Chapter Text
CHAPTER 1: JUSTIFIED MADNESS
Sonic smiles from his place at the dining table. His friends have descended on his little hut to socialise, filling the dry frond walls with laughter and fun. Knuckles and Tails play a game on the TV - which Knuckles constantly loses and demands a rematch - and Amy has started making some delicious smelling snacks. Sticks is there, even though she's too distracted peering out the window for "threats" to engage in anything, but it doesn't matter.
Sonic is happy to see them all. They're his everything.
"Intruder!" The badger exclaims and scrambles down from the window in haste, not to answer the door but hide behind the sofa. Her large ears poke above the backrest as she crouches in her favoured hiding place, eventually rising to reveal teal eyes sharp with anxiety. "Someone's walking towards the house! It's a trap! I know it is! We'll open the door and-"
With a heavy sigh, Sonic stands and ignoring the badger's pleas for him to hide, heads to the window. There's someone walking across the sand towards the hut, but Sonic recognises him. "It's just the mailman," he states tiredly, glancing at Sticks. She ducks back behind the sofa and Sonic can't help but roll his eyes. "It's fine, Sticks. He'll give me the mail and leave."
"It is kinda late for mail," Tails comments as he tilts his entire body along with the race car on screen, even though he knows it won't do anything to keep his car on the virtual track. "What if it's a ruse, or a trick? Eggman could have hired someone to lure you outside and make a surprise attack."
"See?" Sticks exclaims, popping up so suddenly from behind the sofa Knuckles, who forgot she was there while focused on trying to beat Tails at the game, screams and topples off the sofa with a crash. Tails chuckles and stops playing, but Sticks isn't so easy to distract. "Even the brainiac already mind controlled into the Man's plans can see it! Don't answer the door!"
Sonic tries not to express how stupid he thinks this all is. There's a knock on the door, and the azure doesn't hesitate to cross the room to answer it. "You're delusional," he states as he grasps the handle. "It's just Leroy the Turtle, the usual mailman. Since when does Leroy work for Eggman? I'm just gonna answer it."
The badger hurls herself out from behind the couch and pushes her body between Sonic and the door to stop him from opening it. "Since I got his Shiny!" Sticks responds. "The Awardy Awards! He won the Shiny, but I got it anyway for kicking Eggman out! He must still hold a grudge and is getting back at me through you."
"I remember," Sonic states dryly. "I refused to wear pants."
"I wonder if they ever renamed that award," Amy ponders from the kitchen. The scent of buttery crust fills the hut with a sense of homeliness as she prepares quiche and hors d'erves. Sonic is glad she came over and not just for her kitchen prowess. She's just that little bit more special than the others, not that he'll say so aloud. "Awardy Award if such a dumb name."
"I thought it was a good name," Knuckles mutters as he sits up against the couch, rubbing his head with a heavy mitt. "Because you don't need to say it all. You just say 'Awardy' and everyone knows you mean an Awardy Award!" He sighs ruefully. "Man, being awarded an Awardy Award must be so rewarding."
Sonic peels the badger away from the door with difficulty just as Leroy knocks again. Her claws dig rivets in the door and the wall beside it before her grip is pulled free. Quickly, Sonic dumps her in his hammock and zooms back across the room to answer the door, putting on a big, toothy smile. "Leroy! Long time, no see! I see you're still the mailman, not a villainous mastermind!"
The aging turtle blinks slowly, one eye at a time. Sonic's smile wavers slightly in the ensuing silence, before Leroy reaches into his mail bag and pulls out a single letter. "Whatever plot device is in this envelope, I want no part of it." He states coldly, turning to leave as soon as Sonic accepts the letter. "I'm still in therapy for the last time we shared an episode…"
Detangling herself from the hammock, Sticks sprints outside and yells at the retreating turtle's back. "I'm on to you, Leroy!" She shakes her fist for emphasis even though he doesn't look back, a swiftness in his step uncommon for turtles as he tries to put as much distance between himself and the madness as possible. "I know your schemes, and I'll stop you. I still have the shiny."
Already bored, Sonic closes the door behind her and turns back to the room, his letter in hand. It looks pretty official; the manila envelope marked with printed text for a Mr. Sonic T Hedgehog beneath city hall's stamp. The azure frowns and rips it open as his friends exchange silently worried glances, but nothing could have prepared him for the contents. "I'm being summoned to court?! What?! Didn't we already do this episode last season?"
Tails places his controller down and slips from the sofa. "Why?" He asks the only important question he can think of while trying to think of valid reasons the mayor would approve suing the village hero. "Property damage? Unpaid speeding ticket? Fined for bathing in the public fountain?"
"Marriage annulment?!" Amy reads over his shoulder, and the azure physically recoils from her with her voice still ringing in his ears. She snatches the letter from his gasp and smooths it flap with a violent snap, angrily devouring the document before she turns her ire back on the cringing hedgehog. "And child support? You're already married?!"
"With kids?!" Sticks adds as she climbs in through the window.
The azure raises his hands defensively. "What? No! It must be a mistake! I'd remember something like that." He takes the letter back from Amy just as it began smoking from her angry hold and reads through it properly himself, but there's no names on the document besides himself, T.W Barker the lawyer, and the Mayor. He glances up at his friends with dread swimming in his stomach. "Tails… it's a mistake, right? I didn't marry anyone."
He looks thoughtful for a moment, then violently grimaces. "Uh… well, there was that one time when we were kids…" When Sonic seems unable to recall the situation, Tails elaborated with carefully chosen words. "You stopped Eggman from marrying a poor girl by standing in for her at the altar… Lucinda, I think her name was? The pastor said the vows and you kiss-"
Memory of being dressed in a bridal gown and snogging Eggman - then Doctor Robotnik - after the pastor decreed that they were man and wife returns so suddenly, Sonic retches. He drops the letter to the ground and braces a palm on the wall for balance, eyes wide with confusion and surprise his mind suppressed something so important just because of early childhood stress. "Oh Chaos. Oh Chaos, we're still married…"
"I told you this was a trap," Sticks growls from where she sits in the sink. She wriggles up and down, using the faucet to scratch the small of her back as she speaks. "Eggman finally realised he can use your marriage against you and he wants everything; the house, the car, your holiday home in the Maldives. He's gonna clean you out and leave you and Tails living in the gutter! And all because you answered the door!"
Still fuming from reading the letter, the fuschia hedgehog turns her angry on their conspiracy obsessed friend. "Sticks, stop! Not answering the door wouldn't have made Eggman not summon Sonic to court, we just wouldn't know about it! At least now we can prepare a defence!" Fury vented, Amy turns back to Sonic and gently grasps his shoulder. "We can get a lawyer too. A good one, if we club together. Eggman won't get a dime and you'll be free of your pseudo-marriage without consequence."
"Yeah!" Tails chimes in. "Only an idiot would rule in favour of Eggman! He doesn't even have children!"