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Shi Guang improved again. His playing style was evolving. Every move he made kept on getting better and better. And Yu Liang was stunned speechless.
Not because Shi Guang had finally caught up to him, nor was it because of the ties at every end of the matches they played these days. But because there's something uncanny in the way Shi Guang played, something familiar in his every move — something nostalgic.
Yu Liang studied the black and white stones on the board with his brow furrowed, trying to find a trace of something, or rather someone.
“What's wrong, Yu Liang? Can't admit defeat?” Shi Guang cocked an eyebrow at the frowning one. Twirling the ramen around the chopsticks, he blew on it softly before devouring it all in one mouthful. “Stop reviewing the game already, will you? How long are you going to stare at the board, huh? It's not like the stones can turn into food. Come on. Eat the ramen before it gets cold. Or you're still mad that you can't have your favorite udon today?” He snickered.
Unbothered by the other's teasing, Yu Liang shot Shi Guang a pensive look, and then stared back at the board before him. He reviewed the previous match again and again in his mind, recalling every single move Shi Guang had made to counter his.
Some of the shapes and the formations, they screamed a particular name. They transported him back to the time when he played against Shi Guang as a child and to the time when he played against a particular online player on Wei Da Go website, whose face and real name were never known to anyone until today. The one who defeated the undefeatable.
A sudden wave of epiphany washed over Yu Liang. That's right. Today's Shi Guang played almost like that person.
Like... Chu Ying.
“What did you say?”
Yu Liang only realized he had said the name out loud when Shi Guang threw him the question. He floundered for a good few moments, not knowing quite what to say.
Should he open up the old discussion with him again? Last time they talked about Chu Ying was when the news regarding this player's account being deleted from the online Go website circulated around the internet two years ago. It was a big shocking news. Yu Liang remembered the devastation it caused toward fans when they learned that their Go idol's account had no longer existed. Even his father expressed his disappointment once he heard the news.
And now that the account was deleted for real, forever, Chu Ying remained a mystery in the world of Go. Nobody knew his true identity, and if he's still alive or dead. Every trace of Chu Ying on that site was swiped clean from the internet, saved for his name and game records which would live on in the memories of those who had the pleasure to be alive in the time where Chu Ying was active.
Yu Liang inhaled deeply. He'd made up his mind. “Shi Guang,” he called, voice firm.
Shi Guang swallowed the last of his ramen and put down the bowl, looking somewhat nervous.
“I know it's been two years,” Yu Liang began. “The last time we talked about this, you brushed me off. So I stopped asking. But these days I can't help thinking about it again. When I play against you, I'm reminded of the time when I lost to you eleven years ago. When you counter my moves, I'm reminded of the match I once played against Chu Ying online.”
Yu Liang studied Shi Guang's face and only continued when the other remained silent. “At first, I thought I was chasing after you. But when we had a match during that high school tournament, you betrayed my expectation. And then Chu Ying came and it got even more complicated than before. I wonder and I wonder, and I still don't know who is it that I've been chasing all these years apart from you and Chu Ying.
“You told me once that the person I was chasing after was not you. And I know you told me to think of that time as you getting assistance from gods. But now... Now it's like the you from eleven years ago and the you from today really are the same person but... but with different shadows. Like, you two are both the same person and not the same person at the same time. And...” Yu Liang stalled, then heaved a sigh. “Shi Guang, who is Chu Ying?”
Shi Guang blinked several times and raised his eyebrows, at last giving him a reaction. “Well, that was very confusing.” He giggled nervously.
Then silence ensued.
Hours passed by in a glance as they exchanged a look with each other before Shi Guang broke off the eye contact to stare down at the table and his ramen. Yu Liang studied the other's face closely. The look in his eyes reminded him of the time when they sat down together near Black and White Go Club sometime before they left for Korea for Hokuto Cup.
He remembered asking Shi Guang at that time about the first ever match they had with each other. And he remembered Shi Guang's rather vague response to his question as well. He remembered the way his eyes had looked at that moment — full of deep longing and melancholy; the way his smile had seemed as though it was bearing thousands of unfulfilled wishes, and the way his voice had sounded like it was trying to contain all of unspoken words from spilling out of his mouth, lest it would end up making no sense at all to anyone.
