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Langa really liked Reki’s hands.
He liked the scraping together of pink and orange band-aids that puckered around almost every finger, the warm roughness of his palm, the short, nibbled-down nails, and the chipped purple polish from Nanaka’s and Chihiro’s last game of dress-up.
Langa liked it when Reki swung an arm over his shoulder and Langa would inevitably stoop from the slight height difference, stumbling into him. And as Reki gestured around, so did the hand that brushed against Langa’s chest, pointing and tapping and fluttering with his usual bright animation- all achingly close to Langa's heart.
Sometimes, he wondered if Reki could hear it. Feel it. The thunderous pounding that made his whole body thrum with wild anticipation. Like when he was skating and couldn’t hear a thing but screaming, rushing wind in his ears, and the ravenous gravel beneath his wheels. Or when he accidentally zoned out and Reki would turn to him with a small nudge, sunset eyes winking shut behind a thick horizon of lashes as he grinned and laughed.
Langa didn’t mean to zone out- it was just a habit of his. When everything around him began to jumble and twist together, he ended up withdrawing, sinking inside himself. He grew up shy and awkward so whenever he was left in a place without his parents, he found himself instinctively sinking away. And after his dad… he began to pull back even more so. The longer he stayed there in clouded darkness, the harder and harder it was to leave. It was as if he was trapped underwater, caught beneath an unforgiving layer of ice that only grew thicker by the minute, cold and dark, and pulling the muscles in his face tight in a numbing, expressionless freeze.
But then Reki was there to pull him out
Before Langa could completely freeze over, Reki was thawing away that ice, placing a warm, calloused hand on Langa’s porcelain cheek, so sweet and reassuring it was nearly unreal. Langa caught himself in a hitching sigh as he leaned into that touch, melting with such fluttering warmth that it pooled in a pink flush on his face. He’d close his eyes to savor it, all the callouses and faded scars and the scratch of bandaids that seemed to nuzzle right back- familiar and safe. That’s what Reki was. Familiar and safe and so so warm. And when Langa’s eyes fluttered open, Reki would already be caressing his other cheek, holding him gently between each hand while studying him with those sunset eyes.
Langa had no idea how he’d gotten so lucky for the sun to set on him.
“You good?” Reki murmured in his deep, warm baritone, his crooked grin sending another flush right through Langa, this time burning the tips of his ears and scalding the back of his neck.
Not wanting to shift his head in a nod and thus have Reki pull away, Langa held still, almost meek in his pathetic yearn for Reki to stay closer.
“Yeah.”
Yeah.
It was just one syllable yet it burst with so many aching, swirling thoughts, each one heavier than the last so that they all piled together at the back of his throat. Langa swallowed, but with thick, vibrant determination, they stayed. Thoughts of Reki, Reki, Reki being wonderful, incredible, perfect, and just there, so, so warm with his beautiful, gorgeous hands that teased and pinched Langa’s cheeks. Hands that slid down his chest for just a hesitant second, Reki flicking his gaze back up while turning red before he huffed out a quick laugh and seized Langa’s wrist. From there, Langa was tugged along, Reki’s rough, band-aid riddled fingers squeezing gently while his rapid words flew past Langa like the wind.
Langa liked Reki’s words- his voice. And those sunset eyes.
And he liked Reki’s hands. Hands that tugged and pointed and patted reassuringly.
He liked it. Oh, he liked it. So much so, he could feel himself melting with every touch.
He liked when they lay together in Reki’s bed, Langa’s back flat against the wall while Reki sat between his outstretched legs while sitting in much the same manner.
Langa liked Reki’s bedroom. It was cozy, tatami mats and wooden walls cast in the afternoon’s orange, marigold rays. Everything was Reki, too, the lined-up skateboards and disarray of art supplies all adding on to the settled comfort that Langa knew so well.
But none of it compared to when he got to hold Reki.
While Reki would hold up his phone in one hand, the screen flashing with a spontaneously selected skate video, Langa held Reki’s other hand in his own, their fingers intertwined and dancing around each other lazily as they watched in easy silence. Silence that was often interrupted by Reki’s frequent video pausing as he began to explain the inspiration for a new board design or gushed about a trick he wanted to try the next time they went out.
