssa cut to the chase.

“How did…how?” Emma was caught dumbfounded.

“It doesn’t matter how I knew, just answer the question, Em. Why?” Alyssa looked adamant to know.

“Fucking…Kaylee…” Emma figured out.

“Em, it doesn’t matter, leave Kaylee out of this.” Alyssa countered.

“You never knew until then.” Emma opposed. “I mean, would it matter? What difference would it make?”

“Just tell me, why did you go to New York at that time?” Alyssa took a deep breath.

“Think, Lys. Why else would I go to New York?” Emma pointed out the obvious reason.

“But why didn’t you see me?” Alyssa lips trembled at the thought.

“Fine, I went, okay.” Emma admitted. “I took a trip after graduation. I did not know if I wanted you back. I did not know if I needed closure. So, I went.” Emma sighed. “I just wanted to know what the fuss was about. I just wanted to see it for myself. I just wanted to figure out why you fell so in love with that place. I just wanted to know what enraptured you out there that made you forget about me.” Emma’s voice faded at the last sentence.

Alyssa was not prepared for Emma’s sudden confession. She knew that she came there for answers but it was not what she expected. That after all those years, Emma still looked affected. Alyssa was speechless.

“I went there, okay. I walked the streets and I ventured out. I wantd to see what you saw.” Emma continued. “Until I stumbled upon your apartment. Kaylee knew because I asked her to ask Mrs. Greene for directions. You never reached out to me after a year when we went to college so I did not know where I stood at that point. Whether you would still be happy to see me, to talk to me.”  

“Did you find me?” Was all Alyssa could utter.

“I got to your apartment block, I saw you leave with a couple of your friends or roommates, I don’t know. I wanted to say hi, I wanted to surprise you but somehow my feet did not move.” Emma recalled. “Then I saw you laugh, it was maybe something about what your friend had said. I saw you chuckle heartily, I have never seen you that happy. So, I thought if you would be that happy, too if ever you saw me that day.” The memory seemed to be so vivid in Emma’s mind. “But then I realized, we have not talked in years, we have not seen each other in years. We were probably different people at that point. Why was I still holding on? You looked so blissful, Lys. I thought about you finally graduating, getting your dream job, and living in a place that you always wanted. I can’t mess that up; I can’t just pop out of nowhere.” Emma looked up at the ceiling, trying to fight away the tears that were about to escape her eyes.

“It was clear that you have moved on and living your best life and there I was still living in the past.” Emma almost whispered. “Then, I knew that I needed to let you go. I needed to stop.” Emma almost choked on her words.

“How come you never said anything to me, Em?” Alyssa’s eyes were glassy.

“Would it have changed anything, Lys?” Emma evaded Alyssa’s gaze.

There was a moment of silence between them.  

“I don’t know.” Alyssa acknowledged.  

“Exactly.” Emma nodded. “Look, things are better now. You have a fiancée who loves you, a home that you built together. Cherish that, most people spend their whole life searching and yearning for something like that.”

“I’m not sure.” Alyssa confessed.

“What do you mean by that?” Emma furrowed her brows.

“Everything is not what it seems, Em.” Alyssa admitted.

Alyssa words had changed everything and nothing at the same time.

“Remember that time when the baseball team played that senior prank and they released that goat in the field.” Alyssa laughed.  

They were seated in Emma’s truck now, with two half-finished cups of hot chocolate in a cup holder in between them. They did not know how they got there, parked in front of the lake, virtually alone. All Alyssa remembered was that she suddenly felt claustrophobic inside Emma’s office. Alyssa was on the verge of a panic attack and the blonde did not hesitate to take her out of there. Now, they were sharing fond memories in Emma’s truck as if nothing happened a few moments ago.

There was something unnerving about being around Emma once again, Alyssa figured. She just knew what she needed to do at the right moment but at the same time; she also missed doing certain things at the right moment in the past. But Alyssa just sat there, talking to Emma like no time has passed. They evoked memories like they were in high school once again, when things were less complicated in Edgewater.

“It took them half a day to catch that goat.” Emma added.

“Remember when you stole that bottle of wine from you grandpa’s stockroom for my sixteenth birthday?” Alyssa brought up.

“Yeah, it was a dessert wine by the way but I figured it was kind of classy for your first drink.” Emma laughed at the thought.

