Chapter Text
As a Luthor, Lena had experienced betrayal more than anything else. She had stared into her father’s eyes as he made promises that would not be kept. He was so good at it, day after day, year after year. Trips to Europe, holidays actually spent together, and attendance at recitals and competitions. There was never any guilt in his smile, no wandering eyes to keep her from staring into his soul in search of his reliableness this time. Maybe he had meant to keep all those promises. Maybe the stresses of LuthorCorp caused his intelligent brain to not remember all the times he failed her on them. Or maybe it was just genetic.
Lillian’s betrayal was to be expected. With her it was a game of who could betray the other in the most inconvenient and unexpected way. No event went smoothly because of it. There was always grandstanding and backstabbing hidden behind fake affection and support while the hate boiled below the surface. Keeping the Luthor name, manners, and social standing in good graces were the only rules of the game. Their passive aggressiveness while holding glasses of champagne and wearing smiles was a sporting event enjoyed by many. The most posh of Metropolis’ society were gleefully entertained by the not-subtle-enough digs mother and daughter took at one another.
Lex’s betrayals, and there were so many, were the most annoying. He was like a small cut on the roof of her mouth. If only she could leave it alone so it would heal she could forget about him. She had been screwed by him too many times for her to feel that she was worthy of the label ‘genius’. Geniuses wouldn’t be this stupid to keep playing with fire and being mad when burned. But she was a sucker for him. Her savior complex saw to that.
And she could feel herself being dragged back in now. What was once a soothing warm sunrise over the ocean view from her penthouse suddenly felt violent and foreboding. A new day and another betrayal. She tightened her grip on the phone in her hand as her tongue instinctively ran over the roof of her mouth though she knew the freshly reopened cut was psychological. “Are you sure?”
The silent alarm at L-Corp’s most secretive vault had been triggered.
In her time in National City no one had ever been able to locate it. Not Metallo, not Cyborg Superman, no villain or human or alien. Lillian had tried in vain to find where Lena was keeping their secrets. Every trip to the L-Corp tower had her popping up in secure locations and feigning ‘getting lost’ in the maze of offices and conference rooms on her way to Lena’s upper floor suite. Lena knew it was all bullshit. The Luthors’ darkest secrets were in that vault - worse than even the caches that Lex had left scattered across the country with all his little world domination devices. Lillian wanted nothing more than to get her hands on the contents and help Lex come back stronger than ever. That vault was the ultimate weapon in their family’s chessboard of deceit and betraying acts. And Lena was sure she had it safely in her grasp.
But buried there was a secret, one so sinister and destructive that if unleashed could potentially devastate the world and the blame would solely be on Lena. Lillian nor Lex knew of its existence. It was her creation though by accident. Yet even in the face of its potency she hadn’t had the heart to destroy it. Like all good scientists, she couldn’t just throw out perfectly good work. Instead, she had stored it away with all the other Luthor evils and protected it in every way she knew how.
As a CEO, she had faced betrayal from every corner. Partners and consultants who were after a secret agenda of their own, employees who could be bribed or forced to give up the L-Corp’s hard work, politicians that sold favors and donations but in the next breath threatened changing laws that could sink any number of her projects. But with L-Corp, it was her domain unlike the society life that Lillian ruled or Lex’s bent perception on reality. She could control more as CEO. She had become a better reader of people so as not to get taken advantage of though her upbringing with Lillian had been a better education in that than anything else. She only invested in other companies and people that passed her mile long checklist. She made sure her employees were given all the best opportunities to keep their loyalty. And when she still wasn’t sure who she could trust she did it herself.
The building of the vault was no exception to these standards. The builders were told that they were constructing an additional fortified lab space not that much different from the others in the L-Corp complex. When questioned about some of the building materials and specifications of the design, Lena was more than happy to drown the contractor in scientific jargon and a smile. Nothing to see here, just a secret Luthor vault to hide away all that could bring her thriving empire down. The contractor simply shrugged and made the vault. Lena did her usual and paid him and his crew triple what they quoted her and, as with all workers in or around L-Corp, had them sign non-disclosure agreements that threatened all manners of consequences should they talk.
After the shell of the vault was built, Lena did the rest. She built a custom door, installed tables and cabinetry, wired alarms, and programmed security traps within the system. And when she came to a task that required someone else she either built a machine that could help her or designed it in a different way so that she could do it herself. She knew that the fewer people who knew of the existence of the space the better. Even her security team didn’t know it was a vault. Like the contractor, they were told it was merely another lab but that this lab was on a different security grid than that of the others in the building. They didn’t blink an eye when Lena had explained the security protocols of this particular lab. If the alarm was ever tripped, call Lena immediately.
She swallowed when the security officer confirmed that the silent alarm was coming from the vault.
