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YOUR STATUS IN the Todoroki household is determined by your worth.
At the age of thirteen, Touya Todoroki already knows he's worthless.
He wasn't always worthless. There was a time where he didn't have to fight for his father's affection. There was a time where he didn't have to use his quirk to be loved. That era was short-lived. The years go by ( he's growing older, but not necessarily bigger - doesn't matter, he'll be a hero, he has to be ), and his father's love slowly diminishes.
Father's always shown his love in a weird way. He was never outwardly affection. It seemed his love had a direct correlation with pride. Maybe the phrase 'I love you' was never said outright, yet his actions had to prove his love… right?
It doesn't matter anyways. Whatever love Father had in his heart was gone the minute Touya was taken to a quirk specialist. Gone the minute he was told his child was defective.
There's a foolish little part of Touya's heart that wants to believe he's still worth something. Deep down, there's something telling him that Father still loves him - he's worth far more than some pathetic quirk. He's his son after all. His flesh and blood… It may be a fool's dream, but it's also a child's. So perhaps the irrationality of it all is justified in some way.
Whatever sliver of hope Touya has left in his heart vanishes when Shouto's quirk displays.
With that, the realization that he is worthless is set in stone.
_____________
MOTHER DOESN'T LOOK at him the same anymore. She hasn't since the training stopped, since Shouto took his place, since the white hair starts overtaking the red. In her eyes, he no longer seems like a son. Even to his own mother, he is worthless. Enji's ghost child, Rei's nightmare.
In turn, Touya doesn't believe he can view her as a mother anymore either. She stopped being Mother when she stopped protesting the beatings ( the burns, the broken bones, the cries for help in the middle of the night) . One day, she just… stopped. Stopped caring, stopped loving… stopped being Mom. She doesn't deserve that title anymore, not when Touya's had to step into her place to fill her shoes. She's just Rei, the gaunt woman silently roaming his home.
Perhaps she'll always be Mother to Fuyumi and Natsuo ( she'll always be Mother to Shouto, she never had a problem protecting him but Touya-). They are silly children, still believing Mother actually cares about them. Touya doesn't think they know the truth. They don't know of how she's stopped doing her duties, of how Touya seamlessly stepped in to fill her place. She's still Mom, and Touya's still the worthless child.
'It's fine, though,' he has to remind himself, feeling the itch of hellish flames dancing beneath his skin. He sees the glow of the fire from the training room, a place he hasn't stepped foot in since he was young. His own fire screams at him to let it all out in response. He grits his teeth, focusing on finishing what should be Rei's task of cleaning the windows.
It's fine. It's all fine. It has to be. This is just how family is. There will always be the weaker sibling, and it just happens to be that he's the runt. He'll work behind the scenes if it means everyone's happy. His dreams don't matter anyways, he's the worthless child after all.
( -he tells no one of how he plans to apply to UA behind his father's back. He tells no one of how he trains and trains and trains without his father knowing. He shows no one the burn scars and blisters dancing across his skin. No one can know, no one needs to know, no one wants to know.
He's the worthless child, after all-)
_____________
TODAY'S THE DAY.
He's been waiting for this day for years. He'll finally be able to prove his worth to his father. He will no longer be the worthless child. After this, he'll be Father's golden boy. Shouto won't even stand a chance.
He's been training for this day for years now. He's got the scars to prove it. So what if he's got peeling and blistering skin? It's a price he'll have to pay ( Father doesn't understand. He can push past his limits. He will be the greatest) .
Touya smiles at the thought. He'll finally be back in the limelight. Natsuo and Fuyumi will never understand - they were never candidates to be Father's successor. Their quirks weren't good enough. They were practically worthless from the start, but Touya… He's always been something special. Father just has to see, and then he'll know .
( -And then Father will finally love him again, and things will go back to the way they used to be. He'll get support equipment, and Father will let him join his agency. Mother won't be scared to look him in the eye anymore, and Fuyumi and Natsuo will be his biggest fans. He'll be the best big brother to Shouto and-)
He leaves Father a note and sets off for Sekoto Hill.
_____________
FATHER DOESN'T SHOW.
He waits and waits and waits at Sekoto Hill, and Father doesn't show. It's cold and dry, and the wind nips at his tiny, pink nose, and Father still doesn't show.
And it's not fair. It's not fair because he's spent all this time training for him. He's worked his ass off, and Father doesn't even bother to make an appearance. He's burned himself, made himself bleed just for Father, and the man still doesn't give a damn.
