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Reggie was in love. Tragically, horribly in love, and it was all Alex’s fault.
Maybe it wasn’t...exactly Alex’s fault. But Reggie needed someone to blame, and Alex was easy. Mostly due to proximity, since Alex was currently sleeping on Reggie’s bed and Reggie was suffering through a stiff neck from sleeping on the floor for the past five nights. Also because - well, it was Alex’s fault.
They were looking for a house the whole band could use now that they had income from some of their gigs. Luke didn’t even live at home anymore, he was crashing with Bobby right now. But that meant that Reggie had been on Alex duty the past few nights since he had come out to his parents. And the band. All in one go. By kissing a boy. On stage. Not how Reggie would have done it, but hey - whatever works.
Reggie hadn’t made the realization until the next night - the night after The Incident - when he and Alex were talking.
“It’s like...” Alex had said, “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if everyone hadn’t known. Someone would find out eventually, and I’d rather it be on my own terms.” Then he had winked, blonde hair falling across his eyes. “Plus it made a good show.”
Reggie hadn’t been able to get a certain pair of blue eyes out of his head for the rest of the night. Or the day after that. Or the day after that. And it got harder every single band practice to think about. Luke’s eyes, locked on his from the other side of the mic. Dancing with Luke. Feeling - almost jealous when Bobby did the same.
When Alex woke up they’d go to band practice. Reggie was guaranteed to trip over his own feet at least once and miss a minimum of seventeen social cues, Bobby would say at least one thing to piss Luke off, and Alex would cry at least once. And then they’d go home, but this time Bobby would be on Alex duty and Reggie - Reggie would be on Luke duty.
And really, what were you supposed to do when you sort-of-fell-in-love-with-your-best-friend-even-though-he’s-a-boy-and-you’re-straight. Or you thought you were straight, at least. Like, girls were pretty and all but kissing one had never compared to the way you felt when you were looking into another dude’s eyes. But girls, objectively, were pretty. So Reggie must be straight.
This was Alex’s fault. Somehow .
“Alright?” the shuffle of sheet and Alex’s voice drew Reggie’s eyes back to the bed, where Alex was rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“My mom’s downstairs, we can’t go down to eat yet,” he said to Alex.
“Is food all you think about?” Alex asked lightheartedly.
“I’m thinking about my parents, actually,” Reggie said. They fought all the time and it was unbearable. Most of the time all Reggie wanted was to leave - especially now because his parents weren’t thrilled with The Gay One staying at their house. They fought about that, too. Alex didn’t know, he didn’t need to know. Everything was horrible enough for him as it was.
“I was-” Alex paused. He did that a lot when Reggie said things. They all did. Not that it bothered him, particularly. “We’ll find a place soon,” he said. Reggie got the feeling that it wasn’t what Alex meant to say originally but he really wasn’t sure.
When Bobby pulled up in his truck later that morning - well, Alex said he looked excited, but Reggie wouldn’t know, because Luke was practically radiant, all windswept hair and sparkling eyes.
“Boys, we found a place!” was the first thing he said, shouted really from the passenger seat of the car.
Reggie whooped. Alex clapped him on the back, a little too hard if he was being honest, but then they were piled into the back of the truck and speeding down the road, music blasting, singing at the top of their lungs. Reggie loved music. He loved playing with the band and being on stage and sharing those moments with them. But this? This was his happy place.
It was only a garage, but it was big and it was perfect. There was enough space for all their instruments and maybe a couch or two and-
“A LOFT!” Reggie was already up the stairs. “Look, we can fit beds and a closet or some drawers and-”
“Woah, we can’t live here, Reg,” Bobby cut in. Rather rudely in Reggie’s opinion. “There’s no kitchen, and there’s not enough space. It’s just for practices.”
“But-” Reggie began, but Bobby had already turned away, called over by Luke who was saying something about the acoustics. Reggie sat down heavily on the loft floor instead, leaning his back against the wooden railing at the edge, trying to avoid the twisting feeling in his gut that always showed up when Luke and Bobby were together.
“Don’t listen to Bobby.” Reggie jumped at Alex’s voice beside him. “He’s the only one with somewhere to go right now.”
Reggie took Alex’s extended hand, letting the other boy pull him up. Alex threw an arm around Reggie’s shoulders.
“Picture this,” he said, guiding Reggie to the back corner of the loft. “Bunk beds here - you and me. You’d get top, of course. We can put a couch downstairs for Luke.”
Reggie put an arm around Alex’s back. “What if I wanted the couch?”
“I know you. You’d want the top bunk.”
Reggie grinned up at Alex. “Yeah, you’re right. I’d want the top bunk.” His heart contracted in his chest - in a good way, because the boys always had his back and because he appreciated Alex so, so much.
“My folks would let us have meals with them, sometimes,” Alex continued, “And we can always just show up at Bobby’s, you know. Plus, we’ll be famous enough soon to be on the road all the time.”