According to the protocol sheet, Lena could provide two different instructions. First, she could tell the security team to turn the alarm off in the case of an accidental trigger. She would be required to answer a series of questions as proof that she was actually who she said she was and fully in control of herself. Then, she would be required within twelve hours of the alarm to log directly into the security system and provide biometric data to reset it. If she could not pass either measure, the security team was instructed to call the authorities. Second, if the alarm was not triggered accidentally then they were to immediately call the authorities. Evacuate all personnel from the building and shut the complex down. No exceptions. Wait for further instructions.
“Ms. Luthor? What would you like us to do?”
“Protocol two,” she said rather calmly given the circumstances. Her mind was already setting up the chessboard, anticipating her moves as well as whoever had broken into the vault. She assumed no matter who it was that Lex was behind it if it wasn’t he himself doing the breaking and entering. Though predictable in many ways, Lex fluctuated between doing his own dirty work and getting others to do it for him.
“Uh...exactly which number, ma’am?”
Lena’s silently cursed herself. She had forgotten all about that . In a happier time when she had felt that she finally had their support she had added the DEO’s number to the protocol. But neither the DEO nor Supergirl were on good terms with her at the moment. They had asked her to help them trap Lex but couldn’t promise her that they wouldn’t kill him in the process. She therefore had refused. She wanted Lex locked up and away from endangering the world as much as the next person but he was still her brother and she didn’t believe anyone deserved to die, even Lex. In the time they bickered about the plan Lex had managed to slip away and had been in hiding ever since.
Supergirl was clearly distraught that Lex had managed to evade them and that the blame was put on Lena yet she had not stood up for Lena during the arguments about his capture. Alex was furious and that spilled over into their friend group. Game nights and dinners became awkward with Lena and Alex sitting in silence across from one another, each sure they were right in their reasoning. Lena chose not to attend anymore, hoping to ease the tension of the group.
Unfortunately, her choice took her away from Kara and their relationship began to suffer as well. This had been the biggest blow to Lena. She had felt that her and Kara were on the precipice of finally moving into something more than friends . She had been in love with Kara for so long now and was certain that the feelings were reciprocated. The night before Lex escaped, Kara had asked Lena to stay behind after movie night with their friends. They had put on another movie, one neither cared about, and ended up having a deep conversation about trust, family, and honesty. At one point Kara had taken Lena’s face in her hands and confessed that she had something important to say. Lena could barely breathe, sure that this was the moment she had waited years for, that is until Kara’s phone rang. Another journalism emergency conveniently. After that night. Kara had done little to reach out to Lena as she pulled back from the group and the thought that Kara now had a tainted view of her over the events about Lex kept her up at night.
“The second number. Ask for Agent Danvers.”
Lena hung up and thought for only a second, the decision easier made than she thought it would be. She grabbed her purse and dialed the number for her driver as she left her apartment. She needed a ride to the DEO.
Alex was on the phone with her security team as she was escorted to the deep interior of the DEO’s operation. No doubt receiving the same report she had just received from her team. Vault blown wide open, all contents missing. She had only made it this far a couple of times though her visits and rights within the DEO had been increasing as she became closer to Alex and was used more as a consultant. As a Luthor she always felt like the opposer and the villain. Yet working with the DEO she felt trusted and she had to admit that it was empowering and rewarding playing for the home team for once.
Until Lex.
Until she once again had to stick up for him only for him to make her look like a sucker when he committed yet another crime. She vowed that this was the last time she would stick her neck out for Lex as she patiently waited for Alex to finish her conversation with L-Corp’s security team. From now on the responsibility of his life and actions were his own and not on her.
“Another secret Luthor vault?” Alex sassed as she hung up her phone. “Why am I not surprised? I assume the prime suspect is your brother?”
Lena nodded.
“What’s in it?”
“A little of this and a little of that.” The matter at hand was serious but her reflexive taunting, nurtured and groomed to perfection by Lillian, easily slipped out.
“Don’t play games with me, Lena. What’s he after in the vault?”
Lena swallowed another sarcastic retort. A crowd of DEO agents were doing a piss poor job of pretending to work while eavesdropping on what they hoped was a good old fashion romp of a Luthor. She was tired of an audience. “Can we go somewhere private to discuss this?”
“Don’t you all have work to do? Or has Lex Luthor been captured and brought to me and I just don’t know it?” Alex snapped. She too was tired of the spectacle. “Let’s go down to a conference room.”
Two steps in a familiar direction was all Lena managed to take before Alex stopped her and beckoned her in a different direction.
“Not that one, we’ll still have all these gawkers. There is one much more private this way that’ll be better.”
Something about how Alex said the word private, how her eyes narrowed slightly with the different inflection of that word made the hairs on Lena’s neck stand.
The other conference room was miles away from the bright and open space of the main DEO control room. There wasn’t another soul around as far as she could tell. Lena could no longer hear the hustle and bustle of the DEO agents in their pursuit of planetary safety. The only sounds were the click of her heels and Alex’s boots on the tile floor and the faint hum of an air conditioner running.
