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The door slammed behind him, the sound echoed through the dim-lit hallway of his cold empty apartment, leaving an irrational sense of finality Goro Akech – Ace detective was not equipped to deal with at 7 o’clock in the morning. This wasn’t right.
Nothing will ever be right again Loki hissed from the dark corner of his mind as his hands trembled, dropping his briefcase carelessly on the floor this is all your fault. You brought this upon us. It’s all your fault for being weak.
Goro shook his head, forcefully pushing the unwanted thoughts away. He shouldn’t be here, he should be… He didn’t know where he should be, but he had gotten up this morning with a purpose and plan. He had always been busy with one thing or another, though over the last few weeks most of his time was spent with Akira …work, yes that’s right… he spent most of his time with work or… with school, the phantom thieves, or even with Sae not to mention his ongoing commitment to his only friend …. His father. Yes. He was very important and honestly, there was so much in his life that he had to do. And yet here he was, standing in the middle of his empty apartment barely holding it together at 7 in the morning.
This was ridiculous. He was acting like some stupid heroine in a sappy romance novel pinning away for her one true love. He was being a child. In fact, it was all kinds of cliché, to think that his world was now just a little bit darker. He would laugh at himself if he didn’t think he was one wrong breath away from a total mental shutdown. How ironic.
Goro knows he shouldn’t feel this way, he was the one to betray them after all. He wasn’t a child, there was a part of him that had known from the start that something like this might happen, he knew his father wasn’t always concerned with legalities but he had been lying to himself for so long that somehow he really believed that everything was going to be okay if he just followed the plan. But it was a lie just like every other damned thing that ever came out of him it was unsurprising that he couldn’t pinpoint a singular moment in his 18 years of life where he had told the truth no matter how hard he tried.
Lie his persona hissed in his mind you can lie to everyone else but do not lie to us, you told him the truth and then you killed him. This is all your fault for being a coward.
The starting notes of the Imperial March rang through the room, startling him out of his thoughts. He stared at his phone, almost convincing himself to start up a mental pros and cons list of answering the phone before he came to his senses.
“I didn’t expect to hear from you today, Sir” He answered, knowing that his father wouldn’t appreciate the small talk.
“You’ve seen the news.” It was a statement, not a question.
“Yes, Sir” Goro answered immediately not wanting to prolong the inevitable conversation.
“Good. I’ve organized for you to talk at the usual station tomorrow. Confirm the suicide and talk-up campaign, we’re in the final phases of the plan. I’ll send you the appropriate talking points. Don’t embarrass me” his father commanded and Goro felt his back straighten, a nod and instinctive ‘yes sir’ already out of his mouth before he could even process what was being asked of him.
Shido took a breath and Goro knew he was about to hang up and suddenly it was all too much, his father wanted Goro to talk about the suicide in front of the nation like he didn’t know the truth like Aki … the leader of the phantom thieves was an acceptable death if it meant the campaign moved forward.
“It was you wasn’t it” Goro whispered before he could stop himself “You had him kill, oh god. I helped you kill him. I’m an accomplice. I helped. Oh god, I... He was… He… and I led him to you… to your people like a lamb to the slaughter”
“Goro” came the sharp warning but the teen shook his head violently, tears welling up in his eyes as, his head replaying that horrible moment from this morning at the train station. The funny thing is that he should have already seen it the first thing that morning, however, in his infinite wisdom, Goro had decided to avoid his phone like a plague in case his father wanted him to go back into the interrogation room for a follow-up. It was that stupidity that lead him to find out about the situation through idle gossip – hearing the ignorant masses celebrate the worst thing to ever happen was like shot to the head causing his whole world to come crashing down around him.
“Oh god, oh my god. I… and now you… you want me to what, talk about how bad he was? You want me to trash talk him in front of the world like I don’t know that you killed him. He was a fucking child. Sixteen, a year younger than me. How could you…. Oh God, I think I lo… You took away the only good thing I…” Goro cut himself off trying to stave off the tight uncomfortable feeling in his chest as the reality of their situation rained down on him “All for your fucking campaign” He growled into his phone breathless, the tears he had refused to acknowledged clouding his eyes, running ugly tracks down his face as he sank to the floor of his sterile apartment.
“You should be grateful. I realize you must be in shock because the leader of the Phantom thieves took the easy way out before you could bring him and those insignificant vermin he called teammates to justice. After all, if you were in your right mind, you wouldn’t be accusing your own father and the future president of this country of any legal or moral wrongdoings” Shido’s voice was calm but there was a hint of steel in his voice that promised a world of pain if Goro didn’t choose his next words very carefully.
“I…I…” Goro stuttered, his silver tongue failing him as he stumbled to form a coherent sentence, but his father cut him off his voice dangerously low.
