Chapter Text
There are few stories that are no longer allowed to be told within the walls of Tokyo high. One of them is the time Gojo threw a make-your-own-sushi party, and somebody almost got “fug-ed” and by somebody, we most mean Nanami and Yuuji. Yuuji has a bloody curse lord inside him so that bastard is immune, our beloved salaried man had to make trip down to the E.R, where he swore that the 6-eyes would end with Gojo. Another time is when they all got stuck watching Jurassic park and Toge got so invested that he kept saying “shit!”. The most infamous however, is what is known as the seven days of hell, the week where Itadori tried to woo Fushiguro and being the numskull he is, enlisted the help of Kugisaki, her beau and a bunch of idiot-men.
“I cannot believe you listened to their advice” Fushiguro is heard to have said more than his usual number of disbeliefs per week with respect to anything Gojo. This time though, Megumi Fushiguro’s snark and Yuuji Itadori’s will to cease to exist, were well founded.
Day 1 – Rose day
“Are you sure, Nobara?” Itadori’s eyes dilated a centimeter more than his usual surprised self.
“Of course, I’m sure you dolt. Do you not see who I date?” Kugisaki waved her hand around her phone’s lock screen which was her and Maki pouting in swimsuits at Kanagawa beach with a suspicious panda thumb.
Itadori stared at Kugisaki’s phone which listed out seven days’ worth of holidays that build up to Valentine’s day. Yuuji had decided, he was going to ask Megumi out on valentine’s day, to which Nobara said that he was being “as lame as the notional porcupine himself.”. She coaxed him into making it a big deal, celebrating each of the days and then bam! Megumi won’t know what hit him! Unless what hit him was Todo, then he would certainly know what did.
“so…I should buy him roses? Isn’t that a bit weird?” Itadori blushed while grazing his head.
“It would be if you were so typical!” a white-haired cherub of a human squeaked as he settled into his uninvited meeting with his two love-sick babies.
“Sensei! Shit! You scared us!” Kugisaki instinctively reached for her hammer as Gojo gently patted it down with one hand and grabbed Yuuji with another.
“Yuuji-kun, I’ve known Megumi all his coherent life. He wouldn’t get swayed by a bouquet of flowers. You have to make it LARGE” Gojo’s eyes were definitely glimmering in perverse joy “here!” he thrusted an image in front of his students who were now, not saying all that much.
“Who the..”
“Jeff Goldblum” Kugisaki drooled
“how do you..”
“Jurassic park, we don’t talk about it. You were dead” still drooling.
Itadori’s eyes met Gojo and Kugisaki’s eyes started to burn down the image. For someone who was as gay as a Dutch window, Kugisaki was really putting Jeff in a questionable position.
“Ah, sensei, just, ahem, one, question”
“SPIT IT OUT” Kugisaki screamed as she tried to remember all things good and gay.
“Where’s the rose in this?”
Gojo put his hand gently on his student’s hand almost fatherly, expect no dad would help his son score his stepson.
‘Here’s how”.
Few hours later
Megumi’s sparring session with Nanami was going on well. He had managed to dodge the first-grade sorcerer’s 7:3s fairly well but sustained a few minor knocks to his knee. Nanami insisted he took a breather when he noticed Fushiguro dipping his hands through the shadows. Nanami smiled, raised his cursed weapon, and said “Fushiguro-kun, would you like to dabble in cursed energy weaponry as well?”
Fushiguro quickly nodded, he was always happy to be trained by Nanami than his own guardian pervert Gojo. He lofted himself to fetch a weapon when Nanami signaled at him to rest for a bit and that he’d fetch the weapon instead.
Nanami headed to Fushiguro’s room, swung the door open carefully and stood frozen.
“I’ve been waiting for you” Itadori was perched on Fushiguro’s bed, shirtless, legs sprawled, one hand nestling his head and another laying on his knee that was decked by the tightest leather pants Gojo could find; very very little was laid to imagination. A rose striking his face lodged between his teeth.
Nanami’s goggles broke. Itadori let out a supersonic squeal “NANAMINNNIDIDN’TMEANYOUOHFUCKINGSHIT”
Nanami proceeded to shut the door behind him, head down walking away, bile forming rapidly. He made it to Fushiguro but walked right past him. Maki had joined in hearing about the weapon training. They watched a former shell of Nanami glide past them in what looked like a plague-stricken face.
“Is he…crying?!” Maki gasped.
Day 2 – Propose day
“Okay fine, so we didn’t anticipate Nanami-san bumping into you instead. It’s not that big a deal”.
“The fuck it is! And who told Panda?!” Itadori shrieked.
“Hey! For a guy who nearly flashed Nanami-san you have some nerve! Besides, I saw it happen when I was parkouring on the terrace and I felt like you really needed all the help you can get!” Panda said, feeling quite offended.
“What’s day two Nobara” Gojo timidly asked, trying to ignore Itadori’s glaring eyes. Gojo was meant to keep an eye on Fushiguro and signal to Yuuji that it was safe for him to break into Megumi’s room. Needless to say, Gojo was not doing that when he decided to make a quick trip to Nara and bring in a pet deer. He was petting Mochi as they convened.
“Propose day. I think you shouldn’t just propose, that’d be a bit of an escalation without a climax” Nobara lectured.
