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"Please, you are nothing like Joey" Nobara balked at Itadori's insinuations as he loudly continued to defend his stand.
"In that case, you're as much Rachel as I am Joey" he retorted, earning a scowl from the self-proclaimed fashionista, who off late had been trying to embody the famous FRIENDS character so much, that she had been making coffee for everyone, to which Fushiguro admitted "yes, you're as bad at it as her". Nobara blamed his insipid taste in the beverage as the faulty thing here and brushed it off as a very Dr Green thing to do.
All in all, the FRIENDS fervor had spread within the walls of the two colleges and the two mischief makers extraordinaire had a fun Saturday event planned up their sleeves.
"...and so Nobara and I thought, we should play that game those guys played!" Itadori and Kugisaki smiled menacingly at the two placid looking Z'enins sitting across them. One had no clue who any of these people Nobara couldn't stop talking about were, while the other had accepted been monikered as a crustacean of some sort because Itadori couldn't stop crying while telling him the story and honestly, anything to get that Labrador of a human to not cry.
"Does this look like the face of a person who knows what you're talking about?" Maki questioned, garnering an air kiss and an instant hug from her better half.
"My Maki-san is always so cute with her cluelessness," she fussed. "In one of the episodes Monika-Rachel, Chandler-Joey play a game to see who knows who better, like, questions about each other"
"Like?" Maki's eyes narrowed.
"Like, what's my favourite colour?" Itadori offered.
"Easy, it's orange," Fushiguro scoffed.
"Did I not tell you how we're going to ace this, NO-BA-RA" Yuuji emphasized, while crushing Megumi under the strength of his side hug.
"So, what, everyone knows that about you, you human tangerine. Even that shirtless moron from Kyoto would" Nobara dismissed.
Itadori winced at the thought of being not only predictable, but also at the mental image of Todo defending Itadori as a human tangerine by saying his presence was like having vitamins or some cheesy shit like that.
Much coaxing followed and the stoic pair finally relented to this game after Nobara and Itadori explained how the TV show bet ended in high stakes and that they could emulate something equally enticing here to get all parties invested.
"Losing side gets the winning side's missions for a week!" Nobara said.
"How lame. How about, the losing side cooks for the winning side for a week!" Itadori chimes in.
"I do not want to eat anything made by either of those two" Fushiguro adds, making Itadori guffaw and earning him a sharp thwack from Nobara.
"Losing team...is Gojo sensei's bitch for a week" Maki smirked.
The trio gasped, with Maki's smile ever widening. The last time someone was Gojo's bitch for a week, Nanami had to take a sabbatical from work because his office was apparently jello-ed by a panda in a skirt and a boy who "was reading out of a takeout menu". Itadori and Nobara jumped in agreement, because of how high octane this would become. Fushiguro on the other hand, trembled in fear. Having spent the most time with Gojo, he was not prepared to live his childhood again as a 20-year-old. Some purring from Itadori about how they got this, propelled him and nauseated Nobara. Now all they had to do was find someone who they could trust with planning the questions and not cheat unabashedly.
"I'm pleased that you asked me Yuuji-kun but it's past 5pm and I have no time for games I'm afraid".
A disturbance in the field was felt as realization dawned on the figure in the distance as to what had just happened here.
"You asked HIM? Over ME?! I could not feel more betrayed and hurt by my own children. MY children. MY flesh and blood! After all we've been through Yuuji! I can expect Megumi to be this heartless but you? Take my pound of flesh! take it!"
"Sensei no offense but you're the shadiest dude here" Nobara spat.
Yuuji was holding his tears back as he nodded in agreement.
"She's right. I would rather trust that Earth curse than you" Megumi scolded.
"Earth curse? You mean the one I totaled! Am I right?" Gojo immediately drew out a five from a grinning Yuuji mouthing 'Bad-ass'. Eventually it was agreed that Gojo would prepare the quiz, mostly because no one else gave enough fucks to do it. Todo Aoi declined to attend his self-invitation to the quiz stating that his tender heart could not take watching another man claim to know his best friend better than him. Especially if that man happens to be a pasty sea urchin.