“All the street dogs we could ever want,” said Reggie, but even he could tell his voice was off because at that moment he had processed something important. If they all lived here, if they spent all their time here, he’d be sleeping in the same room as Luke. Always. Around Luke. Always. Even more always than he was now.
“Okay, what’s going on, man?” Alex said finally. “You’ve been weird all week. Is it because-” Alex didn’t finish the sentence, but the words hung there, unfinished, as he stepped away from Reggie. Is it because I’m gay?
“No, god no, Alex. I just-” He glanced downward. Bobby and Luke were still deep in discussion, looking a little heated. But then again, things were always heated between them. It was why they worked well together. And why they fought the most.
Reggie grabbed Alex’s arm firmly, pulling him to the farthest corner of the loft. “It’s just...how did you know?”
Alex’s eyes went wide. Sometimes Reggie had trouble reading emotion, but this emotion was pretty clear. He was surprised.
“I - What do you mean, Reg?” Alex sat down against the wall, so Reggie followed. He could see the tenseness in Alex. Was he upset that Reggie had asked? Alex was tense, always. Anxious often. But he seemed wound tightly now, even for Alex.
“Just. Like, how did you know you like boys? And not girls?”
Alex’s hands were shaking, Reggie noticed, but he didn’t know what that meant. Was Alex upset?
“Geez, Reg,” Alex said, finally, after a moment. “Did you really have to have the sexuality crisis right now?”
“Um-” Reggie stammered, “I mean, you asked, and I just- was I not supposed to answer?”
He did this a lot. People would ask Reggie questions, rhetorical questions, but he thought they were genuine and he would answer. And it was always embarrassing when they weren’t literal, when he wasn’t supposed to answer, he was just supposed to nod or laugh, but he answered anyway.
“Yeah,” Alex said, after much too long of a pause. “No, I’m sorry. It was a real question, I just didn’t expect your answer.”
Reggie didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say, really.
“I guess I knew because I realized I felt about boys the way I’ve always been told I should feel about girls,” Alex said.
“Right,” Reggie said. “Okay. So- okay.” He didn’t really know what he was supposed to say, only that he felt like he needed to fill the quiet with words.
“Is this about someone?” Alex asked, then, and Reggie wished the wall would swallow him whole. “Do you like a boy?”
“Let’s go you two, we have to rehearse at some point!” Saved by the bell - or rather, by Bobby’s shouts.
Reggie couldn’t get it out of his head, though. Not during practice, not when they were eating dinner, not when they were talking about paying and moving into the garage. He felt hardly present through the rest of the day, Alex’s knowing gaze making him feel on edge. And then, suddenly, he was in his room. With Luke. Just him and Luke. Alone.
Luke was on the bed, still protesting about Reggie sleeping on the floor. “We could share,” he was saying, “Or take turns. I’ll sleep on the floor tonight. Did Alex make you take the floor the whole time? You look like you’ve hardly slept.”
“I told him if he didn’t take the bed I’d send him to Bobby’s with you,” Reggie said, doing his best to give Luke a small smile while simultaneously not looking anywhere near him.
He couldn’t help it, though, because Luke made a face and he had to look, because it was adorable. “I love them both,” Luke said, “But that is too many people for Bobby’s little room.”
“That’s what he said,” Reggie responded, a real grin this time.
He gave in, too. He couldn’t have everything he wanted, but he didn’t have to be so uncomfortable around Luke. It didn’t matter what he felt, they were best friends and bandmates first. Reggie detached himself from the wall where he was leaning and deposited himself on the bed beside Luke.
“Will you really move into the garage if you can?” Luke asked, cutting short Reggie’s train of thought. A well-timed shout from his dad came from downstairs, his mom’s voice immediately shushing him, but they could still hear him cussing at her.
Reggie took a stabilizing breath, doing his best to focus on anything except what he was hearing from downstairs. “I need to get out of here,” he said finally. “You guys are my family. I’d rather be with you.”
“It would be nice to stop couch-surfing,” Luke said. “I mean, this is great, thank you. I just need a place that’s mine again, you know?”
Luke looked sad, but he always did since he left home last month. He had never talked about it, not completely, but Reggie knew he and his mom used to fight horribly. Just like Reggie’s parents. Just like Alex’s, after Alex came out last week. It was something Bobby never quite understood because he had never experienced it. Not that Bobby didn’t have his demons. They just - weren’t quite the same.
“So you’d be in?” Reggie said instead. “To live there?”
“Of course, man,” Luke said. “You, me and Alex playing music and living in the same space? That would be amazing - it would be everything to me.”
“Me too.” Reggie smiled, careful to avoid Luke’s eyes, not wanting to see what he would look like reflected back at himself from Luke’s perspective.
They were silent, then. It felt heavy to Reggie, although he couldn’t say why exactly. Then Luke shifted, bumping his shoulder about Reggie, who was caught off guard enough to look directly at the other boy. There was an intenseness in Luke’s gaze at that moment that was different than usual. Luke was always intense, but never like this. Never so - focused on Reggie.
