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It’s a brilliant idea from the start.
“No, it isn’t.”
That’s alright, Jungwoo thinks. A game of gay chicken isn’t for everyone.
And that makes his proposition all the more perfect, he reasons aloud. This game would end before it starts with, say, a Doyoung, but it’s an entirely different matter if he plays it with Jaehyun. So why not a healthy little ice-breaker to rekindle the roommate flames?
“Jungwoo, please,” Doyoung interrupts, pacing up and down the tenth floor dorm in frustration. “Nothing about the two of you is healthy.”
“But that’s exactly why this plan is ingenious!” Poor Doyoung has badly wound himself up over this triviality. There’s really nothing to worry about, Jungwoo tries to explain. “I shouldn’t bottle up my feelings for him, anymore, right? What healthier way to let it out than with a mutually consented battle of fake romance in the name of friendship?”
Doyoung stops, staring incredulously. “How about using words, Jungwoo? 'I like you,' perhaps?”
“Aw, you like me-? Ow!" Jungwoo cooing is cut short by a slap on the arm. He rubs the wound as he mournfully continues, "What if that scares him out of our room?”
“Don’t be dramatic,” Doyoung scoffs. Then, with reservation, he adds, “You never know, he might have feelings for you, too.”
“Never took you for an optimist, Doyoung.” Jungwoo shakes his head. “I’m not mad, just disappointed.”
“Will you please hear me out for once?” Doyoung pleads, a resigned groan already admitting defeat without his words needing to.
“So, it’s settled, then.” Project Hiding in Plain Sight, subheading Overselling Your Crush to Hide Your Crush, gets the green light. Jungwoo pats Doyoung’s back and nods at the neatly-stacked cardboard boxes in front of his room. “You’re here to assemble my bed, right?”
Doyoung stares impassively before making a heel-turn and walking out the door. “He’s gonna regret this,” Jungwoo faintly hears before the door clicks shut. What an odd fellow, that Doyoung is. Jungwoo takes one more look at the boxes, stretches out his arms, and then jumps onto the sofa in content.
⌖
Jungwoo’s ego doesn’t hurt often. But when Doyoung ends up being right mere hours later, Jungwoo could picture him yelling, what did I tell you, so clearly that the anger of Jungwoo being wrong nearly catapults him out of the present kissing business.
But before we get there, some ramp-up.
Jaehyun had returned to the dorm later that evening and greeted Jungwoo in typical fashion. A grandiose slow-motion of them running towards each other and ending with a pick-up-Jungwoo-and-spin-him-around, with Jungwoo grinning his heart out because this is Jungwoo and that’s Jaehyun. When Jaehyun dropped him back down, he offhandedly adjusted a strand of Jungwoo’s hair as they caught up. Just your casual, post-hiatus roommate bonding, nothing to see here yet.
Then came the proposition.
“Gay chicken?” Jaehyun had asked. This is it, the big moment. No time to get distracted by how dang adorable a confused Jaehyun looked with his nose all scrunched up and his mouth slightly agape, showing off just how pink and pouty his lips were.
“Yeah, we gotta one-up each other on how romantic -” Jungwoo had pulled out the air quotes just as Jaehyun had the audacity to run his tongue across his lower lip, cocking his head slightly. Jungwoo willed himself to restart- “How romantic we can get, before one of us backs out. You game?”
“Can you demonstrate?”
Exasperated, Jungwoo had stepped forward and pulled Jaehyun closer by the collar until their lips were inches apart. Nothing Jungwoo couldn’t handle. “You know,” Jungwoo’s voice dropped to a traitorously breathy whisper, “something like this.”
Jaehyun swallowed hard and merely said, “Oh.”
Just as Jungwoo was about to pull away, Jaehyun leaned forward again to meet Jungwoo.
And that takes us back to the present.
It’s a brief kiss - a casual brush of the lips, really. But to Jungwoo, it feels like time’s frozen in a still-frame and he wonders that maybe Doyoung’s right, maybe this isn't the best idea, after all, when Jaehyun loosens the invisible chain he’s just dealt around Jungwoo’s fragile heart and knocks the air out of Jungwoo’s lungs and says with the rosiest of grins, “Yeah. I'm game.”
Jungwoo wastes no time in shoving his ugly mess of emotions inside his theoretical closet. Not to be outdone by the offensive strike, Jungwoo smoothens Jaehyun’s collar and winks. “Don’t worry, you’ll get better at this game with time, Pink Ears.”
