Work Text:
Ben Solo can confidently say that he now loves his life.
There was a time during his late teen and early adulthood years where he felt significantly less so. The loneliness of his childhood had turned into anger; at himself, at his parents, at his uncle, at life in general. Anger had led to the wrong decisions and the wrong people, the wrong exhausting job with the wrong horrible coworkers and the wrong slimy boss.
Looking back on those years, Ben knows he wouldn’t change anything about them. They were the hardest years of his life, filled with even more loneliness and pain than he had ever known previously. But the lessons he learned, the way everything turned out in the end, makes it worth it.
Those years eventually led him to what he has now.
He’s married to the love of his life. He has good friends. A relationship with his parents, though it’s still healing. He has a beautiful home. A steady job that pays very well and that he actually likes.
Ben Solo loves his life. Sometimes though, bad days still slip through the cracks. It could last anywhere from an afternoon to a whole week.
Rey can always tell, and he knows it worries her, which in turn makes him feel a little worse, but over the years, he’s come to realize that this is just the way his brain works and it doesn’t make him any less of a person because of it.
Some days there’s some external factor, but others it just happens.
It’s not particularly bad this time around, but it has persisted for several days.
He’s still in his attire for work, a light button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up his forearms and dark pants, when Ben sits on the edge of the couch with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. There is a dull ache in his chest. He’s just so tired. It’s not a physical exhaustion, but all he wants to do is curl up next to Rey in their bed and fall asleep; he just doesn’t have the energy to stand up at the moment.
He’s not sure just how long he sits there, but eventually he hears Rey’s feet padding out from the extra bedroom-turned-office where she’s been editing a wedding shoot all day.
He can sense her standing in front of him. He feels her fingers run through his hair and lightly scratch at his scalp, feels her palms rub across his shoulders and back. He sighs, leaning into her touch. After a moment, she pushes against his shoulders to get him to straighten up.
He lifts his head and looks up at her. She steps closer, between his legs, and cups his face in her hands.
“Hi,” she says with a small smile, brushing back a lock of hair that has fallen in front of his eyes. “I’ve missed you today.”
The best he can do at the moment is quirk up one side of his mouth, just an illusion of the smile he wishes he could give her. His hands find the backs of her knees, then slowly travel upward to rest on her hips. “Just today?”
She huffs out a laugh. “No, I miss you every time I’m not with you.”
He’s able to give a flash of a smile, still not what she deserves, but getting closer to it. His thumbs move in circles against her hipbones. “I missed you too. How is that shoot going?”
“Just about finished, I’ll send them the final products in the morning.”
His eyes close as she leans down to press a kiss to the top of his head. Then she wraps her arms around his shoulders, holding him against her. His arms wind around her waist and he presses his face to her abdomen, the fabric of her old, oversized Joy Division shirt soft against his cheek. (Which, come to think of it, is actually his shirt that she stole from his side of the closet.)
This, right here. This is what he’s been needing today. The tightness in his chest loosens, like her touch had unlocked it. Calm envelopes him, just like it always has when she’s near. Even his energy boosts, just a little. And it’s like she can sense this, because her hold gets tighter just as he’s about to do the same.
Their quiet bubble is burst after a few minutes when the smartwatch Rey is wearing starts to beep, indicating an incoming call. She leans back from Ben just a little bit and lifts her arm to look at the caller I.D.
“It’s Finn,” she says, looking down at him almost apologetically.
Ben’s hands move to her hips, gently pushing her a step back. “Answer it. I’m gonna go change.”
He stands from the couch and moves to their bedroom, Rey following close behind while she pulls her phone from a side pocket in her leggings and answers, putting it on speaker.
“Hey, Finn. You’re on speaker.”
“Hey.” Just from that one syllable, Finn’s voice sounds a little nervous. Rey sits cross legged on their bed while Ben unbuttons and pulls off his shirt.
“Are you… okay?” She asks.
Finn coughs on the other end of the line. “Um… yeah. Poe might kill me, though.”
“What’d you do?” Ben speaks up as he pulls one of his multiple black tee shirts over his head. (“This one is different, because it’s Nike. That other one is Adidas.”) He’s not as close to Finn as Rey is, but despite his melancholy mood, he finds himself intrigued and maybe a little worried for their friend. He quickly changes into some sweatpants, puts his used clothing away, then moves to his side of the bed.
“Well, I’ve, uh, acquired something. Might be easier to just show you.”
Rey looks up at Ben as he sits down, a silent question in her eyes. He nods at her as he adjusts his body to lean back against the pillows, indicating that he’s up for visitors and he’ll be fine if Finn comes over. She smiles, reaching out a hand to squeeze his. He captures it, lacing their fingers together.
“We’re home all night. You can stop by if you want.”
They can hear him sigh with relief. “Thanks. I’m probably being dramatic and making this sound a lot worse than it is.”
Rey chuckles. “We’ll be the judges of that.”
