Chapter Text
“We can’t go to Paris.”
“ Beth ,” Benny said, his hands gripping the steering wheel as he hit his forehead against it. “Please, darlin, you’re killing me here.”
“We can’t go, Benny.”
“You’ve been sober for a year and a half, this time I’m here. This time Cleo is in London, and Harry Styles is working for Gucci so she definitely won’t be in Paris.”
Beth huffed, looking out the window, fiddling with the rings on her finger. Benny glanced at her, then glanced at the traffic in front of them. He knew she wasn’t taking this well, and in truth, Benny didn’t expect Paris to have had such an impact on Beth.
The same way she refused to go through Denver. She would drive with him nearly everywhere but would riot if asked to drive through Denver never mind staying there a night.
He tilted his head back in silent prayer, asking for some sort of strength. He had heard rumors about this pandemic thing, Corona Virus or something. Corona was a drink you had in the beer garden. It was not a flu. It was not a killer flu.
Conspiracy theorists, in Benny’s opinion.
However, Beth was not taking it so lightly. She wore her mask, she wore gloves, and washed everything.
“You have fucking asthma,” she’d mutter at Benny as he wrapped a scarf around his face to keep her happy.
“It’s not real,” he’d mutter back.
Benny knew Beth well, and he knew she was angry. He saw it in the house she’d wash every surface, clean every glass, and how she stocked up on his medication and toilet roll of all things.
And now they were sitting in stand-still traffic trying to get to the airport for an invitational. Beth, apparently, was not for having it.
“You can go, Benny. I’ll see you off, but I won’t go.”
“Beth, please. Borgov isn’t even competing! He’s on a break because his wife is sick. You will be going in there as World Champion.”
“I’m not going because of the virus.”
“It’s not real.”
“How stupid are you?” Beth hissed, Benny knew she wanted to hit him but was refraining to do so.
“I’m not stupid, Beth. But there were these viruses before, the flu is a fucking virus and you don’t see all this panic about that!”
“Because this is a deadly virus.”
“Oh I’m sorry, I guess I missed the memo that we now are living in a Stephen King novel,” Benny drawled, rolling his eyes. He crossed his arm, the traffic was not for going anywhere, no point in waiting for cars to start moving. He grabbed a cigarette, offering one to Beth who actually smacked it out of his hand.
“This is why you have asthma!”
“Asthma is genetic! And they used to give cigarettes to asthma patients to help.”
“In the 60s, Benny! Jesus fucking Christ,” Beth screeched, grabbing a cigarette and lighting it. He huffed out a laugh quietly but she did hit him this time. “I hate you.”
“You agreed to marry me.”
“I’m going to divorce you, take you for everything you own, and move to Russia.”
“I don’t think anything I own will even stand a chance of getting you to Russia, but I’m glad I know your true intentions.”
“I know you value honesty.”
“Well if you’re anything, kid, you’re painfully honest,” Benny sighed, looking out the window and trying to see what was going on. They had been stuck like this for nearly an hour and at this point, Benny believed Beth had paid all these bastards not to drive so they’d miss their flight.
Benny had rather been looking forward to Paris. He enjoyed holidays, jetting off to see the globe. The world looked so small from the sky, tiny people in their tiny cars. It always amused him. His favorite was flying over cities at night, seeing the lights like stars in the sea of black.
The silence between Beth and him was agony. If Beth was anything, she was stubborn. Painfully stubborn, she could stick this silence out and think nothing of it, but it was starting to irritate Benny after only being in it for a matter of minutes so without much thought, he flicked the radio on.
“This is an emergency announcement, please return home. The nation is now in lockdown. I repeat this is an emergency announcement, please return home. The nation is now in lockdown.”
Benny was nearly sure he had stopped breathing, Beth was glaring at the radio with such intensity he thought it was going to combust. Slowly, he looked at her and she at him. He saw the emotion in her eyes, raw like a storm.
They were definitely in a Stephen King novel now.
*
Their first challenge was getting home. Lexington was closer and they agreed it made sense to spend lockdown in the suburbs, the garden would keep them occupied and they wouldn’t be on top of each other.
So, Benny drove to Lexington, thanking God that they kept clothes there all year round. They had packed for Paris, but it was only formal clothes really. They had things they needed in Lexington too. Beth probably had been preparing for this day her entire life, she always packed her life into a suitcase. When he asked why she did so, she simply went silent and left the room, until one night she confessed.
