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Katsuki hates that it all starts with a dumb as shit truth or dare game.
It couldn't be while they're out fighting villains, or doing a training exercise, or hell, he'd even take doing the dorm chores. No, it had to be a truth or dare game. The most asinine and mundane thing. Infuriating.
"Hmmm I choose..." Ashido hums, squinting her black eyes at the group she has held captive in a loose circle of tangled legs and blankets on the common room floor. Katsuki, even from where he's sitting at one of the long tables, can see when she spots her victim. Her eyes pop open wide and practically sparkle, as she brings her hand down from the air like a guillotine to point at whoever the poor sucker is. "Midoriya! Truth or dare?"
Hah! Serves Deku right.
"Uhm... truth?"
Katsuki isn't paying attention, he isn't. Him leaning forward and stilling the movement of his pencil over his notes means nothing. It's coincidental.
Ashido grins evilly at Deku, "What's the meanest thing you've ever thought or said about someone else? Villains not included."
The group gathered becomes a damn circus, trumpeting and roaring about how good little Deku can't have ever thought anything mean about someone else and how unfair the question is.
Then Deku hums and says, all too disgustingly innocent, "One time when I was, hmm I think eight? I was really upset about Kacchan ripping up a rare All Might card I had, and I remember thinking 'I'm going to rip his legs off and end his obnoxious life.'"
Absolute silence. All the chaos and noise stops like a vacuum sucked it out of the room.
A pin could drop in goddamn America and they'd hear it.
"What the fuck, Deku?" Katsuki hisses, pushing himself up from his seat, already seething.
Deku blinks in confusion, then his eyes go wide when he realizes what he just said. He turns to all his friends, suddenly seeming to notice their stunned, borderline horrified expressions, "A-Ah I mean, I was eight haha. And Kacchan had been being mean to me all week. I was just answering honestly and telling you the meanest thing I've ever thought! I obviously didn't do anything." His rambling gets weaker and weaker, until it dissolves purely into nervous, shakey laughter. "W-Who wants to go next?"
Then Katsuki reaches them, grabs Deku by the back of his shirt, and yanks him to eye level.
"Acgk-" Deku chokes, as he squirms around in Katsuki's hold like the worm he is. "H-Hi Kacchan, let's, uh, let's not act hasty."
"You wanted to rip my legs off?" Katsuki snarls.
"For like, only a second!"
Katsuki shakes him roughly. "I should rip your legs off, dweeb!"
Although Deku is the one being physically shaken, Katsuki can't help but feel a little jostled and off balance himself. He never thought, never saw any sign, of Deku feeling bitter or angry at him. It used to piss him off, how no matter what he did, he could never get Deku to snap and fight back.
Yet here Deku is, confessing to one mean thought, probably hiding more deep down in the darkest corners of that freaky brain of his.
It makes Katsuki wonder how much he really knows about Deku.
That is the moment Katsuki can point at -that dumb truth or dare game, and that dumb question- as the moment when everything started spiralling out of control. That's the moment that planted the parasitic seed of thought in Katsuki's mind.
Because unfortunately, after their fight at Ground Beta, Katsuki had made the decision that he was going to try to respect Deku more. Not be nicer to, no, that's pushing it. Plus it would probably scare Deku out of his mind and have him either running for the hills or thinking Bakugou is that vampire villain girl. But respecting him is a good place to start. They can be rivals, and sometimes allies if they have to fight together.
They don't have to be friends, but Katsuki needs to be better.
It's the least Katsuki can do, and he fucking knows that, okay? This is just a place to start.
But a side effect to respecting Deku, that he hadn't seen coming until it hits him head on like a speeding train, is that now Katsuki is beginning to realize possibly the worst thing he could ever realize.
Deku... isn't that bad.
He's still Deku though. For every piece of him Katsuki can tolerate, there's more to him that he can't. After all, Deku is still the same annoying and creepy little dweeb who grew up right beside Katsuki. Every step of the way, if he looked over his shoulder, Deku was there.
