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They go back to the Four Seasons Manor in silence. None of them is saying anything. Despite the fact that Wen Kexing does want to say something after everything that’s just happened, he doesn’t know where to start the conversation. He suspects Zhou Zishu wants him to speak up first or intends on ignoring the matter altogether. It doesn’t sit right with him, though, as he feels like he owes the other man some kind of explanation. However, for possibly the first time in his life, he does not know how to express his thoughts.
The truth was that Wen Kexing still hasn’t processed the events that have transpired. For most of his life, there has never been anyone willing to put their own life on the line for him. That’s what shocked him the most — Zhou Zishu standing up for him without as much as a blink of an eye. Rationally, Wen Kexing knows that he doesn’t deserve such treatment, not after he lied, not with his past, not with his secrets. But his soulmate is still there, accepting him as if it wasn’t wholly immoral.
“A-Xu,” he eventually whispers as they reach the entrance to the Manor. He’s not sure if he even deserves to be in this place; he doesn’t feel like he does. “I should explain–”
“You don’t have to,” Zhou Zishu cuts him off, his tone definite, letting him know there will be no argument concerning this matter.
“But I need to,” his own words have an edge to them as if he was begging to be allowed to offer his explanation.
They stop in their tracks, then, and Wen Kexing can see Zhou Zishu turning towards him from the corner of his eye. He avoids the other’s eyes, doesn’t want to know what he can find there if he does look. So he keeps his own eyes fixed on the ground.
“Lao Wen, you owe me no explanation,” Zhou Zishu says solemnly, not looking away. Wen Kexing looks up to meet his eyes and is surprised to see nothing but honesty and acceptance.
He can’t bear facing the other like this. He feels ashamed at the mere thought of everything he’s caused and what he subjected his soulmate to. If Wen Kexing were to ever explain what Zhou Zishu means in his life, he’d say that the man means everything. Before meeting him, Wen Kexing didn’t see a point of his existence, not beyond taking revenge, at least. After meeting Zhou Zishu, he found that there was more for him than just that. He found someone who understands him, who sees his worst traits and isn’t running away, screaming. In a way, he became sidetracked, stepped off of the path, leading to his ultimate demise and it was all because of Zhou Zishu. Wen Kexing doesn’t remember what happiness felt like when he was a kid, but he got to learn it again thanks to the other man. Thus, he feels that Zhou Zishu doesn’t deserve to be put in a position where he is lied to and deceived.
On the other hand, Wen Kexing is glad to have Zhou Zishu. Despite all of his shame, he also feels amazed, knowing that someone is willing to put aside all of his flaws and stand by his side even when he doesn’t deserve that. He feels something rise in his chest at the thought. He doesn’t deserve that, but he can’t help the gratefulness that’s overtaking him.
“You deserve an explanation,” he finally utters. “A-Xu, I lied to you, you can’t just let me get away with it.”
“You had your reasons. Besides, I figured it out,” comes an answer and Wen Kexing is taken aback upon learning this information. “If you want to talk about it, let’s get inside and find some wine.”
Zhou Zishu takes a step forward, but is stopped by Wen Kexing grabbing his hand and turning him around. He then throws himself into the other’s arms and bends down to rest his head on Zhou Zishu’s shoulder. He immediately feels warmth engulf him as arms wrap around him. They don’t need to communicate right now, they understand one another well enough. They needn’t speak for being pressed so close together is enough for now. So they stand like that for a while before they eventually decide to move inside and continue their conversation.
“Why?” Wen Kexing asks as they settle down inside the Manor with some wine to pass between them. Zhou Zishu looks at him, confused, so he elaborates. “If you knew, why did you let me stay?”
Why would you let the Chief of the Ghost Valley stay at your home, why would you let me be around your silly disciple? is what he wants to really ask.
“Because I know you,” the other answers curtly.
