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It was a Wednesday evening.
The day wasn’t chosen by accident. The middle of the week had its own perks to it. It wasn’t nearly as exciting as the weekend nor nearly as boring as Mondays. It seemed bland; most people drowned in their work and didn’t do anything special. That’s why Kojiro chose that day for a „family meeting” (as Reki started to call it after the second one).
That and the fact that it was the slowest day at Sia la Luce.
It was a while since he held the meeting too. He kind of missed the bickering and laughter. He missed the kids and even though he checked up on them regurarly through Reki, who often came to the restaurant for some advice, he missed being all together. Most of the time he didn’t even had to ask what’s going on in their lifes, Reki had just a big mouth like that.
Lately they were swarmed by school work and weren’t showing up both at the restaurant and at S. Kaoru would never admit that, but he missed them too. That’s why he was on his way to pick them up and drive them here.
The first one to arrive was Shadow. Kojiro grew fond of him, mostly because he started to come regurarly to pick up meals for his crush (now girlfriend) Yui. Kojiro was glad that they finally got together; partially because Hiromi deserves someone who loves him like that and partially because he was getting more and more dramatic instead of confessing.
They were moving some tables together when Hiromi decided it’s the time for some violence and asked „So.. Cherry, huh?”. Well that’s a weird question.
„What about him? Did he text you?”, Kojiro knew where this was going, he wasn’t dumb.
„You’re the dumbest man I’ve ever known. You know what I’m talking about.” Damn it.
„No, Shadow, you are dumb. I already told you everything and you’re bringing it up again. What am i supposed to tell you?”, Kojiro wasn’t annoyed at Shadow, who was a big romantic softie. Actually it was kind of funny. Amusing even.
„You know.. some updates maybe? I’m really invested, you know. After all it was me who had to listen to your poor drunk soul at 3am.”, ahh The Night. That was it. Kojiro held onto the edge of a table and leaned in.
„You were just as drunk and sad so we’re even”
„I know, I know. I’m being noisy”, Hiromi knew he lost. But it didn’t hurt anyone to ask, „I just wanna know. Is it going good?”
„It’s going great”, he said with a big grin on his face. Shadow suddenly didn’t need to know anything else.
Suddenly Kaoru arrived with an annoyed face and 3 teenagers fighting behind him.
„Can you for once consider what I’m saying and maybe listen to me, Langa!?”, even Miya had to cover his ears at this point, it was so loud.
„Reki, I told you I am not buying pickle flavored ice cream. Who would even eat that here, huh?”
„I woul-„
„Besides you!”, Langa huffed, annoyance leaving his body. Kojiro couldn’t help, but laugh at Reki, who didn’t expect Langa to yell. He was as red as a beat. This is gonna be great.
„What did you find so funny, you bird-brained ape?”, oh this wasn’t good. Kaoru had a big wrinkle between his brows now and looked like he was one step closer to attempting murder with his fan. That was a sign to get everyone to sit down and get the food ready.
Kojiro prepared variety of things. Most of the food was italian (-jeez Joe, why don’t you chill out with your fancy foreign food, - I have an italian restaurant, Reki!), but he made some sushi too. Nobody complained, Kojiro took it as a win.
He looked at the right side of the table, where Kaoru sat. He had Langa on his left side, showing him something on the phone, and Hiromi on his right who was really invested in Miya rambling about his new friend at school. It was warm.
And then Kaoru laughed. With big chest and little gasps of air he had to take.
And it was as if Kojiro’s soul caught on fire and melted at the same time. It was good.
Everyone was okay and everything was good.
It was.
Joe knew what they’re gonna have to talk about, eventually. He hoped it would be rather later than sooner, considering what happened (and how he made friends with some nurses at the hospital because of it). Kojiro didn’t think it was good to talk about it now, not when the bruises on Reki’s back were still visible.
But someone had to talk about it and the fate decided it’s gonna be Langa.
„Do you think he’ll ever go to prison?”
Silence.
„He should. In my opinion he should. And your nightmares are the perfect indication of that”, Reki’s voice was a bit louder than usual. It echoed in the whole room.
Kaoru flinched. He knew it was too late to stop the topic. Just deal with it, you’re an adult here.
„Wait, Langa, you have nightmares? What the fuck did he even say to you? Did the fucker touch you?”, great, now Miya was yelling.
„Language, kid”, Kojiro interrupted. He knew Miya is angry, he was furious himself, but there was nothing they could do.
„Don’t language me! This has to end with a punishment. Be a man and punch that bastard the next time you see him!”