(Nevermind that Deku stopped following him around with awe lighting his eyes when they were six. Nevermind that Katsuki never noticed when that happened, when Deku dropped to the sidelines. Katsuki just kept thinking Deku would always be behind him, would always be beneath him.)
(Where is Deku now?)
So Katsuki is confident that there isn't that much that he doesn't know about Deku, and he puts the thought of maybe I don't know Deku very well anymore firmly out of his mind, out of even the realm of possibility.
This kind of minor personal bullshit isn't important to becoming the Number 1 Hero. Really, the fact that Katsuki even let himself think about it at all is ridiculous. Those are braincells and seconds he'll never get back.
He doesn't care about Deku enough to even want to know him better.
(At least, that's what he tells himself. Again and again, furiously, with his molars grinding together and his own glare piercing him through the mirror, forcing himself to believe it.)
"Hey loser, catch."
Deku looks up -just like Katsuki knew he would, the pushover- just in time to block the melon soda Katsuki has tossed straight at his head.
He looks surprised, and stares like a freaky owl at the soda for a too-long beat before he finally registers what he's caught and relaxes.
"That's your favorite, right?" Katsuki says, smug as he twists the cap off of his own bottle of Pocari Sweat and takes a full swig. Fresh from the vending machine, the drink is cool and satisfying as it slides down his throat, just what his overheated body needs right now.
He and Deku had begun to spar with each other every Saturday after classes let out; Deku to practice with One for All, and Katsuki to prove how much better than Deku he still is. But today they'd gone to one of the outside training grounds, and although Autumn is in full swing, they're both panting and sweating buckets from how hard they'd been training.
"Uh, sure it is."
Katsuki pauses in the middle of another large gulp of his drink.
Deku's tone doesn't meet the level of gratefulness Katsuki knows he's owed.
Immediately he spins on Deku, gnashing his teeth, "The hell'dya mean sure it is?"
Deku winces, and with nothing else to keep his hands occupied he begins to roll the soda back and forth between them. Katsuki hopes he gets a face full of gross sticky carbonated beverage later when he finally opens the damn thing.
"I guess I mean, uh, it was my favorite when I was a kid? But I actually like the aloe and coconut juice more now."
Katsuki gapes at him, then says in an incredulous burst, "The juice you hated cause of the weird thickness and the chunks in it is your favorite now?!"
Deku shrugs, "The texture doesn't bother me as much anymore," Then, he glances to the soda in his hands and considers it for a moment, before jabbing another nail into Katsuki's fucking coffin. "Actually, nowadays I don't really drink anything carbonated. The bubbles always feel so gross in my mouth."
This bastard. Katsuki can't figure out what kind of game Deku is playing, but he sure as hell isn't gonna let him win.
Before Deku can stop him, Katsuki leans down, aggressively snatches the melon soda from him, and -ignoring Deku's protests that he'll drink it and he's sorry and thank you Kacchan I really do appreciate it- he chucks the thing across the training ground.
They both watch it disappear into the far tree line, never to be seen again.
Then Deku whispers, "That- I think that counts as littering, Kacchan." And Katsuki has to count backwards from ten so he doesn't wring his stupid freckled chicken neck.
He bites his tongue before he can ask why Deku never told him about his favorite drink changing. It's a stupid thing to linger on, and would be an even more stupid thing to ask. It'd just be another thing for Deku to look down on him for.
Except... Deku won't look down on him for it. For anything. He never had looked down on Katsuki. This reality they live in where all of Deku's praise was genuine (where all his cowering was from real fear) is something that Katsuki is still getting used to.
But he takes the stupid plunge. "When'd it change?"
"Huh?"
Katsuki clenches his fists. "When did your favorite drink change and don't make me say it again!"
"Okay o-okay!" Deku dances a few steps away, putting a small bit of distance between them. "Uh I don't know? Like, first year of middle school I think?"
