Work Text:
Daphne had picked up enough from her husband to recognize the lost look on the man’s face when he walked into her shop. It was likely at least partly that he was physically lost – after all, officially, the flower shop was closed. There was more to it, though. He had the look of someone who needed guidance and didn’t know where to go to get it. “Hello! How can I help you?”
“I… I’m sorry to barge in, I know you’re closed, but I can’t read the address my brother gave me and don’t know this town well enough to guess what he might mean.” He held out a piece of paper. The handwriting was clear enough, but something had spilled on the paper. “Do you have any ideas?”
Daphne looked closely, and then burst into giggles. “Do you believe in God? Or some kind of divine power like that?”
“That’s… complicated,” he said with a wince. “Why do you ask? Because if you think this is the address of a church, I know my brother well enough to know that you could not possibly be farther off.”
“No, no, it’s not a church.” Daphne got hold of her laughter. “I believe he gave you the address to my house, that’s all.” Off Sam’s startled look, Daphne hastened to explain, “It’s the right number, and Unde could be either Underwood or Underhill. 504 Underhill is a dentist’s office, so unless you’ve got tooth problems in addition to your ‘it’s complicated’, he’s probably sending you to see my husband.”
“Oh.” He still looked skeptical, but at least the anger was gone, whatever that had been caused by. “You don’t seem surprised that someone would direct a lost stranger to your husband and your house…”
“I’m not.” Daphne glanced at the back. She’d been planning on spending the evening doing some paperwork, but paperwork could wait. This man needed her. “My husband is a counselor and a healer. Strangers showing up to see him with no warning is what he does, especially when they answer questions like ‘do you believe in God’ with ‘it’s complicated.’” He flinched, and Daphne reached out to pat his arm. “So, one thing I’ve picked up from my husband, when someone says ‘it’s complicated’ that means one of two things. Either it’s a polite way of saying ‘I don’t want to talk about it’, in which case neither Emmanuel or I will push you, or it’s a way of saying ‘I don’t understand it myself yet’, in which case my husband’s the counselor, but I’m a pretty sympathetic listener, too. If you’d like, I can give you a ride there and you can tell me about it.”
“You were….”
“In the middle of something that can wait until tomorrow,” Daphne insisted. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but either way, let me give you a ride.”
“…All right.” He shoved his hands in his pocket, head ducked. “I’m Sam, by the way. Sam Winchester.”
“Nice to meet you, Sam. Daphne Allen. Come on.” She led the way through the back to the Honda Accord parked back there. “Not exactly the biggest car, but…”
“It’s fine. I grew up in an Impala, more literally than most people are willing to believe.” Sam flashed the first genuine smile she’d seen with him, and now Daphne was a little in love with him. “So, uh. It’s complicated because until recently, I was a priest.”
“Well, then. That does explain a lot in a very few words,” Daphne had to admit. It certainly made sense – the lostness she could feel from him, the complicated relationship with God, the feeling that he was meant to find his way to Emmanuel with or without his brother. “Why did you leave?”
“It wasn’t exactly by choice,” Sam admitted, head falling forward so his hair covered his face. “There’s… something inside of me, a darkness, I’ve never really been able to put words to it that would explain it to anyone else. It’s a sense that I’m not clean. I mentioned it at every confession from the time I started attending church regularly, so I don’t know why it all of a sudden was a problem, but when my diocese got a new bishop, he was… he was kind of a throwback, in some ways.” There was a pause. Daphne had no idea what Sam meant by throwback and didn’t want to speculate, instead just letting him take his time to find the words to continue. “I was never a fully orthodox priest. When people came to me to talk about some things, like the teenagers who wanted to talk to me about feeling gay or not being comfortable with their assigned gender or things like that, instead of giving them the party line and telling them to find a way to live as a heterosexual cisgender person, I told them that God made them who they were and part of their journey in life was to discover who that was. If he made them gay or trans or whatever, rejecting that part of themselves was rejecting something God had given them.”
“Good answer, Sam.” Daphne was so tempted to call him Father in that moment, but from experience, she knew better. This one felt far more like the Catholic Church’s loss than Sam’s, and she felt really bad for the kids he used to shepherd. “Emmanuel would agree completely.”