“That’s so what she said” Panda slapped a hi-5 to Yuuji, who was met with such disdain from Nobara.
“What if you…” Gojo began.
“Haven’t you fucked up enough sensei?” Nobara chided “I’ll think of something better this time. Yuuji, let’s write him a letter and leave it in his locker. It’ll be sweet and surprising, and it’ll be like a proposal but not!”
Yuuji’s eyes glistened and Panda’s soft aww betrayed an overall approval. Love was definitely in the air.
“Dear Megumi, I want to dry hump you until your pretty eye lashes sweat. Love Yuuji” Itadori proudly announced. Panda coughed, Nobara almost nailed her own thumb and Gojo cried tears of happiness.
“Tuna salad : stick to Hallmark” a voice was heard muttering.
--
“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m writing this with one hand, cause I’m thinking about you.”
Megumi’s eyes narrowed into slits as he felt watched by three faces, waiting to glean his reaction to the most romantic card he’d received. He turned, red in his face, his hands balled up into a fist, vaguely reminiscent of his delinquent days.
“Which one of you shitheads did this…” he bellowed as he heard a “ha he he he he hooo” coming from Gojo’s direction.
Day 3 – Chocolate day
“I’m never taking any of the shit you guys say seriously” Yuuji pouted as he sipped his juice box.
He was surrounded by the idiots who let him send that abomination to Fushiguro and a new added member in the ‘Yuuji is a mess’ club – Mai.
“I can’t believe you think Megumi-chan would even look at you” she scoffed, almost petulantly.
“Yeah, and I can’t believe you have the hots for someone who is your NEPHEW” Nobara growled
“You guys didn’t meet his dad” .
Panda and Nobara both made regurgitating vomiting sounds.
“Anyway, since I’ve actually dated, I think I’m the most experienced member of the pathetic club here” Mai grinned. “So today is what chocolate day?”
Toge confirmed with “Lindt Lindor”.
Yuuji realized how out of his control this had gotten, but he so wanted to impress Fushiguro. The other day when they sat after class under a leafy lush tree, Fushiguro read Poe out to him and Itadori listened wide eyed in awe of the pensive raven-haired man’s mind. He was fixated with the solemn yet sincere look in Megumi’s emerald eyes. And still all he could think of was “What would his voice sound like if I stuck my tongue in his throat and he liked it”. Basically, little Yuuji was a lot more active than Yuuji when it came to Megumi. So, he felt he had to rely on the objective lot to inform his decisions. So far – team moron -0 , fate -2.
“I read in Vogue that food play is verrryy sexy” Mai purred, lowering her sultry mannerisms closer to Yuuji’s face. Gojo looked magnetically at her, feeling drawn to her filthy mind.
“Mai-san I always knew you had it in you to be cult leader. Cult? Did I say cult, I meant clan” Gojo sneered.
Mai winked at Gojo before she snaked her arm around Nobara, got close to her neck and dangled her tongue millimeters away from Nobara’s shaking neck, like their own infinity was active.
“so so so” Yuuji stumbled “I basically dip myself in chocolate?!”
“It’ll make him want to…” Mai sinfully gestured a lick near Nobara as Panda made a bit of “oooeee” sound.
“You could wear a chocolate deodorant through the day and then when he’s curious and close enough, invite him to see what the source of it is” Mai’s dangerous hovering near Nobara had made Nobara almost pointless. These Zenins drip sex.
“I could recommend one if you like Yuuji-kun” Mai pressed a finger to her lip and then turned to Gojo with a smirk.
“Gee thanks Mai-san! You’re not as much of a bitch as… Hey!” Yuuji felt a kick to his knee.
“I guess it’s only my sister that does it for you then eh. You’re stiff as ice” Mai voice-tickled Nobara before telling Yuuji she’ll text him the name of the brand and walking surreptitiously away.
--
Yuuji sprayed himself with this special one that Mai recommended. It was this champagne cherry flavored deodorant. He was thoroughly impressed with how irresistible he smelled. He began to daydream how he would walk into their history of curses class, how Megumi would feel this waft of delirium circuit his brain and he would follow the scent with the intensity of his divine dogs. That scent would lead Megumi to him, and he would say “Is that you Itadori, smelling like the man of my dreams?”
Itadori blushed at his imaginary version of Mills and Boons Megumi, as walked out of his room. He was kind of excited about this class too, it was vertical, so all his friends were there. Itadori walked in and sat next to Fushiguro, who was busy in his book when Itadori noticed his nose slightly twitch. He leaned towards Itadori, whose brain was fusing out at the unwavering focus with which Megumi was looking at him.
“Itadori is that…”
“CHOOOCOLATEEEE CHERRY” a sonorous bellow came from across the room in the shape of one Aoi Todo.
“Someone is wearing the exact scent Takada-chan wore for her spring festival idol meet! I must. Know!” Todo’s hound like pursuit led him to shaking Itadori and when Todo figured out who it was, his eyes welled, his hands shook like they found mana.
“BRUZZA IS IT YOU?”
Gojo marked Itadori and Todo absent from class as they had reportedly, jumped out of the window.
"So he really is that stupid! How did he not realize that was a total setup" Mai cocked out doubling up in laughter.
"Mai-san, you and Maki-san are like angel and demon right?"
---