"Ya think?!"
"I didn't think I needed to pay attention to this kinda thing, Kacchan! Why does it even matter?"
"It doesn't! Mind your business, nerd."
"You asked me though?!"
Frustrated, Katsuki throws an explosion at the ground. Dirt clumps fly into the air, and Deku splutters indignantly as he tries to dodge.
"Kacchan!"
"Shut the hell up Deku!" Katsuki yells as he stomps away. "Buy your own damn drink next time, see if I care!"
But that's not the end of it, oh no. Katsuki already swore that he wouldn't let Deku win at whatever this is. He won't let Deku make a fool of him, so he tries again a week later, when he slams a box of green tea mochi ice cream labelled with Deku's name into the freezer like he's pitching a baseball.
The poor box dents when it hits the back, and a few of the mochi are probably going to be lopsided and squished now, but Katsuki could care fucking less.
He is confident that this is something Deku likes. Deku could never get enough of the stuff, always sneakily eating up Katsuki's supply when they had played at Katsuki's house. Inko only bought treats like this for rare occasions, but at the Bakugou’s, Deku had been able to indulge.
Katsuki only remembers all of this because he'd always be furious the next day, when he'd go looking for some mochi for himself and find all the green tea ones eaten up with Deku's gross powder covered fingerprints left all over the scene of the crime.
No one is around to see him put the mochi into the freezer, but Katsuki still reflexively bears his teeth in a threatening snarl as he leaves the kitchen. It's habit at this point, for him to hold himself ready to snap and shout people away.
He makes it to his room without running into anyone, so part one of his plan is a success.
Then the next day he sees goddamn Uraraka eating the mochi.
She's munching away happily, while Deku sits right next to her and yet isn't touching a single piece. Katsuki narrows his eyes at the two of them, but pushes past them to get himself something to eat.
He doesn't care. The snack was for Deku and Deku can do what he wants with it. He wants to share it with Round-Face? That's fine by Katsuki.
"Thanks for letting me have these, Deku." Uraraka says, sounding over the moon with joy. "I love mochi ice cream and haven't gotten to have it in so long!"
"Of course! I mean, I don't know where they came from but I wasn't gonna eat them. I used to like matcha but I think I ate so much of it I got sick of it. It tastes too earthy to me now, but I didn't want to let them go to waste."
Katsuki snaps his chopsticks in his fist before he can reign the anger back in, then grabs a protein bar and books it from the kitchen before Deku or Uraraka can notice what he just did.
That's two strikes out on knowing the foods Deku likes. Two.
Katsuki is gonna kill him.
The thing about this situation that makes it difficult to justify murdering Deku though, is that Katsuki knows this isn't really Deku's fault. For once in Katsuki's life, he has no clue what he's doing or why. Never before has he felt such a powerful and burning need to prove himself for something so stupidly small.
So what if he remembered two of Deku's favorite foods wrong? It isn't the end of the world. He hadn't cared that he didn't know these things when he'd been shoving Deku's quirkless head to the ground.
(Deku probably knows all of Katsuki's favorite foods, probably has creepy notes on how they've changed through the years. Deku probably knows how halfway through Elementary, Katsuki had developed a weird pineapple allergy and had to give up his favorite pineapple jelly dessert. Deku probably knows so much about Katsuki, and Katsuki can't even call him a stalker for it anymore, because now he's trying to be the same.)
It's just food. It shouldn't matter.
Katsuki hates that it feels like it does.
If Deku notices that Katsuki started acting weird after the truth or dare game, he doesn't call him out on it. Katsuki supposes he should be grateful for that, but he's sure Deku is only keeping his mouth shut because inside his head a little hamster is running on a wheel of anxiety. He'll never ask Katsuki for a motive behind anything Katsuki does. Not when Katsuki drags him around to odd places, or shoves him at video games and challenges him, or demands Deku fight him with everything he's got, until they've both dropped to the floor.
It's exhausting, and the worst part is that it isn't even working.