“What?” Reggie asked, finally. Was he missing something? Did Luke say something that he didn’t hear? Why was this so strange?
“Do you ever-” Luke said. Then he paused. Opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. It was mildly concerning, Luke always had words. Always had the right words. “Have you ever thought that you might...like boys?”
Reggie almost fell off the bed in shock. Had Luke heard his conversation with Alex from earlier? Where did this come from?
He was silent for too long.
“Sorry,” Luke said, his face closing off all its vulnerability. “Never mind, I just thought- it was a stupid question.”
“No,” said Reggie, before he could think any deeper about it. He nudged Luke with his shoulder, just like Luke had done to him before. “It wasn’t stupid. I’ve thought about it, I guess. Like, girls, you know? But-”
“-but boys,” said Luke. “D’you think- I mean- there’s one way we could know, like, for sure. And Alex and Bobby wouldn’t have to know, but we could just - figure it out for sure, you know?”
Reggie did not know. But Luke was looking at him with wide, soft eyes, and what was he supposed to do.
“Yeah,” he said. “What did you-” have in mind ?
He didn’t get to finish his question because Luke’s lips were on his. They were soft and chapped and Reggie hadn’t really kissed anyone before, not like this, so he wasn’t sure how it was supposed to feel, exactly, but something about the faint stubble on Luke’s chin, the muscles in his arms that came up to grip Reggie’s shoulders, the squareness of his waist where Reggie suddenly found his hands - it felt more right than any girl he could ever think about it.
And Reggie - well, he was so severely screwed. What else could he do except lean in a little bit, let Luke kiss him deeper, pull him closer, let the breath get caught in his throat and his chest tighten with the rightness of it.
But Luke pulled away all too soon.
“Wow,” was all he said.
“Yeah,” said Reggie, although he wasn’t sure if they were talking about the same thing. “So-”
“Boys,” Luke said.
“Boys,” Reggie mirrored.
And then for some reason they had collapsed against each other, laughing hysterically. Reggie wasn’t sure why Luke was laughing. Hell, he wasn’t sure why he was laughing, except that there was something so extraordinarily bizarre about kissing Luke that he hadn’t expected.
It wasn’t that Luke was a boy. That was fine - better than fine. That was, well, perfect. It was more that it was Luke. And maybe, maybe Reggie wasn’t as in love with Luke as he first thought.
“Okay,” Luke said, between gasps of breath. “I love you, Reg, and that was enlightening. But it was like kissing my brother.”
That was it - that feeling of wrongness. The way it was right and wrong. Reggie liked boys. He maybe couldn’t escape that fact anymore. But Luke was not the right boy for him, Luke was his bandmate and his brother. Not a boy he could kiss-
“Yeah,” Reggie said breathlessly.
“So, boys?” Luke asked.
“Boys,” Reggie said. “Definitely boys.”
“Okay,” Luke said. “Let’s never do that again.” He brushed his hair away from his face and caught Reggie’s eye. “Um, I think I still like girls, though.”
“Oh,” Reggie said. What was he supposed to say to that? Congratulations? He tried it out. “Congratulations.”
“What?” Luke asked, and then they were laughing again.
“I just meant-” Reggie tried, but was cut off by more giggling. “I didn’t know what to say.”
“When do you ever, Reg?” Luke said, but it was lighthearted. “I just meant I’m not like Alex. I’m not gay. I like boys and girls.”
“Okay,” Reggie said. Then, for good measure, “Congratulations!” Luke rolled his eyes. “I think I just...like boys.”
“Okay,” Luke said. “Are we going to tell Alex and Bobby?”
Reggie really had not thought that far ahead. “I don’t want to say anything. Until we’re living at the garage, I guess. But you can say if you want to.”
“I’ll wait,” Luke said. He exhaled harshly, his first sign of nerves. Luke hardly ever acted nervous, he was always the calmest, always calming Alex and Bobby down, always keeping up with whatever Reggie was saying. “Maybe we could do it together.”
“We can do that,” Reggie said, because it was the right thing to say. “But - I think Alex already knows. About me at least.”
“How?” Luke looked surprised again. “Didn’t you, like - just figure it out?”
“Well yeah,” Reggie said. “But I asked him, you know, how he knew he liked boys.”
“Oh.” Luke leaned back against the headboard of Reggie’s bed and looked up at the ceiling. “That was smart. Why didn’t I think of that? Then we could have avoided - this.”
Reggie wasn’t offended, not really. He knew what Luke meant, even if he was glad he kissed Luke. Even if it was just because now he knew that he didn’t love him - or not like that, anyway. “Yeah,” Reggie said, “But now you can always say your first gay kiss was me. Think of the chemistry we’ll have on stage, now.”
Luke just rolled his eyes. “Okay, Reg.”
But it was good. It was perfect, really, because it was exciting and relieving all at once and wow, wouldn’t Bobby be upset when he found out he was the odd man out because he didn’t like boys.