Touya sniffles. The cold wind blows at his face, cold air pricking his skin. He feels warm tears bead up in the corner of his eyes. His breath hitches, then he screams in frustration. Fat tears stream down his cheeks as he falls to his knees. He screams and cries out at the world, begging. He's not worthless, he's not a mistake-
He's just Touya. He just wants to be his father's son.
And the fury and frustration inside him is an ugly mess. It balls itself up into a sphere of chaos, building inside his chest. He heaves and sobs, struggling to catch his breath. However, the inferno inside of him rages on. The ball gets heavier and heavier. The tears stream faster and faster. His body gets bitter and hotter.
Then suddenly, half the forest bursts into flames.
His ears pop with the roar of flames around him. He blinks away his tears, watching the oranges and reds turn into bright, vivid blues. The colors blur together with his tears. He laughs wetly, suddenly aware of how his body aches and burns from the production of flames. He did something right. He finally did it.
Black dances in the corners of his vision. The happiness morphs into fear and panic. The blue flames are haunting him now. He lets himself sob, the black closing in around him. His body hits the burnt leaves with a thud, and all he can think about is how his father would react before everything goes dark.
_____________
HE'S DRIFTING. THERE'S still the faint sound of something crackling around him. He can't open his eyes quite yet, still floating around in a sea of blackness.
"... -ya! Tou… Touya!"
Someone's calling out for him. He can recognize that much. He forces his eyes open, but his body's so very tired. He's not sure he can keep this up. His eyes flutter open, and he immediately sees the carnage of the forest.
Almost everything's burnt to a crisp. What remains of the trees are charcoal, twisted branches. Leaves fall with dying embers dancing a sort of macabre waltz. There's still remnants of blue flame here and there, waving in front of his very eyes.
Touya's ears are ringing. Every other noise is faint compared to that sound. His still can't open his eyes all the way. His body feels pinned to the ground, and his head feels light and airy. He hears leaves crunching around him, and someone's bulky figure is rapidly approaching him.
"-ya! Touya!" His father of all people stands before him. He wastes no time in crouching down besides his son, a look of worry very evident on his face.
It's a strange look - one that doesn't suit him. Touya doesn't think that he's ever seen his father looked this concerned before. It makes him nervous… Did he do something wrong? He can't exactly remember. His thoughts aren't really making sense right now.
"It'll be alright-" His father's voice is soft, and a hesitant hand comes to cradle the side of his face. "I-I've already called an ambulance, it'll be fine Touya. Just stay with me-"
"You came." He interrupts his father, words slurring together and not completely sounding right. His jaw feels funny, but he can't be bothered with that right now. He's too busy looking up at his dad in wonder. "You actually… You actually came-"
Father hushes him, eyes filling with something Touya can't quite decipher. "... Of course I came… But Touya-... You need to stay with me, alright?"
He hums, but he's already forgotten what Father's said. His eyes are drifting shut, a content smile on his face. Father actually came. Father actually cares.
"-Touya?!"
He's not worthless anymore.
_____________
TOUYA AWAKES IN a hospital.
They must have him doped up on something because words are floating one ear and out the other. Everything sounds like gibberish. Doctors are murmuring around him as he slowly blinks awake. He tries to move a finger only for it to feel like it weighs a hundred pounds.
He tries to speak, to ask what's going on, but all that comes out of his mouth is a pitchy, crackly moan. His throat feels like it's on fire, and there's an intense pain in his lower jaw. The doctors look down at him when they realize he's awake, and suddenly he's being rushed from one room to the next.
They're saying something to him, but he can't understand. Their lips are moving but the words don't sound right, and there's still a high pitched ringing in his ears. He vaguely reads a sign they pass as mentioning something about the Burn Ward.
Touya blinks lethargically, and the room suddenly shifts around him. One moment, he's being wheeled down a hallway on a gurney. The second, he's in some sort of operating room, bright light shining down overhead. All the staff around him are wearing scrubs and surgical masks. There's voices rattling around inside his head, but with the masks on, it's hard to decipher what they're saying.
And suddenly, there's a hard blast of water against his back. He screams.
He's never felt worse pain before. It's like thousands of tiny needles are being injected into his skin, but they've been set ablaze. His back feels like it's on fire. He screams and cries and shouts, and he's distantly aware of someone grabbing his limbs, holding him still against the table.
Touya screams until his throat gives out, and he dry sobs for quite some time more.