With everything Katsuki tries, Deku remains tense and suspicious. There's no way for Katsuki to get a gauge on who he is while he's still as nervous as a prey animal when at Katsuki's side.
Sure, Deku may have dressed himself up in claws and sharp teeth and powerful kicks, but he's still got a weak rabbit heart beneath it all, a heart that Katsuki can practically hear when he gets close and it begins to beat far too fast.
He needs a new angle.
"How the hell are you friends with Deku?" Katsuki snaps at Todoroki during a remedial lesson, as they go through the motions of wrangling the kids that have been let loose on them today.
The little isolated leader kid who Katsuki had singled out as trouble at the start is in the thick of the group now, laughing and playing with everyone.
Todoroki raises an eyebrow. "Is this a trick question?"
Katsuki wants to scream. "No it's not a trick fucking question! Tell me what you did to be friends with him!"
(He has no idea when he went from not needing to be friends with Deku, to wanting that friendship again. Craving it almost against his will. He'd had it once, hadn't he? Years and years ago, before he'd gotten carried away with himself and forgot the things that mattered. Now, he's sure he can win Deku's friendship back.)
(He doesn't wonder if it's too late. He doesn't.)
Todoroki just shrugs. "I don't know. He screamed at me and broke his fingers, then afterwards he found me and said he was my friend without letting me say no. I didn't do anything. Unless you count me challenging him before the Festival started?"
Well that's fucking useless. Katsuki challenges Deku every damn day already.
(Keep your eyes on me, Deku.)
"You're fucking useless." He tells Todoroki.
Todoroki just shrugs again.
When they get back to the dorms, Katsuki has half a mind to go hunt down Deku's other groupies and interrogate them too. But he feels too raw right now, too vulnerable and worn after taking care of those many snot nosed brats for another weekend.
(And from realizing that he kind of doesn't mind being around Todoroki either. But there's no time for Katsuki to unpack that. Deku is his target, Icy-Hot can fucking wait.)
It seems he isn't going to get a choice though, as he finds himself stopped by a small blockade in front of his door.
"Bakugou Katsuki," Uraraka intones seriously, her arms crossed and her brows weighed down into a deep frown. Her stance is wide and firmly grounded. She won't be moving anytime soon. "State your intentions before the council."
Katsuki stares at her blankly, still carrying his duffle bag of gear over his shoulder. "What the fuck."
At Uraraka's side, Iida pushes his glasses up his nose clarifies, "We've noticed you trying to be nicer to Midoriya lately,"
"Deku is why you're camped out in front of my door?" He laughs scathingly. "You all need to get your goddamn eyes checked and mind your own business-"
"But due to your fraught history, I'm sure you can understand that we are a little concerned. We'd like to know why you are being nicer."
Iida doesn't bother to hide his clear suspicion and distrust, and neither does Uraraka as she continues to glare at him.
Katsuki can't even be angry about it. For once he kind of can see where they're coming from.
"Did Deku put you up to this?" He asks.
Iida and Uraraka share a look. "No," Iida answers. "We are here on our own."
Well then, Katsuki's off the hook. He doesn't owe these guys anything. "I don't have to tell either of you jack shit. This is between me and Deku."
"We thought you'd say that," Uraraka says, before raising her voice to shout, "Guard, detain this man!"
"Fuckin' what?"
An all too familiar capture weapon loops around his waist without warning, before it snags on his forearms and is yanked tight. Katsuki hurriedly spins in his binds, expecting to see Aizawa, but instead comes face to face with a pair of purple tired eyes that he hates so much more.
"Hey Bakugou," Shinsou says with a smirk and little mocking wave, showing off the thin scarf woven in intricate ways through his fingers.
"You better let me go, Dead-Eyes," Katsuki growls, like a furious dog will to warn before it bites. "Or you'll regret it."
"Answer our questions."
"Fuck off and die!"
