Chapter Text
The struggle of wanting affection was one that Baekhyun never really had to worry about. Besides being self-reliant, he also didn’t mind seeking attention every now and then out of boredom, and he was never without someone to sidle up against when he wanted affection. His friends were used to his touchiness. His boyfriend, too. So he was fine on the attention front, both because he didn’t require it and because he got enough of it.
Still.
It was like an itch he needed to scratch. In the pit of his belly while he sat on the couch, listening to the light drizzle outside. He should have been asleep, especially with the nighttime storm that usually translated to cozy dreams. But he felt restless. Even hugging the pillow on his couch and looking out the window, he couldn’t stop it.
Would his boyfriend be upset if he called him now? He wasn’t sure. They’d only been dating for about a month, and as far as he could tell, his boyfriend appreciated how independent he was. It seemed like he liked how Baekhyun didn’t require his attention 24/7 and how he wasn’t high maintenance. Besides, it was already eleven. Late enough for a phone call to be a bother.
Baekhyun chewed on his lip and bounced his foot, listening to the rain outside. It was starting to quiet. If the storm stopped, he would be alone again. Not that he minded. He liked being alone. It was peaceful. And it gave him a necessary reprieve from all the socializing he also enjoyed doing. Yes, being alone was nice. He was fine. He didn’t need to call anyone, and he was content like this.
But it would be nice, he thought as he shifted a little to find a more comfortable position, to hear his boyfriend’s voice. The more he thought about it, the more restless he became. He felt needy. It was as simple as that. He wanted attention and affection and proximity. Proximity, most of all. Was that so bad?
He could imagine Kyungsoo with him. Both of them curled up on the couch, observing the storm together. Or even talking above it, Baekhyun’s head in his lap, Kyungsoo playing with his hair. Nothing crazy, just mindless, innocent touching and soft voices. Settling in a comfortable quiet with each other. Was it bad to be needy for that? But there was no sense in calling Kyungsoo this late. And for something so unnecessary.
Baekhyun was trying to convince himself. He had his phone in his hand, turning it over and over. The rain was starting up again. He was restless again. After a long moment of hesitation, he lifted his phone.
Three rings in, Kyungsoo answered.
“Hello?” He sounded groggy from sleep. Baekhyun was torn between regret and desire. “Baekhyun?”
Just hearing his own name made him want Kyungsoo even more. Trying to stamp down on the feeling, Baekhyun bit his lip. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“No, it’s okay. What is it?”
He couldn’t say it after all. Even with how Kyungsoo sounded willing to listen to whatever he had to say, he couldn’t say it.
“Um... no... it’s nothing. Sorry. I’ll hang up now.”
“Tell me,” Kyungsoo said. “You woke me up because you had something to say, didn’t you?”
Baekhyun started bouncing his leg again. “Um...”
Whatever. He’ll say it.
“Can you come over?”
Silence.
“I know it’s crazy,” Baekhyun said quickly. “I just felt like saying it. It’s fine. You can go back to sleep. I don’t really need you to come over. Besides, it’s night and it’s raining.”
“I’ll come over,” Kyungsoo said.
“... What?”
It sounded like he was getting up. Baekhyun listened to the sounds of rustling. “I’ll come over. Unless you don’t actually want me to?”
“No...”
“Okay. Then I’ll see you in ten minutes.”
They hung up. Was he dreaming? It didn’t make sense. Baekhyun hadn’t thought Kyungsoo would say it so easily. Like he didn’t need to think about it. Like Baekhyun’s completely out of character phone call wasn’t questionable. It was eleven at night and raining, and he was okay with coming?
Baekhyun’s shock waned enough by the time Kyungsoo arrived and he remembered why he’d asked in the first place. That memory returned full force the instant he opened the door and saw him there, holding a closed umbrella.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“So why did you call me?” Kyungsoo asked, stepping inside. He closed the door while Baekhyun watched him take off his shoes and set the umbrella down against the wall. “Is everything...”
Kyungsoo trailed off when Baekhyun hugged him from behind. He could feel his own heart pounding, but the rush of relief at finally having Kyungsoo there overrode the unfamiliar nervousness he felt. After a beat, Kyungsoo turned around and wrapped his arms around him wordlessly.
If it was like this, Baekhyun could stay here forever. Warm and enveloped in his arms. He closed his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Kyungsoo asked after a moment. Baekhyun knew what he was thinking: that he was acting strange. First for calling him, then for asking him to come over, then for hugging him, all out of the blue and apparently for no reason, in the middle of the night no less. It must have been strange to him.
“I’m...” needy. Lonely. And... “I missed you.”
Kyungsoo breathed out of his nose in a quiet laugh. “Really? You called me in the middle of the night just because of that?”
Baekhyun could feel the heat in his cheeks. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I feel this needy all of a sudden. I don’t usually feel like this, I just...”
“It’s fine. I wasn’t upset or making fun of you.” Kyungsoo rubbed his back. “I’m just... surprised.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t think you’d do that. Or feel that way.”