“I don’t remember getting drunk but I remember what happened after.” Alyssa eyed Emma. “We just had enough liquid courage.”

“It was our first kiss.” Emma recollected.

“Yes, I remember." Alyssa added, seemingly lost in thought.

Again, the air between them had started to thicken.

“Those kids did not really know what they were getting into.” Emma tried to joke to make the atmosphere seem lighter.

“I don’t know what I’m getting into, Em.” Alyssa answered nervously.

“What do you mean, Lys?” Emma turned towards Alyssa. Her hazel eyes seemingly searching for answers.

“Please tell me that I’m making a mistake…” Alyssa leaned in closer towards Emma; her eyes were suddenly focused on Emma’s lips. Emma’s lips looked soft and rosy due to the chilly weather and the warmth of their drink. Alyssa had forgotten how those lips used to feel like when they were on hers, and she just wanted to remember.

It was not Alyssa’s imagination but Emma was actually leaning in. They were so close that Alyssa grasped that Emma was still wearing the same perfume, a hint of bergamot that was now infused with the sweetness of chocolate.

It would have only taken a second for them to close the gap and then things may have changed forever but it also took a second when Alyssa’s phone started ringing from her pocket to change things forever.

Emma was snapped out from her haze and she immediately retracted. “Uhm, you should get that.” Emma articulated as she slumped back to her seat and affixed both her hands on the steering wheel.

Alyssa looked at the screen of her phone and Carrie’s name flashed as the device continued to ring. Alyssa looked at Emma before answering the call but Emma was just looking straight ahead, seemingly engrossed at the falling snow.

“Hello?” Alyssa croaked.

“What?” Alyssa asked startlingly. Emma could only hear Alyssa’s end of the phone call.

“You’re back? Yeah, I’ll be back in a while.” Alyssa’s eyes widened at the news.

As soon as Alyssa ended the call and tucked her phone back into her jeans’ pocket, she looked at Emma suppliantly. She did not know what she wanted from Emma. Did she want her to win her back? Did she want her to take her away? Were they really about to kiss? Was she about to cheat on Carrie?

She was supposed to be happy knowing that Carrie is back, right? That she chose Alyssa over her job, it is what she wanted, right? Why was she not as ecstatic as she was supposed to?

“I’ll take you home.” Were Emma’s final words before Alyssa could say anything more.

Chapter Text

“You seem grumpier than the usual.” George Nolan remarked as he entered the kitchen. Emma was preparing some fruits and oatmeal for breakfast, already bathed and ready to go to the store.

“What makes you say that?” Emma mumbled as she sliced up some bananas.

“It’s this aura that you’re giving off.” George walked towards Emma grabbing a cup from the cupboard. “It’s so dark.” He whispered to her ear.

“It’s just another typical day in my life, Pops.” Emma huffed.

“How are things with Alyssa?” George moved to the other end of the kitchen now, he was pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“What about her?” Emma tried to dodge George’s question. She placed three servings of oatmeal on the dining table.

“You know, Betsy did not like me the first time we met.” George just decided to recount. “When she found out that I was a mechanic back then, she said that she wouldn’t date me because that meant that I always had dirty fingernails and smelled like grease.” George continued as he joined Emma at the dining table. Emma just raised an eyebrow at him as she sat down.

“So, one day I immediately went home after work, cut my nails, took a bath, I basically cleaned up and I went up to Betsy and told her that now that I have clean fingernails and I smell like lavender, will you date me? Then I promised that I’ll take a nice shower every day.” George snickered to himself. “She just smiled that kilowatt smile of hers and shook her head in amusement.”

“And the point of your story is?” Emma observed her grandfather.

“Most people wait for grand gestures in life, a moment that they get swept off their feet. However, that can be fleeting Emma, which can be just a moment in hundreds of days, year in and year out. But being constant is actually harder. It may be a small thing each day but it is always there and in the end, it accumulates, it amounts to so much more. It takes great effort to be always present, consistent, unwavering.” George reached out for his granddaughter’s hand. “The love that you have for Alyssa, it has always been there, it never ceased. I know it because I see it in you. You carried it for years, masking it because you feel that you no longer have the right to love her, maybe because you think you missed your chance. But I think that the window is still open, Em. You just need to show her, she needs to know that you never stopped loving her since day one.” George advised.

“She has a fiancée, Pops. What window are you talking about? Is there such a thing as just being happy for her?” Emma asked.