He's seconds away from saying 'to hell with the no quirks in the dorm rule' and using his quirk to blow the capture scarf and all these idiots sky high, when the elevator dings open and out tumble his idiots.
Everyone freezes. Kirishima, Kaminari, Sero, and Ashido all stare at the scene in front of them for a minute - Shinsou, Uraraka, Iida, and Bakugou stare right back.
Then Ashido calmly raises her phone and snaps a picture of Katsuki's predicament.
"That's it!"
He torches the capture weapon, just absolutely shreds it without remorse.
The crowd goes wild around him, Uraraka still trying to block his door, half the people there squawking in confusion, Iida reprimanding him for using his quirk indoors.
Then of course Deku has to show up. He pokes his head out of the hall's far stairway, hair a tangled mess and eyes still blinking heavily as he tries to clear the lingering glaze of sleep from them. The slacker was probably taking a nap. And so early in the evening too. Oh well, he'll be the one regretting sleeping the day away when he doesn't progress as fast as Katsuki.
"Deku!" Uraraka calls out, waving her arms over her head to be seen above their small zoo of friends. "Come help us hold Bakugou down!"
Deku's eyes bug out of his skull. "What?!"
"I'm not letting you do anything to me, Round-Face!"
Somehow the chaos begins to separate, Katsuki eventually pulled into his group and Deku to his. Too many voices are trying to rise above each other, too many people are trying to ask Katsuki questions.
But then he hears it.
Slowly Katsuki looks over and...
And...
He sees that Deku is smiling.
Surrounded by his friends, with crooked fingers over his face and laughter bubbling freely from him at something one of the extras said, he's genuinely smiling. There's no tightness around his eyes or in his shoulders, no guarded vigilance even when he says he's happy.
He's just... letting himself smile.
With a sudden flash of clarity, accompanied by a quick and painful twist in his gut, Katsuki knows that he hasn't seen that smile since they both were four.
With a rough shove to dislodge one of his friends from his shoulder, Katsuki then quietly takes a step back.
Then another.
From the corner of his eye, he sees that Kirishima has noticed him moving, but so far no one else has. And Katsuki trusts Kirishima enough to know that he won't call him out.
(Kirishima is what a good friend really looks like.)
Katsuki gets all the way down the hall and into the elevator without issue, but only allows himself to relax after he's pressed the button for the ground floor and the doors are sliding shut. He just needs to be alone for awhile.
He tilts his head back, shuts his eyes, tries to forget the afterimage of Deku's smile that's seared to the inside of his eyelids like a bright spot from the sun.
Then, with barely two inches of space left between the closing doors, Deku shoves himself through with reckless determination and crashes into Katsuki's chest.
There's a groan of protest from the doors, but they somehow finish shutting. The elevator begins to move with a gentle hum, uncaring of the situation that it has just trapped its two occupants in.
And for a moment, one lasting only as long as a heartbeat, Katsuki has Deku practically in his arms.
"Get the hell off me, shitty Deku!" He shouts in the next moment, and he shoves Deku roughly away.
Deku's back hits the elevator doors. They shake and rattle from the impact, but Deku seems unphased. His big green eyes stay fixed on Katsuki, bright and challenging. "Why did you leave?"
"Cause I wanted to! Damn, didn't know I had to run everything I do by you first."
Deku's mouth twists up, like he's fighting the expression his face wants to make. "You didn't have to leave. If you felt uncomfortable-"
"You don't know how I felt, so shut your useless mouth!"
Behind Deku, the doors slide open, and Katsuki will fight his way through Deku in order to leave if he has to. But Deku seems to know that; he peacefully steps aside to let Katsuki storm out uninhibited.
"I know you better than you think I do." Deku says, following Katsuki out the front door and to the porch. His voice is quiet but firm. "You've been trying to - to do something for awhile, haven't you? Something involving me? But when I saw you walk away so quietly... why does it feel like you're giving up now?"