"Rules are simple. There are two rounds in the general category and then 30 seconds of a lightning round. And Megumi-chan, don't think I'll go easy on you because I'm your daddy" Gojo winked at Fushiguro. Fushiguro had almost forgotten how he tricked Tsumiki to call him daddy around Getou when they were younger to get a rouse out of the man; what a rookie mistake trusting Gojo.
"Question one to Nobara, how old was Maki when she first kicked Naoya in the nuts badly enough to cause testicular tear?"
Itadori’s eyes widened on cue at – first (there was more than once?!) and tear. Nobara scoffed, she triumphantly answered eight. Almost everyone had heard the story about the testicle-tearer, including a seven-year-old Fushiguro, who was introduced to his aunt by Gojo as, well, the testicle-tearer.
“Correct-o! One point to the ladies! Now, Yuuji-kun, what was Megumi-chan’s nickname when he was first brought into Tokyo high?”
“I KNOW THIS, IT WAS MEGARA AND HE HAD PIGTAILS FOR A MONTH!” Megumi bonked his fist against Itadori’s head for volunteering unnecessary information.
“What?! Megara, pigtails, woah woah woah!” Nobara gasped, prodding Fushiguro to reveal a little more about this fascinating tidbit, causing him to be livider at Yuuji.
“Yup! I saw the picture on Gojo sensei’s fridge! Then Gojo sensei told me he dressed Megumi up as a girl to trick everyone for a month, and you know, with his name it was easy! And his favourite toy was a stuffed lion called Ohisama because that’s what he thinks the sun is called, and… ” Yuuji was finally stopped with a sharp kick to his knee by an angered sea-urchin, glaring at him.
“As always Yuuji-kun is right! Speaking of which, remind me to tell you the story of when Megumi accidentally drank Shoko’s brandy as a nine-year-old and gave himself a wedgie” .
“What is the point of saying -remind me, when you literally just told the whole story!” Fushiguro grumbled as Gojo wiggled his squiggly fingers in midair.
“Maki-san! Nobara starred in an advertisement, which one was it?”
Nobara’s face paled, it looked like she had eaten bad fish. Yuuji looked like an evil gremlin while Megumi betrayed a hint of a smile; oh, they all knew. So did Maki but Nobara would rather swallow Sukuna’s finger than hear this out loud.
Maki whispered “I’m sorry, but we need to win. Yo purple, it’s the nappy commercial”.
You knew Gojo’s eyes were glimmering behind the glasses when he pressed for more information; a moaning Nobara could be heard slamming her head against the table.
“She was, ahem, a young mother who didn’t know how to change diapers. I’m so sorry” Maki took Nobara’s throbbing head and pressed it against her shoulder as Itadori and Gojo erupted into laughter and Megumi whimpered with laughter under his breath.
“IT WAS MEANT TO APPEAL TO ALL AUDIENCES” she squeaked as Maki continued to pat her head.
“Very good Maki-san, very nice indeed! Finally for this round, Megumi-chan, Itadori’s first crush was…?”
“Jennifer Lawrence” Nobara unconsciously muttered.
“Nope, it was Miss Bellum from the Powerpuff girls” Megumi confidently corrected her, to which Gojo flashed a giant thumbs up.
“She didn’t even have a head!” Maki protested. “Your point being?” Yuuji chimed.
“Wonderful! We have had no wrong answers in this section. In the next one, I will ask you all the same question and you must first, answer your answer, and then your partner’s answer. Then we will cross-check them against each other. Yes, Yuuji-kun?” Gojo pointed at Yuuji whose hand darted up.
“What the fuck did any of that mean, sensei!” he earnestly asked.
“It’s okay, just follow my lead” Fushiguro almost cooed, drawing an aww from the female faction.
“The question is – what is the stupidest thing you have been led to believe? First write down your answers and then what you think your partner will write. Maki-san seems to be done already! Yes Maki-san”.
Maki turned her sheet around and it read :
‘Me – men and women were equal ; Nobara – she believes she doesn’t have the potential to be as strong as me’.
Nobara : ‘Me – I’m alone ; Maki-san – she believes she isn’t the strongest Z’enin (no offense Fushi)’
Itadori : ‘Me – I thought mountains are made entirely of ice. Fushiguro – nothing! He’s the smartest uWu
Fushiguro ‘me – Gojo might just not be a dickhead. Itadori – thinks mountains are made of snow’.
