Chapter Text
Atsumu stares at the scale beneath his feet.
The number reads 135.
He steps off and back on again. The numbers barely change, only by two ounces, but it feels like he’s fifty pounds heavier. He leans against the counter top and looks at himself in the bathroom mirror.
His face looks just as chubby as it was when he weighed in at 140, about one week ago. He wants his face to be more defined, his waist to be smaller, to take up less space in general. He wants to be thin .
Atsumu knows that it isn’t healthy for him to be losing weight drastically, however it doesn’t matter to him regardless. All he needs is to be thin enough to feel good about himself, and to maintain enough muscle to be one of the best players in the league.
Will he ever feel good enough about his body? Every time he sees himself in a picture, or in the mirror, he’s disgusted with what he sees. Of course, he gets compliments on his looks, but all of that is buried under the need to control something, to make his body submit to his desires through strict intake.
He finishes up his morning routine and gets his bag for practice. It’s currently 6 AM, only 6 hours until he’s allowed to eat. Fasting was a thing he started back in his third year of high school, right around the time he became captain.
The eating habits had started earlier, when he realized that volleyball was his life. Atsumu became obsessed with eating healthy and staying in shape, to keep up with his peers. It seemed to merge with his control issues in his third year, when everything else in his life seemed to be spiraling out of control. It only became worse when he was forced to part ways with his twin brother, and was on his own for the first time in his life.
Now, as he’s been playing with the Jackals for a couple years now, everything seemed to be working out well for him. That was, until Sakusa and Hinata showed up. For the first time in a year, it seemed like everything was threatening to collapse on his perfectly perfect volleyball career.
It’s not like Sakusa and Hinata are bad players or even annoying to be around, per se. They’re just...unpredictable. Atsumu had just gotten adjusted to playing with all his new teammates, when two new ones showed up and threw his routine off.
For the first time in a year, Atsumu desperately went back to his old habits of calorie counting and trying to lose weight. It’s not like he necessarily stopped doing either of those things before, but it definitely got more drastic within the past couple months of playing with the newbies.
Atsumu arrives in the locker room to see most of the players already there. Hinata and Bokuto are chatting back and forth, looking way too happy at 6 in the morning. Sakusa is bent over, digging through his bag, listening to Barnes talk about something. Nobody even looks up at atsumu, thankfully.
He digs through his locker when Bokuto comes over and wishes him a good morning.
“Tsumu, did you eat breakfast? I have an extra energy bar!” Bokuto smiles, leaning against the locker next to him. Atsumu winces.
“No thanks, Bokkun, I already ate.”
“You always say that! But yesterday you looked really tired after practice, and I was worried you forgot to eat!”
“I’ve just been feeling under the weather,” He lies. Bokuto apparently believes it, because he backs off. However, he extends his arms for a hug, because Bokuto is a touchy-feely person, and Atsumu gives in, letting him pick Atsumu up in a bone-crushing hug.
“Wow, Tsum-Tsum, when did you get so small? I can pick you up so easily!” Bokuto puts Atsumu down, and he exhales, feeling like he’s been caught.
Thankfully, Shoyou barges in on the conversation and redirects it to something else, saving Atsumu temporarily. He internally sighs in relief.
Later, when they are stretching after practice, Sakusa stretches with him, which isn’t totally uncommon. Atsumu stretches his hips, and enjoys the silence of Sakusa sitting with him. They slowly go through all the post practice stretches, and both stand up to leave.
“Hey, Miya?” Sakusa asks.
“Um, yes?”
“Do you want to have dinner with me? I’m cooking by myself tonight.”
Atsumu feels himself freeze up. It’s not too uncommon for one of his teammates to invite him out after practice, but Sakusa is one of the rarer ones. He can feel his conflicting thought of being polite and not wanting to eat raging against each other in his mind. Sakusa looks at him expectantly, his dark eyes looking hopeful. Atsumu internally groans.
“Ya, why not?”