“Shi Guang?”
Unlike that day, however, this time the emotions swirling underneath Shi Guang's peaceful exterior were less intense and Yu Liang could almost see the mild hint of genuine acceptance in the way the small smile was adorning his face at the moment.
Yu Liang straightened when Shi Guang stood upright in his seat, took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. “Yu Liang,” he called and Yu Liang hummed. “Sorry for keeping you in the dark all these times. Frankly speaking, out of all people, you deserve to know the truth the most. So...” Shi Guang sighed. “I'll be honest with you today, and I'll tell you every single thing. No lie.”
Yu Liang nodded his understanding, keeping his expression open. “I'm listening.”
Before long Shi Guang began.
***
“I'll tell you the truth. I'm not the one who beat you. There is someone standing behind me. He's right here. He has been learning Go for over thousand years now. You can't beat him.”
Shi Guang said those to him at the end of their match eleven years ago. But because he was greatly affected by his lose, Shi Guang's words at that time had sounded like a mocking — a lie people often told others to comfort those they'd hurt. Even if there was someone behind Shi Guang like the boy had claimed, it must have been a ghost.
But a ghost who played Go for thousand years?
Sure, his story sounded a little too far-fetched at times. Unbelievable even. The more Shi Guang spoke, the weirder it sounded to his ears. But the more Yu Liang listened, the more it surprisingly made sense to him.
He didn't know why, but it felt as if Shi Guang was actually putting together the last pieces of the puzzle Yu Liang had been trying to complete all these years. The pieces he'd been desperately searching for, they were all in Shi Guang's hand to begin with, and once he reached the end of his story, the puzzle was completed and here came the whole picture.
“S-So... It's, it's really him?” Yu Liang mumbled and frowned, eyes completely glued to a particular page of Southern and Northern Dynasties Go Handbook. The playing style of the anonymous player in one of the matches recorded was similar to Chu Ying. But why was it recorded as ‘anonymous’?
“It's okay if you don't believe me,” Shi Guang said after a short pause, trying to sound like his usual self again. “I know it's hard to believe this kind of stuff. After all, I might be the only living person in this entire world who can see him. Who would believe me anyway? I told Xu-ge before. Not Fang Xu, mind you. It's a dage I know from wood factory. His name's Cao Xu. I told him about Chu Ying too when I went looking for him. I'm not sure if he actually believes me or not, but he helped me out anyway. The only one who believes me is Lazy Master. He—”
Putting down the game record on the table, Yu Liang rose to his feet and stood next to Shi Guang who looked up at him in a daze. “Stand up,” he ordered.
Shi Guang furrowed his brow. “What-What do you want?”
“Stand up.”
Shi Guang blinked at him questioningly. After dawdling for a moment, he slowly stood up from his seat, skeptical. Before he could say anything, however, Yu Liang pulled him into an embrace. Taken aback, Shi Guang froze. “Yu-Yu Liang? What's the matter with you? What are you doing?”
“It must've been hard for you,” Yu Liang said in a low mutter, still squeezing Shi Guang in a hug.
He had lots to say other than that one line, but no words came out of his mouth when he searched for it. Everything that popped into his mind was not big enough for what he's feeling. Even if he found them — the right words — Yu Liang wasn't sure whether he could string them together and make it coherent enough as sentences or not. And so, Yu Liang hugged him tightly and reassuringly instead, with a hope that these overwhelming feelings of his could flow to and reach Shi Guang.
A warm smile graced Yu Liang's face as Shi Guang's previously tensed body relaxed in his embrace. Before long Shi Guang raised both his arms and hugged him back tightly as though he could feel it, Yu Liang's overwhelming feelings.
***
The next day, they went to Mount Wulu together and visited the tree where Bai Ziqiu had planted with Chu Ying hundreds of years ago.
There was a stone table next to it with a Go board carved on the surface and two seats. Yu Liang looked down at the board, his fingertips tracing the carved lines and intersections on it. To think that Bai Ziqiu used to play on this board felt somewhat surreal to Yu Liang.