“Alice never kept the same address, every other week we’d move. I left too many things behind from not being able to pack quickly enough, so I learned,” she explained with a shrug.
Just another reminder for Benny of how tragic Beth’s life had been.
They spoke very little on their drive to Lexington. Benny was thankful for that silence, as he really needed to focus on the road ahead. He wanted to get them to Lexington as fast as possible. Beth was sitting still in the shotgun seat, stiff as a statue and looking ahead. In his periphery, he couldn’t even see her breathing. Occasionally she fiddled with the hem of her t-shirt or smoothed out her hair, needing to do something with her hands instead of just sitting there.
Benny tried to break the silence by voicing his thoughts out loud like “this crossroad should have been a roundabout”. “whoever designed these traffic lights should return their college degree” or “do you want me to run over your dog?”. Beth knew he did it to spark conversation or at least get a response. All it did was make Beth more anxious. And when Beth was anxious, so was Benny.
The moment Benny finally parked the car in front of the cozy suburban Lexington house, he threw his head back and took a deep breath. Beth, on the other hand, stormed out of the car as soon as it stopped and walked towards the front door. Benny watched her frame get smaller with distance until she disappeared behind the front door.
“Someone has to carry the luggage inside.” He told himself when he realized that Beth apparently had no intention of coming back out. It took him two trips to carry everything inside. It would be one trip if there weren’t so many random things in the backseat and in the trunk. If he tried to carry everything, half of the things would fall out of his grasp..
Once he closed the door, he wanted to carry the things upstairs to unpack.
“Wash your hands first.” He heard Beth’s voice from the kitchen. He followed it.
“Beth, we were inside the car the whole time. Mostly with windows up. I’m pretty sure this coronavirus did not get inside.” He leaned against the doorway and watched as Beth scrubbed her hands clean. He heard something about twenty seconds being the recommended time for washing hands. She seemed to be washing them for two minutes, at least.
“How am I supposed to wash my hands, if you don’t let me use the sink?” She turned to give him a death glare and then stopped the water. Then she stepped aside and dried her hands with a paper towel. Benny just wet his hands briefly, rolled the soap between his hands, and rinsed off any bubbles that the soap had created, all definitely under twenty seconds.
He turned around and saw Beth standing in the corner, the anger in her face matching the intensity of her hair color.
Benny just walked by, teasingly raised his eyebrows at her, and took the bags upstairs.
*
The first few days seemed blank. With all their plans canceled and with no places to go, life began to feel strangely pointless. To Beth, chess was starting to feel mundane. She loved the game, she lived for the thrill of finding the right move and she bathed in pride after winning. On the other hand, she had no idea when she would be able to show off her mastery of the game and the new strategies she and Benny came up with. Benny didn’t seem to be riddled with any sort of existential questions.
“Hey, I’m back.” She heard Benny say and the sound of the door closing followed.
“Did you get everything that was on the list?” Beth suggested that only one of them should go grocery shopping. She thought it would be her since she was the healthier one, but no, Benny Watts wanted to play the fucking hero in a global pandemic.
“Yes and no.” He put the bag on the kitchen table.
“What do you mean yes and no?”
“Well, they did have yeast, but it was nearly sold out so I don’t have as much as you asked for.”
Beth signed and contemplated the situation. “Alright, at least we got something.”
They put the groceries away. Beth put the vitamin supplements on the counter next to the microwave. She wanted them to be where Benny would easily see them. And maybe, just maybe, one day he’d decide to put a soluble vitamin C tablet into his glass of water. That day wasn’t in any way near, though.
“Did you wear your face mask?”
“Beth, come on.”
“I can’t believe you are like this. You! Of all people!”
“The face masks are just a recommendation, they’re not mandatory. I’m not doing anything wrong.”
Beth took a few breaths before launching into what she wanted to say. “Explain this to me. You are a chess player. Your livelihood is based on logic and reason, right? So tell me, how come that a chess player does not believe in medicinal science and continues to take a global pandemic lightly? Not an epidemic, a pandemic.”
“That’s right, I am a chess player and I have my judgment and I’m going to trust my gut. What my gut is currently telling me is that this conversation is over.”