At last Alex swiped her ID card at a door. Through a small window in the door a conference table and dozens of chairs could be seen. As the door opened and they stepped in, Lena studied more of the room, suspicious as to why she was being hidden away. There was a large monitor hung on one wall. A console table along another that was prepped with a carafe of water and a set of glasses. On the opposite wall was a small leather couch and coffee table. The room looked as if it had never been used.
“What’s in the vault?” Alex asked again as she dropped into a chair. She waved her hand to the opposite side in an invitation for Lena to join her.
“A lot of things, Alex. I’m here to help and you’re treating me as if I am a suspect of some sort.”
The click of the door startled her already shot nerves as if to drive her last comment home. All of this felt wrong. They may have had a disagreement about Lex but surely Alex wouldn’t think that she had done it on purpose.
Alex’s eyes stayed locked on to her’s as several DEO agents entered the room. Three of them were carrying platters of food. Bagels, scones, and muffins piled high around bowls of cream cheese and butter on one. Another platter was stacked high with sandwiches of several varieties. A final platter of brownies and cookies was sat on the table. One DEO agent had a plastic tote like one a bus boy would carry around at a restaurant. From it china, glasses, and silverware were unpacked. Carafes of different juices were laid out. A coffee pot was pulled out and plugged in on the console table. Creamer and sweeteners delicately placed next to bags with different bean types. Apparently they were planning for a party and it had all happened within thirty seconds.
A final DEO agent handed Alex a file, thick and clearly compiled of many documents, and then vanished quietly with the others as quickly as they had appeared.
Alex remained unmoved by the event. Her eyes only left Lena when she was handed the thick file. She opened it to its middle and began flipping through the stack in search of something specific. Without looking up, she reached for a bagel, doctored it with cream cheese, and poured a glass of cranberry juice with one hand and continued to flip with the other. She took a bite of her bagel and tapped a page in the file. Lena wasn’t sure if the hum that followed was because of the taste of the bagel or her finding what she was looking for in the file.
“This is your very own inventory report of your company’s stores including its vaults. This was freely given by you when you became a consultant and, to some degree, an extension of this organization.”
Lena noticed her personal header across the page and recognized the document just from that. She had given it to the DEO with no fuss because she knew she could be trusted. But she had not included that vault for personal reasons, and though she had given the inventory in good faith the omission of this vault would put her under more suspicion. She had only wanted to keep it secret because it was her family and some things needed to stay behind closed doors. Wasn’t it acceptable to tell a lie in some cases especially to keep those you love safe? Even if those you love aren’t the most trustworthy people?
“You were instructed to keep us informed of any major additions. Is this list complete?” Another bite and another question.
“No, it’s not.’
Alex stopped chewing and roughly swallowed the piece she had been working on. She dropped her bagel back to her plate and wiped her hands. “Alright, this is going to take hours if you make me ask you questions and you give me these short answers. You came here on your own, you had your team call us so you wanted to tell me something. Get on with it.”
Lena stood and turned her back to Alex. She wasn’t thirsty but she busied herself with making coffee as an excuse not to look into Alex’s accusing eyes. “There is another vault. One that isn’t on your list nor are its contents. No one knows it exists except for me. Lillian knows I am in possession of certain familial things but she doesn’t know that they are in a vault or where exactly that vault is.”
“Dangerous things?”
“Some, yes.”
“Like what?”
“The leftovers of Lex’s lab. Another of his suits, a store of kryptonite, some modified alien weaponry. That kind of stuff. I suspect my mother and brother have realized they have exhausted all his previous stores and are trying to find the rest.”
Alex took another sip from her juice as she thought over the contents. “That doesn’t sound too bad. Nothing that we haven’t dealt with before. What aren’t you telling me?”
Stirring her coffee became a task which demanded her whole attention. She knew it was best to just be honest but she was afraid of the outcome of such honesty. “There are things in that vault that would embarrass me and my family name. I know Lex has gone and done a good job of that on his own but there are things in there that could make my father look bad,” she sighed and sat back down, “and me look bad.”
Alex went back to her bagel. “Like what?”
“My father had an initial design of a suit that could turn humans into superheroes. It is what Lex used as inspiration for his own suit. He also had intel, like physical intel, of agreements between politicians, governments, and black market groups. Though decades old now the information that certain individuals made secret pacts with one another would cross current political alliances and trade agreements. If used wrong, it could disrupt a lot of country relations, not just our own. We’re talking mass governmental chaos.”
“Still doesn’t scare me enough to build a secret vault.”
“And then I...well I invented something with one intention and when all was said and done it turned into something else. Something that could be used against people especially Superman and Supergirl.”
“Now we’re getting somewhere. What is it?”
Lena took a sip and then cleared her throat. “I’ve had a recurring dream since my father’s death that I cannot decipher nor can I seem to finish it. It’s like someone takes the remote to a television and turns it off in the middle of an episode or movie. But it feels like the answer I’m looking for is right there, that being focused on the incomplete ending is a distraction for what my brain is actually trying to tell me. So I tried to remember the lead up to the end-”
“But being a dream the more you try to remember it the quicker it slips away?”