His gaze then traveled to the tree which stood faithfully beside the board. Chu Ying and Bai Ziqiu didn't manage to come back here to play together after their long journey. They didn't even get to watch the tree they planted grew, too. All those missed moments, Yu Liang wondered how heavy it must have been for Chu Ying to bear when he came back here with Shi Guang at that time. Thankfully, the tree was still here, growing well and big even after all these years.
Yu Liang spoke, breaking the long silence between them. “Sorry for what I said to you before, when you got lost.”
It took Shi Guang a while to understand what he meant by his apology. He flashed a smile at Yu Liang and said, “You still remember it? That's so long ago!” Shi Guang chuckled and headed over to the stone table. “Come here. I'll forgive you if you play with me. Win or lose, doesn't matter. Just stay at my home for a few days.”
Yu Liang was about to speak when Shi Guang continued talking.
“You're free this week, right? Don't lie to me about tournament and whatnot. I know there's no important match going on right now. Don't worry about my mom. She won't be mad if you want to stay overnight. It's not everyday we have people staying over at our house. Plus, she misses you. The next day, uh, I'll take you around the town for interesting places. There's still many more places you haven't gone to yet, you know? You definitely should come with me tomorrow. What do you think?”
Sighing, Yu Liang raised his eyebrows at him. “Have you finished talking?” he asked. When Shi Guang grinned sheepishly in response, Yu Liang rolled his eyes in a joking manner and took a seat at the stone table, right across Shi Guang. “Oh, before I forget, what were you trying to do at that time when I found you?”
Shi Guang hummed for a moment and said, “Climbing the tree?”
“What for?”
“Because... he told me to?”
“Why?”
“He said it's common for people traveling at night to sleep in the tree back in the old days so they could avoid wild animals.”
“Is that true?”
Shi Guang blinked several times and then shrugged. “I don't know. Forget it. Let's play.” Opening up his backpack, he took out two bowls full of black and white stones and placed them on the table.
They spent the whole evening playing Go and only came down from the mountain when dusk approached.
***
The clean sound of Go stone being placed on the board echoed throughout the space, waking up Yu Liang who was in a trance.
Blanked, he looked around. A vast land of nothingness stretched before him, foreign and forlorn. Yu Liang ground his knuckles into his eyes, but the scenery remained unchanged. When the sound came again Yu Liang immediately turned around, only to be greeted by the sight of an unfamiliar figure sitting with his back to him.
The man in a long white gown and tall black hat sat upright and lonesome on a stool. Yu Liang couldn't be sure whether it was his clothes or something else, but the man appeared as if he was glowing. He looked ethereal, like that of the moon. Curious, Yu Liang slowly and quietly approached the man.
There before him was a Go board with a number of black and white stones on it, lining up perfectly like a painting. Yu Liang watched in silence as the man picked up a white stone with grace and placed it on one of the intersections. The sound produced was gentle and beautiful, like the trickling of spring water. It soothed his mind and soul, Yu Liang could stay there forever just to listen to it. But before he got swayed further by the sound, Yu Liang pulled himself together. His eyes traveled from the stone to the man's hand, and then slowly up to his head and chiseled features.
There was something surreal and otherworldly about the man. His gaze was deep and sombre. His smile was wistful and heavy with sorrow. The expression he wore was one mixed with intense yearning, restraint and regret, but strangely, there was a subtle hint of hopefulness amidst them all.
And as if entranced, Yu Liang unknowingly moved to the empty seat across the man and sat down without a word. He continued watching the man as he set up the board. Sitting quietly like this and watching an adult setting the board, it made him felt like a naive little child again.
They stayed like that for a good few moments before the man paused. He looked up from the board and the moment the man's deep gaze settled on him, a strong, inexplicable sense of familiarity washed over him as he exchanged a quiet, prolong look with the man. It took Yu Liang a long while before he could croak some words out of his dried mouth.
“C-Chu... Chu Ying?”
The man smiled after a moment of silence.
Upon seeing the man's response, Yu Liang scrambled to his feet and gave him a bow of respect. “C-Chu Ying,” he nervously called and fell quiet shortly after. For some reason, Yu Liang didn't know what to say. All words escaped from his mind, leaving him floundering pathetically in front of the man called Chu Ying.