Langa held on to every word as best he could. Reki talked so fast sometimes that Langa got lost in the sound of his voice. In the mild scratchiness in the back of his throat when he laughed, and the occasional high-pitched cracks that ensued when he tripped over his words in uncontrollable excitement.
Langa knew something of that excitement. Perhaps not in the same way, but he wondered, once again, if Reki could feel his racing heartbeat as Langa slouched over him and set his chin on Reki’s shoulder, wanting to somehow be closer despite how close they already were.
“Dude, dude, look, isn’t this crazy?” Reki leaned further back against him, the warmth in between them growing even warmer as Reki held his phone up higher for a better view. “Like, what the hell! Do you think you could do that?” He shifted his head some to look at Langa, grinning. “You know, I bet you could. Yeah, man, you definitely could. If I made some adjustments to your board, it might be easier. OR, wait, if I made, like, a whole new board specifically for this, that’d be kinda cool, right? Or- I don’t know, what do you think?” As Reki’s words tumbled forth, his outstretched foot bounced from left to right, keeping with his bright rhythm like the tick of a metronome.
Langa liked that bright rhythm.
He hummed in response, hoping it didn’t sound too much like a whimper, but also not really caring as he dredged his arms around Reki’s middle and sank further into him. The skin on Reki’s neck was soft, flushing with heat as if the very sun was trapped beneath his skin. He was beautiful, golden like summer sand and when Langa inhaled deeply he got lost in the wooden scent of his workshop, mixed with the faint husk from their previous skating endeavors, and something else he couldn’t quite place that he wanted so badly to taste for himself.
And Reki’s hair, when Langa’s forehead brushed against a stray curl, he felt the instinctive need to pull away Reki’s headband and run his fingers through those wild, cherry-colored spikes, smooth them down, kiss them, breathe them in and see if they smelled just as wooden and maybe tinged with cologne.
Ugh, Langa was torn, deliberating between bringing up a hand to explore Reki’s hair or if he should keep both arms around Reki’s middle and savor how close they were, marigold rays pouring over both of them, perfect and soothing in a way where he never wanted it to end.
Squeezing Reki tighter, he could only make a constricted rumbling sound from the back of his throat.
Reki’s foot ceased its bobbing back and forth as he gave a choked sort of sigh, stiffening a bit before eventually relaxing into him.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he said with a snort. The deep, scratchy tone of his voice was so close that it vibrated right through Langa’s body- so much so that Langa wanted to press closer still.
Luckily, they stayed like that until the sun fell away.
Reki pulled up more skating videos and Langa peered around his messy, red mane to see as Reki launched into even more chipper explanations. At times, he reached back to tousle Langa’s hair and Langa clung to him with a heavy sigh, at once remembering how much he liked when Reki’s hands were there.
And when the room was swallowed in the complete darkness of night, they lay next to each other with Reki between Langa and the wall, face to face but cloaked in the room’s shadows. And as Reki continued his light-hearted ramblings, his perfect, perfect hand was sifting through Langa’s hair, brushing separate strands up and over his ear and scratching gently at Langa’s scalp in the very back so Langa couldn’t help the satisfied hum that escaped his lips.
Lips that were leaning forward and brushing against Reki’s before he could stop himself.
It was a sudden move, and therefore clumsy, their noses bumping and awkward while their lips nearly missed each other, the darkness in the room so heavy that it swallowed everything into it.
Including the thick silence that followed as Reki went quiet and his hand fell away.
In the cold replacing Reki’s warm caress, Langa was left blinking stupidly, once, twice, then rapidly, insides shriveling up with the realization that maybe he shouldn’t have done that. Although he liked Reki’s hands, and his words- his voice, his bright rhythm, and his wooden huskiness, Reki’s lips probably weren’t something that Langa was supposed to like. No matter how much he did.
And Reki’s loss for words- the aching drawn-out silence- it made things clear enough.
Langa propped himself up on an elbow, lip pursed in a thin line. While light-headed and unsure and hardly processing anything at all, his heart began to stutter out like a broken motor. He really, really, really shouldn’t have done that. And he should probably go before he made things worse. But before he could turn over to make a hasty escape, Reki’s hand was groping through the dark and seizing at the front of his shirt, snatching up Langa’s heart right along with it.
