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Huaisang’s heart had always been a fragile thing.
His first one hardly lasted the first four years of his life, in fact. The transplant surgery had terrified his father and his older brother, but ultimately, it had been successful. He would have to be on medication for the rest of his life to keep his body from rejecting his new heart, and his brother, ten years older than he, took his safety very seriously.
The doctors did mention that he could likely return to public school, but it was decided that he would be homeschooled instead, as children were, to put it bluntly, carriers of all kinds of flus and colds and diseases that could affect him more strongly than his peers.
So, instead, his little family moved to a nicer, larger house in the suburbs. It had many more rooms than was necessary for a family their size, so his father decided to allow Huaisang, who was made to stay home for his own safety, to decorate and fill them as he saw fit. He was a good man, and a better father, and this was what made it all the more tragic when he died in an accident when Huaisang was eight and his brother eighteen.
Their late father, and their mother before him, left them enough of an inheritance to keep them comfortable and independent. Mingjue started working the moment he graduated high school, getting a job at the local mechanics, where he would rise through the ranks over the next few years.
Meanwhile, Huaisang stayed home. He played in his backyard on sunny days, or watched the rain patter against the leaves of the trees through his window when it stormed. There was a large tree right outside of his bedroom window, one that was technically on the neighbor’s property, over the fence, but which had branches that stretched so close that Huaisang could almost touch them.
Mingjue grumbled about getting the neighbors to trim the branches, but Huaisang refused to let him. It was perfect for bird watching, he insisted, and Mingjue had difficulty refusing him anything.
Then, at age nine, new neighbors moved in.
They were a bigger family, if perhaps a less happy one. There was a woman who wore mainly sharp looking suits and a severe scowl and a man who maybe was a teacher but certainly was a bit of a pushover. There was a girl in high school who was pretty and sweet and a boy about Huaisang’s age who laughed really loudly and always was running around somewhere.
Then, of course, there was the other boy. He also had to be about the same age as Huaisang, though he was taller already. He frowned a lot, either in concern or worry or irritation, except for when he was alone. His bedroom window directly mirrored Huaisang’s, on the other side of the tree, and Huaisang could see him playing by himself, sometimes. He’d sit by himself and do homework, or he’d lie on his bed listening to what sounded, distantly, like rock music. He practiced soccer outside even when no one was able to practice with him, and sometimes he’d catch Huaisang looking and wave with a tiny, confused smile tugging at his lips.
Huaisang liked him the best. He didn’t have any friends, besides his dage and, rarely, his dage’s friend Lan Xichen and his own little brother, Lan Zhan. They came over sometimes, a demonstration of how much Mingjue trusted them, but all they wanted to do was sit quietly and talk over tea, or read books, or something still and elegant.
Huaisang wanted to play! He wanted to explore and go on adventures, or dance around and be silly. He hated the gym class his brother adapted for him, with its drills and sports, finding it boring and repetitive. Dancing changed every time you did it, depending on how you felt the music, and he wished he could walk through the woods and see all of the different kinds of birds. He wanted…
Well, it didn’t matter what he wanted. Dage worried constantly about his health and safety, and at best, Huaisang could talk him into walks around a park or, on warm enough days, down to stroll alongside the river. Huaisang appreciated these moments spent with Mingjue, he did.
He really, really just wanted a friend.
And, it seemed, so did his new neighbor.
After about four months, a moving truck returned to the house next door. Huaisang scrambled to the window to watch, a sharp spike of fear nearly knocking him off of his feet. He didn’t want the boy to go, even if he had never spoken to him.
But instead of the whole family, only the man and the other boy left. The woman wrapped her arm around the girl and the boy’s shoulders, hugging them close to her as she watched the car and the moving truck pull away. Her children were crying, but they weren’t messy about it, wiping away their tears quietly and clinging to their mother’s shirt long after the other half of their family was out of sight.
Huaisang bit his lower lip, climbing back off of the windowsill and sitting down on his bed. He wished he could be like a regular boy and go over to comfort them, or try to cheer them up. Huaisang’s dramatics often made people laugh, so maybe he could be so silly that they smiled again! And then he could hang out with the boy a few times—maybe they could go see a movie, or…
A tap on his window, about an hour later, broke him out of the doze he had fallen into. Huaisang startled, pushing himself back up to his knees and rubbing at his eyes as he looked at—
The neighbor boy was perched on the tree branch, peering in at him curiously. When Huaisang scrambled to his feet to approach and throw open the window, he noticed that he had tanned skin, dark eyes, and a cute, slightly curved nose. Huaisang was grinning before he even had a chance to say hello.
“Hi,” Huaisang said breathlessly, his eyes wide and eager.
“Hi,” the boy echoed. He didn’t look like he had been crying all that long ago, besides a little bit of redness around his nose. His voice was nice, a touch deeper than Huaisang’s, though at nine it was probable to change. “I knew it—you are my age. How come I never see you at school?”
Blunt. Maybe a little rude. Huaisang was used to it, living with his dage, and simply climbed up on the windowsill so that they could be at eye-level. “Dage doesn’t want me in crowded spaces,” he explained, hoping that this boy didn’t find him weird. “I had to get a new heart, so it’s dangerous if I get sick and stuff. It’s safer for me to be taught at home.”