He thinks about Zhou Zishu’s words for a moment. Could it be that Zhou Zishu truly knows Wen Kexing? After all, ever since they met, he told the man one lie or another. There is no chance that his soulmate can know the real him. He’s spent all that time convincing everyone around that he was a good person, but in the end, he’s the Chief of the Ghost Valley — twisted, ruthless, with murderous tendencies. But Zhou Zishu is still there, claiming to know him and accepting him no matter what. In Wen Kexing’s opinion that’s impossible. He ponders on that for a moment before he finally speaks up.
“I didn’t want you and Chengling to find out. I’ve been claiming to be a good person, while everyone in jianghu hates my mere existence. I didn’t want you to get involved in that,” Wen Kexing says, looking down in shame. He’s not sure what else he can say to justify his actions, but he’s desperate to explain it to the one person he cares about the most in the world so he continues, “I lied to you, all this time, all I did was lie, I convinced you and Chengling that my intentions were good, but, A-Xu, I’m the Chief of the Ghost Valley, I’m not a good person. You should be hating me now.”
“No, there’s no reason. What other choice did you have? I can’t say that all of it is justifiable, but we all did bad things. You are my shidi and my soulmate. I know this person and I’m going to stand by this person. Being good or bad is not all black and white either, Lao Wen. And I don’t think you’re truly a bad person.”
Wen Kexing is amazed, knowing that despite his past, Zhou Zishu is not chasing him away. He’s grateful for that, because he can’t even imagine a possibility where his soulmate is not in his life. He knows that so much has changed ever since the day they met and he sees how there is now a point in his life other than his plan for revenge. He wants so much more, but the matter is that he is not sure whether or not he deserves that.
In his eyes, he knows that Zhou Zishu has his own flaws, but he is also the first and only person that made him feel human again. Even when Wen Kexing showed his true colours and dissolved into madness, the other stayed and showed him understanding. And he is still doing it right now — sitting with Wen Kexing and sharing wine instead of fighting him as he should. It’s incomprehensible for him that someone would do so willingly. Most people would kill him right here and now, but not Zhou Zishu, who somehow understands Wen Kexing the way no one ever has.
“My past is dark; are you sure you want it to stain you?” Wen Kexing speaks up after a bit of silence.
“Have I not told you this is your home?” the man’s tone is casual, but Wen Kexing is once more hit with a realisation. He is once more made aware that his life is now different. He has found his place and no longer has to fight to survive. And what is more, he has someone who wholeheartedly accepts him.
“Are you really not gonna question my intentions? Won’t you ask about the Valley? There’s so much that could go wrong and you just accept it like that?” Despite the constant reassurances he gets, Wen Kexing is still doubtful; it seems too easy, too impossible that he’s gained forgiveness and understanding, and acceptance just like that. So he searches for a condition, for a fault that should be there for he doesn’t deserve what he’s getting.
“I’ve made peace with your presence in my life a long time ago. We’ve promised each other some things. I won’t be going back on my promise, now,” Zhou Zishu’s answer leaves no room for a discussion.
“It’s not smart though, living and dying together? Who knows; we might just have to die tomorrow,” he warns, making one last attempt at saving possibly the most important person in his life — his soulmate — from making the mistake of being entangled with him.
“Then, we’ll live until tomorrow, but we’ll do it together,” Zhou Zishu’s tone of voice is finite so Wen Kexing ceases all arguments and smiles a little, still looking down.
“Alright,” he whispers and straightens up.
He wonders if he should say something else, perhaps express his gratitude, but when he looks to his side, at Zhou Zishu, he knows it’s unnecessary. He can feel the corners of his mouth rising and watches as a similar smile blossoms on the other’s face as well. Both of them look away after a moment, opting to look out ahead. For a while, neither of them says anything, but eventually, the exhaustion caughts up with them fully so they agree to move to their rooms in order to get some rest.
“Lao Wen,” he hears as he’s about to go in the direction of his room. He stops in his tracks and looks at Zhou Zishu.
“You should take care of your wounds before you sleep,” the other says.
Wen Kexing brushes him off, “It’s not that bad, I’ll be fine.”
