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Carlos was sitting cross legged on a rock, watching the never changing desert stretch out in front of him under the hot midday sun. Was it midday? Carlos wasn't really sure. Time seemed to work differently here than it did even in Night Vale and Carlos had yet to figure out a reliable way to translate desert otherworld time into Night Vale time.
If his phone was to be believed it was Christmas Day. And his phone had, so far, been always right when it came to the date even if a lot of other things – the weather forecast for instance – didn't quite work out. It hadn't stopped him from forgetting Cecil's birthday. In his defense though, he had been preoccupied with finding a way back to Cecil for days and kind of had forgotten what the special occasion was that had prompted him to intensify his search. Since he hadn't managed to find his way back it had only ended in tears despite his good intentions.
Today probably wouldn't end any better.
Carlos looked down at his self-repairing phone with passable wi-fi and phone reception and never ending battery and sighed. Cecil had send him little movies all through December from all the different holiday traditions in Night Vale so that Carlos didn't miss out on anything. It just made Carlos feel more alone, even though he didn't exactly mind missing the hooded figures decorating the Christmas tree in front of the dog park with intestines.
Carlos had told Cecil he didn't really mind being here anymore. That he had made friends. And that was true but there were other things that were true as well. Like these:
He missed Cecil, he missed Night Vale, he missed Christmas time. He missed a world that wasn't a desert wasteland under a never changing sky. He missed a world without a blinking light up on the mountain. He missed a world without a strange rumbling and a blinding bright light. A world without a wandering army of giants.
And he missed the snow. Even though in Night Vale it tended to snow at the most unpractical and illogical times. Carlos even missed Night Vale's complete disregard for all the laws of physics. But most of all he missed Cecil.
Cecil whom he should call.
Carlos fell backwards, coming to lay on the stone and staring up in the sky. The stone should have been warmed by the sun and the hot desert sand but instead it was as cold as the door handle of the lighthouse, high up on the mountain.
He should really call Cecil. But he didn't want to have to tell him that he hadn't found a way back yet. That really he probably should have been searching a lot more for the doors and have spend less time on all the other interesting scientific things that were to do here. Like figuring out why the stones always stayed cold. Even if he had been doing his best and possibly most important work here, in the strange desert otherworld.
His phone started to vibrate in his hand and Carlos knew it was Cecil. Because really Cecil had his very own, distinct vibration setting that had appeared on his phone overnight when he and Cecil had become a couple and couldn't be turned off.
Carlos couldn't avoid answering the phone anymore than he could avoid missing Cecil. He knew Cecil missed him just as much but at least Cecil had Night Vale, Carlos just had the wandering army that sometimes was there and sometimes wasn't. Doug and Alicia were good friends and he did like it here, especially all the science he could do. But he did miss Cecil. Especially now.
His mind was wandering in circles again, Carlos noted. He decided it was best not to acknowledge it too much so it didn't lead to uncomfortable self-revelations.
So he answered his phone.
“Hello Cecil.”
“Carlos!” Cecil exclaimed excitedly, apparently already drunk on the government mandated Christmas eggnog. It always tasted funny but Carlos found himself missing that too. “How are you? Isn't Christmas wonderful Carlos?”
Cecil sounded so full of wonder and joy. They probably had finished the Christmas blood stone ritual and some unfortunate citizen had been crowned as the oracle who would talk about what everyone assumed was the future in an unknown language until New Year's Eve. Carlos was really glad that it wasn't Cecil.
“I wouldn't know, they don't celebrate Christmas here,” he told Cecil, trying to keep the wistfulness out of his voice. “Doug and Alicia didn't seem to understand me when I tried to tell them about it. They don't celebrate things the way we do. I'm not sure they celebrate at all.”
“Oh,” Cecil murmured. “At least you still have my Christmas messages right? Have you figured out yet if your phone's memory is endless like the battery?”
Carlos shrugged, closing his eyes and imagining that he was beside Cecil in City Hall with the mandatory eggnog and citizen reeducation program. But he was a scientist and scientists were always fine so he braved a smile that Cecil couldn't see and soldiered on.
“It seems to be. Which is good because that way I have all the space I need for the science notes. Oh and thank you for your Christmas videos, they were really lovely Cecil.”