“Of course, but you need to know if you really can’t be happy with her first, then, you can be happy for her.” George answered.

“And if it hurts?” Emma probed.

“Everything may hurt, everybody hurts. We can’t protect ourselves forever and not take a chance.” George replied. “So, do it before anyone else gets hurt.”

“Why are you so good at this?” Emma smiled at her grandfather.

“Let’s say I took my chance and it worked for the better.” George winked at her.

Before Emma could say anything more, Betsy had entered the dining room.

“What are you two talking about?” Betsy asked.

“Nothing.” George and Emma replied in unison.

Alyssa closed the door of her room gently, Carrie was still inside, sound asleep after having worked almost the entire night. After dinner and her grand gesture of coming back to Edgewater has been acknowledged by the Greenes, Carrie returned to working on her phone and stayed glued to her laptop all night. Alyssa fell asleep with numerous thoughts in her mind as she was lulled by Carrie’s tapping on her laptop. Alyssa exited her room, tiptoeing as not to wake Carrie up.

Alyssa walked towards the kitchen and she felt grateful to her mother when she realized that a pot of coffee was already ready. She was pouring herself a cup of coffee when Veronica entered the kitchen.

“Why are you up so early?” Veronica greeted her daughter.

“I had a hard time sleeping.” Alyssa rubbed her eyes.

“Does it have something to do with…” Veronica whispered as her eyes darted towards the direction of Alyssa’s room.

“That and other things.” Alyssa admitted.

“Aren’t you happy that she’s back?” Mrs. Greene probed.

“Well, I’m glad she’s back and in time for Christmas Eve.” Alyssa acknowledged.

“So, what’s bothering you?” Veronica continued to question.

“It’s that…I don’t know, something doesn’t feel right.” Alyssa confessed. “Carrie’s back but last night, it felt like she wasn’t. It seems like she’s physically here but her mind is elsewhere.”

“She worked until morning.” Veronica concluded.

“She’s dedicated to her work, Mom. There’s nothing wrong about that, right?” Alyssa took a sip of her coffee.

“Like I said, too much of everything is bad. Also, I am not projecting again but someday, you’ll both realize what really matters.” Veronica reminded.

“I know.” Alyssa whispered in reply. She thought about the day with Emma. How everything felt right. How things went wrong. How things might have changed if only she knew what to do then. How everything felt so familiar. How they almost kissed. How she wished they did.

“Mom, did you ever regret things?” Alyssa blurted out.

“Oh, I did regret many things. How I settled, how I did not wait for the right love to come around. How I missed a chance at it. How your father and I crumbled.” Veronica replied immediately. “However, if I think about it. I think what happened in my life happened and I would not have it any other way or else I never had you and you’re the only good thing in my life that I did not regret.” Veronica caressed her daughter’s chin. “You’re the best thing that I got out of it, Superstar.”

Alyssa just smiled at her mother, trying to take in the tender moment.

“But if I could say anything now, I would say that you should never settle. Stability is a good thing but it is not the only thing. Always go for what keeps your heart beating constantly, what keeps you in your toes, what drives your passions. Do not be complacent, Alyssa. Never settle for less than what you actually deserve.” Mrs. Greene advised.

“What do you mean?” Alyssa wondered.

“I see how you are with her, you always try to convince yourself that you’re happy, that this is the best thing but I never saw that glint in your eyes. Loyalty can be two different things. It can just refer to the firmness of the mind that you stand by your decision. However, it can also be about genuinely having their best interests at heart and ensuring that the relationship is reciprocal. Ask yourself if everything is really reciprocal? Loyalty is unwavering, is unchanging whatever the world throws at you. So, are you just standing by your word or have you been actually listening to your heart?” Mrs. Greene retold.

Alyssa just stood there pondering upon her mother’s words.

“It’s Christmas, Lys, give yourself a gift, and think about it.” Veronica placed a tender kiss on her daughter’s forehead.

Noah hugged himself on the sidewalk as the winter breeze became chillier in the evening. Emma exited the store shutting off the lights and she locked the door thereafter. Noah waited for her to step back before he pulled down the rolling steel door.

“I’m so happy to be sleeping in tomorrow morning.” Noah shivered.

“Happy Christmas, Noah.” Emma turned and handed a small box to Noah.