“Don’t forget what you owe me, child. Don’t forget that I saved you from a life of squalor. I could have left you in the gutter when your whore of a mother abandoned you. I raised you from nothing and these wild accusations is how you repay me”
“I…” Goro tried again
“You WHAT?” his father snarled “If it wasn’t for me you would be selling yourself on the street to survive, but instead what did I do? I took your worthless ass in. I fed you, bought you clothes, and paid for your schooling. You would be an ugly, illiterate junky whore just like your mother if I hadn’t taken you in. Maybe she had the right idea of killing herself to get away from such an ungrateful child if baseless accusations are the thanks you give to those who try to help you. Or maybe…”
Shido paused suddenly laughing, his voice tinged with sadistic glee as he drew out his next words to ensure that he had a captive audience “Maybe, you’re trying to pin your shame upon me because you whored yourself out to the leader of the phantom thieves. Is that is Goro, did you follow in the footsteps of your whore mother and give the only thing you had going for you away, like the trash you are. Was he your first? No..” Shido laughs again his voice laced with mock concern
“No, I bet a little fag like you, so willing to give himself away to criminal trash has probably been around the block a few times by now. You have to use that pretty face for something. Is that how you’ve been solving your cases at the station? I mean by now everyone must have started to see the truth. Did you let them touch you, use you like you let that trash touch you? Did you sell the only thing you have, to make sure that they don’t see the only reason you’ve even gotten this far, in working with the police is that I enabled it, that you were only able to become an idol because I pulled some strings? It has to be obvious to them all that you’re a fraud, a nothing, a childish little slut giving himself away at every chance he gets to play pretend. I mean, how long did it even take you to identify the Phantom Thieves? And then right after you get yourself…. Involved with the leader, was that the only way you could ingratiate yourself to the team? Were you their whore Goro, is that how you got their leader to trust you to bring him in, and oh I see now… then once he realized your betrayal the brat suddenly commits suicide…how tragic… oh but wait …weren’t you the last one to see him, detective ?”
The teen shook his head violently at the accusation “I didn’t…”
“Didn’t you? Oh, how shocked the world would be to find out that the famed detective prince was responsible for all of this”
“I didn’t…You can’t pin this on me, I…” Goro protested, his voice squeaking in panic.
“Oh dear, I believe the SIU director would tell you otherwise.” Shido mocked him gleefully before his voice dropped cruelly “I think you forget who I am. I made you, you are nothing, you don’t exist without me. You do not want me as your enemy. Do you understand?”
Goro’s head was spinning, his ribs felt too small for his lungs, panic and despair clogging up his body making it hard for him to think let alone breath.
“You know I hate to repeat myself but because I care about your future. I will give you one more chance. Do. You. Understand?” the future leader of Japan asked him and, a breath moment, Goro hated like he never had before. He hated his mother for leaving him alone in the world, He hated his father for being a bastard, he hated life for constantly dealing him such a shit hand, he hated Kurusu for making him feel wanted and worth something for the first time in his life, He hated him for dying but most of all he hated himself for being so fucking pathetic, for choosing a father who had always treated him like an obligation or worse an object to be used for his own purpose, over the only boy – the only person to look at Goro instead of through him, the boy who felt like home for the first time.
“Yes, sir. I’m sorry sir. I understand” Goro answered demurred, as he fought the urge to throw up all over the immaculate floors in his cold, empty apartment.
“Your apologies are worthless to me, just like you are if you don’t listen to me Goro.” Shido’s voice was softer as his father spoke, his tone a caricature of care that was at odds with his harsh words “I’ve taken care of you, your whole life. When your mother abandoned you, I was the one who stepped up. I’ve given you everything you ever needed and now all I’m asking is for you to do this one thing. Not even for my own benefit but your own. You know I don’t mean to be so harsh on you but sometimes you just don’t listen to me, so I need to be stricter with you”
“Yes, sir” Goro stomach heaved again as he found himself instinctively nodding, “I’ll study the talking points you prepared for me right away”
A firm “I’ll be watching, so make me proud” was the only notice the teen had before the dial tone beeped steadily in his ear, though after all these years he supposed he would have been more shocked if his father had actually said goodbye like an actual parent.
He had to get up and go about his usual routine or else his father would call again; he knew this but instead, Goro lowered the rest of his body onto the cold tiles and finally let it all out. Grieving for the boy he had lost, the life he could have had. If he had been a little more trusting, maybe Akira could have helped, maybe he could have shared his worries about his father’s palace, or suspicions about the black mask. He cried harder as he thought of Akira’s last moments of the betrayal, he must have felt. What if his father was right and Akira had killed himself because of Goro? Self-loathing ate away as he swiped at his tears, angrily scrubbing at his face. What right did he have to mourn when he was the one who caused all of this?
It took longer than he had, to force himself up off the floor, there was a moment of pure childishness where he considered doing nothing at all, Joker was dead, what did Goro realistically have any more? He considered throwing himself off his balcony, it seemed logical – Goro was a monster, Akira was gone and if he was dead his father couldn’t use him as a pawn anymore, the only downside was that it was quite public and it would be a shame for his death to traumatize some poor person who would have to clear the bits of him off the street.
He stared at himself in the mirror for a moment taking in his puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. It wasn’t pretty but then again, he had always been ugly to the core.
“Show me your true form” He mocked himself bitterly, his mouth twisting into a grotesque parody of a smile as he realized that Joker had finally gotten what he had wanted – for once Goro’s outside matched his insides, his true nature revealed for the world to see but only for a moment before he reached out for his concealer, slowly reassembling the shattered pieces of his mask ready to face the world once more as Ace Detective Goro Akechi.
Mask firmly in place, he walked back to the kitchen to grab his briefcase and headed out the door, not looking back at the dying remains of his shattered heart, too far gone to ever be put back together again.