The boy furrowed his brow, the expression adorable, in Huaisang’s opinion. “Are you always alone, then?” he asked. “You don’t even have classmates?”
“Dage’s doing his best to protect me,” Huaisang said, immediately defensive. “He works really hard, and he cares about me a lot.”
“No, I—that’s not,” the boy paused, puffing out his cheeks in frustration. “My name’s Jiang Cheng.”
“Hi,” Huaisang said again, a little more shy. He offered a tiny wave. “My name’s Nie Huaisang.”
“I live next door, but I guess you knew that. I, um… my dad and my brother just moved out,” Jiang Cheng mumbled, glancing down at his knees. “I’ll still see him at school, but I…”
“Do you want to be friends?” Huaisang asked hopefully, wringing his fingers. His cheeks were flushing, but he was determined not to let this opportunity fly by.
Jiang Cheng looked at him, his lips parting in surprise. “You—you can just ask that?”
“I don’t know,” Huaisang admitted, laughing. “I don’t have any practice.”
Jiang Cheng blinked a few times, before he tossed his head and let out a laugh that made Huaisang beam in response. They giggled together for a little while, talking loosely about their families, until that conversation threatened to dim the newfound light in Jiang Cheng’s eyes. So then Huaisang invited him into his room, turning the television on to cover the sound of their voices, and they flipped through Huaisang’s sketchbooks and talked about school, sports, and games.
Before he knew it, several hours had passed. Jiang Cheng straightened, rubbing the back of his neck and sighing.
“I guess I should go back,” he grumbled reluctantly.
“Oh.” Huaisang frowned, following him to the window. “Be safe climbing, okay?”
“Okay,” Jiang Cheng said, lingering for a moment and looking as awkward as a nine year old could possibly look.
“You can come back, if you want,” Huaisang said carefully, his heart speeding up at the possibility of really, actually having a friend that was entirely his own. “As long as Dage’s at work, it’s okay.”
Jiang Cheng grinned, and it was like the sun breaking through the clouds. He leaned in—he was taller, almost a full head taller already—and kissed Nie Huaisang’s forehead, lightning-quick and light. When he climbed out the window again, he was blushing, but the smile remained. “It’s a promise,” he called back.
“Yeah,” Nie Huaisang breathed, watching him go. “It’s a promise.”
It was a promise that Jiang Cheng kept. Over the next few years, they communicated through signs held up in their windows. When the coast was clear and Jiang Cheng was able, he’d climb back over, and they would play together.
Sometimes, Huaisang would show Jiang Cheng the new painting style he was trying, or they would play a video game together. Huaisang was under the distinct impression that Jiang Cheng, who was competitive in every regard, let him win from time to time just to see his silly victory dance.
Other times, Huaisang would coax Jiang Cheng into swapping clothes or playing dress up, and they’d create elaborate fantasy stories where they were knights or wizards or mythical creatures. Jiang Cheng, in turn, sulked until Huaisang let him teach him some basic soccer drills, which usually ended up with them rolling around and play fighting until they both had to hide grass stains.
For a while, Huaisang worried that Jiang Cheng would grow sick of him and his tiny, enclosed world. This worry worsened as Jiang Cheng entered middle school, coming home with stories about his classmates or about field trips that he went on.
What was normal for almost every other kid sounded magical to Huaisang. Lan Xichen had convinced Mingjue to take Huaisang on mini field trips of his own, but while they were fun, Huaisang always wished that Jiang Cheng could come along with him.
Jiang Cheng was kept a secret from Mingjue. If he found out and didn’t approve, which he certainly wouldn’t, then he would take away the best thing Huaisang had ever had in his entire life.
But then, instead of becoming tired of him, Jiang Cheng paused one day, mid-story about his latest trip to the museum. They were thirteen at the time, and the awkwardness of adolescence was evident in his knobby knees and uneven voice, but Huaisang still thought he was unfairly handsome in comparison to his short, noodly self.
“Huaisang,” he said, reaching out to flick the side of his head. “Why are you pouting?”
“I’m not pouting,” Huaisang denied immediately, swatting at his hand. “I’m not!”
“Uh huh,” Jiang Cheng drawled, wrapping an arm around Huaisang’s skinny shoulder and tugging him closer. “If you want to go somewhere, then let’s go.”
It was stated too casually. Huaisang blinked, tilting his head back to peer up at him. Sure enough, the tips of Jiang Cheng’s ears were red.
“What do you mean?” Huaisang asked, sighing. “I’m not allowed to go out, you know that.”
“That’s stupid,” Jiang Cheng said suddenly, all stubborn determination. “We can go walk in the fields, or whatever. No one will be around, no one will know.”
Huaisang’s heart leapt. He chewed on his lower lip, dodging the scolding elbow aimed for his side as scolding for the habit. That was one of the things he liked best about Jiang Cheng—he didn’t treat him like he was fragile, like he’d break at the slightest bit of pressure.
“We’d have to be careful,” he said slowly. “If Dage finds out, then I won’t be able to see you anymore.”
Jiang Cheng clenched his jaw, the very idea displeasing him. Huaisang tried to ignore the happy little flutter at the reaction. “That won’t happen. Come on, you need more fresh air and sun. You’re too pale.”
