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I don’t think he’s the kind you save. He’s the kind you stop.
His own words from so long ago came back to him as he ran his fingers along the spines of his father’s Tolkien collection. He closed his eyes, resting his hand on the shelf of the bookcase. Sam had given that same man one of these cherished books. They had been a gift from his grandfather to his father in the late 1950’s. They were loved dearly, evident by their worn covers. He could still hear the low rumble of his father’s voice reading these books to him and Sarah in the evenings when they were growing up.
Outside he could hear A.J. and Cass laughing and yelling. Bucky was out there with them, teaching them how to play marbles of all things. And they were teaching him the art of ‘cornhole’. Sam smiled to himself at the whoops of joy that drifted in every so often through the open window.
When he was here alone, these rooms were too thick with memories. A stifling, residual mix of nostalgia and melancholy. Not a day went by that he didn’t expect to see his father relaxed on the couch, snoring the afternoon away. Or hear his mom’s laughter in the kitchen, on the phone with his grandmother.
He blinked away the burning behind his eyes.
“Hey,” arms wrapped tightly around him from behind. He leaned into the hold for a moment before turning around to hug his sister to him. “He’s doing better.” She raised an eyebrow towards the backdoor.
“Louisiana air is good for the soul,” Sam breathed in deeply for show.
She rolled her eyes, pushing Sam away, “I used to tell you that.”
Sam followed her to the couch, “Where do you think you got it from? Mom used to say that all the time.” Sarah grunted in response before switching the television on.
It was always difficult to drag Cass back inside when it was still daylight outside, but today Bucky was the reluctant one.
A.J. and Cass collapsed into their chairs at the kitchen table, smiling and breathing heavy. Sam watched Bucky waver in the living room before laying the bag of marbles on the coffee table and slowly making his way towards the table.
Bucky had been the first to wake after his episode. The top of his head pushed into something unmoving, the fingers of his right hand tingling. His eyes shot open as soon as he became aware of the warm hand laying over his back and another hand interlocked with his. He had shoved the other person away in panic, throwing himself backwards into a wall. Sam had come to quickly after, abruptly snatched from the pleasant dream he had been having to pain his neck from the sudden movement. The two had stared at each other in the early afternoon-lit hallway for a few awkward moments as Sam rubbed at his neck.
“Sorry,” Bucky had said, bolting from the hallway.
You need to make some new memories, he thought, eyeing Bucky across the table.
“I think after dinner we should have a movie night. Anything you want to see, Bucky?” Sam broke the silence, staring at Bucky, eyes not wavering.
It took a few seconds before Bucky looked up from his plate and met his eyes. He cleared his throat, “Well, I’ve recently been told that there is a Lord of the Ring’s movie series?” His gaze slipped to A.J. and Cass.
“Please!” Came the simultaneous response.
Sarah groaned, “Those movies are three hours long!” Sam nodded in agreement with her, they only owned the director’s cut.
“But he’s reading the book! I saw it this morning.” A.J. pleaded.
Thirty minutes later Sarah sat at one end of the couch, her boys wrapped around either side of her and Sam sat at the other end. They had made space for Bucky, but he had politely declined, instead choosing to sit on the floor with his back against the couch.
Sam pushed further back into the couch, getting comfortable. The living room was illuminated in a warm glow. Surrounded by what was left of his family and his friend? The word didn’t feel quite right, not just yet. But sitting here like this, with everyone together did feel right. It squashed the sadness that liked to linger in the back of his mind, reminding him of what once was and what could never be again.
They had all seen these movies more times than he could count, even Cass could quote some of the lines, but they sat quietly for Bucky’s first viewing. They enjoyed the movie through Bucky’s silent wonder.
“That was incredible,” Bucky whispered to Sam as the screen went dark and the credits began. Sarah and the boys had fallen asleep near the end.
“Yeah,” Sam smiled, clicked the lamp off and picking up a sleeping A.J.
Bucky unfolded his blanket and laid it over Sarah and Cass who were cuddled together against the armrest. Sam saw him lay his pillow down on the floor just beside the couch and tensed, “No, man. You’re not sleeping on the floor,” he said quietly, not wanting to wake the others. “You can sleep in my room. I’ll sleep in Cass’s bed. Just leave them here,” Sam waved towards his room down the hall.
Bucky shook his head, looking uncomfortable, “I’ve slept on a lot worse, don’t worry,” he leaned back down on the floor, but the pillow was yanked out from under his head.
“Come on,” Sam said, turning towards the hallway with Bucky’s pillow in his hand and A.J. still fast asleep against his shoulder.
He tossed the pillow onto his mattress and picked up his own, carrying it back with him. Sam elbowed Bucky into the bedroom when he stood unmoving in the doorway, “See you in the morning.”
“Sam,” Bucky called out softly, causing the other man to glance back, “Thanks for everything.”
Sam smiled when he saw his father’s Fellowship of the Ring book clutched tightly in Bucky’s arms.
Maybe the word friend wasn’t as far off as he suspected.