“Aaaw, Boss, you didn’t have to.” Noah teased.

“It’s not just from me, it’s from Gran and Pops, too.” Emma grinned.

“Thank you.” Noah smiled and pocketed the gift.

“Are you sure you don’t need a ride home?” Emma motioned towards her car.

“Nah, I’m good.” Noah began to walk away towards the opposite direction. “Thank you again and Happy Christmas, Emma.”

Emma waved as Noah looked back one more time before he strutted off. As Emma was heading towards her truck, she noticed a familiar figure walking towards her. She thought it was someone else based on how slumped the person’s posture was. However, as Alyssa Greene came into full view, she knew that she was mistaken.

Alyssa was dressed in a heavy trench coat, a pair of boots, and a beanie. “Hey.” She stopped in front of Emma.

“Are you going to tell me that this is just a coincidence?” Emma joked. “What are you doing out on Christmas Eve? Don’t you have company at home?” Emma tried not to sound like a jerk but Carrie’s sudden return has caused her to be in such a foul mood.

“Can we talk?” Alyssa chewed on her lower lip. Emma could tell that she was probably shaking from the cold based on how she tucked her palms in her jacket pockets and her reddening cheeks.

“We can talk in the truck; I can turn the heater on.” Emma motioned for Alyssa to follow.

It seemed like their situation has come full circle because they were back in the truck again, in the same position the night prior. A discomforting silence enveloped them, as no one knew how to actually start this conversation. Somehow, the atmosphere felt heavier, it carried the weight of so many things left unsaid. Finally, Emma decided to open her mouth to say something but Alyssa beat her to it.

“All those years, if we decided on a long-distance relationship, do you think we could have made it?” Alyssa blurted out.

The question caught Emma off guard. She did not expect Alyssa to say something like that.

“Honestly?” Emma stared at Alyssa’s glassy brown eyes. Alyssa just nodded in reply.

“We were so young then, I imagined that it could have taken a toll on us. We might even reach the point of detesting each other; I didn’t want us to end up in that place. I did not want us to resent each other.” Emma admitted. Alyssa’s face fell at her answer. “But…” Alyssa looked up. “But the thing I regret the most was not trying.”

Alyssa looked at her intently; she need not say anything to show Emma that she also wished for the same thing.

“I regret not seeing you. I regret not being by your side if there were hard times. I regret not growing with you. I regret not knowing about all those important years in your life.” Emma huffed. “But it’s too late for that now, all that regret.”

Emma’s confession brought Alyssa to discreet tears. Her face was hidden by the shadow of the night sky but the illumination from the streetlights and the passing of random cars cast a glow on some parts of her face.

“You cannot imagine how much I wished for the same things for years.” Alyssa simpered.

Emma did not think twice, she lifted her hand and wiped away a fallen tear from Alyssa's chin.

“Time has passed and then it hasn’t. What I felt for you hasn’t changed.” Emma declared. “But the circumstances are different now.” Emma pulled back.

“I…” Alyssa was about to say something but then she realized what Emma was actually talking about.

“Hearts had been broken, I had enough of that.” Emma whispered. “And this time I am not just talking about mine or yours, Lys.”

Alyssa knew what Emma meant and now, all she felt was guilt.

“I should drive you home.” Emma had a firm grip on the steering wheel.

“Okay.” Alyssa agreed without thinking twice but her mind was already reeling.

The drive back to Alyssa’s house was quiet. They shared this comforting silence and Alyssa did not want this ride to end. If she could only goad herself to be braver, she would tell Emma to just drive them away from all the mess. But she knew that she could never run away from herself. That no matter how far they go, she will be haunted by her own decisions. She needed to face the fact that it was up to her to sort everything out and someone was bound to get hurt in the process. Alyssa’s thoughts kept her busy and as Emma brought the truck to a halt, they were already in front of Mrs. Greene’s house.

“Emma…” Alyssa whispered. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Give yourself some time, Lys.” Emma assured. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Alyssa already had a grip on the car door but as she was preparing to exit the truck, she felt Emma’s hand on her arm. “Lys.”

“Yeah?” Alyssa turned to look at Emma.

“Happy Christmas.” Emma’s smile seemed bittersweet.

Alyssa knew that at the moment all she wanted was to just jump back and pull Emma close but she knew that she could not be that selfish, not right now. “Merry Christmas, Em.” She whispered instead.