“Okay,” Huaisang agreed, giddy and nervous, letting himself be pulled to his feet and led downstairs, to the front window.
They ducked through, making sure to leave it closed and unlocked. Huaisang felt panic rising up within him, but before he could ask to bail, Jiang Cheng took his hand and laced their fingers together.
“I’m with you,” he murmured, low and steady. “I’ll keep you safe.”
The fields behind their houses were preserved by the town, preventing development on the land. There were rolling, gentle hills and a little creek that traveled all the way into the nearby woods, where trails were maintained for people to walk through. There was nothing inherently exciting about them, but Huaisang’s eyes stung with how thrilled he was when he saw the wildflowers blooming, or when he caught sight of two bunnies frollicking in the afternoon sunlight.
Jiang Cheng didn’t make fun of him. No, whenever he glanced over at Jiang Cheng, he found that the other boy was smiling, such a soft expression in his eyes that Huaisang felt the urge to hide his face.
After that, it became a routine. They didn’t go out every time, but once in a while, Jiang Cheng would take him to go see something new. After the trail walks, he’d insist on checking Huaisang thoroughly for ticks, and he refused to go out if the weather was poor. Huaisang didn’t mind—having Jiang Cheng near gave him a sort of elation that was incomparable to anything else, and his best friend was happiest when he could fuss over him properly.
Years continued to pass, and Jiang Cheng continued being his best friend, a sentiment which he seemed to reciprocate. Jiang Cheng spoke of his classmates, especially his brother, but he never had anyone over at his house. His social media was steadily collecting more and more followers, and yet, he rarely interacted with any of them.
Huaisang liked him so much. How could he not? Every year he aged, he grew all the more handsome, especially now that his swimming was growing competitive. His arms were defined, his shoulders gorgeous, and Huaisang wondered rather helplessly what it would be like to press a kiss against his sun-soaked skin.
He kept his thoughts to himself, worried that his stupid crush would ruin their friendship, which was the most precious thing in the world to him. He couldn’t hope to compare to the beauties Jiang Cheng must see in school, though he couldn’t help but try—his hair was growing long, almost to his mid-back, and he enjoyed twisting it up in increasingly elaborate braids. Mingjue had agreed to allow him to start dance classes at home, and the result was that Huaisang had grown more toned, almost graceful, if he was being confident.
Jiang Cheng didn’t notice. He treated him no differently than before, affectionate and supportive and grumpy, and Huaisang tried his best not to let that sting.
They were fifteen, goofing around on the top of a cliff that overlooked the neighboring city. It was safe, with railings along the edges, and Jiang Cheng never let him go too far. It was also a very popular make-out spot for high schoolers, a fact that Jiang Cheng had groused about, his main ire originating from finding his sister here once with her date.
Huaisang had put on a thin, tight cardigan and matching tights, his hair meticulously put together, and if only Jiang Cheng would just look at him like that—
“We should head back so we don’t miss the bus,” Jiang Cheng said, standing and stretching from the bench they had been sitting on.
Huaisang pouted up at him, crossing his arms. “I want to see the sunset,” he whined. “There will be a bus after our usual one.”
“It’s going to get cold,” Jiang Cheng protested, shaking his head. “You aren’t dressed to stay out that late. Plus, what if your brother beats us home?”
Huaisang sighed, turning his head to look back out at the glittering city lights, at the horizon that stretched on forever in directions he would never be able to go. “I don’t mind the cold,” he mumbled.
Jiang Cheng stared at him for a long moment, before he groaned and pulled off his jacket, which he draped over Huaisang’s shoulders. “Put this on.”
Huaisang’s head shot up. “What about you?”
His fingers were already curling in the jacket, nestling up underneath it. It was still warm from the natural heat of Jiang Cheng’s body, and fuck, it smelled like him. Huaisang wished that all of his classmates could see them like this, and wished that this meant more than what it did.
“I’m fine.” Jiang Cheng plopped back down on the bench, wrapping an arm around him and tugging him close. “You’ll keep me warm. If we get caught, though…”
“I’ll say it was my fault,” Huaisang finished happily, gladly using the excuse to cuddle up to Jiang Cheng’s side.
“Ridiculous,” Jiang Cheng muttered, but he rested his cheek against the top of Huaisang’s head, and he rubbed his side idly, the gesture instinctively affectionate.
Huaisang wondered if anyone else knew how touchy Jiang Cheng was when he was comfortable. He hoped, selfishly, that no one did.
The sunset was breathtaking, all orange and purple, with splashes of pink and gold. When the temperature turned chilly, Jiang Cheng wrapped his other arm around him as well, practically pulling him onto his lap as he sought out warmth. Huaisang was so boundlessly happy, cradled by this boy who he adored so intensely, that he forgot entirely about what the consequences of being caught really were.
Nie Mingjue was standing on the porch as they arrived, his hands on his hips and his scowl fierce. Jiang Cheng, who had every right to bolt, grabbed Huaisang’s hand and held it tightly, even though it was sweaty with obvious fear.
“Sir,” Jiang Cheng started the second they approached, squaring his shoulders. He had only met Mingjue in passing, as neighbors. “We were—”
“Huaisang,” Mingjue barked, his tone sharp and cutting through Jiang Cheng’s attempted explanation. “What were you thinking?”