“Oh wow, despite being utterly useless and not even remotely as insightful as the women here, the boys get one point thanks to Yuuji thinking Mount Fuji was a snow-cone during our last mission! And we’ll deal with Megumi-chan’s delayed sudden appearance at the age of twenty- teenage angst later!” Gojo clapped furiously, ignoring Maki holding Nobara back from swinging her hammer at the towering man.
“With this we come to the lightning round. The boys lead by one point, but ladies, the theme of this round is such that you can gain your point back and even win. The theme is…”
Gojo dramatically paused, lowered his sunglasses before flinging his jacket over his shoulder. Pursing his lips, he let out a naughty giggle. Something in that sound set Fushiguro off. He had known that cackle. It was the calm before a storm, the “Megumi-chan, meet uncle Getou” before the daddy-disaster, the pre-Megara period.
“Its NSFW!”
Fushiguro looked like he put on the best Inumaki impression when he attempted to conceal his blush in his collar, while Maki hid her reaction in the opacity the sun’s glare offered to her on her glasses. But one thing was clear to both Z’enin, their better halves were too invested to realize where this was going. Fushiguro let out a small sigh before placing his palm on Itadori’s shoulder.
“Yuuji” he spoke, causing Itadori to sharply swivel in his direction in anticipation.
“Let’s… macerate them” .
Itadori cried in joy as he grabbed Fushiguro’s entire lanky frame in one hug. Not only did Fushiguro use a term he learnt from Itadori’s insistence on watching masterchef, but he also admitted to wanting to defeat the feral females In a Couples contest. That’s it. Yuuji didn’t need a wedding, this was it. Watching this Maki grabbed Nobara’s hand, clasped it firmly in her own and growled “Let’s go babe”, who was grinning like the Cheshire cat.
“Alright then gents, since you are leading step up, please. Your thirty seconds start now- What is your Fushiguro’s favourite make-out place?”
“The kitchen! Like when making meatballs!”
“Correct. Megumi, finger, or foot? What is Yuuji’s biggest fetish?”
“For the finger eater he is, it’s foot surprisingly” Megumi looked visibly sick attempting these questions.
“Hehe. Yes! Yuuji, what’s Megumi’s sexy nickname for you?”
“Yuuji, let this one…”
“HUGE-EE, IT’S A PLAY ON THE WORD YUUJI BUT PENILE”
Megumi’s face turned green with the bile racing up, Maki and Nobara would’ve laughed but thankfully, they seemed to be mentally revising.
“Brilliant work Yuuji! Megumi, top or bottom?”
“Uh, top duh?” Megumi gathered himself and managed to spew.
“Ooooe, wrong answer”
“You can’t answer for me, you overgrown turnip!” Fushiguro snarled.
“And time! Thank you for your amazing performance, both literal and literal-elsewhere-literal. We shall never forget the day Megumi led us to believe he tops. Next, we have the ladies! And oh, would you look at this, I have officially run out of time! And the winners are the ladies! Well done girls, this is so not reflective of the fact that I’m terrified of Maki destroying all chances of me continuing the Gojo clan. Boys, I shall see you tomorrow for a week’s worth of annoyance. Ciao my babies!”
“SENSEI, NO! I CAN TELL YOU MORE NSFW STUFF IF IT’LL LET US WIN. FUSHIGURO LIKES IT WHEN I CALL HIS ASS BABYCAKES! AND THERE’S MORE!” Yuuji bolted down the road chasing a fleeing Gojo.
Nobara and Maki weren’t sure on how to celebrate considering they were wondering what to do with the Z’enin clan leader who had passed out near them.
---
The chores roster in the college dorms had Babycakes and Huge-ee kun listed for community laundry activities. Gojo had also scheduled a tennis match between him and Babycakes versus Nanami and Yuuji, where the younger duo was spotted sporting Maki and Nobara’s uniform as tennis outfits (You didn’t think he would let the girls off the hook that easily, did you?). They had to take Shoko drinking and pay for her drinks; the tank of a woman decided to stop at nine drinks. And finally, the boys were enlisted to perform a dramatic retelling of ‘Up’ by Cardi B during the sports exchange for their junior batches.
“First take care of that Gojo” Gakkuganji was heard saying, again.