It made sense, given how independent Baekhyun was. Even he was surprised. But he felt so much better in Kyungsoo’s arms. He fit so well against his chest, his head so well in the crook of his neck, and Kyungsoo was so good at hugging, so warm and safe and held him so tightly. He couldn’t help but melt into him. He loved Kyungsoo’s hugs. Now, especially.
“So now that you have me,” Kyungsoo said, “what do you want me to do?”
Baekhyun felt more at ease now that he was surrounded by him. It was easier to ask, “Can I ask for anything I want?”
“That’s why I’m here.”
“Then hold me. And talk to me. And stay here until I fall asleep.” He was being demanding. For some reason he felt like Kyungsoo didn’t mind at all. He breathed out, and after a beat, said, “Okay. I’m done being needy now. You don’t have to feel obligated to do any of that.” He pulled back and smiled. “Thanks for coming, Kyungsoo. I feel a lot better now.”
“Wait.” Kyungsoo caught his hand as he moved away, prompting him to turn back. “I... want to do those things for you. So it’s okay to be greedy and ask for what you want.”
It wasn’t real. It was too unfamiliar to be real. But the hand that held his felt real, and so did Kyungsoo’s gaze that swirled with embarrassment and patience and affection for him.
“Can I?” Baekhyun found himself asking.
“Yes.”
“Then will you stay with me until I fall asleep?”
“I’ll stay with you even longer if you want.”
Baekhyun smiled. After a moment he gently guided him into the apartment, suddenly, inexplicably in love with how Kyungsoo followed without hesitation. “Are you tired?”
“A little.”
They reached his room and he tugged him onto the bed. Then, another question: “Can I kiss you?”
This time, instead of answering, Kyungsoo leaned in and kissed him. Rather than aggressive or passionate, the kisses were gentle and slow, Baekhyun’s hands on Kyungsoo’s shoulders and Kyungsoo’s on his waist. Somewhere in between Baekhyun brought them down, pulling his blanket over them. Kissing like this was different than how he’d ever experienced it before. So unhurried and without any real aim, not even exploring each other but tasting instead. No wandering hands or seductive words. Just proximity and each other, a quiet exchange of affection in the form of deliberation.
When they’d finally stopped Baekhyun’s heart had steadied to a soft thrum in his chest. Kyungsoo kissed his cheek and then his forehead and nose, and everywhere on his face until he was smiling.
“It might be too early to say this,” Kyungsoo said, “but I think I love you.”
Baekhyun should have been surprised, maybe even scared, but for some reason, all he could do was laugh quietly. “When I said to talk to me, I didn’t think you would say that.”
“What did you think, then?”
“I don’t know. Maybe that you would tell me more about you. Because I want to hear it.”
“That is about me,” Kyungsoo said.
“Well... more, then.” But he smiled and said, “I think I love you too.”
For a moment they laid there, looking at each other. And it hit him, suddenly. The warmth in his chest that was so present it was almost painful. If it was true, if he did love him, if that was what this feeling was, then he loved him so, so much.
“I remember,” Kyungsoo said, not taking his eyes off him, “when I was a kid, it was raining and my mom told me that I’d be in trouble if I stepped in the puddles, just to see what I would do.”
Baekhyun laughed, surprised. “Is this your story?”
“Didn’t you want to hear one?”
“I did. Okay, continue. Why did she do that?”
“Apparently I was a really good kid and she just wanted to see.” Kyungsoo shrugged. “But yeah. I didn’t move from my spot on the sidewalk because there were so many puddles and I couldn’t jump over them. In the end she had to carry me home.”
“Oh my god,” Baekhyun said. “That’s so cute.”
“She always brings it up to brag about how good of a kid I was. But honestly, I think I just didn’t want to disappoint her.”
Baekhyun smiled. “That’s what made you a good kid.”
“I told her I’m dating you,” Kyungsoo blurted. Baekhyun froze.
“And...?”
“I couldn’t keep it from her. So I told her. She said she’s happy for me. And that she’ll support me as long as I’m with someone I love.”
“I guess I’ll have to work hard to meet that requirement, then.”
“You won’t have to work too hard.”
Such sweet words. Kyungsoo sounded sincere, but Baekhyun would work hard anyway. Because being loved by him was starting to seem more and more like something out of a dream. Even before this moment, before he’d known Kyungsoo would come at a sudden call and be willing to stay with him like this, Kyungsoo was the kind of person Baekhyun wanted to love. He was playful and fun but also thoughtful and patient. The kind of person that, if he had the courage to think about it, he would want to spend his life with.
“You’re falling asleep,” Kyungsoo said.
“Am I?” He must have been dozing off a bit. “I guess I’m a little sleepy.”
“Then let’s sleep. I’ll stay here, I promise.”
Baekhyun smiled and came closer. “Hold me, too?”
Without a moment of hesitation, Kyungsoo did.