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"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was two weeks ago, and since then I have— I kissed..." Kim Yonghee trailed off, afraid to even confess to the priest he's known since he was a child. He heard his voice wavering as he ashamedly recounted his biggest sin to date, wavering like his faith, because how could something that felt like this be sinful?
"I kissed a boy, my best friend. I know I shouldn't have, and I knew it while I was kissing him. I was just curious about kissing girls, before I realized I could just practice with him, just to see what it was like. It felt... I thought it felt nice, and I don't... I don't regret it much. I know I should, and that's why I'm here, I dragged him into this. This is all I can remember. I am sorry for these and all my sins."
He was lying and deep down, he knew it. Yonghee could remember way more than he told the priest, yet another sin to add to this week's checklist.
He could remember Jinyoung's hesitant whispers that,
"I don't think our parents would approve of this, Yonghee..."
"It's not like we like each other, right? It's just to make sure I know how to kiss girls." Even then, Yonghee sounded unsure of himself, feeling like it was a poor justification of the clenching of his stomach every time he saw Jinyoung's beautiful smile.
"Right. So, let's just...?" Jinyoung trailed off, and Yonghee leaned in.
Even the priest paused for a few moments, stunned, as he had known Yonghee for ages and didn't expect this at all. Usually his sins were not opening a door for someone who clearly needed it or being too angry at his mother. So as the Father thought of a good penance, he had to truly think.
Pulling apart, Jinyoung and Yonghee sat in silence for a few moments, letting their blaring heartbeats serve as white noise to the cloudy thoughts. Yonghee looked at his best friend, truly looked at him, and realized why his heart seemed to go haywire around him. Yonghee saw the sincerity in Jinyoung's eyes, the ever-present calm attitude his best friend faced the world with, and his pretty pink lips.
Jinyoung lightly smiled at this, he could almost see Yonghee longing to kiss him again, not so subtly staring at his lips that were pink from the short kiss. So, he leaned in this time.
"Pray every day. Read your Bible, each day, namely Leviticus 18:22. Remind yourself of why you think you should be regretful."
Running from Jinyoung's house, Yonghee sobbed and felt the confusion and fear rip apart his chest as he tried to understand. Just what was wrong about thinking his best friend was better than any girl? What was wrong about wanting to kiss his best friend, wanting to love him?
Why should he be regretful of the fact Jinyoung was perfect and he wanted him all to himself?
Jinyoung's parents had walked in, seeing Yonghee in Jinyoung's embrace, the pair's lips locked and eyes closed in quiet understanding of what their love had meant this entire time. Jinyoung felt irreverent, almost loving Yonghee more than he loved God, nearly worshipping the most sacred thing in the room, Yonghee's soft lips.
His parents had screamed, angry to see their dutiful and promising son committing such heinous sins.
"I told you to stop closing this door, Jinyoung, now look what's happened! What have you done..." His mother had screeched, dropping to her knees and crying out.
"My son... you were doing so well. I could see the devil in you from when you were even younger, and I've tried to lead you to God," Mrs. Bae weeped, then whipped her head to Yonghee. "Get out. Get out of our house and never speak to him again! Or I'll tell this whole town about you and your devil-loving ways."
Yonghee stuttered in his words and steps, confused at how the situation turned so frightening so quickly. He looked into Jinyoung's eyes, already seeing his best friend's determination to protect him and his heart rising up. He knew this white-hot resolution would cause Jinyoung problems in the long run, so he stood up and nodded.
"I'll go, I'm sorry. I'm so... I'm so sorry." Yonghee whispered near the end, fingers twitching as he touched his lips, where Jinyoung had placed loving kisses only a minute before. Seeing this action, Jinyoung stood up, eyebrows furrowed and those pretty pink lips from before, frowning and following Yonghee out of the house.
"Yonghee, don't go. Actually, let's leave, together, we shouldn't be here anymore. We aren't meant for this life and we know it." Jinyoung mused to Yonghee, hands clutching Yonghee like he afraid to lose him, like he needed him as much as Yonghee needed Jinyoung.
"You didn't even want to kiss me, I can't believe— I can't believe I just did this to you. I'm so— I'm — I'm so sorry." Yonghee sobbed, hiccuping and coughing as the tears blurred his eyes and all he could feel was Jinyoung's grasp on his arms, holding him into his spot.
"Yonghee, I love you, I would do anything for you. I didn't realize it meant I also want to kiss you everyday, until we kissed. Please, let's just go somewhere together, we can be safe out there. Away from here." Jinyoung pleaded.
Yonghee thought this over for moment. It would be nice to be able to love Jinyoung for the rest of his life, waking him up with kisses to his strong jawline, sharing heretical kisses on a balcony somewhere. Growing old together, watching as Jinyoung made his dream of being a professional dancer real. Dying together.
Dying together.
He couldn't do that to Jinyoung. He couldn't let him die in sin, unregretful of living a life of sin, of denying him his eternal peace after Earth. Loving Jinyoung was what Yonghee thought was the main goal, and loving Jinyoung is what would allow him to let him go and leave his parents' house.
"Jinyoung, I love you, too. So much... so much that I have to leave. You understand. I'm sorry."
Yonghee closed his eyes, willing the memories to go away. He couldn't hold his strong will if he could still feel Jinyoung's plush lips against his own, his best friend's slender fingers grasping his brown hair.
He was here to reconcile himself with God and the Body of Christ, to apologize for loving Jinyoung, to promise to find some girl to settle down with. As a sacrifice to God, asking him to spare Jinyoung in his judgement.
"My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. In Jesus' name, my God, have mercy." Yonghee finished his Act of Contrition, cheeks wet and ears red, knowing that avoiding whatever leads him to sin, was whoever in this case. He was embarrassed, he was angry, he was devastated. He was regretful, truly guilty now. He zoned out, stuck in his memories as the Father prayed for his absolution, for his sins to be forgiven. For him to be forgiven for kissing his best friend.
"... Through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sin. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."
"Amen."