„Oh believe me, if it wasn’t for me, S would have its first murder.”, Shadow’s face portrayed a mix of pure rage and pride. It looked riddiculous.
„You should have done it. Maybe not murder, but a clean punch right to the stomach. Or face. Or both. Anywhere, really.”, it was Reki. His hand was gripping Langa’s shoulder, but he wasn’t looking at him.
„Most of you should know that I wasn’t able to do shit! I am very sorry that you didn’t get to see my muscles in action, I mean you saw what the fuck happened! What kind of shit Adam pulled!”, oh there was no way he could stop the anger from flowing out now.
„If I were in your position, I know I’d punch him!”
„You don’t know shit, Reki, you’re a kid.”, Shadow interrupted. Sometimes they all forget how young they really are.
„And you’re forgetting that I was ready to throw him off a nearest Cliff, i just had more urgent thing to take care of!”, now Joe was straight up yelling, which made everyone silent, except Miya who was sniffing.
They all knew what happened. They all saw it, live or recorded. The reminiscent of that night is recorded in Kojiro’s brain and is replayed in his worst dreams. Makes his blood boil.
But it was deeper than that. Physical wounds can be healed in a matter of weeks, but mental ones stuck to Kaoru. And Kojiro could see it in how much time Kaoru spent at Sia la Luce, how often he wanted to spend the night at Kojiro’s place, how he started asking for hugs even if that made him feel shame and how he had to up his meds again.
It was starting to get a little easier after Reki’s beef with Adam.
It was starting to get a little better after Kojiro got him a therapist.
It was starting to get great after they got together.
God he would kill for him if he asked.
„Cherry?”, Langa pulled him Kojiro out of his thoughts. Oh, he wasn’t taking part in this argument. He wasn’t speaking for a while.
„Earth to Cherry! We wanna know what you think”, it was Miya this time. His voice shook a little, but he maintained the cheerful note.
Cherry however was looking at something distant, not moving a bit. His stare was dead.
Reki stood up from where he was sitting and leaned to wave his hand in front of Cherry’s face. „Are you listening?” It didn’t work.
Kojiro’s face fell. Something was wrong, but it wasn’t the usual. „Kaoru? What’s happening? Can you speak?” Nothing. Everyone was confused. Nobody really knew about Kaoru’s mental state, besides Kojiro. Miya started sniffing again.
Kojiro stood up as Shadow moved Kaoru’s chair a bit away from the table and crouched in front of him. „Everyone stand back. Give him some space. Kojiro, I think he’s dissociating and I’m gonna need your help.”
Kojiro’s heart raced. He heard about it, Kaoru talked about it after one of his therapy sessions. He said that it might happen. He read about it and sometimes Kaoru would space out, but that was it.
This was something different.
He was frozen in the spot.
Shadow took one of Kaoru’s hand. It was limp. „He completely shut down. Langa, Miya, open up the windows. Reki, go bring some warm tea.”
„What am I supposed to do?”
„You get here and I’m gonna tell you what to do. He needs something to bring him back and I’m not sure he’d be comfortable with someone other than you touching him in this situation.”
Kojiro stumbled his way onto Kaoru’s left side and mimicked his posture after Shadow. He took his lover’s left hand and rubbed it. Kaoru still looked straight ahead so Kojiro put his hand on his cheek and guided his face to look at him. It worked.
„Okay, you need to tell him he’s dissociating. You need to assure he’s safe here and ask if he can hear us. Tell him to squeeze your hand if he does.”
„Kaoru, we think you’re dissociating. We’ve talked about it, remember? It’s a bit worse than what you’re used to. But you’re here with me. You’re safe and I won’t let anything happen to you. We’re here with Shadow and he knows how to deal with this. The kids are brave for you. Now, can you tell me if you can hear me? Squeeze my hand if you do.”, he wouldn’t let his voice shake. It isn’t the time to let the emotions out.
Kaoru squeezed his hand with no strength.
„He probably doesn’t think that what’s happening is real. We need him to realize that he’s really here.”
„So what should I do?”
„Touch him.”
Huh, it can’t be that grounding.
Kojiro took Kaoru’s arm and started to trace patterns on it with one hand. In order to do that he sat at Langa’s seat. His hand travelled all the way to his neck, his cheek and his hair. It stayed there, tugging a little. The other one still held onto his hand. „Can you feel it? I’m touching you. I am very real and I’m not letting go. I’m never letting go.”, Kaoru squeezed. He heard the rustling behind him, someone put hot tea on the table.