And into the silence, Reki gave a hoarse whisper, “Wait."
Langa paused for a moment, heart still stuttering, then sank back down, acutely aware of just how Reki’s fist was twisting his shirt between tight fingers, knuckles pressed into him and shaking ever so slightly.
“Sorry,” he mumbled back, not sure what else he could do or say. He didn’t want Reki to be trembling, but he steeled himself from reaching up to hold Reki’s hand, knowing another wrong move would likely mess things up even more.
Reki tugged on Langa’s shirt and Langa inched closer, wishing it wasn’t so dark so he could see what sort of face Reki was making. He blinked rapidly once more, straining his eyes helplessly against the thick blanket of night- then went still as he felt Reki rustling forward, the sudden invasion of heat as Reki drew close, followed by shaky lips pressing at the space just below his own. Light, unsure, but gone too quickly to feel anything else.
“Sorry.” Warmth withdrawing, Reki sank back as he apologized- though Langa had no idea what for. “I- I can’t see you.”
Oh.
“Here.” Hardly able to contain the pounding in his chest, Langa took Reki’s clenched fist in his hand, rubbing tender circles into the warm, warm skin with his thumb until Reki loosened his grip. Taking a slow breath, he slowly guided Reki’s hand up, just a little further to his chest- where he paused, because now- now his heart was loud, slamming against his ribcage, wild and untamed and fuzzing his mind to the very corners of it all. Among his lightheaded dizziness, Langa could only wonder, faintly so, if Reki could hear it. His heart. Feel it, too.
This time he must’ve because Reki’s breath hitched and he blurted in hushed surprise.
“Your-”
Langa swallowed. “Yeah.”
Fumbling, Reki tugged their clasped hands through the dark and over to him, their fingers brushing at cotton fabric, at what Langa assumed was Reki’s chest because there was a beating there more erratic than his own, thumping around like it was trapped and struggling to break free. Reki squeezed their hands so tightly against his chest that their fingers pinched together in a dull ache.
“I’m- me too,” he said weakly
Langa gave a shuddering sigh. “Yeah.”
He could hardly believe it. Because Reki’s heart- Reki’s heart.
He liked Reki’s heart.
Langa liked knowing that his own heart wasn’t alone in this terrifying dance. It was fluttering, insistent, and warm. And Langa was warm. So warm that it quickly turned to burning heat- heat that had all but encompassed him, scattering his fuzzy thoughts ever further into an unhelpful daze, flushing in his face and down his neck, and breaking off into flurries that swirled in his stomach.
And he liked it. Oh, how he liked it. Langa was buzzing and zapping and prickling all over so that he could hardly bear the stinging cage that was his own skin.
With swift eagerness, he untangled his fingers from Reki’s and searched upwards, holding his breath as he did so, up to the jut of Reki’s exposed collarbone, up to his neck to the thrumming pulse that fluttered against soft, sweltering skin, and up passed the bobbing of his Adam’s apple as Reki swallowed once, twice. Three times. Then Langa reached up to Reki’s chin that had lowered to meet him, fingers outstretched and shaking as he finally, finally touched Reki's lips.
Langa liked Reki’s lips.
He liked when they were pulled in a grin or turned upwards in a shy smile. He liked when they parted in a melodious laugh or when they brushed against his ear whenever Reki would pull him close, whispering something that made Langa’s cheeks hurt from his own uncontrollable smile.
And most of all, he liked Reki’s lips now. Although still blinking and squinting against pitch-black shadows, everything in Langa’s body was zeroed in on how he ran his thumb over Reki’s lips that were tinged with wetness, a choked, huffing breath escaping and spilling over Langa’s hand.
He liked it. That sensation. And how Reki pressed into his touch.
With a small smile and another surge of heat, Langa nestled closer, pressing into that familiar space of Reki’s body warmth and following the placement of his thumb until he could replace it with his lips.
Fingers resting lightly against Reki’s jaw, their noses bumped once more as they held there, lips locked, neither moving. Langa kept himself as still as possible, because on the inside, he was exploding- alight- everything in him firing with disastrous, wonderous pleasure, because Reki’s lower lip was caught between his own and the touch was so supple and tender that his head grew too cloudy to think of anything but Reki-
Reki-
Reki-
Reki-
Reki with wet, hesitant lips and eyelashes so long that Langa could feel them tickle his cheeks.