⌖
What Jungwoo didn’t expect was for Jaehyun to agree to the game so enthusiastically. Sure, Jungwoo had confidence in his game as a cover-up to his terribly impractical feelings, but Jaehyun surprised Jungwoo with the levels he took the game to. Gave it a bit more of an unpredictability factor than Jungwoo originally planned for.
But Jungwoo treats his miscalculation as a blessing. Relationships can get boring if you knew everything about your dude, anyway. Surprises help keep the spark alive. Jungwoo just has to stay calm, chant the mantra of “whatever Jaehyun does, one-up it” in his head, and eventually, Jaehyun will get bored of the game, Jungwoo will get over his crush, and everything will be just fine and dandy.
What's a makeout session or two between good friends, anyway?
⌖
If these interviewers did even five minutes of research on the members before their shoot, their questions wouldn’t be no-brainers.
Jungwoo scribbles his own name on the white board. But he’s surprised that their answers aren’t unanimous. The interviewer's question is on who is the biggest oddball of the group, yet Jaehyun is the odd one out with his answer. Jungwoo giggles inwardly at his own pun.
"You might think he's weird at first,” Jaehyun seriously reasons when he’s prompted by the interviewer. “But if you share a room with him, you'll know he's really not weird."
It’s not that deep. So to ease the tension, Mark looks at Jaehyun and says, “That means you're weird too!"
Jaehyun stares at Mark blankly before going, “Huh?”
Ever the fixer-upper, Doyoung joins Jaehyun’s side so it doesn’t feel like the world against one. “The thing is, Jungwoo only pretends to be goofy outside and in front of cameras. When he comes back to the dorm, he goes, man, I’m tired!”
That gets a laugh out of everyone, and the interview proceeds.
⌖
Silly Jaehyun.
Jungwoo shifts restlessly in bed. Try as he might, he can’t stop wondering why Jaehyun doesn’t think Jungwoo is weird, because he is. Jungwoo prides himself for being offbeat and goofy and different. That’s his individuality shining through.
It’s also hard to forget the reaction that Jaehyun had after Mark’s remark. Maybe Mark spilled some truth there. Jungwoo figures that since he and Jaehyun have been roommates, it’s possible that Jaehyun’s adopting Jungwoo’s weirdness by their close proximity. They have been spending a ton of time together.
The thing is, Jaehyun didn’t exactly seem excited about being called weird.
So Jungwoo takes it down a couple of notches. Just to make sure that he’s not being a bad influence.
It takes continuous effort not to be yourself, Jungwoo soon realizes. Of course, having an alter persona for the stage is part of an idol’s job description. But like Doyoung had said, being someone different even inside the dorm makes Jungwoo tired.
As the days progress, Jungwoo’s become more subdued.
But to his concern, Jaehyun’s somehow become even more silly, especially around Jungwoo.
Make no mistake - Jungwoo absolutely relishes in Jaehyun’s silliness. He can't keep a straight face around Jaehyun these days. On top of that, a silly Jaehyun is exciting. Volatile. Shocking. And without his mask, a less reserved Jaehyun has the prettiest, goofiest laugh that Jungwoo loves to the ends of the earth and back. Just like the laugh he’s doing now. Jungwoo has to bite his cheek from acting out on impulse and smothering the guy with kisses.
⌖
The two are both in Jaehyun’s bed, with Jungwoo’s head lying on Jaehyun’s lap as Jaehyun absentmindedly strokes Jungwoo’s cheek.
“You’ve been looking down,” Jaehyun begins.
“Incorrect, I’ve been looking up.” Jungwoo automatically snorts before catching himself.
“There! See what you did?” Jaehyun tilts his head in concern. “You were smiling, and then stopped. What’s wrong?”
Jungwoo takes a deep breath. “You didn’t like that Mark called you weird.”
Jaehyun frowns. “I didn’t care about that. I hardly even registered what he was saying.”
“What.” Jungwoo buffers for a good few seconds. “You had that face. The one where you’re pissed but there are cameras around so you play it cool.”
“Yeah, that,” Jaehyun takes a deep sigh. “I didn’t like how everyone reduced you to the ‘weird’ member, and you agreed, too.”
Jungwoo shrugs. “I don’t mind being the weird one.”