“We were safe,” Huaisang said, lifting his chin. “Jiang Cheng is my friend, and we took the precautions.”
“You know the rules,” Mingjue snapped. His face was red, his eyes a little teary, and Huaisang felt guilty for how much he must have worried when he came home to an empty house. Still, he couldn’t be expected to live a life locked away! “You can’t go off by yourself, Huaisang. What if something happened to you? He’s a kid, he doesn’t know what to do! He doesn’t even have a car to get you to the hospital in an emergency.”
“There hasn’t been an emergency,” Huaisang shot back. “We’re always safe!”
“Always?” Mingjue echoed, his scowl deepening. “Oh, so this is a frequent thing, is it?”
“I would never let anything happen to him,” Jiang Cheng said, trying his best to stand firm.
Huaisang loved him.
“That’s not up to you,” Mingjue growled, though his eyes softened a fraction when he looked at Jiang Cheng. “I’m sure you had good intentions, but this isn’t something you can take lightly. It’s his life you put on the line every time you leave.”
“That’s right—it’s my life!” Huaisang shouted, stomping his foot. “Dage, what kind of life is it to always be stuck at home? To never go anywhere or see anyone or do anything? That’s not living!”
“Huaisang—”
“No. I know you want what’s best for me, but I can’t...” Huaisang’s voice broke, tears welling up and spilling down his cheeks.
“What would I do if something happened to you?” Mingjue whispered, making them both freeze. “What would I do if I wasn’t there to help you? I can’t lose you, didi. I can’t.”
Huaisang sobbed, his entire body heaving with it. Next to him, Jiang Cheng as stock still, his every muscle tense. He clearly wanted to comfort his friend, but he knew at the same time that this was an argument between family, and he didn’t have a place to intercede further.
“Dage,” Huaisang pleaded, helpless and terrified. He clung to Jiang Cheng’s hand as if it was a lifeline.
“I need to think,” Mingjue said, shaking his head. “I need you to go to your room, where it’s safe, and for this boy to go home.”
“Dage—”
“It’s okay, Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng murmured, finally drawing away from him so he could wipe away Huaisang’s tears with a tender hand. “I’m right next door, okay? It’s not like you won’t see me.”
“No,” Huaisang whimpered. “A-Cheng, please…”
Jiang Cheng leaned in, pressing a soft kiss against his forehead and effectively quieting. “I’ll talk to you later. Let yourself breathe for a bit, and we’ll talk soon.”
Over the next few days, Huaisang was miserable.
Jiang Cheng kept his promise, holding up goofy messages to his window and sending gentle texts through their social media, but Huaisang still missed him like he was missing a limb.
Or another heart.
Mingjue asked for time to think. Huaisang knew it was bratty, but in turn, he refused to go to classes until his brother was done thinking. He was quiet through meals, and he had no interest in his painting or his poetry books.
Maybe it was dramatic, but the very idea of never getting to hang out with Jiang Cheng again… the irrational possibility of his friend moving on or starting to date in his absence ate away at Huaisang, making him anxious and upset. It wasn’t even like he had any right to be bothered over that—he and Jiang Cheng weren’t dating. Jiang Cheng could date whoever he wanted to.
Mingjue knocked on his door, huffing out a small laugh when Huaisang shot a puffy-eyes glare at him. “Can we talk?”
“I guess,” Huaisang grumbled, shifting to make room on the edge of his bed for Mingjue to sit next to him. He curled up, hugging his knees, and looked at him expectantly.
“You like that kid a lot, huh?” Mingjue said, heaving out a heavy sigh.
“He’s my best friend,” Huaisang said immediately. “He’s really good, Dage, I—”
Mingjue held up a hand to stop him. “I know, I know. He is a good kid. He studies hard and works harder, and he cares for you a fucking lot. I spoke with his mom.”
Huaisang’s eyes widened. “You—what?”
“That’s what guardians and parents do, didi.” Mingjue rolled his eyes. “She is apparently under the impression that I had consented to all of your little excursions. She didn’t know how sick you are, just that you’re homeschooled and friends with her son.”
“...is?”
“Maybe I didn’t correct her,” Mingjue confirmed, shrugging one big shoulder. “Why get the kid in trouble for trying to make his friend happy?”
Huaisang’s heart was in his throat. He struggled with his words for a moment, anxious and hopeful both. “D...does this mean…?”
“You’re right.” Mingjue stroked his hair, pulling him into a side-hug. Despite their fight, he still felt like home and safety. Huaisang clung to him. “You’re right, A-Sang. I’ve been… overprotective. You need to live, to do things, and I can’t keep you in this house forever.”
“Dage,” Huaisang whispered, choked up. He buried his face in Mingjue’s side, so grateful that he could never make it up to him.
“There will be rules, okay? Strict rules. You have to text me when you leave, when you’re heading home, and when you get home. I have to know where you are at all times. I don’t want you wandering alone, and you know what to do before hanging out with someone new,” Mingjue listed, his voice firm and warm. “I’d like it if Jiang Cheng was with you every time you go out, seeing as he obviously knows how to keep you safe, but I know that’s not always possible. Give him my phone number in case of emergencies. No sleep overs and no crowded areas.”