“Exactly. It took me years but I built a device that would help me record what I was seeing so that when I was awake I could review it.”
“And how did that turn out?”
“Fine at first though I’m clearly not very good at oneirology. My own synapses have altered my memories and the perceptions I have of this dream that I can’t tell what is what. It’s too convoluted. Is it a real memory or is it an illusion that my synapses have spliced together? I just don’t know.”
“Sounds frustrating though not all that dangerous.”
Lena smiled in defeat. “That instance wasn’t dangerous per se but what I discovered during it was. The more I explored that specific dream the more I realized that the device I had created was accessing and recording all dreams or I guess I should say memories since dreams are built off our memories.”
“I still don’t quite understand what you’re trying to tell me.”
“If Lex got his hands on that device and figured out what it does then kidnapped a Super…”
“He could access their memories.” In an instant Alex knew exactly all the horrors Lex could act out if he had Kara and Kal’s memories.
“Including their human ones,” Lena supplied. “He’d find out who they are, who their families and friends are, where they live, everything.”
Alex closed the file and rose from her chair. “And it was in that vault?”
“Yes, he took everything. I don’t even know if he knows what he has but he’ll figure it out. It’s only a matter of time.”
“And how do I know that you aren’t in on it?” Alex crossed her arms. “How do I know you didn’t let him get away weeks ago and now you’re acting like the victim when in fact you could be assisting him now?”
Lena scoffed. “Are you ever going to trust me? How many dinners and family gatherings and events and trauma do we all have to go through for you to see that I am on your side!”
Alex didn’t answer her. She slammed the file shut and stood. “Can I get you anything to make you comfortable?”
“Am I under arrest?” Lena stood too and went to make her way around the table. The door to the room opened and two heavily armed DEO agents now flanked Alex. The seriousness of Alex’s question was all too real.
“Not quite,” Alex said. “But you are staying here until we get a handle on this situation.”
“For how long am I your prisoner?”
“This isn’t a cell. You have a nice couch, plenty of food and drink. That television works. And anything you need let these two agents know and they’ll get with me.”
“But I can’t leave? Sounds like I’m your prisoner.”
“I’ll tell you what. You tell me where Lex is and what he plans to do with your machine and I’ll let you go.”
“How am I supposed to do that? I’m not helping him, Alex!”
“If you’re not then no harm done hanging out here, huh? You want me to trust you, Lena, but maybe you should learn to trust in me and the DEO and not lie about this kind of stuff.” She waved the file at her before she turned and left.
Lena fell back into her chair in disbelief. As one of the good guys, this betrayal hurt the most.
************************************************************************************
Kara was not like most of the people who walked this planet. It wasn’t necessarily her superpowers that made her so different but the life and the losses she had sustained. Not many people had as much weight on their shoulders as she did. Even her cousin could not share all her burdens. The weight of two planets’ fate, the mourning of those that were gone and the worry of those who remained. She had inherited an ancestry that wasn’t all that good and felt responsible for those that came before her and their actions. How was it possible to love someone yet be so disturbed by their actions? To miss a race of people but be ashamed at what they had done?
She had loved both of her parents dearly. Her first months on Earth were filled with grief, confusion, and pain, both physical in the way of adapting to a new atmosphere and emotional as she bore the loss of her entire planet silently alone. She still loved her parents and the people of Krypton though as she got older and she learned more of their lives the more bittersweet that love became. They had been idolized in her memory since she landed on Earth. Learning that they weren’t as perfect as she had made them up to be had devastated her. It took her well into adulthood to truly learn that not everything was black and white. Being Supergirl helped teach her that lesson as all of her deeds were done with good intentions but sometimes led to negative outcomes.
She loved her Earth family with the passion only felt by someone who had already lost another family. Losing Jerimah had been a crippling blow but having a sister and a mother to lean on got her through it, barely. Then Alex’s position in the DEO kept her in danger. Everyday she worried if her sister would make it through each new conflict. After Jermiah’s death, Eliza had taken a step back and isolated herself. Kara felt the distance grow. She knew it wasn’t because Eliza didn’t love her but instead perhaps more than anyone else she understood what was at stake. She had already lost her husband and her daughters were always in a warzone of some variety.
During her time on Earth, she had not made many close friendships. Her accidental superpower use had often wrecked dates and slumber parties, her social awkwardness had kept people at a distance, and her job, as a journalist and as Supergirl, often kept her so busy that finding non-work related relationships a challenge. And even then she had suffered some loss. Winn, James, and J’onn, to some extent, were all out of her life. She knew that she could call any one of them and they’d come to her side but it wasn’t the same.
Then there was Lena.
Lena coming into her life was one of the best yet worse things ever. Her and Lena’s friendship had filled so many holes left in her heart by all the other losses. Lena was the first person she had ever truly fallen in love with and felt that there was real possibility in a successful relationship. Her qualities that other people balked at during dating Lena seemed to find attractive or endearing. And Lena was someone who she felt completely at ease with because they were such a good fit all around.