At least for that last part he didn't have to force the cheeriness. He still felt like he belonged here in the other world right now. He needed to figure out this world and it's rules and really where or what it was but that didn't mean he couldn't be homesick. He was human after all. But first and foremost he was a scientist and that always had priority.
“I'm glad you liked them Carlos. I miss you, you know that right? You've been tra... no! working in the other world for so long. When are you coming back home?”
Yes, that was most certainly the eggnog speaking. Cecil had stopped asking him when he was going to come back ever since Carlos had told him that he didn't mind it here so much anymore. How much he respected his decision was just one of the many reasons for which Carlos loved Cecil. Carlos wished he had some eggnog as well or really any kind of drink that made him miss Cecil less because the feeling was starting to get overwhelming. He doubted that such a thing existed, even in Night Vale.
“I miss you too Cecil. I don't know when I'm coming home. You know I haven't found any doors yet and that I have important work to do here,” Carlos admonished him gently.
There was silence on the other end and Carlos closed his eyes, trying to pretend it wasn't here that he was but a strange desert town with the lights above the Arby's. It wasn't that hard really because he was in a desert and Night Vale was in a desert too. The weather was the same for the most part – if slightly less musical in this world – and the only thing missing really was the presence of a certain radio host next to him.
“Are you okay Cecil?” he asked when he had laid back down because his boyfriend hadn't said anything yet and Carlos was starting to get worried. Cecil normally wasn't on for silece. Strange and/or dangerous things could happen at a moments notice in Night Vale. Or without any notice for that matter.
“Yes, yes of course I'm okay Carlos,” Cecil answered after a heartbeat, sounding a lot less cheerful than he had a few moments ago. Carlos was glad he had his eyes closed and didn't get distracted by science right now because if he had been he might have missed the sad note in Cecil's voice when he continued talking. “I might not be a scientist but you aren't the only ones that are always fine.”
Cecil didn't sound okay to Carlos but who was he to question his boyfriend's words? For all he knew the City Council had banned the expressing of sadness again. Besides he was relatively sure that he had put that sadness there and Cecil never asked him if he was lying when he said that he was fine. Carlos should probably return the favor.
“I'm glad to hear that,” he answered softly. “I want you to be okay Cecil. In fact I want you to be more than okay. I want you to be happy.”
“It's hard to be happy without you here Carlos,” Cecil whispered, the sadness making Carlos heart clench in his chest, no matter how scientifically impossible that was.
“Oh Cecil,” Carlos sighed gently rubbing his face. The sun had warmed up his skin and really another interesting thing to explore was how no one around here ever got sunburned or dehydrated. But he was getting distracted again and while Cecil normally was more than happy with indulging him in his sciency wanderings Carlos didn't doubt that right now Cecil needed him to be the sensible one.
He just hoped he didn't screw it up because he absolutely did not want Cecil to be angry at him, especially not on Not-Really-Christmas.
“I know,” Cecil answered and it seemed Carlos hadn't said the right words. He hadn't really said anything because he had still trying to find the right words. But it seemed through that he had said something. And he didn't know what that was.
The terror that was sitting deep in his gut – so different from the normal, there is something hiding in your closet terror – made it hard not to believe that whatever he had missed had been significant and that by not catching it he might have lost something important.
“Cecil...”, Carlos started, not really knowing what he wanted to say but knowing that he somehow needed to reassure both himself and Cecil of their relationship.
“Listen, Carlos, I have to go. They're going to burn the Santa made of our collective failed dreams and tears any minute,” Cecil murmured urgently into the phone, sounding both excited and apathetic at the same time.
“Cecil...”
The only answer that Carlos got was the beeping of the telephone and the well known message that you got whenever you tried to call anyone during a mandatory town event. “The number you called is currently not available. The person you are trying to reach might be dead or they might just be too busy being a good citizen, unlike you. Either way, there is no need to try and call again. The Sheriff’s Secret Police will come and collect you for your free Citizen Reeducation within the hour. If you make it out the person you are trying to call will no longer exist, they have never existed. Who are you even calling?”
Carlos hung up, though right now he wouldn't mind being collected by the Sheriff's Secret Police just so he could see Cecil. This time he might have actually screwed up. And while scientists were always fine their relationships weren't.
~*~
Cecil didn't answer the phone. By now the official phone message had changed back to the normal ringtone followed by Cecil's personal mailbox so Carlos knew that Cecil should answer the phone. He had never not answered when Carlos had called before.