“Yes,” Huaisang breathed, hugging him as tightly as he could. “Yes, of course.”
Mingjue laughed again, flicking the side of his head. “You can call your boyfriend,” he teased. “Tell him the news.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Huaisang protested, though he couldn’t help but beam up at him. “Thank you, Dage!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Mingjue smiled at him, patting his back. “Just be careful.”
With that promise made, things were able to return to the way that they were before, though with more honesty and openness. They were able to hang out on weekends, even when Mingjue was home, and Mingjue started inviting Jiang Cheng over for dinner at least once a week.
He worried still, of course, but every time Huaisang came home healthy and giggling, the lines around his face eased a little bit more.
It helped that he got along well with Jiang Cheng. They both enjoyed teasing Huaisang, affectionately ganging up on him over meals and movies, and they shared several of the same interests and hobbies.
Huaisang, for all he pouted and complained that they liked each other more than they liked him, was internally thrilled. These two people made up his entire world, everything that was important to him. If he had his way, Jiang Cheng would stay for the rest of their lives, though in reality he was far more likely to marry someone he met in college, and maybe only come back once in a while to catch up—
Huaisang tried his best not to linger on those thoughts. He could enjoy the now, at the very least.
When Jiang Cheng earned his driver’s license, his mother gifted him with a beautiful old car that had been updated and well maintained over the years. The first thing that Jiang Cheng did when the keys were handed to him on a saturday was to show up at Huaisang’s door with a grin and an insistent hand wrapped around his wrist.
Huaisang let himself be herded into the passenger seat, laughing when Jiang Cheng tossed him a crooked smile as they buckled themselves in.
“Where do you want to go?” Jiang Cheng asked. It was so rare for him to be so excitable, so expressive, and Huaisang was so soft. “Anywhere you want, you’re the navigator.”
“What if I asked to go to the mall four hours away?” Huaisang challenged, arching a brow.
“Then we’d go,” Jiang Cheng said simply, rolling his eyes.
“Ah, A-Cheng…” Huaisang sighed, utterly smitten. “No, I just want ice cream.”
“Ice cream it is.” Jiang Cheng put the car into drive, and off they went.
He was a careful driver, especially with Huaisang in his car. He had a little furrow in his brow whenever he had to merge or take a turn into traffic, everything he did measured and deliberate. His toned, muscular arms shifted as he turned the wheel or rested his hand on the gear shift when he was coasting down a highway.
Huaisang was a teenager. He couldn’t help it. He daydreamed about having those strong arms wrapping around him, lifting him up, holding him against the wall as they made out... or pushing him down in the back seat of the car as Jiang Cheng kissed down his neck.
He had seen it in the movies, after all—maybe they wouldn’t go all the way, he imagined that would be kind of uncomfortable, but they could still go pretty far….
“What are you thinking about?” Jiang Cheng asked, tugging on Huaisang’s earlobe and making him yelp. “You’re not even singing along to the music.”
“Oh—it’s nothing,” Huaisang said quickly, too quickly, because Jiang Cheng cast him a suspicious glance. Huaisang flushed a deep, vibrant red. “I was just zoning out!”
“Uh huh,” Jiang Cheng hummed. “Since when do you keep secrets from me?”
“I’m not,” Huaisang whined, hiding his face in both of his hands. He felt hot all over, nerves spiking sharply. His crush was so obvious, he was pretty sure that Jiang Cheng knew already, but he didn’t need to know the pathetic extent that Huaisang had reached! “I’m—I’m just—”
“It’s okay,” Jiang Cheng chuckled, dropping his hand to Huaisang’s knee and squeezing it gently. “I’m teasing, Huaisang.”
This did not help. Huaisang’s stomach swooped at his touch, at how large and warm his hand was. “You’re mean,” he complained. “The meanest!”
“Sure,” Jiang Cheng huffed. He did not move his hand. “That’s why I’m taking you to go get ice cream.”
It took some time for Huaisang to calm down, but he did, in the end. Jiang Cheng was an expert at making him feel comfortable, despite all the parts of him that left Huaisang nervous and fluttering. They got ice cream from a local shop and took a walk along the pier, bickering and bantering with the ease of familiar friends.
The woman at the ice cream shop thought that they were a couple, calling them cute and smiling at them in a certain way. Jiang Cheng hadn’t corrected her, paying for Huaisang’s cone, and Huaisang thought he would never not be blushing at this rate.
They spent the warmer months going places just to have an excuse to drive, until Jiang Cheng had to go away for three weeks for a summer camp that his mother insisted on.
Huaisang missed him fiercely. He kept himself as busy as he could, taking extra dancing lessons and throwing himself into his summer reading that his tutors had assigned. Mingjue, having pity on his pining state, took him out a handful of times to go to the zoo or the aquarium, even though they were more crowded than he usually preferred.
Huaisang appreciated his efforts, but he still felt the flutter of excitement every few days when Jiang Cheng was able to call him. He did so faithfully, no matter how the other boys in the background heckled him for being whipped by his apparent boyfriend, and kept Huaisang up to date with all of the activities and antics he was both a part of and witness to.