„Good, good that’s good. You’re doing great Joe. Talk to him. And lower your voice a bit.”, Langa put his hand on Joe’s shoulder, but still stood a bit far from Kaoru.
„Kaoru, hey, we were having dinner, you had pasta and laughed at that tiktok Langa showed you. Do you remember?” A nod. A blink. A tilted head leaning into the touch. Eyes still in the same place.
„And you got there with us. Me and Langa argued about ice cream and Miya was yelling at us in your car. We got there and you started smiling. Do you remember how it felt like?” Kaoru’s eyes were now on Reki. He nodded.
„Yeah and you insulted Joe like you always do, because he laughed, but still helped him with bringing us the food. Do you remember how warm the plates were? I’m putting a warm towel on your hand so you can remember.”, Shadow took a towel from Reki, grateful that the boy thought of that, and did as he told he would.
Kaoru blinked repeatedly.
„Kaoru, do you think you can speak now?”, Kojiro asked in an extremely soft voice.
„Kojiro what-„, his voice was a bit strained, but it was still good to hear. Everyone seemed to exhale a breath they were holding in.
„Here, drink that. I’m putting the straw into it, but please, drink that slowly.” It seemed to help. Kaoru looked around. „Kojiro, this isn’t happening. I’m not myself.”
„If it wasn’t happening, would you feel my hand in your hair? Would you taste the tea? Would you hear my voice so clearly? Have Reki ever spoke so quietly? You haven’t heard him like that, your brain doesn’t know how it sounds, but you heard him.”
„Cherry, where are you?”, Kaoru looked at Shadow as if he’s stupid. That was a good sign.
„Sia la Luce”, this was good. Even if he was confused, he was responsive. Shadow decided to ask him some questions. Kojiro still held onto him.
„Can you tell me the date?”
„15th of May”
„Okay, tell me what food do you like”
„Italian”
„What’s the name of your board?”
„Carla.”
„What do you feel?”
„Like shit.”
„What can we do to make it better?”
„I don’t know. Kojiro..”
„You’re doing great. You’re doing amazing. I’m so proud of you, every damn day, but especially today. Let us help.”
„I feel embarrassed.”
„I know, baby. We’re not thinking of you differently. Your feelings are valid, however, you can feel safe with us. Right guys?”, Kojiro finally took his eyes of Kaoru only to look at anxious teenagers.”They know it’s not your fault. They know it’s something you can’t control.”
„We know, Cherry. Shit, my friend told me about it. He told me it made him feel weak, but I think it makes him even stronger. And you’re already strong as hell.”, Miya whispered.
„Yeah, you’re strong and still scary. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have the guts to do all the things you did.”, Reki said in a gentle voice. Afraid that he would make it worse.
„You tried to protect me. It’s taken a toll on you, it’s taken a toll on me too. Nobody thinks of me less, it wouldn’t make sense if it didn’t apply to you.” Langa was crying now. His voice was shaky. He tried so hard to stop, but couldn’t. It’s because you started the topic, you should have known better- oh. Reki squeezed his hand and gave him a look that said „Don’t you dare blame yourself”.
A few minutes passed and Kaoru spoke, his voice small.
„Can I.. Can I get a hug?”
Everyone chuckled a little bit and rushed to him, squeezing each other. Kojiro’s head was on his shoulder, and Langa’s on the other one. Reki squeezed his waist with Miya and Shadow squeezed them all and put his chin on his head.
They stayed like that for a while, breathing deeply.
Kaoru chuckled.
„Guys, I think I’m good. Thank you, I’m grateful for you”., Reki sniffed. Shit I didn’t expect Cherry from all people to make me cry.
Langa felt a squeeze on his waist. He squeezed harder. He needed to talk to Cherry more often, he’d understand.
„Okay, let me go, please.”, he winced. Kojiro noticed. „My head—I think i have a migraine, my head is trying to kill me.”
„Do you want us to leave? We wouldn’t be offended, you know.” Shadow asked quietly, returning to his seat, prepared to grab his jacket.
„No, no.. just don’t be loud? And don’t bring that topic back. Please”, that took everyone by surprise. Cherry didn’t beg. Cherry did what he wanted and what needed to be done. So it was it. He finally trusted his little found family with something.
Everyone returned to their designated seats, except Langa and Kojiro, who switched. Kojiro still held onto Kaoru’s hand and still looked at him with worry in his eyes. Wears his heart on his sleeve, damn you Kojiro and Kaoru caressed his cheek with a tired smile that said I’m okay, just tired. Everyone stared for a moment, but they didn’t have the energy to care. Soon they started to talk in hushed voices.
