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Joochan doesn’t think his interest is weird, per se.
Strange? Maybe. Eccentric? He supposes. Uncommon? For sure.
But not weird. After all, there’s nothing wrong with collecting merchandise of your own group, right? It’s only expected that Joochan, just like his members, will have his own collection of Golden Child’s albums, photo cards, and other merchandise. It’s not weird at all.
It’s sort of weird when it’s ONE specific member’s merchandise you’re collecting.
Goddammit, morals and values!
Alright, so maybe it is a little weird that Joochan has a fixation with collecting Golden Child’s merchandise—specifically, Y’s merchandise.
Y photocards, Y photobooks, Y fan-made merch, even a little Y doll he’d stumbled on when he’d been lurking on Twitter and had instantly bought—he’s got it all.
Why does he collect Sungyoon merchandise? Joochan prefers not to dwell on it that much. He’s just sort of good-looking, alright? Is that not enough reason for Joochan to invest in the other’s merch?
Well, actually, he’s really good-looking, but—that’s beside the point!
It’s not something he’s ashamed of, but it’s not something he exactly goes parading around either; God forbid one of the members find out about his… interest. Fixation. Whatever it is.
God forbid Sungyoon himself find out about how Joochan spends his cash and free time.
So far, he’s been excellent at hiding his collection and covering up his tracks: wrestling packages out of his member’s hands just to make sure they’re not one of his, tucking his photobooks and cards in between hoodies and underwear to ensure no one looks in there, keeping his tantrums about not copping limited editions photocards when he had been ready to snatch them up for hours to a minimum. Mostly.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Donghyun snaps when for the nth time, Joochan lets out a long-suffering sigh.
“You wouldn’t understand,” he mourns and Donghyun shoots him a dirty look but ultimately, does not deem him important enough to demand further details.
All in all, Joochan’s doing a great job! Two years strong, and there’s no way any of them will ever-
The plastic bag in his hand falls to the ground. It’s only plastic, so it doesn’t create much of a sound, deflating pathetically as it hits the ground. Not exactly the best for dramatics.
But that’s not the problem!
Sungyoon looks back at Joochan, who is sporting an expression very much similar to one who had gotten caught with a hand in the cookie jar. Joochan’s eyes zero in on the object in Sungyoon’s hands.
The small, squishy object in Sungyoon’s hands. With a head of black and bunny teeth and a mole under an eye, looking peculiarly similar to the man holding it.
Joochan’s blood runs cold.
“T-that-” Every effort to sound calm is thrown out the window (quite literally in the events to follow) as Joochan gawks at the Sungyoon doll in Sungyoon’s hands. “Where… Where did you get that?”
Sungyoon cautiously pokes the soft cheek of the plush toy. “It was on the bed.”
On the bed. There’s no way that could be true—Joochan had gone out of his way to hide each and every clue that could offer even the slightest indication to his Y-merchandise collection obsession without fail! So how-
Wait. This morning, he had jumped out of bed and headed straight to the practice room after somehow tugging on a stray sweatshirt. And he had smushed his cheek against the plush to sleep last night. Had he-
Had he left it out?
And out of everyone who could have found it-
With a strangled croak curiously similar to that of a dying frog, he rushes up to Sungyoon and snatches the plush toy from his hand, taking the other by surprise and forcing him to back up. He takes a look at the innocent doll smiling up at him, then at Sungyoon, who’s rubbing his skull from the hit he’d taken from jerking his head against the wall, and then at the window.
The open window.
I’m sorry, Wabangi. Joochan strokes the cheek of the plushie fondly. This is for the greater good.
He gives the doll one last squeeze-
And then throws it out the window.
“What the fuck-" Sungyoon gawks at him, mouth agape. Joochan dusts his hands and hurriedly begins to clean up his bed, tugging up the covers. “Did you just-”
“Did I just what?” He asks, cocking his head. Sungyoon continues to stare at him, soundlessly gesturing between him and the window.
“Throw the doll-”
“What doll?” Joochan chirps. Sungyoon’s jaw drops even lower. “And what are you doing in my room?”
Cue more staring.