And, despite his misgivings, it was clear that Jiang Cheng was having fun. His brother had gone along with him, and it was the first time that they had been able to sleep under the same roof again since the divorce. Jiang Cheng’s voice was so vibrant and rambling that Huaisang could nearly cry from how much he liked this boy. He deserved to have a good time, instead of worrying about his studies or catering to Huaisang.
That was the reason that, when Huaisang came down with a violent case of the flu, he didn’t tell him. He dehydrated quickly, causing Mingjue to bring him to the hospital in the middle of the night to be hooked up to IVs and monitored properly.
It wasn’t serious, but with Huaisang’s weak immune system, it ran rampant with his body. The doctors advised that he stay in patient until it had completely run its course, as his fever was too stubborn to break and keeping down foods remained difficult for the better part of a week. Mingjue was overwhelmed with worry, coming to stay with him as much as he could manage, spending the night in the uncomfortable armchair that was in Huaisang’s single room.
He told Jiang Cheng only that he had a cold, and waved away his concern and desire to come home early. He needed a chance to simply be himself, and Huaisang was determined to get better by the time that he got back.
Naturally, this was not the case.
Jiang Cheng burst into the hospital room, frazzled and wide-eyed and frantic. The nurse following him continued to argue, saying, “Only family is allowed to visit at this time, sir—”
Huaisang looked up from the book he had open on his lap, hospital blankets pooling around his elbows. He was unwashed and rumbled and pale, unfit to be seen, but—
Jiang Cheng had a growth spurt in his absence, and his skin was a gorgeous, rich tan from weeks spent in the sun. He was effortlessly handsome, such a welcome sight that the heart monitor started picking up its pace as the rhythm of Huaisang’s heart sped up dramatically.
“Oh my, are you okay?” the nurse fussed, forgetting her struggle with Jiang Cheng immediately.
“He’s fine,” Mingjue drawled from the armchair, pushing himself up onto his feet. “They can be left alone, come on.”
With that, he ushered her back out of the room, and right before the door closed, they could hear Mingjue saying, “I promise, he’s not dying, he’s just gay.”
Huaisang didn’t even register how utterly mortifying that was, too busy staring at Jiang Cheng, who quickly crossed the room and climbed up to sit on the edge of the bed.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jiang Cheng scolded, reaching to feel Huaisang’s forehead for a temperature as if he wasn’t in the hospital. “Do you have any idea what I thought when I got home to see that you weren’t there? To have to hear from your brother through text that you’ve been here for six days?”
“I’m sorry,” Huaisang tried feebly. “I didn’t want you to worry…”
Jiang Cheng continued coming his hair out of his face, inspecting him carefully. “Too late for that. God, you’re so smart, how can you pull shit like this? I always want to know what’s going on with you. Always. I don’t care where I am or what I’m doing.”
“A-Cheng, you can’t say that,” Huaisang protested, lowering his eyes. “What if you’re on a date one day, or something?”
Jiang Cheng thumped his head lightly, before pushing at his side until Huaisang shifted to make room for him on the bed. “What if I’m on a date,” he echoed derisively. “Yeah right. Very funny.”
He couldn’t do this, putting all of this false hope and silly ideas into Huaisang’s head. Huaisang almost risked a migraine to shout at him, but then Jiang Cheng wrapped an arm around him and tugged them both down, until he was flat on his back and Huaisang was cuddled up on his chest, his nose brushing Jiang Cheng’s neck.
Huaisang quieted. Jiang Cheng continued stroking his hair, letting out a heavy sigh.
“I don’t know what I have to do to get you to realize,” Jiang Cheng grumbled, slinging his free hand around Huaisang’s waist. “But either way, don’t keep anything from me ever again.”
Huaisang swallowed hard, closing his eyes and nuzzling closer. He hadn’t felt this complete in three weeks, and with Jiang Cheng holding him… well, even if it would only last for so long, Huaisang felt stronger. Braver.
He recovered within the next two days, until he was deemed healthy enough to go home.
At seventeen, Huaisang grew a little bit bolder.
He was dressing better, occasionally even applying makeup to accentuate his eyelashes and contouring his cheek bones. On a couple of occasions, he caught Jiang Cheng staring at him, a strange expression on his face, something that could almost be called longing.
Their friendship continued the way it always had, with adventures and movie nights. One particular movie night, Huaisang came up with the brilliant idea to watch horror movies—the ones who were notoriously terrifying and had reputations among Jiang Cheng’s classmates.
Of course, Huaisang did not scare easily. However, he made sure to duck behind a pillow and whine as he bundled up beneath the blankets, hiding from any possible jump scare or frightening moment. Jiang Cheng seemed amused by his antics, waiting about halfway in to finally reach and put his arm around Huaisang’s shoulders in comfort.
Huaisang used this moment to his advantage, burying his face in his chest and crawling onto his lap. “A-Cheng,” he whimpered. “This is so scary!”
“It sure is,” Jiang Cheng agreed sarcastically.
Huaisang hid a grin, slotting himself so that he was flush against Jiang Cheng, his knees bracketing the other boy’s hips. He wound his arms around Jiang Cheng’s neck, pressing his nose just under his jaw, so that his lips brushed his skin.