Supergirl was the problem. And that Lena was a Luthor.
Had they both been simply Kara and Lena she was sure their relationship would have flourished. But their lives were always in the way. All the signs were there that Lena reciprocated her feelings but she was unsure if those feelings would remain once Lena knew who she really was. The thought of losing Lena as a friend or something more was a dagger to the heart, ready to be twisted in more pain of that reality. The continued acknowledgement that every day that went by was a further betrayal of Lena’s trust was just as bad.
“What are you thinking so hard about?” Kal’s voice came suddenly. “Your brow alone could crush this building.”
She was so lost in her thoughts and the skyline of Metropolis that she hadn’t heard him open the balcony door.
“Oh, you know. Just the usual.”
He smiled knowing she was lying to him. “Seriously. What’s on your mind? We’ll catch Lex, if that’s what you’re worrying about. We always do. We especially will now that you’re here helping me.”
“I know we do but I always worry about how much damage he’ll do until we get him.”
“We’ll never rid this world of evil, Kara. We have to wake up each day, choose the side of good, and do whatever we can to protect as many people as possible.” He bumped his shoulder into hers. He knew he was preaching to the choir with his words. “What’s really bothering you?”
No one knew of her feelings but there was probably no other person on this planet who would understand what she was going through more than Kal. “Lex isn’t actually the Luthor I was thinking about.”
“Oh? Are you worried Lena is helping Lex?”
“Not exactly. I’m worried she’ll hate me once she knows the truth.” She brushed her hair back in frustration, not at Kal but of the whole situation of not knowing what to do. “She’s the only person I’ve ever really been in love with and I can’t stand the thought of losing her too.”
“ Oh .” Kal’s cheeks turned red and his awkward fumbling made its appearance. “You, um, love Lena?”
“Yeah. Like, a lot,” she chuckled.
“Wow, I didn’t really see that coming. Lois said once that she thought there might be something going on but I didn’t believe her.”
“How did you know it was time to tell Lois? Weren’t you worried?”
“Of course I was. By telling Lois I was handing her my biggest secret and the thing that could ruin me. Not only did I give someone else my true identity but I also was giving it to a journalist at that.”
“So how did you know that it was right to do?”
He shrugged as if in reality it hadn’t been that big of a decision. “The lies were taking their toll. I was finding it harder to live a double life and the guilt was eating away at me. I knew eventually we’d cross a point where she wouldn’t understand why I had kept it from her and didn’t want to risk it hurting us or her.”
Kara stepped away from the rail and sat in the nearest chair. “I think I’m already past that point. And I’m lying to someone who has been lied to by everyone else her entire life. I just know she’ll hate me for it.”
“If you don’t tell her you’ll hate yourself for never trying.”
“And what happens if I tell her, she hates me, and then she has my secret identity?”
“Let me ask you this: if Lena absolutely detested you, do you think she’d use your identity against you?”
She thought. The answer was so easy, she almost didn’t believe it. “No. Even if she never wanted to see me again she’d never use it against me.”
“Then there is your answer. If you don’t think you’re risking yourself and your family with her knowing then tell her. The worst is you lose your relationship with her. But the best case is that you gain so much more than the double life you’re living now.”
“Are you okay with it? With me loving her?”
“You can’t help who you love, Kara. And everyone deserves to love and be loved. So go love her. We’ll figure the rest out as we go.”
“And if this costs me what relationship I do have with her?”
“It’s better to be true to your feelings than live without her ever knowing those feelings. If she doesn’t want you back then you move on.”
“Easier said than done,” Kara mumbled as Lois beckoned them back inside for dinner. Somehow this conversation had made her feel both better and worse at the same time.
************************************************************************************
Lena, I love you.
I’ve been in love with you for a long time, Lena.
I have feelings and I think you do too. Maybe?
Every way she practiced it she felt stupid. She even made a couple loops around the midwest on her trans-continent journey home just to practice some more. But none of it sounded right. Lena was full of grace, was posh, and so put together. She, on the other hand, was a bumbling mess who knocked stuff over and tripped over her words especially when those green eyes she had come to love were watching her.
Just do it, Kara!
Nike should pay her with as many times as she had said that phrase.
She landed a little too hard at the DEO with her mind focused on Lena.
“No luck?” Alex turned from their command post at the sound of the familiar red boots on the concrete floor.
Kara leaned against the command center and hung her head. “Kal and I checked all of Lex’s usual hideouts on the east coast. We went through all of Kal’s informants, used all of the DEO’s connections. He’s not there.”
“You’re right. He’s not. He came back to National City.”
“What?!” She jerked her head up stunned by Alex’s nonchalant answer. “You knew he was here and didn’t call me?”
“I found out after you left. But there was no harm in you and Kal doing that search out of Metropolis. Lex is not working alone, he never is.”
“How’d you find out he was here?”
“He broke into a vault at L-Corp and raided the dangerous stuff Lena was keeping there.”