Kaoru’s head was pounding and it felt heavy, but still chuckled at the story about Reki’s friend from the other school who somehow made his principal’s wig fly off in front of some students. Apparently he plays volleyball and they all got invited to a big match.
Miya was now showing some tiktoks to the whole group and Kaoru put head in his hands, rubbing his eyes. Kojiro leaned down.
„Is it getting worse?”
„No it’s just.. still bad. Hurts.”
„I know, honey. Do you want me to search for some painkillers?”, oh god his voice is so soothing, I just want to put my head on his chest and listen to it rumbling and—„Yes, please.”
Reki was staring at them. Eyes wide, cheeks a bit red. „Im gonna help you with that.”
„I don’t need help with—„
„I am helping, move your ass.”
If he weren’t so drained, Kojiro would be offended. But something was up and he just decided to go along with it. They got to the back of the restaurant, to the crew room specifically where he had all his medical stuff in case someone got hurt. He should have painkillers in here, he always stored them for his employees. He heard it helped with their periods, which often isn’t a light pain.
Reki was standing behind him.
„Spit it out, kid.”
„Honey? Baby?”
„You noticed, so what?”, Kojiro wasn’t phased. It wasn’t exactly a secret he couldn’t tell. It wasn’t exactly a public information either.
„Dude, you’re so whipped”, Reki knew anyway, but he wasn’t used to Joe being so soft openly. It was a little shocking.
„Oh please, you’re the one to talk”, Kojiro chuckled. They never talked about it, but it was something he couldn’t not notice. Especially when he saw himself in the boy. It’s like a damn mirror.
„Huh, I guess so.”, he expected Reki to be embarrassed, to blush, to deny it, not to admit it like that. So he reached that point much sooner than himself. It’s good. That’s good. „Are you going to confess soon?”
Now that was a surprise.
„Reki, we’ve been together for like 2 months.”
„Oh-- Can you help me then? Can you ask Cherry to ask Langa if he’s like.. into boys?”, oh god this is getting hilarious.
„I don’t have to. He’s in love with you, even his mom knows it. Are you blind? Do you need glasses?”, now Kojiro was just teasing, but it was the truth. They better get it together. Soon.
„His—his mom? Joe, you motherf—„
„She came with him to the restaurant one day, calm down. He saw me and Kaoru and asked how can she tell her son that she knows he’s gay, because it’s getting painful watching him pine after certain red haired boy.”, oh, Kaoru will have a field day when they’re gonna talk about this. Reki was so flustered.
„Don’t tell anyone we’ve talked about this or I’ll—„
„I’m not gonna out you. I have more than two braincells.” He laughed and walked towards the entrance.
He gave Kaoru lots of water and a pill, which seemed to work quickly. He started to feel sleepy and at some point his head was on Kojiro’s shoulder. Eyes shut, breaths even, body sagged.
„Joe, what happened with Cherry? I mean yeah that was definitely dissociation, but is everything alright?”, Langa almost whispered.
„He’s always had anxiety. It got bad recently and I think you know why. That’s just something that comes along with it. He’s getting help, don’t worry.”, he whispered. „Shadow, how did you know what to do?”
„Yui sometimes gets like that and trained me to help. She doesn’t recover as quickly though. I know it’s painful to watch someone you love like that, but some things can’t be really helped, right?”, Hiromi whispered with a knowing smile. Kojiro looked at Kaoru sleeping and tucked his hair behind his ear. Then he looked at everyone else. They all smiled and nodded.
Someone you love.
They know.
At the end of the night Miya also fell asleep on Reki’s lap, who still talked quietly with Langa, inviting him to spend the night. At some point Yui arrived to get Hiromi, but stayed for a bit. She was a bit shocked to see Kaoru like that, because she always considered him a well composed man, but she quickly threw that thought to the back of her head. Everyone deserved to be vulnerable.
Kojiro explained everything to her. She listened and gave him her number to call her whenever it gets bad. She told him to give it to Kaoru if he ever wants to talk about it.
Soon they all left. Yui agreed to drive the kids, so nobody had to worry about that. Kaoru was still sleeping, and Kojiro’s arm was going numb. He took Kaoru’s body into his hands and Kaoru whined.
„Shhh, I’m getting you to a comfortable bed. Get some sleep, baby.”
„I love you”, Kaoru slurred into his neck.
„I love you too, my darling”,
„And remember that we’re not alone. Not anymore.”, he added.