This was far bolder than anything he had ever managed over the many years that they had known each other. Flirting was new to him in the general sense, and he would never want to jeopardize their friendship, but… Jiang Cheng’s large hands dropped to settle around his hips, his fingertips brushing the waistband of his pants, and sparks traveled up Huaisang’s spine at the touch.
“Will you keep me safe?” he whined, a tiny bit breathless.
“You’re ridiculous,” Jiang Cheng huffed, but his grip tightened by a fraction.
“I’m so scared,” Huaisang insisted, pressing even closer and curling his fingers in Jiang Cheng’s shirt. “A-Cheng, I won’t feel okay unless you hold me. I know you’d protect me, so I feel better with you.”
Jiang Cheng was tense, and when Huaisang stole a glance up at him, he was blushing furiously. Huaisang wiggled a little in an attempt to get more comfortable, and Jiang Cheng swore, practically pinning him down on his lap to keep him from moving.
“Huaisang,” he said, his voice strained. “Stay still.”
Huaisang’s heart jolted, a flare of heat coiling low in his stomach. He let himself settle, draped across Jiang Cheng’s chest, and Jiang Cheng held him for several long moments as they breathed in unison. Pressed together as they were, Huaisang could feel him, and—
They were teenagers, reacting at the slightest gust of wind, and this wasn’t confirmation that Jiang Cheng liked him in that way. Still, it was something, and at the very least, Huaisang could have plenty of daydreams as a result of the press of Jiang Cheng’s fingers and the interested stirring against him.
They cuddled like that for the rest of the movie, eventually relaxing into something less tense and more comfortable. They never spoke directly about the occurrence, but similar situations cropped up more and more often, until their senior year finally arrived.
Prom was a major concern, as it was to most students, whether they were attending it or not. Huaisang had heard from his brother that Lan Zhan was trying to figure out how to go about his promposal to his crush, and everyone else seemed to be abuzz with it on social media.
Huaisang actively didn’t think about it. This was one more milestone event that he would never experience or understand, and he would have to be okay with it. Moping about wouldn’t change things, and when he was an adult, he could scratch his dancing itch at a club or something.
It was fine.
“A-Cheng,” Huaisang began innocently, not even looking up from his canvas. They were sitting out on the porch and enjoying the early spring sunlight. Jiang Cheng was sitting across from him at the patio table, studiously perusing his work sheets.
“Hmm?” Jiang Cheng hummed distractedly.
“Do you have plans for prom?”
Jiang Cheng stilled, before he very carefully and nonchalantly reached into his backpack to pull out a new pen. “Yeah,” he said, too casual.
“Oh,” Huaisang said, stunned.
Why was he surprised? Jiang Cheng was handsome and intelligent, so it was only a matter of time until someone reciprocated and took notice of him. Prom was their last big chance before everyone spread out into the wide open world, so of course they would go with him.
It was fine.
“That’s nice,” Huaisang eventually added, several beats too late. He stared fixedly at his painting, his vision blurring only slightly, which he blinked away with impatience.
“Do you want to go for a drive?” Jiang Cheng changed the subject abruptly. “I need a break.”
“Okay,” Huaisang agreed, setting down his brush.
He tried so hard to be normal. They still hung out, and nothing seemed to change on Jiang Cheng’s end, besides the few afternoons where he claimed to have to stay late at school for some activity or another. There was one occasion where Huaisang went to get something out of the trunk, but Jiang Cheng practically jumped on him to stop him before he could see whatever was in there, stammering out that it had something to do with his prom plans.
Huaisang didn’t ask questions, though he was itching to know more about the person who finally caught Jiang Cheng’s attention. Every time he thought about it, he couldn’t help but grow melancholy and despondent, worrying both his friend and his brother, though he never told either of them what was bothering him.
Huaisang spent some time sitting out on the front porch, pretending to be reading through an assigned book, but glancing up periodically to watch as other seniors who lived on their street climbed off of the bus and walked to their homes, laughing and jostling at each other as they went. He observed them all carefully, wondering if any of them were the person who was going to prom with Jiang Cheng.
What was Jiang Cheng’s type? Sporty? Preppy? Nerdy? Shy? Huaisang tried to picture any one of these students on Jiang Cheng’s arm, but all that accomplished was a sick feeling churning in his gut, vicious and unpleasant and terrifying.
The year continued on, and Jiang Cheng gave no further indication about it. Huaisang assumed that whoever he’d asked had said yes, because there was no notable change in mood, and surely he would’ve complained or grown sad had he been rejected.
On the morning of prom, Huaisang received a single text from his friend:
I’ll be away from my phone for most of today, but I’ll see you tonight 💚
Huaisang blinked away the tears that gathered, sending back a simple:
have fun, a-cheng 💜
Mingjue didn’t allow him to mope, coaxing him into getting dressed up. They had planned ahead of time to have a little celebration, just the two of them, at a restaurant that Huaisang loved. He was graduating too, after all, and Mingjue wanted to provide him with the excuse to dress up when he was missing out on the night his peers were reveling in.
“Dage, can we go out a different night?” Huaisang mumbled, staring at his reflection as a very focused Mingjue wove braids into his hair.
“You aren’t sick,” Mingjue countered, tugging lightly on a braid. “Therefore, you’re not wiggling out of this. All you’d do is lay tragically on the couch and sleep all afternoon.”
“So?”