After they’ve all said goodbye and hung up, deciding that Finn would stop by within the next hour or so, Rey pivots from where she’s sitting and straddles Ben’s lap, knees on either side of his hips. His hands find her waist again as he looks up at her. With one hand on his shoulder, she brings the other up to his face, pushing his hair back from his temple.
“I can tell him it’s not a good time to come over.” She says quietly. “I know you’ve had a hard couple of days.”
He squeezes her hips affectionately. “It’ll be fine. It’s not too bad this time. Just… drawn out longer than usual.” There’s been episodes much worse than this one, but this is definitely one of the longer episodes he’s experienced.
“I’m sorry, love,” she leans down, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
“You make it better,” he murmurs, turning his head to capture her lips with his for a moment. His hands move, running up and down her sides and to her back, pulling her closer against him. She snuggles down in his arms, sliding her own arms under his and around his torso. She rests her head in the space between his neck and shoulder, nuzzling her nose against his collarbone and sighing contentedly as his arms wrap around her more securely and his cheek rests on the top of her head.
At the inclined angle at which he’s sitting against the pillows, her weight presses down on his chest. Even when he’s not having a bad day, this is one of his favorite things in the world. Sometimes he can’t believe that his life as it is now is real, and holding each other like this is a physical reminder that it’s real, that she’s real. It grounds him, calms him.
“What do you think Finn has acquired?” He slips his hand under the neckline of her shirt, his fingers seeking to work out the small knots in the muscles in the base of her neck and shoulders that always come after a day of editing.
Rey huffs out a laugh. “I don’t know. But knowing him, it’s either a weird plant or an even weirder piece of furniture. Something that would mess up Poe’s aesthetic.”
Ben hums in agreement. Poe has a very particular style that, while eclectic, is not to be messed with.
They slip into a comfortable silence after that, waiting for the sound of the doorbell.
Rey opens the front door and immediately starts laughing.
“Oh, Finn. Poe is definitely going to kill you,” she manages after a moment.
She wasn’t sure what she was expecting when he called earlier, but it wasn’t to see him standing on her front porch, looking distraught and holding a puppy.
The thing is clearly a lab, black, and probably no more than four months old. A sweet looking face, with tired, half closed eyes. Not tiny, but definitely not full grown yet. There’s no way Poe would let it near his precious cat, BB.
Ben comes up behind her, placing a hand on the small of her back. He also lets out a short laugh. “Yeah, you’re sleeping on the couch tonight, for sure.”
For a moment Rey is distracted by the sound of her husband’s laugh. It’s been at least a week since she’s heard it, and it makes her heart skip a beat. She loves him through the highs and the lows; but she really doesn’t like the lows.
“I know, I know. I don’t know what to do with him,” Finn sighs, looking down at the sleepy puppy.
Rey moves forward and gently strokes the back of the dog’s head. He wiggles a bit in Finn’s arms, making a quiet whining sound.
“Why don’t we bring him inside?” She turns back to look at Ben, who is still standing just inside the front door. He has a soft, almost contemplative look on his face.
They all move into the house, Ben shutting the door.
“Is he okay on the couch?” Finn asks.
“Yeah, but let me grab a towel, just in case,” Rey calls as she hurries to a closet in the hallway.
She returns to see Ben standing next to Finn, gently holding one of the puppy’s front paws. There is a tiny smile on his face, something else she hasn’t seen for a few days. She watches him for a moment, then moves to place the towel on the couch.
Once they’re all settled, Ben and Finn on the couch with the puppy in between them and Rey across from them on the ottoman, she asks the question she’s been wondering since the second she laid eyes on the dog.
“So. Where’d he come from?” She nods toward the little thing that is now more awake and looking around curiously. Ben lays his hand down on the cushion, palm up, and the puppy sniffs at his fingers before deciding to gnaw on them.
Finn sighs and runs his hand down his face. “I was driving home, going past that old church. There was this car stopped on the side of the road. I slowed down to pass them and saw this little guy sitting there next to the car, looking up at it like they had just let him out,” he looks down and pats the dog’s back. He pauses for a moment, seeming to collect himself before looking at Rey and continuing. “They just left him alone. I couldn’t just do nothing, so I picked him up.”
Rey frowns. She barely remembers the actual event of being left behind by her parents, but how she felt is something that had persisted for years. She remembers being scared and lonely for a long time. She doesn’t want anyone else to have to feel like that; even this little dog.
She is brought back from her thoughts by Ben’s free hand on her knee, his thumb moving in little circles.
“Hey. You okay?” he says quietly. No doubt he’s made the connection, as well as Finn. In fact, the story matches Finn’s, almost as much as it matches hers.
She nods and places her hand over Ben’s, giving him a little smile. “Just thinking, that’s all.”
“You get why I couldn’t leave him, right?” Finn asks.
Rey turns to him and nods. “Of course. But what do you plan to do with him?”
Finn chuckles, looking down at the puppy. “I obviously didn’t think it through. Poe would probably throw a fit if I brought him home with me.”
“That’s for sure,” Ben says. “BB would, too.”
Rey laughs at the thought. BB would either be scared of him or try to fight him.