“Oh my god! Is Lena okay? I have to get to her-”
“She’s fine.”
“I’m going to go see her.” She wasn’t more than a step back toward the balcony when Alex’s hand stopped her.
“She’s here, Kara. In the DEO.”
“Where?”
“She’s locked in a conference room.”
Kara could feel her eyes bulge out in frustration and anger. “What do you mean ‘locked’?”
“I took Lena into custody after she came and confessed as to what was is in the vault Lex broke into.”
“Alex!”
“A vault, I might add, that she hid from us when she became a consultant. It’s for her own good and yours. She’s fine. It’s not like I put her down in the detention center.”
“I can’t believe you! Where exactly is she?”
Alex only pointed to a back hallway. There was no reasoning with her sister when she was upset about Lena. “Don’t you dare let her out of that room.”
Kara stomped a little too hard as she walked away. She knew she looked like a toddler throwing a fit but she was so tired of everyone not believing in Lena and not believing in her rightfully trusting Lena.
It took her a few moments to locate the room Lena was in. She had never really been in this part of the DEO.
“I need to talk to Lena. Alone.” She instructed the guards standing outside the door.
“Ma’am, we’re not authorized to let you speak with her.”
“And are you going to stop me?” Her hands instinctively went to her hips and her shoulder spread wider as if she was ready to fight.
One of the guards, clearly a man who wanted to live, clicked the radio on his shoulder. “Agent Danvers?”
Alex didn’t even need to hear the request. “It’s fine.”
The guards quickly made their getaway happy to be away from the superhero though back in the cafeteria they would play up how they had stood up to her to protect their prisoner until Director Danvers finally gave the all clear.
Supergirl peered through the window into the conference room. Used but empty plates were stacked neatly at the end of the table that was also littered with a small collection of food. A pillow and blanket were laid out on the couch making it into a bed. A small suitcase was open but still neatly packed on the floor. The television showed a news station but was muted.
Lena had heard the commotion outside of the door and had jumped to watch the altercation between Supergirl and the guards. When she saw Supergirl relief had swept over her though she didn’t know why. The hero, like Kara, had maintained her distance in the last few weeks.
“Are you okay?” Supergirl asked. The room looked comfortable enough and she was glad Alex hadn’t been cold hearted and locked her in the detention center.
Lena laughed at the trite question. “You all have me locked in here and believe that I am helping my psychotic brother. Do I seem okay about that?”
“I’m sorry. I- I didn’t know. I was in Metropolis looking for your brother. I’m going to get this sorted out.”
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t take this out on you.” Lena sat on the floor, her back against the door, so Supergirl couldn’t see the tears. “I’m sorry. I just feel so alone and frustrated.”
“If there is anyone you can take it out on it's me. I promise I’m strong enough to handle it.”
“But you don’t deserve it.” Lena sniffed and wiped her eyes. As frustrated as she was at Supergirl for also distancing herself during the ordeal with Lex she was still comforted by the hero. It had always been that way. Just like how she felt around Kara. But it was Kara’s arms she wanted to be in, it was Kara’s reassurance she wanted to hear, it was Kara’s eyes that she wanted to get lost in and forget about all of this.
“And you don’t deserve any of this. You are a good person, Lena.” Kara slid down her side of the door and wrapped her arms around her legs, perching her chin atop. “It’s so unfair what you have to deal with.”
“I’m a Luthor,” Lena sadly laughed. “Lies, betrayal, and distrust are part of the game.”
“You are more than your name. And you’ve done so much to make people trust in that name. Don’t sell yourself short.”
“But I can’t get the right people to trust me. You don’t trust me.”
“I do, Lena. I trust you completely. And when all of this is over with I promise you that we’ll make this right so that no one ever doubts you again.”
There were only soft cries from the otherside of the door.
“Tell me what I can do. What can I get you to make you feel better? I’ll do anything, Lena, to make you feel safe.”
“Kara.”
Supergirl jerked her head up. “What?” she asked in confusion. She looked down to make sure she was still Supergirl and had not messed up her double identity.
“I want Kara. You all took my phone, you won’t let me have access to a computer. I haven’t left this room in two days.” A new set of sobs took over Lena.
“Lena, I can’t. It’s the DEO. Kara isn’t allowed in here.”
“Please. I need her. That’s all I want.”
************************************************************************************
Kara paused in the doorway of her sister’s office. The DEO was bustling even more so than normal. Lex always caused that sort of response. She imagined many other government agencies were in a tizzy just as they were. Alex was lost in a report on her computer. Her body was tense with stress and her eyes darted along each sentence fiercely as if Lex was there hidden among the typed words.
She knocked on the doorframe as soft as possible so as not to startle Alex. “Hey, can I talk to you for a second?”
Alex whipped around expecting a DEO agent with an important update. She flinched when she saw her superhero sister. Round two, here we come. “Uh, yeah. What’s up?”
