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Albedo claws at his own skin as he struggles to breath. It hurts. Reliving those memories hurt and he couldn't help but cry.
His tears felt warm yet also cold. And as he felt them roll down his cheeks, he felt weak. He felt pathetic. It was moments of weakness like these that made him feel weak and pathetic.
He often wondered to himself why would whatever deity was up there create him.
He was a wreck. He brought nothing but suffering and misfortune to those around him. Not to mention him self sabotaging the few relationships he had.
And archons, he wanted to die so badly at this moment.
Suicidal thoughts weren't foreign to him. Hell, he'd thought or sometimes, even fantasized about death. Death. That thing was constantly on his mind no matter how hard he tried to will the thought away.
Albedo curled up into himself as he continued to cry, now fisting at his shirt as his hands just wanted something, anything to hold onto. He choked on his sobs and tried to keep quiet in fear of waking up the person beside him.
Ah yes. Xiao.
Albedo often wondered to himself why the Adeptus sought out his company. He didn't understand why especially after telling Xiao that he was bad at relationships. Maybe it was because of the fact that they were somewhat similar.
Albedo was no stranger to the Adeptus' past, knowing the hardships Xiao had gone through.
Albedo felt even more pathetic now. Xiao had been through so so much and he was still strong. Maybe Xiao wasn't strong but compared to himself, he certainly felt that the Adeptus was doing better than him.
But those dark thoughts disappeared as he feels a pair of hands gently grab at his, prodding them to not fist his shirt so tightly.
"Your shirt will wrinkle."
Albedo heard a gentle voice say (or as gentle as Xiao could make his gruff voice sound) as Xiao pulled Albedo closer, rubbing small circles on Albedo's back in an attempt to soothe the still crying boy.
"Another nightmare?" Xiao asked in a tone that indicted that he wouldn't pry if Albedo didn't want to share, and Albedo was grateful as he didn't really feel like sharing those painful memories.
Albedo buried himself into Xiao's chest, breathing in the other's scent. Xiao smelled of Qingxin, a flower whose scent tended to have a soothing effect, but Albedo knew it wasn't just the flower's scent that calmed him down.
After some time, Albedo felt his eyelids grow heavy, his consciousness slowly slipping away. Xiao still had a hand on his back, but he stopped rubbing circles as he felt the boy in his arms relax.
Albedo felt safe in Xiao's arms, and he liked and treasured the feeling. Everything would be fine as long as Albedo had Xiao by his side.