“Tonight’s a big night,” Mingjue insisted, stepping back to admire his work. “Get dressed and get your ass downstairs, didi.”
Huaisang dragged his feet as much as he could, but in the end he put on the fitted suit and its lavender tie, a sentimental choice that he was utterly mortified over. He looked good, when he examined himself in the mirror, but there was no rush of pride or satisfaction over the fact. He’d never get a date, or have his first kiss, and while most of the time he made himself pretty for the sake of his own enjoyment, it felt like a hollow gesture, pointless and desperate at this point.
The doorbell rang, and shortly after, Mingjue shouted, “Huaisang! Answer that, I’m still getting ready!”
Huaisang scowled, stomping down the stairs. “Did you really invite Xichen-ge? I don’t want to third wheel tonight, Dage! You should just let me stay home while you two—”
His mini rant trailed off as he swung the door open, only to come face to face with Jiang Cheng.
Jiang Cheng’s suit was tailored to perfection, accenting his broad shoulders and narrow waist. His tie was an emerald green, and his hair was styled to be artfully floppy and tousled. He was… he was…
He was fucking gorgeous, and he was smiling, warm and soft as he gazed down at him.
“Hey,” Jiang Cheng murmured.
“What are you doing here?” Huaisang asked breathlessly, struggling against the urge to touch, to wrap his arms around him, to press up against his chest.
“I’m here to pick you up,” Jiang Cheng said, as if he had walked straight out of one of Huaisang’s daydreams. “Are you ready to go?”
“What?” Huaisang blinked, glancing over his shoulder for his brother. “To go… are you coming to dinner for us? What about prom?”
“Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng chuckled, reaching to take his hand and tug him out onto the porch. “Surely you know by now. Come on, we don’t want to be late.”
“A-Cheng,” Huaisang said, his eyes wide. Jiang Cheng wrapped a hand around his waist, guiding him down the steps, then down the driveway. He stumbled after him, steadied by the strong arm holding him close and tucked against his side. “You’re supposed to be at the school!”
“A-Sang, please,” Jiang Cheng huffed, pulling him to a stop right before they approached the hills that had made up their first, and many subsequent, adventures. He had that little furrow in his brow again, and he didn’t let go of Huaisang’s waist, and he leaned in so close that their knees almost brushed. “Why would I be anywhere but here, with you?”
Huaisang braced his hands against Jiang Cheng’s chest, his heart pounding in his own. He thought it might give out entirely once more—this boy was bad for his health. Music filtered through the soft early summer breeze, reaching their ears and hinting at what was just over that first hill. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his brother jogging in that direction, skirting around them to avoid interrupting their privacy.
“You’re going to college,” he whispered, his breath hitching. His fingers trembled, curling helplessly in Jiang Cheng’s shirt. “You’re going away. You can’t keep putting your life on hold for me.”
“Who says it’s on hold?” Jiang Cheng squeezed his hip, his other hand lifting to stroke Huaisang’s cheek. “You can’t tell me that you don’t love me, A-Sang.”
Huaisang whimpered, a pitiful sound, and tried to turn his face away. Jiang Cheng didn’t let him, coaxing him to make eye contact before he continued.
“I love you, Huaisang,” he promised, finally giving the words life. “I’ve loved you for years. You’re my best friend, my partner. You’re crazy smart and maybe a little chaotic, and you can be annoying sometimes when you’re really trying to be. You’re funny and you’re creative and I never, ever want to live a life without you.”
Tears were rolling down Huaisang’s cheeks. He tried to shake his head, to pull away, but Jiang Cheng dove in and kissed one corner of his mouth, then the other.
“Your brother’s agreed to you moving into an apartment with me off campus. We’ll have to facetime every day and follow a whole bunch of rules, but…”
Huaisang kissed him.
It wasn’t quite fireworks, but it was everything right in the world. Huaisang felt tingly and warm, memorizing the feel of Jiang Cheng’s slightly chapped lips dragging against his own. He tasted like the honeydew chapstick Huaisang insisted that he use, and what they both lacked in practice, they made up for in enthusiasm.
“I love you,” he managed out when they finally parted for air. “A-Cheng, do you really want me to come with you?”
“I’m never leaving you behind,” Jiang Cheng swore, kissing him one more time before he reluctantly drew away. “Come on, there’s time for this later.”
Huaisang, in a complete daze, followed him. Their hands were laced together as they crested the hill to see:
There were five tables, each with chairs and snacks laid out on them. There was a bigger booth with DJ equipment, which was manned by Jiang Cheng’s brother, Wei Ying, and his maybe-boyfriend Lan Zhan. Jiang Yanli was laughing with Lan Xichen as they danced on the small, rented dance floor, and Mingjue was watching them with fondness and a crooked smile.
His brother cast a wink over at Huaisang when he noticed him looking. Huaisang tightened his hold on Jiang Cheng’s hand.
“It’s prom,” Jiang Cheng murmured in his ear. “For you.”
Huaisang looked up at him, stars in his eyes to match the stars twinkling in the sky, and he beamed.
“No,” he said firmly, dragging him down to the dance floor. “It’s for us.”
And surrounded by close family and friends and the love of his life, Huaisang was, for the first time, a boy with a future that he couldn’t wait to see.