Deku is too damn smart for his own good, and he's too damn attentive. Cares with his whole fucking heart and notices all the little details that make a person who they are. He makes it look so easy.
"You never give up."
Katsuki does his best to ignore him, and to also ignore the burning bubbling feeling that's building in his chest. The freezing air of the autumn night stings against his hot skin, warning of how cold and biting the winter to come will be.
"Kacchan, will you please just talk to me?"
His reaching fingers barely brush Katsuki's arm.
"I've got nothing to say to you!" Katsuki bursts out, failing to ignore Deku, failing to ignore his emotions. He turns and grabs Deku's bicep, marching him backwards towards the dorms with aggressive force. "Just leave me alone, damn Deku. I'm gonna get a restraining order or somethin' one of these days I swear!"
Deku looks like he can't decide whether to be angry or concerned. Either way, he isn't wincing from Katsuki's grip on him, and he isn't shying back from the heat in Katsuki's eyes. "Let go of me, Kacchan. I don't want to fight. Neither of us have anything to prove right now."
A ragged laugh tears free from Katsuki, "Don't we? You with your quirk,"
"Kacchan we can't talk about that-"
"And me with- with fuckin' everything apparently!"
Deku goes still, stops pushing back against Katsuki, stops breathing.
"... I thought you were doing okay after Ground Beta." He says slowly.
Katsuki knows exactly what Deku is assuming. He can never rid himself of the memory of what he said to Deku that night, when he let his fears and insecurities fall from the ragged, open wound in his throat. Maybe Deku can't either.
"This isn't about that."
(But it is, because doesn't it all come back to Deku changing when Katsuki wasn't looking? To Deku being so different to how Katsuki thought he was?)
Deku's brow furrows. "Then what is it about? I'm sure you've already proven whatever it is you're worried about."
"The only thing I've fuckin' proven is that I don't know you at all!" Katsuki shouts, hating the heat he can feel building in his eyes. What the hell, he has no right to cry about this, he has no right. "Maybe I never did."
Deku's face opens with sudden understanding, then goes all soft and gooey, in the disgusting way only Deku's face can. Even when Katsuki is shouting and screaming at him, he still looks at Katsuki like that. "You do still know me, Kacchan."
Katsuki scoffs. "Don't lie to make me feel better Deku. I don't need your pity."
"It's not pity," Deku asserts, way too confidently, too kindly, to be lying. "It's the truth. I think you know me better than anyone else."
And the dam breaks.
"Then why didn't I know that you wanted to be an Underground hero for awhile? You told damn Half-n-Half that. And why didn't I know that your dad and Auntie got divorced? Why didn't I know that you've killed every succulent plant you've ever had? Why didn't I know your goddamn favorite color?!" Katsuki wants to punch something. He almost turns to the brick wall of the dorm building beside them and does. There's too much energy pent up inside of him, and he refuses to let it out on Deku right now, so it has nowhere to go. "And I still don't know it!"
Katsuki finishes, the flood of words leaving him gasping for breath like he and Deku really did fight physically after all. Now that Katsuki has screamed and bared himself to Deku in such a pathetic display again, the ball is in Deku's court, and Deku's response is...
Silence.
Just silence.
Katsuki lets go of Deku with a jerking motion, and quickly pulls away. But the damage is already done. Katsuki has never been good with words, and he knows he's said too much, has acted too out of character by showing that he cares about shit like this. And Izuku is just staring at him, mouth fallen open.
Then, unexpectedly, something steels in Deku's eyes. Oddly he... turns around? And sucks a deep breath in, then, he turns back and offers his hand to Katsuki with a big grin as bright as the sun, "Hi, I'm Midoriya Izuku, but some people call me Deku! My favorite color is red."
Katsuki stares at the hand extended towards him, lets his eyes quickly skate along the edges of Deku's ragged scars and the ridges of his broken fingers. It isn't often that he can see the scars so close. They're canyons in Deku's skin, carved out trenches of rough, damaged terrain, landlocked by soft freckled skin. Physical marks of Deku's resolve.