“Liking something and not minding something are two different things,” Jaehyun presses. Then, he mumbles, “Do you like how people see you?”
“I never really cared about how people see me,” Jungwoo grins, adding, “Present company not included. It feels good to give my own color to the group.”
“I like the color you give,” Jaehyun cracks a small smile. “I just wish there was something I could do to help you get it back.”
“Ah, that’s no big deal, it’s just that I only dialed it down because I was influencing your weird factor. But we can all laugh about it now-”
Jaehyun balks. “Are you serious.”
Taken aback at the reaction, Jungwoo hurriedly sits up in bed to face him and adds, “Like I said, I’m alright-”
“Jungwoo, listen to me.” Jaehyun takes Jungwoo’s two hands into his firm grip. He looks angry. “Don’t you ever dull your color. You bring the best out of me, okay? I like me better when I’m with you.”
Oh, come on. Jungwoo can only keep a serious face for a second before he bursts into song. Jaehyun is peeved, but begrudgingly joins along soon after, eventually laughing as he sings along.
When the two are done with their duet, Jungwoo flops into Jaehyun’s arms.
They’ve both gotten unfairly good at this game, Jungwoo thinks as they drift off to sleep.
⌖
The loud slap on the butt echoes through the yoga room and Jungwoo swears he hears Doyoung’s teeth gritting in front of him. But Jungwoo, cool as a cucumber and honestly used to much more from Jaehyun by this point, is totally unfazed. A professional, that’s who he is.
“At least drop your game in front of the cameras!” Doyoung says irritatedly once the shoot wraps up.
“What game?” Jaehyun asks. This guy is a natural actor, Jungwoo thinks as he marvels at his authentically puzzled face.
It’s hard to decipher what Doyoung’s thinking, though, who gapes wordlessly between Jaehyun and Jungwoo. Maybe he doesn’t understand the rules, Jungwoo thinks. Considering Jaehyun hasn’t talked about the game since day one, the unspoken rule seems to be that gay chicken is like fight club. What’s a guy to do, talk and forfeit? Jungwoo has to laugh.
When neither has anything to say to him, Doyoung groans, “I should've stayed home.”
⌖
“Go back to bed,” Jaehyun patiently tells zombie Jungwoo.
“Five more minutes.” Said zombie yawns, presently upright but half-asleep and latched onto a freshly showered Jaehyun. Jungwoo inhales the scent of Jaehyun’s clean skin as his damp strands of hair tickle his cheeks. He’s up at ungodly hours for cuddles, but it’s a sacrifice well worth the pain.
Jaehyun gently pries Jungwoo’s arms from around him. “I’ve got to go to the drama set soon.”
Pouting, Jungwoo crosses his arms. “Fine, then. I’ll cuddle with Mark, instead.”
Instead of falling into the bait of jealousy that Jungwoo so deviously put in place, Jaehyun simply lifts up Jungwoo’s chin and says, “Good. You’re too pretty for me to keep all to myself.”
Cue those horrid butterflies of defeat in Jungwoo’s stomach. Jungwoo’s defences have been rather shoddy lately. How peculiar is it, that the better Jaehyun gets at this game, the more undone Jungwoo becomes?
But Jungwoo doesn’t accept the loss quite yet. Instead, he whispers, “You’re good at this,” reduces their distance once more, and lands a long, lingering kiss just at the corner of Jaehyun’s lips. When he withdraws, Jaehyun has the look that was gracing Jungwoo’s face only moments ago. Jungwoo takes the lead yet again, he silently cheers to himself.
⌖
Jungwoo often daydreams about the what-ifs. He’s only human. Between the unscheduled food dates, one-on-one soccer games, and nights where they stay up for hours talking, it’s hard not to imagine the what-ifs. Even for Jungwoo, a romantic cynic that he convinces himself he is.
They make a fine pair.
In some ways, they're a pendulum. There are so many sides, so many extremes to both of them. But the beauty here is that they swing together, even if one starts up high and the other is down low, they naturally adjust until they're in the same plane of existence again.
Jaehyun gives a constant rhythm for Jungwoo's heartbeats to follow, grounding him, keeping his wayward melodies at bay.
It’s a nice thought, then, to imagine if they were really in love.
⌖
That was unexpected.
“Sorry for the trouble, everyone!” Jungwoo lets out a laugh as he wipes away his tears after the cameras turn off. The one thing he didn’t think he’d do when he got signed up to decorate a cake was cry about it. It’s okay, he’ll be seeing his parents in a few days, anyway.