As if he understood Yu Liang's struggles, Chu Ying gestured the young man to sit down again, to which Yu Liang hastily obeyed. He then pointed his hand at the Go bowl with black stones in it and looked at Yu Liang with a warm smile.
Yu Liang was dazed for a beat until he finally understood what Chu Ying was trying to say. “Y-You want to... to play with m-me?” he stammered.
Chu Ying nodded.
Yu Liang rose to his feet again to bow at the man before he sat back down. The board was already empty and clean when Yu Liang checked on it, much to his surprise. He awkwardly took the bowl with black stones, set it aside on the table and grabbed a few. Yu Liang placed them onto the board after Chu Ying gave him a nod and before long the game began.
Words could not even describe his feelings at the moment. With every brilliant move Chu Ying made to counter his, a million emotions surged up within him. Chills ran down his spine whenever the man placed his white stone on the board. The resonance struck a chord in his heart.
To be able to play with Chu Ying, to have the pleasure of meeting him even if this was just a mere dream, was more than Yu Liang could ever ask for. Winning or losing, it didn't matter to Yu Liang at all.
And it seemed like that's not what Chu Ying intended for when he invited Yu Liang to play with him either.
If anything, the man was communicating with Yu Liang through the game. Embedded in each stone he played was his thoughts and feelings. A message he wished to get across the other side of the board, to Yu Liang.
Yu Liang studied the board and the stones and shot Chu Ying a questioning look. “What are you thanking me for?” he asked.
Chu Ying replied by placing another stone. For quite some time, they “talked” with each other through the black and white stones, the board their means of communication. By the end of the game, Yu Liang stared at the board, tongue-tied and dumbfounded. He then shot a look at Chu Ying who was nodding and smiling at him.
“Chu Ying?” A familiar voice called from a distance.
The two of them simultaneously turned their heads to the side. There standing before their eyes was Shi Guang. The young man was taken aback to see Yu Liang. And so did the latter.
“Why are you here?” asked Shi Guang, puzzled. “Wait, you... you can see Chu Ying? Are we...”
Just then Chu Ying stood up from his seat. Yu Liang followed suit when he saw the man bowing at him with his hands cupped forward and humbly returned the gesture.
Shi Guang approached them then. “Chu Ying, are you leaving already?” he asked, voice quiet.
A wistful smile graced Chu Ying's features as he shot Shi Guang a look.
“I understand,” Shi Guang said after a moment's pause. “But Chu Ying, would you stay for a minute? I... I have something to say.”
The man beamed and nodded. Yu Liang watched them in silence and took a step backward, making sure his presence there was not intrusive to the two.
Shi Guang smiled back and after a moment, he began, “Chu Ying, you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm doing great now. Extremely great. I'm third-dan now, can you believe it? I made it. Me and Yu Liang, we won the Hokuto Cup although that was two years ago.” Shi Guang giggled, and then sighed. “Chu Ying, I didn't have the chance to properly say it before but thank you. Thank you for everything. Meeting you is one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened in my life. And—” Shi Guang took a deep breath and looked Chu Ying in the eye “—and goodbye.”
Chu Ying stared at him for what felt like eternity before his smile widened, now morphing into one of adoration and reassurance, and nodded sagely. Before long he turned around and like a sheet of white silk being blown away softly in the wind, he disappeared from their sights.
A moon came out shortly after Chu Ying took his leave, shining brilliantly above them. Yu Liang walked toward Shi Guang, who lifted and extended his arm toward the moon but soon lowered it with a sigh. They couldn't reach it of course, but it would always be there, at the very least, to guide those who were in the dark.
His gaze softened, Yu Liang placed a hand on Shi Guang's shoulder and exchanged a meaningful look with him. They turned away after a long moment of silence to gaze up at the moon with a warm smile on both of their features.
***
If not for the moonlight that fell upon half of the Go board in Shi Guang's room, it would take Yu Liang a few moments to realize that he was awake, and that it was still nighttime. Yu Liang let out a small grunt as he woke up to sit on the bed.