She sat down on the corner of the desk not sure where to begin. Alex was patient though. They both knew what this was about. It was always about keeping Kara safe. The world too but keeping Kara safe kept the world safe. And how to go about her safety always caused a riff between them. But Kara knew no matter how long it took to express her feelings about the situation at hand that Alex would be there waiting to compromise and negotiate so they both got the best possible solution.
“I’m sorry for getting so angry earlier,” she said.
Alex nodded and kept silent waiting for the rest.
“I know that it bothers you when I try to handle things on my own. You’ve always had my back, and I appreciate that but I need you to trust me a little more.”
A quirk of Alex’s eyebrow said a thousand words. ‘But you run straight into danger. You are too good hearted and that gets you in trouble more often than not. There are social and political implications for all of your actions and the DEO gets hung on the line for them. I’m the one mom yells at when you get hurt.’
“Especially when it comes to Lena,” she continued ignoring Alex’s confrontational look. “She’s good, Alex. I know she’s a Luthor but I need you for one second to put her name aside and look at all she’s done.”
She waved her arms around the room as if all of Lena’s achievements were sitting there in Alex’s office. Her cheeks were getting redder with each word as she struggled to come up with the next one.
“Lena made a mistake. Okay a few mistakes,” she corrected as Alex huffed and crossed her arms. “But we all make mistakes. She shouldn’t be held to a higher standard just because she’s a Luthor. I promise you I know that she is on our side. She means well. And she’s so smart and caring. It just sometimes gets lost in all the Luthor-ness.”
“Jesus Christ. You’re in love with her.” Alex’s face completed a journey of accusation and shock to quick acceptance and relief as if now all the puzzle pieces made sense.
Kara’s shoulders dropped. She couldn’t deny this one. The words had broken the air and they could never be unsaid. How many times had she said that same phrase in her head? You’re in love with her. Rao, she’d said it a million times today as practice. How many times had she bit her tongue to stop the ‘I love you’ as Lena said goodbye or at the end of one of their phone calls? Even at night she had not dared to even whisper her feelings in the safety of her bed. But now it was out there. She was scared but relieved that Alex had figured it out without her having to say it directly.
She nodded. Suddenly a small imperfection on her cape needed her attention and she fixated it on it rather than Alex’s stares.
“How long?”
Since the moment I saw her but it feels like forever. She shrugged rather than confess anymore.
Alex whistled and ran her fingers through her hair. “Well, this complicates things.” She got no response except for the bulging of Kara’s eye as if to say ‘duh’. “Does she know?”
The cape fell back into place. With arms now wrapped around herself she shook her head and met Alex’s eyes. Her breath was shaky as she was devoting too much mental energy trying to keep the tears from falling.
“How serious are these feelings?”
Kara’s scoff came suddenly as she broke. She buried her face in her hands. She was frustrated and she wanted to cry and scream and punch every training dummy in the building.
“Oh, that serious, huh?” Alex stood and wrapped her sister in an embrace.
“What am I going to do, Alex?” Her words were strained as if the mere speaking of them would break her even more. “I can’t...I don’t want to lose her too. I’ve lost too many people I’ve loved.”
“What do you want to do?” Alex asked as she pulled back and made Kara look at her.
“She didn’t help Lex, I just know it.”
“I know she didn’t.”
“Wait, what?” She stepped away from Alex’s embrace. “How do you know?”
Alex pointed toward the report she was reading. “We got a credible tip several days ago that Lex had plans to kidnap Lena. Why would he want to kidnap her if she was helping him? The minute she called about the vault break in I knew some plan was in motion.”
“Then why do you have her locked up making her think she’s guilty?!”
“To keep her safe.”
“There are other ways to keep people safe other than kidnapping them yourself. And you could have told her and I the plan.”
“Why? So you could argue with me until you were red in the face that you should watch over her? Or worse, tell Lena and have her refuse to be protected because she’s as hard headed as you are?”
Kara pursed her lips but said nothing. She knew she couldn’t argue with both accounts. “So now what?”
“Are you going to tell her your feelings?”
“I want to. I need to. I talked it over with Kal and he says I should tell her everything.”
“You two are good for each other, you know? She can keep up with your intelligence and somehow she thinks you’re really funny though you aren’t.”
“What are you talking about? I’m hilarious.”
Alex rolled her eyes and continued. “I really like Lena. I do, I promise. I’m worried about you but that’s always been the case. If you think you can trust her then I trust you.”
“You do?”
“Yes, Kara. I may disagree with you and with Lena at times but I trust you both.”
Kara jumped from the desk and took her sister into a tight hug.
“Easy on the human,” Alex grimaced.
“I love you, Alex.”
“I love you too, Kara. And I’ll love Lena too.”
************************************************************************************
Kara stood at the end of the empty hallway leading to the conference room. Alex had instructed the guards to stay away from Lena’s door to give them privacy and Kara was grateful she had the length of the hallway to practice what she was going to say without watchful eyes. As she reached the door she thought about doing another practice round but talked herself out of it. No amount of practice would make this easier.
She once again peered into the conference room but this time Lena was nowhere to be seen.