*
Things did not improve after that argument, it’s not that Benny didn’t care or worry. It was just that he kept forgetting to wear a mask. Unlike Beth, he did not have a literal drawer color coordinated for a global pandemic. Benny did have to admit, her little masks were cute, when he asked if he could wear one the drawer was slammed and the lecture continued.
“It defeats the point, Benny, if you wear my mask. That I’ve been breathing into!”
“How is this even different to what we do most nights? We kiss, we have sex. Why now is it such a big deal to not be able to share a mask? We share a lot more than that when you’re-”
“Because we are in a pandemic , Benny. And if you die, that’s on me. If you get the virus, that’s on me. And then I have to live with it. Not you, not Hilton or Weiss, not even Gladys down the street- no, Benny, I know you stop by her house for a drink when you do the shopping.”
“She’s lonely!”
“It’s a fucking pandemic. For a child genius, God really was selective on giving you some common fucking sense.”
“That’s mean.”
“Well, no one else is laughing at the fact people are dying and you’re swanning around looking like the Lone Ranger,” Beth slammed the bathroom door in his face. The bathroom had become her favorite room in the house, he had noticed. The intense scrubbing, the smell of sanitizer when she finished, it made Benny’s eyes water from the sting in the air. Benny was starting to wonder if he needed to be concerned, he’d ask Jolene later if this was something he needed to try and control.
Beth never did anything half-heartedly. She let every emotion consume her wholly and fully until there was nothing left in her except her one chosen emotion.
Something Benny was discovering was that Beth really had rather explosive anger. It was like a monsoon, small pitters then just a downpour. She raged and raged, so much it was as if there was nothing in her except anger.
She had not learned, as many do, getting angry achieves nothing.
Benny remembered his grandmother, sitting at the dining table and smoking her table and telling him this. “Sure, the farmer gets angry when the rain doesn’t come, but the anger won’t make it come quicker. He has to learn to survive until then. That is life.”
Beth hadn’t learned these lessons, Benny supposed no one had taught her. She had been alone, and he did try to reason with her. However, there was only so much reasoning one could do before they had to walk away before the argument became too real and something too personal was said.
Benny found Beth sitting on the porch, coffee, and cigarette in hand as she watched the land before her like Mufassa watching over his kingdom.
“You make it worse for yourself. When you think of all these things, of the people dying and the germs. You make it worse. When you get angry, you don’t have anything to do with it and that’ll only make you more bitter, Beth.”
“I could kill you in your sleep.”
He knew that. But he didn't know if it was an empty threat.
Benny sighed, sitting down and opening his hand for her to take. “I’m trying, kid.”
“Well, try harder.”
“Why are you so cruel?”
“Why are you not seeing that if you get this, Benny, it's the end of the line. This is not some… some fucking poker table. You don’t walk away at the end of the night after playing a bad match. And then I’m alone ,” Beth hissed, looking away. Benny heard the rawness in her voice, and he knew that emotion. He knew that pain she was feeling.
He moved closer, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles gently.
“I’ll try, Beth. I’ll try for you.”
“I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to be alone.”
“Alright, darlin, alright,” Benny breathed, pulling her closer to his chest and rubbing the circles on her back. “I’m tough as a boot.”
“Fucking as thick as one as well.”
“You give such heartfelt compliments,” he breathed.
“This is what you agreed to marry.”
“And I don’t regret one bit of it,” he smiled.
*
Benny liked to think that they had adjusted to quarantine quite successfully. After all, it had been some time. While things seemed to be bad, they didn’t seem to be getting worse. He got two face masks. One was permanently in his bedroom. The other was in the glove box in his car. He wasn’t used to carrying a mask around and he always forgot to take one when he was going somewhere. Then Beth would ask if he had his face mask and he would point to the glove box. He did this every time. Beth told him that it was unsanitary to use the same face mask over and over again without washing. But he was trying. He was a little confused but he got the spirit.
Things weren’t as peaceful as they had imagined at first. Sure, they’d been living together before and they knew each other’s habits. But doing everything from one house was somehow more stressful. Benny thought that they could manage and most of the time, they did. Then there were the days when he thought that one of them would kill the other one.
“Elizabeth Harmon!” Benny shouted as soon as he opened the fridge and his eyes skimmed over the contents. He didn’t hear a response, so he shouted again. “Elizabeth Harmon, get your ass over here, right now.”
“I’m coming. I’m here.” She stopped in the doorway and placed her hands at her waist, waiting to hear what this circus was about. Benny assumed, based on Beth’s expression, that she had no idea what this was about. “What is it?”