Maybe something had happened to him? But no. Carlos was sure he would have felt it. Which of course was complete nonsense scientifically speaking but nonetheless Carlos was sure he would have felt it.
For the first time Carlos knew what it was like to be the one who had the phone hung up on him. Normally he was the one hanging up on Cecil because of some interesting scientific thing happening and yes he often forgot to call back in a timely fashion, so caught up in whatever new mystery the strange desert other world presented him with. It was one of his many faults and really one of the reasons no one before Cecil had put up with him long.
And Cecil hadn't simply hung up on him, there had been something important happening before and Carlos had missed it and he couldn't stop thinking that this was his most fatal mistake. And there had been many fatal mistakes before this one.
Carlos had yet to move from the stone he was lying on, too busy trying to call Cecil – while at the same time hoping he wouldn't crowd him too much – and analyzing the situation. He also still had his eyes closed but that was mainly due to the fact that if he opened them he would end up being blinded by the sun.
Which was what he blamed when he didn't immediately notice the shadow falling over him.
He only opened his eyes when someone poked him rather roughly into the side. It was Alicia who looked at him with concern clear in her eyes. Next to her stood her giant dog looking at him as well. He didn't seem concerned though, more annoyed by the small non-warrior that was taking up his time.
Normally Carlos would have found the dog – giant or not – interesting or at least cute but right now this was the last thing he needed to deal with. Except he wasn't really dealing with the whole Cecil thing either, he was lying here, trying to call and being absolutely useless. Carlos wasn't used to feeling useless, as a scientist there were always things you could or should do.
Alicia poked him again and Carlos realized that he had drifted off into his own head again. He felt himself flush with embarrassment at the knowledge that once more he was apparently being useless. This really wasn't a feeling he liked.
“It's Cecil,” Carlos explained to Alicia without her having to ask. She didn't like to talk much, preferring the kind of psychic language the wandering army had mastered. “I think he's mad at me or something. Something is definitely wrong and I don't know how to fix it being stuck here, especially if he doesn't answer his phone!”
It was certainly a new thing not knowing what to do and not even having a clue where he should start.
Alicia tilted head and stared at him intently, probably trying to finally get him to understand and speak their psychic language but Carlos mind stayed – thankfully – blank of anything she wanted to say. Alicia huffed in frustration and beckoned Carlos to follow.
Which Carlos did because really, anything was better than laying on a stone and lamenting.
~*~
Cecil didn't know who would be knocking at his door at this hour. It wasn't the Secret Police because he could see the officers that had been assigned to his block sitting in their van and having dinner.
And really who else could it be? Angus, the postman, had already been by and there shouldn't be any more mail coming. It was still too early and light for any of the strange forms moving about after dark.
Everyone else was home enjoying life with their families. And even though Old Woman Josey and the Ericas had asked him to join them for their Christmas Cecil had declined, wanting to spend some time by himself. Especially after that disastrous phone call with Carlos.
Nonetheless he walked to the door even though he was hesitant about opening it. One never knew what would wait for you on the other side of your front door when strangers came knocking. Might just be a hooded figure trying to eat you might be a black hole.
Cecil pulled the door open though because really, if it was a black hole it would just lurk at his window until he let it in and Cecil was a reporter at heart he couldn't not open his door when something mysterious came knocking.
“Cecil, you aren't going to believe the discovery I made! Alicia's prius-sized Bichon can actually travel through space or reality or whatever. It's something like a biological Transformer or something. Oh God Cecil the scientific possibilities this opens up. This is wonderful Cecil, just wonderful!”
Cecil grabbed Carlos by his oversized jumper and pulled him into a crushing hug, burying his face in the other man's neck to hide the tears that were already threatening to stream out of his eyes. And everyone knew you were not allowed to cry on Christmas. When Carlos' arms came around him he felt like he was relaxing for the first time since they defeated Strex Corp.
“I love you,” Carlos whispered into his ears and kissed his temple, pulling him even closer if that was even possible. It seemed the hug had stopped his scientific excitement. “Merry Christmas Cecil. I didn't find a door but I'm here anyway.”
“I love you too you stupid scientist,” Cecil replied, just content clinging to Carlos. And if he hadn't already been in love since the moment he saw Carlos Cecil would have fallen in love right then.