As if that isn’t enough of a surprise that day, Jungwoo is even more surprised when he opens the dorm door to find Jaehyun, keys in hand and ready to go.
“Going shopping?” Jungwoo asks.
“Nope, to your parents house.” With that, Jaehyun takes Jungwoo’s hand that isn’t holding the cake, and leads him back out.
“Really?” Jungwoo asks, a hopeful tone evident in his voice as the two make their way down to the garage. “I wasn’t supposed to go there until later.”
“Company said change of plans.” Jaehyun throws a glance over, giving Jungwoo’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “Take as long as you like there. I’ll be in the car.”
⌖
“Not so hard!” Doyoung gasps.
Jungwoo pries his eyes from the TV screen, but doesn’t remove his pincer-like grip on Doyoung’s thigh. “That’s what he said.”
“Why are we watching this when you can’t stand scary movies?” Doyoung whines, trying in vain to push Jungwoo’s hand away. A jump-scare reverts him back to the screen, and in true Doyoung fashion, he provides running commentary to push back his own fear. “That man is going to die! Oh my god, turn around!”
From Jungwoo’s other side, Jaehyun laughs. “I don’t know how you guys find this movie scary. It’s a 4 out of 10, best.”
“What?!” Doyoung practically screams just as the serial killer shows up. “So this wasn’t your movie of choice?”
“It was mine,” Jungwoo guiltily looks at Doyoung through a slit in his free hand. “But now I can’t feel my legs.”
“Wish I could say the same,” Doyoung grits as Jungwoo lets out another squeeze timed with the on-screen killer’s first strike.
“You okay?” Jaehyun asks Jungwoo, worried. “I’m turning off the movie.” A second later, the TV is turned off, enveloping all of them in near-darkness and pin-drop silence.
“I’m turning on the lights,” Jungwoo declares, standing up and collapsing back down, his legs buckling underneath him. “Or not.”
“Here, let me,” Doyoung heads for the lights, muttering to himself on his way, “Why is this dorm always empty, anyway?”
When the lights flicker on, Jungwoo is lying down on the sofa, cocooned by a pampering Jaehyun squished up right next to him.
“Hold on,” Jungwoo sits up and pats for Jaehyun to do the same. “Let’s pause the game so Doyoung doesn’t feel left out.”
“Don’t stop because of me,” Doyoung shrugs.
“If you do feel left out-” Jaehyun pauses, propped upright by his elbows. He then looks at Jungwoo. “Wait, what game?”
“Okay fine,” Jungwoo throws Jaehyun an annoyed look. “Points deducted since I talked about how we’re playing gay chicken. But in my defense, we never established this rule.” With that, he lies back down again.
“Oh, Jungwoo,” Doyoung tuts sadly, about to explain but thinks the better of it. “You know what? I’ll take my leave. You guys have a good one.”
“What a curious guy.” Jungwoo cranes his neck to watch Doyoung leave the dorm. When he turns back to face Jaehyun, Jaehyun is also lying back down next to him. But now he’s grinning, equal parts bewildered and amazed. Jungwoo squints. This is a whole new level of weird for Jaehyun. “What is it?”
“I was never playing-” Jaehyun’s grin turns into low, rumbling laughter, “-and I knew you weren’t, either. I thought you knew.”
“What do you mean? What would I know? First of all,” Jungwoo clears his brain and hits the reboot button and waits for it to start up again.
“I thought the game was just a way of you confessing.” Jaehyun’s fingers skim down Jungwoo’s arm closest to Jaehyun until he finds his hand to interlock fingers with. “If I had known you didn’t know...”
So after about a year of this one-way game, it finally dawns on Jungwoo. He’s mad, oh, he’s mad. All those days pining after a guy he already has, what a waste of energy! He could’ve been happy! (Well, he was, but he could’ve been happier!) Darn that Doyoung for being right, after all.
There is a plus side to this revelation, however. It’s lying down right next to him, holding inside it a power strong enough to quell Jungwoo’s fury of lost time. Jaehyun likes him. Then, out loud, Jungwoo belts in a sing-song voice, “Ooh, you like me.”
“I’m glad that’s settled,” Jaehyun starts again with that deep, goofy laugh of his and Jungwoo simply must know how that sweet sound tastes against his lips.