Finally, Sungyoon releases a breath and shakes his head, but not before offering him a strange look, no doubt puzzling the absurdity that is Joochan. “Never mind. I came here to look for my charger, not-” He eyes the window again. “Yeah.”
He isn’t interrogating Joochan about the doll! Joochan nearly collapses in relief, but that would give him away. Not that the doll hasn’t already. Instead, he fluffs his pillows and arranges them against the wall, significantly more peppy than just a minute before. “I put it in the cabinet,” he says, jerking his thumb towards where he’d stuffed the charger away after borrowing it from Sungyoon. “Check there.”
Wait—isn’t that where he had kept his-
Following his directions, Sungyoon obediently pulls open the cabinet and a flood of Y photocards spill forth.
Fuck!
He’d completely forgotten that he’d also been going over his collection of photocards the day before and had been too tired to put them away properly. Sungyoon curiously picks one of them up, face morphing into surprise when he finds it to be one of his limited edition photocards from their “Let Me” promotions.
“I didn’t know there were more of these,” he begins in wonder, only for it to be snatched out his grasp. Joochan stands before him, face white and pasty as he piles them all into his arms, shoving them back into the cabinet before slamming it shut. It pains him to close it without checking if any of them are in danger of being crushed, but it’s a necessary sacrifice.
When he turns back, his pulse is in a frenzy, the stuttering pace of his heart only increasing in speed as he meets Sungyoon’s gaze. Sungyoon’s arms are crossed over his chest, a brow raised in a manner close to amusement.
How the hell is he going to get himself out of this?
“Listen,” he starts, immediately wincing at how loud his voice seems. “I just happened to get all your photocards in my albums!” (I definitely didn’t go searching for them myself online, no, why would you think that?) “What a coincidence, right?” The words are punctuated by a nervous giggle that only serves to have Sungyoon’s brow arching even further. From the corner of his eye, he spots a glint of metal and dives for it. “Here! Your charger!” Shoving it into Sungyoon’s hands, he hurriedly steers the other in the direction of the door. “This is all you needed, right-”
“You missed one.” His heart sinks as Sungyoon holds up yet another card, tucked between his index finger and thumb. Sungyoon cranes his head, grin almost a smirk. “Wasn’t there only a few of these? How’d you get it?”
Joochan’s cheeks warm. He had spent a full day stalking through Goldenness accounts on Twitter in hopes someone had it and was willing to sell it. And he’d had found someone and within days, the photocard was in his trembling hands, contained in a thin film. To think it would serve for his demise…
There’s no way he will mention any of that to Sungyoon. “A stroke of luck!” Another awkward laugh. “Now, if you don’t mind-” He makes a move to snatch it out of Sungyoon’s hand. The other steps back and his hand misses. Joochan blinks.
“If you don’t mind.” Sungyoon smiles, sharp, almost mocking. “I’ll keep this one.”
With that, he turns on his heel, walking out the door. Joochan stares after him, his jaw aching from how long it’s been open, gaping soundlessly. He pushes it up with a hand before any flies decide to create a home in there.
Every step he takes toward his bed feels heavy, as if he’s wading through water. His calves hit the side of his bed and he flops down face-first, arms splaying wide. “Oh my God,” Joochan whimpers, rolling over onto his back to stare at the ceiling. “I’m killing myself.”
Or, at the very least, leaving this group. His time is up. There is no way he can continue to promote with Golden Child or ever look Sungyoon in the eye again. Not when his gig is up.
Hopefully, his parents will let him move back in. Maybe he can become a world-renown violinist—wait, no, that would mean he still has the possibility of meeting Sungyoon. Farmer it is. Or maybe even a professional manicurist. He’d had quite the penchant for nail painting back in high school, although he had been signed up for it against his will.
The sounds of footsteps approaching have him jerking up, watching as a black sweatshirt rounds the corner, followed by a tuft of brown hair belonging to a face Joochan does not want to see at the moment, and had not expected to see either. Sungyoon’s flushed cheeks and wind-swept hair is an indicator that he had rushed outside, but why-
Joochan’s eyes fall to the object clutched in Sungyoon’s hands; squishy, bunny-toothed, looking similar to Sungyoon himself. Wabangi. He doesn’t dare to move as Sungyoon approaches, holding out the doll. Not trusting himself to speak, Joochan takes it.