He liked Reki’s lips. He liked Reki’s eyelashes, too.
He liked it all, everything about him. So much so that he would be happy basking in his presence, drowning in it, staying like this until the marigold rays started poking through the window, kind and honey-sweet and reassuring them that it was okay to stay like this.
Unfortunately, Langa needed air.
He sucked gently at Reki’s lower lip before pulling away and settling back down atop his own pillow. But even with a few steadying breaths, his whole body was still crackling, alight with sparks so fierce they made him want to grab Reki and kiss him more- kiss him until breathing was a thing of the past- until they didn’t need to breathe. Until they could hold each other and live off each other’s warmth as if that were all the air they needed.
Until Langa could fly into the sunset and never have to touch the ground again.
He wouldn’t mind that. He would like that a lot. But… he didn’t want to scare Reki away. And the echoing silence droned on for so long that he began to worry that he did.
Just when the space between them began to grow cold and unbearable, the sheets rustled and something padded across the mattress- Reki’s hand searching and reaching, grazing his arm and coming to a rest at his shoulder.
“Langa…” Reki’s voice was strained, the hand he held to Langa’s shoulder slipping clumsily to the collar of Langa’s shirt which he squeezed, gripped at like he was trying hold himself together in their touch.
Langa sucked in a low breath. “Yeah?”
Reki didn’t respond. He just clung to Langa, the dizzying hold sending another wave of heat flushing across Langa’s face.
He wished he could see him. Langa wished he could see Reki's face.
He took another slow breath, trying in vain to clear away all the delirious fog and aching yearning in his mind. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. Because Reki was right there, enveloped in the folds of the night, invisible, but only an arm's length away, now tugging at Langa’s shirt collar, insistent and wordless.
Swallowing, Langa took Reki’s shaking fingers in his own and guided them upwards like before, only this time all the way to his lips where he held them there, kissing the scratchy bandaids and the rough pads of his hand before exhaling quietly.
“I’m here,” he said softly.
This time they were both scooting closer, familiar warmth flourishing around them as their legs brushed, uncertainty mounting in their uneven breaths, but not mattering in the slightest because it was dark, pitch black, and somehow cold, and the covers around them weren’t nearly as warm as each other.
“Langa… I…” Reki trailed off, his voice tapering weakly at the end.
How Langa liked his voice.
Swelling up with violent butterflies, Langa reached out, fingers drifting across Reki’s soft and burning cheek, then up to his wild hair and, in one swift tug, swept Reki’s headband off and dropped it somewhere behind him. Relishing in the new freedom, he drove his fingers through Reki’s thick strands, squinting and straining his eyes against the dim black fabric of night, easing Reki closer until the curtains of darkness parted and there Reki was, red-faced and biting his lower lip and looking absolutely beautiful.
Langa smiled just faintly, gazing in a trance at how the sunset looked in the dark with fluttering horizon lashes. Then he leaned in and brushed their lips together, feeling for the wetness that was Reki's lips, melting when Reki slowly parted the way for him and when their quickened breaths caught together.
Langa liked being close to Reki- close like this so they could cling to each other.
Even more so, he liked how Reki had just waltzed into his life and flipped everything upside down- allowing them to be close in a way he never would've imagined. And then Langa was feeling things he never knew he could feel.
Loving in ways he was sure he'd forgotten how.
Spurred on by aching desire, gratitude, love for Reki- for Reki being everything- his everything- Langa dove in, tilting Reki’s head upwards so he could hover over him and kiss him. He smoothed his darkened red curls back against his pillow, loving and tender, and sucked gently at his lower lip. He wondered, in the dizzying fog of it all, if Reki could feel his rampant heartbeat through his t-shirt, or the way he felt so weak that he was propped up on his forearms on either side of him, leaned over so they were chest to chest, hoping he had enough strength not to collapse on top of him. Langa had no way of telling or knowing for sure. He was dizzy, oh so dizzy, as Reki’s mouth, hesitant and warm, opened and closed around him, soft pops filling the room every time they pulled back then returned to one another. Pulled by an invisible string. Stuck and drowning and floating and flying all at once.