“Lao Wen, we both know Ye Baiyi got you bad. Come, let me have a look,” he offers and Wen Kexing stares at him blankly. He wants to refuse, but upon casting one look at his companion’s face, he knows it will be futile.
“Only, if you allow me to tend to yours,” he smirks, which earns him an eyeroll. He can’t help but think how familiar this routine is — Wen Kexing being shameless and Zhou Zishu getting exasperated, but still putting up with him.
Zhou Zishu leads the way to the room he’s been occupying since they got to the Four Seasons Manor. Once they get there, they turn to face one another.
“You should let me–” Zhou Zishu begins, but Wen Kexing cuts him off, knowing what the man is about to say.
“No, don’t waste your energy on me, you’ll need it more,” he says, remembering how the Nails make trouble for him at night and knowing that he will need his already depleted energy to deal with them. “It’s just my face and dignity that suffered greatly.”
Zhou Zishu snickers at that and Wen Kexing feigns offence. He’s pouting as he turns to face his companion, “A-Xu, stop making fun of me.”
“Alright, alright, let me see that face of yours,” he says and comes closer.
Wen Kexing feels Zhou Zishu’s hand gently cupping his jaw and turning it a little bit so that he can take a look. Zhou Zishu comes impossibly close to him to examine his face carefully. He pulls away after a moment, not looking too happy with what he sees.
“Does it hurt?” Zhou Zishu asks eventually.
“It’s not that bad,” Wen Kexing tries to brush it off.
“I’m not asking if it’s bad, I’m asking if it hurts,” the other sends him a deadpan look.
“A little bit, no need to worry about it,” he answers and Zhou Zishu sighs at that.
“Let me find something for that,” the man says and tries to move away, but Wen Kexing grasps his arm with his hand. The second he touches the other’s arm, he can hear Zhou Zishu hiss in pain. He frowns and goes to stand before his companion.
“What’s wrong with your arm? Did that old master hit you this bad?” he can feel frustration rising in the pit of his stomach. He senses some anger emerging as well at the thought of his soulmate getting hurt because of him. It was his entire point — to avoid such a situation — but it seems as though he had failed.
“It’s fine, it’ll just hurt for a couple of days,” he says. “We should sleep now.”
“A-Xu–” he is cut off right away.
“Lao Wen, it’s been a long day, it’s time to go to bed,” he repeats and Wen Kexing can only nod.
Wen Kexing wants to leave, but changes his mind upon casting a glance at Zhou Zishu. He allows a smile to take over his face, “A-Xu, I’m too tired to go to my own room, I’ll stay with you.”
“What?” the other asks, taken aback. He just nods and starts getting ready to sleep. Zhou Zishu stands there for a moment watching him.
“You still have some blood on your face,” he observes.
“So do you, let’s take care of that tomorrow,” he suggests. Zhou Zishu complies and joins him. “A-Xu, stand still.”
Wen Kexing moves closer to stand face to face with Zhou Zishu and starts gently running his fingers through the other’s locks.
“Your hair’s a bit messy, we can’t have that distracting people from your ethereal beauty,” he says softly.
“What people?”
“Me, of course,” he responds, which earns him another eyeroll. He grins and continues combing Zishu’s hair with his fingers. He only stops when he’s satisfied.
“Are you really planning on sleeping here?” Wen Kexing doesn’t give a verbal confirmation, but merely nods his head. “Lao Wen–”
“I know,” he interjects, thus ending the conversation. He already knows that nights are difficult for Zhou Zishu and the man prefers that no one’s around, but he has no intentions of leaving now. So, he simply urges Zhou Zishu to the bed.
They move to the bed and Wen Kexing wraps himself all over Zhou Zishu the second he’s laying behind him. He holds his soulmate close the entire night; even as Zishu grows restless because of the Nails. Even when the time comes to get up, he doesn’t let go. Instead, he chooses to hold on tighter when he feels the other try to move away from his hold. Wen Kexing hasn’t felt this much at peace ever since he can remember so he decides to ravish in that feeling a bit longer. And Zhou Zishu lets him.