It’s definitely the Sungyoon doll he’d thrown out the window. Joochan resists peeking out the window to check if it’s truly gone. It had surprisingly survived the fall with nothing more than a patch of dust and a slight scuff at its butt. Nothing a little cleaning wouldn’t fix.
“It’s a little dirty, but…” Sungyoon’s smiling again, and this time it’s not as mean as his last was. “Since it seemed important to you.”
Seemed important to you. Joochan’s face nearly bursts into flames right then and there.
“Y-yeah,” he tucks it between his pillows, refusing to look Sungyoon in the eye. “Thanks.” The dismissal is clear, but Sungyoon doesn’t leave. “Thanks,” he echoes, just in case Sungyoon hadn’t heard him. There’s a please leave me alone to die left out in there.
Sungyoon hums like he’s mulling over something and Joochan contemplates throwing the doll out of the window once more. He doesn’t get the time to make a choice because a hand is settling itself next to his on the bed, dipping with the added weight as Sungyoon leans forward.
Joochan doesn’t get the chance to even blink and Sungyoon is right there, their noses nearly brushing. He can smell the mint from toothpaste on Sungyoon’s breath.
Oh my God, Joochan wants to scream. What the fuck is happening.
The words don’t exactly come, not as Sungyoon’s wrist nudges against his hip. It’s truly noteworthy that Joochan doesn’t slip into the afterlife right then and there. The roar in his ears is loud enough he nearly misses the fact that Sungyoon is talking until the other’s lips are parting with words and breath hits Joochan’s face. He recoils, pulling back. Sungyoon’s hand presses against his lower back, warm, steady.
Joochan is certainly going to kill himself.
“Although,” Sungyoon says, and if leans any closer, their bangs will tangle together, soft brown in bleached blonde. “I don’t think you need it if you have the real thing, right?”
Joochan blinks.
Sungyoon pulls away, patting his hand. “I recommend taking the doll to a dry cleaner. Let me know if you want me to come with you.” And just like that, he’s gone out the door once more.
It’s then red blooms like wildfire across Joochan’s face, searing across his vision, boiling in his veins. “Oh my God,” he squeaks.
Somehow, he doesn’t follow Wabangi’s example and throw himself out the window.
It’s weeks later when Joochan’s digging through Sungyoon’s drawer, looking for his shirt that had accidentally ended up in Sungyoon’s laundry that his hand closes on something familiar.
Something soft, something pink, something that looks eerily similar to Joochan. A doll. Joochan pinches the arm between his thumb and index finger, dangling it in front of his eyes. He can swear he’s seen this before as he eyes the doll’s cloudy, starry eyes.
This… Isn’t this…
A Joochan doll?
A frown wrinkles his brow. What is a Joochan doll doing in Sungyoon’s laundry?
Unless…
He isn’t the only one with an interest in collecting their member’s merchandise?
“...Sungyoon-hyung?” He calls out hesitantly, holding onto the plush toy more firmly. His fingers slip under the doll’s armpits as he holds it out, dragging an eye over the pink hair, the starry eyes, the curve of its stitched mouth. There’s no doubt as to who it is. Sungyoon pokes his head into the room, frothy toothbrush still hanging from the side of his mouth.
“I told you, if it isn’t there, then I don’t know where-” he spots the doll in Joochan’s hands and his eyes go wide. Hands fumble with the tube of toothpaste in his hands as he nearly spits out his toothpaste. “You-”
Ducking out the door to presumably race back to the bathroom before returning at an impressive speed, Sungyoon strides up to Joochan. “You weren’t supposed to see that,” he hisses, reaching out to snatch it from Joochan’s hands.
Joochan immediately scoots back, Sungyoon’s hand swiping through empty air.
Haven’t they been here before?