“Um, Lena?” She gently tapped on the glass window of the door and looked around some more.
A sniff and then, “Kara? Is that really you?”
Lena was still sitting against the door, crying.
“It’s me, Lena. Are...are you okay?” She rolled her eyes at herself. She hated having to have double conversations in this dual life she was leading.
“Yes...and no,” Lena sadly laughed. “I just really missed you.”
Kara slid down on her side of the door once again. She turned her head a little toward the door to make sure Lena could hear here without her having to shout in the echoing hallway. “I really missed you too.”
“I haven’t seen you in weeks…”
“I know. I’ve been so busy and-”
“And you believe that I helped Lex escape.”
“No! Lena, I would never think that.”
“Your sister does.”
Kara sighed. “Lena, it’s complicated. But Alex trusts you. I promise.”
“How’s the book coming along?” Lena wanted to talk about anything except her situation and whether the world trusted her or not.
“A nightmare. Remind me, why did I decide to do this?” Kara groaned.
For a few hours the DEO faded away and everything seemed normal. They discussed anything and everything that didn’t have to deal with Lex or the situation that led to this. They laughed and caught up on all they had missed in each other’s lives during the past few weeks as if this was one of their nights on Lena’s balcony or Kara’s couch after dinner and a movie. Rather than cuddled up next to one another they made the best of the situation. Each on their own side of the door, seated on the floor and backs to the other.
Lena didn’t remember how it happened but at some point she felt Kara’s fingers graze her wrist from beneath the door. Feeling Kara’s fingertips were enough to soothe her. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be in her embrace again. And it reminded Lena of their last night together before Lex escaped and their relationship became strained.
“That night we had our last movie, you know right before Lex escaped and things went to shit?”
“Yeah?” Kara’s heartbeat picked up. She had tried to tell Lena that she was in love with her that night but failed to do so because Supergirl was needed.
“What were you going to tell me?” Lena’s own heart was racing now.
Kara took a deep breath. “I’ve lost a lot of people in my life. My parents were taken from me, people who I thought I had lost suddenly came back into my life but not in the right ways. I’ve had to fight so hard to keep my friends and family safe from all the dangers of this world and others.”
As she spoke she began to undo her street clothes. She could switch between her super suit and regular clothes with the tap of her glasses but this slower approach felt more needed as she explained how her parents weren’t the people who she thought they were, how she had been so blinded by her aunt as a child just to learn she was bad as an adult, how she worried for the lives of everyone in this city that she was supposed to protect. It was psychologically like she was peeling away the lies and duality of her life as she peeled off each article of clothing to reveal the red and blue suit below.
“Are you writing a biography for Supergirl now or plagiarizing her life? ” Lena said, confused and a little amused. “I know your journalism work is instrumental in helping people but I think you’re taking the burden on a little too-”
“Lena.”
The soft but serious tone of her name broke her confusion. Kara’s fingers slipped away from her own beneath the door, and Lena felt the door shift slightly as Kara’s body rose off the ground.
“It’s not plagiarism when it’s your own.”
Lena pushed herself off the ground. “I didn’t mean to offend you-”
But before she could finish, a gasp escaped her lungs as her eyes met half reporter and half hero. Golden hair down and flowing back but glasses still on her face, blouse on but unbuttoned to reveal the great ‘S’ below, the timid human eyes replaced by confidence that only comes from those who have fully embraced themselves.
“I know you feel betrayed by everyone in your life. You rightfully should given who your family is.” Kara looked away from Lena, shaking her head and blinking back tears. “It was never my intention to hurt you by lying to you. What I thought I was doing to keep you safe and unharmed actually hurt you in other ways. Worse ways, I guess. Depends how you look at it.”
Lena was quiet, studying her with an intensity so great it made Kara gulp.
“I love you, Lena. I’m pretty sure I’ve loved you since the moment we met. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you so I hid this part of myself to keep you safe from those who want to hurt me. And then it transformed into not telling you because I was afraid you wouldn’t want me because of this lie and all the little ones that come with it. But I don’t want to lie anymore. I don’t want to make you feel the way you’ve felt the last few days because of this secret and because I’m scared of losing you.”
Lena’s shoulders slumped in defeat. The tears were back at the brim of her eyes though this time they didn’t spill.
Kara couldn’t decipher the look on her face. Was it disgust? Hatred? Hurt?
“Lena?”
She got no answer.
Instead, Lena turned her back to Kara and slumped back to the floor.
Kara pressed her forehead to the glass window while cursing the DEO for being lined with lead and preventing her from looking through the door. She could barely make out the top of Lena’s head but she could tell by the shaking of her frame she was crying again.
She waited several minutes but Lena made no effort to communicate again. Finally, Kara slid herself back into her seated position against the door. She wasn’t sure if she should leave or stay but for the time being she’d at the very least stand guard outside the door until Alex sent the DEO agents back.
An hour later, her tears came when she felt Lena’s fingers caress her own under the door.