His mind was still foggy as he recalled the dream he just had some time ago. When bits and pieces of it began to slowly come back to his memory, Yu Liang's mouth fell open. The board and the stones. The game which ended in a tie and the man in white gown and black hat. He remembered everything clearly.
He remembered Chu Ying.
Yu Liang looked to his side. Shi Guang wasn't in bed. Glancing around the quiet room frantically, Yu Liang heaved a breath of relief the instant he found him sitting at the desk facing the opened window. The curtain was drawn and blowing gently in the cool breeze. The silver ray of moonlight spilled on his still figure, somehow putting an emphasis on the wistful look on his face.
Yu Liang stared at him in pensive silence. Shi Guang seemed as though he had waited like that for a millennium.
“I never thought I would be able to see him, even for once.”
Shi Guang flinched slightly when Yu Liang suddenly spoke. Turning to the side, he sighed in relief after making sure it was Yu Liang sitting in bed. “You scared me,” he complained and was quiet for a while. “I was surprised too, you know, seeing you there with him. It's been so long. Last time I saw him, he gave me this fan.”
Yu Liang shifted his gaze to the fan in Shi Guang's hands and smiled. Before long he got out of bed, dragged another chair from the study desk, sat next to Shi Guang and exchanged a quick look with him before gazing outside the window, at the moon in the night sky.
You said that Shi Guang wouldn't be where he is right now if he didn't meet me. But I wouldn't be where I am right now if I hadn't meet him too. He started playing Go because of you. If you didn't appear in his life, would I have the chance to meet you two? Would he come over to Black and White Go Club that day and play with me?
It's me who should be thankful to you. For existing. For coming into Shi Guang's life and introducing Go to him. For guiding not only him, but us as well, to the right path of Go. It's been a great honor for me, Yu Liang, to have met you, Chu Ying, in this lifetime.
***
“What a coincidence,” said Shi Guang. “Today's the day we celebrated his birthday together.” He placed his black stone on the old Go board at his grandpa's attic.
A warm smile graced his features. “I see...” Yu Liang recalled Shi Guang buying and eating an entire birthday cake on his own last year. When he asked him whose birthday he's celebrating, Shi Guang merely said, “I just feel like eating cake today,” and then brushed it off. He spent hours suffering in the toilet the very next day.
“Since today's a special day, we'll go on a Chu Ying tour! I'll take you to all the places I've been to with Chu Ying like the internet cafe where the magic happened, our Black and White Go Club where it all started, the see-saw—”
“See-saw?” Yu Liang paused for a beat and frowned in puzzlement.
“Mm-hmm. See-saw. It's one of the important places for me and Chu Ying. We have to go there. And we're playing it as well together. Don't say no. What? You're embarrassed?”
“We're twenty now.”
“So? Nobody has ever complained to me when I played there with Chu Ying before. Don't worry. That place is quite deserted. Not many kids are playing there these days.”
Yu Liang considered for a second. “Okay.”
Shi Guang was giggling contentedly one moment, but then fell quiet the next. His brow furrowed as he leaned forward to take a closer look at the board. Devastated, Shi Guang looked back and forth between Yu Liang and the board. “You—”
“You should always pay attention when you play with me, or else you'd lose,” Yu Liang said and sneered.
Shi Guang clicked his tongue in annoyance, dropping the stone in his hands back into the bowl. “Fine, fine, fine. I'll let you win this time. Well, since you lost to me yesterday, I'm giving you the chance to get your revenge on me. Don't worry. I'm okay.”
Yu Liang merely shook his head at Shi Guang's nonsense.
Just then Shi Guang's grandpa summoned them to the dining table. Upon hearing the old man's call, Shi Guang kept away the stones in a speed of lightning and before Yu Liang knew it, the guy was already standing at the stairs, ready to leave the attic.
“Let's go.” Shi Guang tilted his head to the side.
“Mm.” Yu Liang smiled and got up. He paused for a brief second to get a last look at the old board, at the lines that were fading as time went by, at where everything that led to this very moment of their life began.
Shi Guang slung his arm over Yu Liang's shoulders. Sharing a brief meaningful look with each other, they went down the stairs together shortly after to join the old man and Shi Guang's mother for a lively breakfast.