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It was one of the many parties at Malfoy Manor, namely a Christmas party. One of the Christmas parties, precisely. Draco had finally managed to get a date for tonight, as it was already the third party he should have attended this week, and Liz was very satisfied with her skills as a wingman – but on the other hand, she was bored. Being the only teenager in the Manor made it kind of hard to find a good dialogue partner next to Dobby, and Dobby didn't really count. Also, Rodolphus Lestrange was already sitting in the corner with a black eye after the usual fisticuffs with his wife, meaning that the most interesting part of the evening was over.
The food was good, though. Just as Liz considered if she could accept the responsibility for taking the last piece of pizza with no pineapple on it (she probably could, since most of the guests were too posh for pizza anyway), she was jostled by someone who turned out to be her mum. "Hey," Minerva said surprised and tightened her grip on the empty water bottle she was carrying. Presumably a requisite for a drinking game. "I thought you'd be out with Draco."
Liz sighed. "He's on a date, not a third-wheeling contest." She pointed at the water bottle. "Can I play with you?" It wouldn't be Describe Your Sex Life With Song Titles of all games, would it?
"Mmh... sure, why not." She led them to some kind of living room (not the living room, but Malfoy Manor had too many rooms to have a designated use for all of them) with a sofa, on which Bellatrix had stretched out, a coffee table and an armchair. The Arithmancy teacher Professor Vector and Madam Hooch – their invitation evidence that no one needed a third Christmas party – were seated across the sofa on a huge pillow. Four glasses of expensive Italian wine were already prepared on the table. "I hope it's okay that Liz plays with us." Minerva laid the empty water bottle down on the coffee table and scrambled onto the couch next to Bellatrix, forcing her to get a proper seat. "She's fourteen, Scottish..."
Bellatrix waved her wand and summoned another glass, then reached for the open bottle next to the sofa and poured Liz a generous measure of wine.
"She's too young," Professor Vector objected. "This game won't even make her drink."
"I know, but maybe she'll make us drink?" Minerva shifted to a cross-legged position. "Okay, listen. We're playing Super Sophisticated I Have Never, with red wine instead of shots, and how much you drink depends on how much you agree, or rather disagree with the statement. And we take Veritaserum to avoid false accusations." She took the glass of water that Bellatrix gave her, drank and passed it on to Liz, who had taken a seat in the armchair. "Oh, and we spin the bottle because we can."
Liz took a sip and passed the water on to Madam Hooch. "I thought Veritaserum was illegal?"
"Not if you take it consciously." Bellatrix huddled against Minerva. "But anyway, that would hardly stop us."
"You really shouldn't say that in public, my love." With a groan ("Stop growing, Liz, you make me feel like an old witch!"), she bent forward and spun the bottle. When it came to a halt, it pointed at Bellatrix, who thoughtfully turned her glass between her fingers. "I have never... failed an exam in school."
No one drank.
"Wait," Minerva said. "Does zero points for cheating count as failed?"
Madam Hooch sent her a meaningful gaze. "If you're too incompetent to cheat, it most certainly does."
"Oh, dammit." She reached for her glass and Liz took care of the bottle.
This time, it pointed at Professor Vector. "I have never drunk human blood," she stated.
Liz took a sip with no hesitation. The others exchanged frowning looks. "What do you mean by 'drunk'?" Minerva demanded. "Everyone of us has at least tasted a few drops in her life, cutting your finger or so."
"'Drunk' as in 'consciously and on purpose'."
"Oh, okay. Next." Minerva gave the bottle one of her most energetic spins. It turned for several seconds before it settled on Madam Hooch.
"I have never cursed anyone... during sex."
"Like Screw You or like Crucio?" Liz asked curiously. Only out of interest, since she knew for a fact that she hadn't had a chance to curse yet.
The Flying instructor grinned. "The interpretation is up to you."
The two of them watched gleefully as everyone else downed their glasses and poured themselves a new one.
Liz was the next one to deliver a statement. "I've... never had a sexual fantasy involving a blood relative." She snickered mischievously.
Bellatrix snorted. "Easy, if you have none." Her and Minerva both took a sip, then the latter gave Professor Vector a confused look. "Hey, I thought you were from Alabama!"
"So what?" She spun the bottle, which promptly pointed at her. "I've never had a sexual fantasy involving Sirius Black."
Minerva and Bellatrix downed their drinks for the second time. Madam Hooch raised one hand. "Wait, what exactly does 'involving' – "
Minerva groaned. "You didn't have one, okay? Thank you." The next turn was hers. "I have never been raped... unless there was a change in the definition."
Bellatrix glared at her. "What, no one here to explain the definition of 'rape'?" she asked sarcastically while casually nursing half her glass.
Professor Vector discreetly reached for the bottle.
Madam Hooch was next. "I have never taken money for any kind of... close contact services."
Everyone except Bellatrix drank.
Professor Vector. "I have never... kissed during a job."
Minerva and Liz drank, because things were complicated with Louise, and because Liz's job had been the kissing itself.
Liz. "I've never had sex with a teacher." Obviously, since everything else would have put her into great trouble.
All the others had to refill their glasses, three of them rolling their eyes at the question.
Minerva. "I've never had sex with a non-human mammal," she shot back, the wine having turned her into a mean creature that would insult anyone and everyone within reach.
Liz crossed her arms. "I'm very human, thank you very much."
Bellatrix. "I've never had sex with a reptile."
Liz's feet found their place on the coffee table. "No, but I bet your boss has. – I never got done... wait for it... with my Divination homework."
"Really never?" Madam Hooch asked.
"Nope! Not once. I don't do dream journaling."
Madam Hooch frowned. "Why would you even tell us that...?"
Minerva started to giggle hysterically at the phrasing of Liz's prompt, while Professor Vector sheepishly took a sip. "Yeah, I was an extremely bored teenager."
Liz stared at her. "What."
"I had lots of time on my hands, okay!"
"What."
Madam Hooch whispered something into the professor's ear. Professor Vector mouthed back something which Liz read as "You kidding me? Hell, yeah!"
When the Flying instructor grabbed the bottle and placed it on the table with the tip towards her, no one cared enough to lodge an appeal. "I have never seen Azkaban from the inside."
Bellatrix downed her wine, Minerva at least sipped on it.
Professor Vector didn't even touch the bottle. "I have never consciously been a part of cheating on someone's husband."
Unfortunately, Madam Hooch had to drink a little more than Minerva, who reached for the bottle next, and Bellatrix, whose turn it was.
"I've never had sex in the bedroom of Lucius' parents," she said slowly.
Madam Hooch and Professor Vector exchanged a short look. "Well, that was simple."
Minerva frowned. "Do I have to get up if I want to?"
"I would think so."
"Mmh... too much effort."
More looks were exchanged. "Should we maybe leave them alone?" Madam Hooch asked lazily. "I mean... things aren't exactly about to get spicy."
Professor Vector shook her head. "Nah... leave it."
"Oh, believe me, things are." Liz got up and emptied her first and only glass of wine. "My mum's Scottish, and Bella is determined. Shouldn't underestimate them, or else you might want to unhear a few things." She shook with disgust. "I'll go check if there's still some pizza left."
Not a minute later, Professor Vector and Madam Hooch joined her in the saloon. Which does not necessarily mean that no one was traumatized this evening, according to the way Narcissa elbowed her way to the table with the hard drinks and commandeered the whole bottle of vodka... but that could as well have been a reaction to Lucius calling her hair pretty.
Who knows, right?