_____________
THE BOY'S TIME spent in the hospital is rather boring.
Touya hates hospitals - always has. Hates the bright lights, and the white floors and walls. Hates the smell of bleach and disinfectants. Hates the constant beep, beep, beep of the heart monitor. His stay is only made ten times worse by his conditioned.
He's been burned. Severely. The doctors talk in hushed tones to his father about how they're not sure if the burns will ever truly heal. Recovery will be a long and slow process.
The boy hasn't even seen the extent of his burns yet. Right now, they're wrapped in tight, white bandages to prevent from further infection. Some of his lower jaw had also been lost in the blaze, so reconstruction for that had to be done too. He looks like a mummy, with white bandages wrapped from his jaw to his sternum. His arms are no better.
What's even worse is the pain. His jaw hurts too much to chew, so they've set him up with a feeding tube. Even shifting in bed is a chore, every movement sending hot pain flashing through his veins. When he's not even moving, there's still the dull throb of pain like a steady heartbeat pulsing through his body.
When Father comes to visit, they don't talk about the accident. They don't talk about how whatever dreams Touya had for the future will never work out, because now all he is is damaged goods. Father doesn't mention anything about him being worthless, but the pity in his eyes seems like a message enough.
His siblings came to visit only once. But five-year-old Shouto had cried and cried upon seeing the bandages and had to be taken out of the room.
Mother didn't even bother stepping into his room.
He'll return home soon, hidden out of the public eye. His bandages will eventually have to come off, revealing the charred skin beneath.
Touya's not sure he'll ever be ready for when the time comes.
_____________
IT'S TIME FOR the bandages to come off.
His recovery has been a rocky one. Physical therapy's been a pain in the ass. So has speech therapy. His limbs still hurt when he moves too much, the dull pain is still there. His voice doesn't sound right - scratchy and willowy - it's not the voice of a healthy nearly-fourteen-year-old. Still, it's almost time for him to go home. Meaning, the bandages must come off.
Nurses flutter around him, gently undoing the bindings. His skin feels weird, dirty and sticky, as it's exposed to the cold air. The last of the bandages come off. The doctor checks him over. They let him see himself in a mirror.
It's not a pretty sight. The skin looks infected, sticky to the touch. It's turned maroon - charred and wrinkly like a raisin. The darker color contrasts against his healthy pale skin. The scars stretch from his lower jaw to his chest, then bits of his arms and under his eyes. Some of the skin has not yet healed fully, blistery and angry-red.
He reaches a shaky hand up to touch his face, to make sure what he's seeing is really. He grimaces, and even the slight downwards twitch of his lips causes the skin to pull, nerves lighting up like they're on fire.
Maybe his mother was right. Maybe Touya really was only ever a monster.
Without hesitation, his fist slams against the glass of the mirror and he screams. The nurses try their best to restrain him, but he's kicking and crying, burnt skin stretching this way and that. To his horror, the tears don't flow, but blood spills from some of the wounds like a crimson river. He's a monster. He doesn't want to live like this.
" Kill me! Kill me now! " He cries out as the nurses force him to the floor, restraining his flailing limbs. "I don't want to live like this! Kill me!"
A syringe injects a sedative into his system. The urge to fight back dissipates. He's vaguely aware of his father in the corner of the room, watching him breakdown in horror. The world around him slows down, everything foggy. Still, he knows one thing for sure.
He's worthless, worthless, worthless .
_____________
HE RETURNS HOME after his fourteenth birthday.
It's not a joyous occasion. His siblings seem a little happy to have him back, but they don't try and hide their flinching everytime he rounds a corner. He notices how their eyes follow the burnt skin, notices the cringing and overall avoidance. They're happy, but disgusted. They have every right to be. After all, he's a monster.
If Rei had been avoiding him before the incident, she's merely a ghost now. He doesn't see her at all upon his return. Maybe just a glimpse or two of white hair in the halls. She doesn't make any move to talk to him. It seems she's secluded herself from the rest of the children as well.
Touya Todoroki is practically dead to the world. He knows that now. Father will do everything in his name to remove the child from the media. The papers will say that Touya's just sick - illness of some sort, possibly terminal. He'll just be the ghostly Todoroki child. He's already halfway there with his white hair, pale skin, and rotting flesh.
There was potential in him. Everyone knee that. But whatever little potential he had has been squashed after the incident at Sekoto Hill. Without his quirk, he is not needed.
He is worthless. Perhaps there's some part of him that knew that all along.