The last time Deku had held his hand out to him like this, Katsuki had smacked it away in a violent burst of motion. The sound of it had cracked through Ground Beta, loud enough to hear over even the heaviest of their panting breaths.
Or maybe it had just seemed that loud to Katsuki.
It takes more effort than Katsuki will ever admit to drag his glare back up to Deku's nervously wavering smile. "What the hell is this?"
"It's a handshake," Deku says gently. "Because, uh, if you say you don't know me, then I guess we don't know each other. But, well, I'd like to get to know you, if you'll give me a chance?"
A restart.
Is that what this is? Deku is offering Katsuki a... a fucking restart?
Beyond his gut-reaction aversion to taking Deku's hand, there's something in Deku's eyes as he offers his hand that has Katsuki hesitating. It's like something is... fractured. Broken and buried deep in vibrant green. But even after Deku went through all the trouble of hiding the mess, and might've been able to slip it past anyone else, it's obvious to Katsuki that all the jagged edges are still causing him pain.
"No."
Katsuki knows that Deku thinks this is the kinder option, thinks this is the best way to give them an actual chance to be friends again, but to Katsuki it's like he's just struggled through round after round of some shitty festival game, throwing a thousand rings at rigged up bottles that will never catch one around their necks no matter how hard he tries, and in the end he just gets handed some dinky little consolation prize that's so flimsy and cheap he can see it already falling apart.
Here Kacchan, since you suck so much at this, since you messed everything up so bad, let's just forget it all and start over.
Fuck that.
He knocks Deku's hand aside, putting actual effort into keeping the action free of aggression, but hurt still blooms like blood from a wound in Deku's expression. In the way his hand lingers in the air, in the way he reels it back to himself and tucks it close.
Katsuki can see the moment Deku starts trying to shut himself down. He has precious few minutes now to make Deku understand.
"I'm not restarting or whatever the hell you're tryin' to do," He snaps. "And you don't want to restart either, I can fuckn' tell, Deku."
Deku winces, and Katsuki watches him idly run his fingers over his scars as he bites his lip. The nerd has so many ridiculous little nervous habits. His emotions have always been such an open book.
(I still know you. I know I do.)
"You're right." Deku says, after a beat. "I don't want to restart. We have... too much history."
"Understatement," Katsuki huffs, and he manages to get a weak laugh from Deku.
It wouldn't be fair to Deku to just brush aside those years of hurt and pain, and it wouldn't be fair to Katsuki either. He needs that past, needs the reminder of how terrible he had been, to keep him in check.
"But I want to be friends again," Deku continues, sounding choked up now. "I want that more than anything, Kacchan."
Oh.
Katsuki coughs, hunches his shoulders up, and has to look away from Deku's pleading kicked puppy expression. "Oi, don't cry. I really will drag you to Ground Beta to fight again if you start crying on me and get your snot everywhere."
And Deku, the weirdo, laughs at that. It's an actual laugh this time; not just a chuckle, or something quiet and under his breath. A real laugh, and the first one he's done while with Katsuki.
"Aizawa-sensei won't appreciate if we make working out our personal problems through fighting a habit."
Emotions are beginning to settle, Katsuki can feel the fire behind his teeth dying down. "Well we didn't do it this time, he should be grateful."
"Yeah... yeah, we didn't do it this time."
Deku gives Katsuki a tremulous smile, but when he tries to reach out and offer his hand again, Katsuki pushes through it to bump their shoulders together. Locking hands with Deku outside of combat still does something to him, but Katsuki knows that Deku thrives on physical reassurances.
"C'mon, let's go back inside." Katsuki says, beckoning Deku towards the dorms with a tilt of his head. "It's fuckin' cold out here."
He pulls the door open and goes in on his own without waiting, but still hears Deku's voice from behind him, somehow filling two simple words with more warmth than the cozy dorms could ever provide.
"Okay, Kacchan."
It's a start.