“Langa…” Reki tried to mumble between kisses. Then "L-Langa-" he huffed- this time in a small laugh- and the corners of Langa's lips pulled upwards as Reki's breath tickled his face, baritone giggles bouncing through the empty space.
Infectious as it always was, that laugh that had him growing giddy inside, Langa scrunched his brows, screwed his lips together, and tried to kiss Reki all over. He pecked at Reki's forehead and nose, smooshed his lips to each cheek as Reki trembled with quiet laughter. It was all in an attempt keep his own laugh from escaping, yet Langa was pulling back anyway when he couldn't hold it in any longer. His stomach hurt as he made a muffled sort of wheeze, cheeks aching from a smile that refused to fall away. And his heart throbbed, sudden and searing, when he felt that familiar, calloused touch on either side of his flushed face.
Finally falling silent, Reki sported a sideways grin that lit up the room as he tugged Langa back down. And within mere seconds, Langa was seized by his warmth, once again wrapped up in Reki. Happier than he could ever be, their previous laughter now dancing in faint smiles between each kiss. And Langa liked it. So, so much that fluttering began anew in his chest, rising and swelling when Reki reached up to his hair, tucking his curtain of blue snowfall behind his ears, then pinning the strands and scratching gently at his scalp- right in the back- so Langa couldn’t help but sigh heavily right into Reki's mouth.
Because it was all right there. Everything he'd been yearning for all this time. Every single thing he liked so much. And the one person he...
“Reki,” Langa murmured, feeling Reki shudder beneath him and, god, god, Langa was so overwhelmed, melting with how much he wanted this- Reki, here, with him, and the way he was enveloped in Reki's strong arms and felt so, so warm and so, so... safe. Like he was nestled in the blazing embrace of a sunset. And for the first time in a long time since he'd been caught up in that freezing numbness, Langa felt.. at home. Familiar and safe and at home with-
“Reki.” He kissed the corner of Reki’s mouth. “Reki.” He kissed the other corner. “Reki.”
Reki paused. “What- what is it?”
“I love you.”
Langa kissed him again, brushing a knuckle down Reki’s cheek that was once again burning hot. Choking, Reki suddenly went rigid, then quickly reached around him crushed Langa to his chest in a hug. Langa almost laughed, breathing it all in, smiling and smiling because he could hear the thunderous, erratic heart beating directly below him- right in tune with his own.
Langa liked a lot of things about Reki.
He liked his hands. His words- his voice. His bright rhythm. His wooden huskiness. He liked his heart. His lips. His horizon lashes. His warmth. He liked it all.
He liked things about him.
But he loved him.
He loved Reki.
When Reki swung an arm over his shoulder and whispered in his ear or pulled him from the freezing numbness of his mind while caressing his cheek, teaching him tricks, tugging him along, laughing and grinning and existing and being- Reki.
Langa loved him most of all for that.
Planting another kiss to his cheek, Langa sat up, starry eyed, while Reki lay there, scowling as he looked away.
Still too dizzy to really think straight, Langa simply twisted a coil of darkened red hair around his finger. “What’s wrong?”
And at this, Reki squeezed his eyes shut, still scowling and redder than ever. “You’re…”
“Yeah?”
“I’m…”
Langa nodded, eyes twinkling. “Yes?”
Reki’s hands rose to cover his face, turning to the side as he whispered, high-pitched and airy, “I…" he coughed, then continued hoarsely. "Love you… too.”
Upon finishing, Reki bit his lip and curled his hands against his face as if trying to hide from the world. Adorable, wonderful, perfect Reki. Langa could hardly bear it. Not even the world knew how blessed it was for Reki to be a part of it.
Leaning down, Langa kissed his cheek again, smiling as he tugged Reki’s hands away from his face then smoothed his thumb along Reki’s red-flushed cheek.
And when Reki’s eyes fluttered open, everything in Langa fluttered as well. Surging. Tripping. Pounding. Helpless. Lost in the blazing view that crinkled at the corners- a shy smile beneath sunset eyes.
It was a view he could never get tired of. A view he could never understand.
Because- truly, and honestly- Langa would never know how-
How he’d gotten so lucky for the sun to set on him.