By now the little dog has stood up with his front paws planted on Ben’s thigh, looking around. He has a soft smile on his face as he looks down and strokes his head and back. After a few moments of this, the pup flops back down, still pressed up against Ben, this time rolling on his side with his belly exposed to be rubbed. Rey watches as Ben gives him his undivided attention, an idea forming in her head.
Before she can talk herself out of it, she intertwines her fingers with Ben’s and meets his gaze. “Well, what if... What if he stayed here?”
Ben’s eyes widen slightly, brow lifting, then look back down at the dog who has trapped Ben’s other hand between his paws in order to chew on his fingers once again.
She can almost see the wheels turning in his head, thinking about the pros and cons.
She knows Ben grew up with dogs; one of them is still around. The Solos got Artoo when Ben was in high school, and at almost eleven years old, he’s slow but still relatively healthy.
She knows he’s thinking about how he works full time, but given that Rey is her own boss, that she works because she wants to and not because she has to, and because she often works from home or at her own studio, she would be able to care for the pup when Ben would not.
She knows what his answer is even before he opens his mouth, because he smiles softly down at the puppy, then turns that smile to her.
“Let’s try it.”
She smiles back at him. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He tugs on her hand, pulling her over onto the couch with him. She presses up next to him, reaching over him to rub the puppy’s silky ears. He’ll get a lot bigger in the next few months, but that’s something neither of them will have a problem with.
“You guys sure?” Finn asks.
It’s a reasonable thing to ask, Rey thinks, given it hasn’t even been an hour since he showed up on their doorstep. But there’s something in the way Ben has seemed to light up in that short amount of time that tells her this will be a very good thing for all three of them.
Later, once they’ve all made a successful trip to the pet store, decided on the name Kylo, ordered from their favorite restaurant, and invited Poe to join them, Rey pulls Finn aside into the kitchen under the guise of unpacking the food from Maz’s.
“Thank you, Finn.” She says quietly. She has to stop for a moment, her emotions threatening to make her voice crack. “That, uh… that’s the first time I’ve seen him smile in days.”
Ben has always been pretty open about his struggles, so Finn knows exactly what she means. “Has it been bad this time around?”
She shakes her head and sighs. “Not bad, just long. I think having Kylo around will help, at least a little.”
They both sneak a glance over at Ben, who is back to sitting on the couch. Kylo is asleep on his lap, nestled securely in Ben’s arms. The smile on his face as he lightly trails his fingers down the dog’s back is still small, but it’s everything to Rey. And knowing that Kylo will be adored by both of them is a comfort.
Finn lightly bumps her shoulder with his own, capturing her attention. “I think so, too.”
They go back to unpacking the food, spreading it out on the counter buffet style.
”Where did the name Kylo come from anyway?” Finn asks after a moment, loud enough for Ben to hear.
“I don’t know. Ben?” Rey turns to face him.
He groans from the couch. “My imaginary friend when I was five.”
“Imaginary friend?” Finn smirks.
“Like I said, I was five. And I don’t think we have time to unpack my entire childhood tonight,” Ben deadpans.
“Fair enough,” Finn nods and pulls out the last of the food, while Rey begins to search for plates and cutlery.
Poe arrives just a few minutes later, and when Finn tells him about his day, he chuckles and pats Finn’s hand. “Well, Ben was right. You would’ve slept on the couch tonight if you had brought him home with you.”
“Who? Ben or the dog?”
Everyone laughs at that, but it’s hard to miss the look of admiration Poe has on his face when he looks at Finn.
When the night is over and Poe and Finn have said their goodbyes, Rey trails behind Ben as he carries Kylo -who has been out like a light for at least an hour- back to their room and places him carefully in the crate they’ve set up at the foot of their bed.
They get ready for bed in a comfortable silence. Rey settles in, Ben following a moment later. She opens her arms to him and he rests his head on her chest, one hand on her waist and the other arm winding under her, his large hand splayed across her back. Her fingers run through his hair and he cuddles closer somehow, though careful not to crush her.
“How are you feeling?” She whispers.
Ben lets out a hum. “Better, I think.”
“Yeah?”
He lifts his head and moves up to press a kiss to the corner of her mouth. “Yeah.” His nose brushes against hers as he adds, “I think having the dog around might help.”
Rey smiles and wraps her arms around his neck. “I think so, too. Though I should have warned you, I know nothing about training a dog.”
Ben chuckles. “Well, he’s a lab. They’re usually pretty easy to train. They’re eager to please.”
“Like you?” She teases.
His expression turns to mock offense, his mouth open and eyes wide. Rey laughs and pulls him down to kiss him. He eagerly responds, proving her point and making her laugh some more against his mouth.
Kylo whines in his crate at the sound, and Ben stills above her, shoulders shaking with a silent laugh. He returns to her mouth, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips before rolling off of her and onto his side. Rey turns to mirror him, her hand resting on his cheek. His finds her waist again and pulls her closer under the sheets.
“I love you,” she whispers, her thumb swiping back and forth against his cheekbone.
He squeezes her hip. “I love you, too.”