“So you make fun of me for my Sungyoon doll,” Joochan says, giving the doll another once-over, and now he thinks he can remember seeing it on Twitter as well when he’d purchased his Sungyoon doll. “But then have a Joodoll yourself? What happened to having the real thing?” Being the one mocking Sungyoon for once and not the other way around is refreshing. Oh, how the tables have turned.
“That’s-” Sungyoon attempts to grab it from him again, “-different. I wasn’t making fun of you! I just wanted to get a reaction out of you because it’s cute-”
Joochan’s brain glitches and Sungyoon nearly succeeds in getting it back. “Cute?” The question is embarrassingly squeaky.
“Yes, cute. And as for having the real thing—I don’t see you kissing me yet.”
He doesn’t move in time and Sungyoon successfully retrieves it, leaving him empty-handed. “What.”
“What?” Isn’t it unfair for Sungyoon to be as calm and collected as he is as he scrutinizes Joodoll for any possible blemishes, right after saying something as preposterous as that?
“Kiss-”
“Oh, don’t be like that,” Sungyoon counters, search deemed complete as he tucks the plush toy under his arm. “I see you kiss Wabangi goodnight all the time.” Joochan nearly screams.
“I don’t kiss it goodnight!” He squawks, mortified. Sungyoon waves a dismissive hand in the air.
“Cuddle, sleep with.” As if those aren’t vastly different from kissing. “Even after I said you don’t need to when you have the real thing.”
Joochan stares at him, wondering if he’s hearing correctly. He resists pinching his arm to check if this is a dream or not. What Sungyoon’s proposing… alluding to… does he want Joochan to-
No! No way! Joochan sucks in his lower lip between his teeth, struggling to put the pieces together. “Do you… Do you want to?”
Sungyoon cocks his head. “Want to?”
Oh, God, it sounds bizarre even to his own ears. “K-kiss?” His voice stammers embarrassingly at the word and he can very well just pass away then and there. It would be easier than facing the onslaught of warmth that rushes up his neck. He tenses as Sungyoon pauses, ready for the other to laugh at him and kick him out the door, or at the very least, offer him a queer look.
Sungyoon does neither. Sungyoon shrugs, leaning against the frame of the door. “Sure.” Joochan nearly swallows his tongue.
“Oh.” He doesn’t move an inch. They stare at each other. Sungyoon groans, uncrossing his arms.
“Was that not clear enough?” He beckons to Joochan. “Come here.”
All elegance and form are gone with the wind as Joochan springs to his feet, nearly stumbling over in his haste. Sungyoon’s hand wraps around his arm to steady him and Joochan looks up to find him right there. So he just does it.
Jerks his chin up, smacks a kiss onto Sungyoon’s lips. It’s terribly uncoordinated, taking Sungyoon by surprise. He nearly misses and hits Sungyoon’s nose instead, but by some stroke of luck, it veers back to its path.
And for once, Sungyoon is the one gaping at him.
“The real thing is so much better, right?” A surge of confidence that has no business even springing up rushes through him and Sungyoon blinks at him. It’s quick to dissipate as Sungyoon buries his face in his hands. “W-what, it can’t be that bad-”
His eyes catch onto the red tips of Sungyoon’s ears and he stops. Oh.
“I think you need to work on your kissing abilities,” Sungyoon mutters between the gaps of his fingers, prompting an affronted noise from Joochan. “Joodoll is currently superior.”
Beaten to a doll! “Hey!” He says, frowning, ready to defend his kissing abilities (that he’s rather proud of, thank you very much!), before a thought crosses his mind. “Then we can practice!”
Sungyoon’s hands pull away from his face. Pink still tinges his cheeks but there’s an amused twitch to his lips. “Practice, huh?”
Joochan’s nod should probably embarrass him by its enthusiasm, but all it does now, after Sungyoon stumbling on his Y collection, is serve to have him slide his palms up and link his wrists around Sungyoon’s neck. He grins. “I think we should start from now.”
Sungyoon’s grin is akin to his own as he deposits Joodoll somewhere on the floor, yanking Joochan closer to him. “Great idea. I, for one, am all in for it.”
Matching smiles meet each other halfway and Joochan has to agree: the real thing is much better.