“What is it? Take a good look!” He moved to the side a little, so Beth could see everything clearly.
“Can you please close the fridge? It’s not good if they’re open that long.”
“Take a look ,” Benny said threateningly.
“What? Did I forget to buy something?” He couldn’t tell if she was playing oblivious or if she really didn’t know.
“Okay, I’ll tell you. See this milk box right here? Now tell me, why is it in the door? I have told you multiple times that the milk has to be inside the fridge.” Benny then grabbed the innocent box of milk and put it on a shelf. A bit more violently than it deserved. #Justice For The Milk Box , Beth thought.
“Oh, yeah? Then why is it such a convenient place for a milk box, then, huh? It fits perfectly there.”
Benny took a deep breath through his nose. “The temperature in the door is unstable and the milk might go bad. I have told you this at least a thousand times and you never listen to me.” Then he slammed the door shut. Luckily, no sounds of things falling or breaking could be heard.
“How about you listen to me sometimes? For example, when I tell you to wash your cups right after you use them.” Beth walked to the sink and picked up a cup – the only thing that was there. Benny had to admit, she had a point.
“It’s soaking.” He replied simply.
“Yeah? Well, it’s been soaking for three fucking days.” Beth then set the cup back in the sink and Benny made a mental note to wash it. Within a reasonable time range, of course. Riling Beth up like this was strangely satisfying for him.
“Sometimes I think…” Beth crossed her arms on her chest and gave him a bitter smile. “Why am I surprised anymore? You even failed to grow a mustache.”
Benny was ready to let this one go but oh no . He wasn’t going to get angry and let her get the better of him. He walked closer to her and slouched a little so their faces were at the same height.
“If I were you, I’d be more careful about saying stuff like this.” He spoke softly and winked at the end, leaning into her ear. "I'll make you regret it tonight."
”Just means I hit close to home.” Beth smirked and sighed. “Whatever. I’m going to go back to my room and study, you know, do something more reasonable with my time than picking up fights.” Benny watched Beth leave, then his eyes traveled to the cup in the sink. Eventually, he went to the living room where he was doing some studying of his own.
*
“Benjamin Watts, come here this instant,” Beth yelled from the bathroom. She was about to do a load of laundry, but then she spotted a few socks just lying on the floor around it. When he wasn’t coming, she set out to find him herself.
“There you are, how is your majesty feeling today?” She found him sitting in the living room, some show playing on the TV and with a phone in his hand.
“Ah, finally you’re addressing me by my rightful title.”
“Hah, you wish.” She snatched the phone from his hand and put it on the coffee table.
“Hey!”
Then she took him by the hand and dragged him to the bathroom.
“Are these…” She pointed to the stranded socks. “… your socks?”
Benny placed one hand on his hip and rubbed his eyes with the other. “Yes.”
“Why are they not in the laundry basket? The last time I checked, your aim was pretty good. You can shoot your load inside me, you have no trouble with the toilet either, so what’s difficult about putting a few dirty socks in the laundry basket?”
“Beth, come on. I’m not in the mood for this.”
“How did evolution let you happen? Besides chess and sex and your average cooking and emotional support skills, you’re essentially useless. With your level of IQ, you should be playing checkers and not chess.” She threw the socks at him and was getting angrier and angrier when he didn’t seem fazed. Instead, with a laugh, he stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her. Tightly, so she wouldn’t have the room to hit him in the chest.
“If I should be playing checkers then you’d be outstanding at tic-tac-toe, you know that?”
“Don’t make fun of me, you twig-shaped twat. I wanted a shower but was in a rush!"”
“So now you’re using British insults on me? Great, I’m going to have a word with Harry Styles, when this lockdown is over.”
Beth threw her head back, letting out a fake sob and Benny knew she wasn’t really crying.
“ And I wanted to marry Harry Styles…” Beth wondered out loud and Benny rolled his eyes. “Yet I'm stuck with you. And I'm sure he wouldn’t leave dirty socks next to the laundry basket.”
He placed his head on top of Beth’s. “Harry Styles wouldn’t make you a better chess player.” Benny ran his fingers through her hair.
“Let’s go to the living room, we’ll watch some shows, order take-out.”
“Okay.” The whole time Benny had an arm wrapped around Beth’s shoulder.