“That’s good to know.” Sam cleared his throat. “Anyway, it came to a head when I found out that one of the other priests in my diocese was abusing kids. You know the whole scandal. I had proof, I took it to the bishop, and next thing I knew the bishop was telling me that my blood was tainted with demonic influence and I had no business preaching the word of the Lord when I belonged so thoroughly to Hell. He told me to leave the priesthood or I would be excommunicated. I tried to go over his head, but they had his back. By then, I was so disillusioned I don’t think I could have stayed anyway.”
“I completely understand,” Daphne said, reaching over to pat his arm. “You deserved better, but you don’t get what you deserve. I’ll let Emmanuel tell you his own story, but he knows what it’s like to leave the priesthood.”
When they arrived at the house, Emmanuel was waiting for them. Daphne wasn’t the least surprised when he walked up to Sam and took his hand with both of his own. “Sam Winchester. The boy with the demon blood. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been forced to cease your ministerial activities.”
Sam’s initial flinch eased at the last part of Emmanuel’s words. “You know? Did… did my brother tell you?”
“No. Please, come inside.” Emmanuel led the way to his office – really, a warm room with lots of comfortable chairs and a couch for those who liked the tradition. “I was a priest myself, until my bishop discovered that I can… perform miracles, so to speak. I don’t know how I do it, but I can sense when a person is in need of healing, whether physical, mental, or spiritual. As soon as I took your hand, I knew.” Emmanuel smiled ruefully at Sam’s flabbergasted face. “As I know that the best treatment for you is somewhat unusual as well. Sam, you’re meant to be here, with Daphne and me. To let us heal you as Daphne and I did for each other.”
“Wait, what?” Sam looked between the two of them. “What do you mean?”
“After being forced out of the priesthood, I was lost. I found a sense of purpose when I encountered Daphne.” Emmanuel looked to Daphne.
It had been a long time since she’d thought about it, even longer since she’d talked about it, but Daphne trusted Emmanuel completely. If Sam needed to hear this to understand, then she could tell him. “My father was a terrible man, the kind who saw his daughters as his toys rather than as people.” She looked carefully at Sam to see if she would need to explain further, but she didn’t. “In high school, I thought I’d found a way out, but Tom turned out to be just as bad as my father. I was his wife, therefore I belonged to him. When he discovered I was pregnant, he…” Daphne stopped, but this one, she couldn’t leave incomplete. “He left me. A month later, I lost the baby. You may think it pathetic, but after losing the baby, I tried to find Tom and beg him to come back.”
“No. I don’t think that’s pathetic at all,” Sam interrupted gently, just as Emmanuel had when she’d tried to apologize to him for being so weak. “You were in a time of great stress and emotional upheaval, and in times like that, we look to the familiar for comfort. There’s no shame in that, and while I’m glad you got out, I will never judge you for it.”
“Thank you. While I was looking for Tom, I found Emmanuel, wandering naked by the river.”
Emmanuel cleared his throat. “In my defense, on the naked part, I had just experienced a psychotic break. For months, I remembered nothing of my past. I kept the name I chose for myself during that period, rather than returning to my birth name of Castiel, because I liked the symbolism of the new name for the new life.”
“Emmanuel, even with his amnesia and everything else, made me feel safe in a way even Tom never had,” Daphne continued. “He and I have been together for four years now, and in that time, I’ve seen him do so many things. If he says you’re meant to be here with us, I trust him.”
“I… I can’t impose on you two, you’re… you don’t…”
“You can. We do.” Emmanuel got to his feet, coming to stand in front of Sam. “I trust my senses, and Daphne trusts me. In time, I hope you will come to as well, but for now, I’ll ask you to put your faith in the one person who has never let you down.” He crouched in front of Sam, looking up to catch his eyes. “Your brother sent you to me. If you can’t trust me, and you can’t trust in God, trust Dean. I helped him find his peace. Let me and Daphne help you find yours.” Sam’s eyes closed, and when he opened them again, Emmanuel leaned forward to kiss him. “Welcome home, Sam.”