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“Calm the fuck down, Itadori”
Megumi wanted to shoot himself in the foot.
He absolutely loathed conventions.
Especially when you got a bunch of idiots with a complete disregard for deodorant and personal space simping around in costumes as if they aren’t fully grown men.
Idiots like Itadori, who was currently wasting his life savings on X-Men stickers.
“Yeah,” Nobara piped in, already side-eyeing a man in a green cape with white and blue wings, and funny looking swords that look like box cutters—he was asking her if he could take a picture with her Petra Ral look.
Who the fuck is Petra Ral anyway? Nobara is SURE she looks way cuter though.
“How are you still so gaga over X-Men anyway?” she continues, with a flip of her ginger hair. “You’re literally a sorcerer, Yuuji. You fight curses in real life. ”
Almost like whiplash, Yuuji turns on Nobara with an intensity she’s only seen in battle.
“ Never. Disrespect X-Men.”
Yuuji was wide eyed; one hand pointing at Nobara, another clutching a handful of stickers and keychains (when did he buy those?) with a very blue woman on them.
Is she… naked? Nobara wonders, but is immediately interrupted by Yuuji’s incoming sermon.
“X-Men is a poignant commentary on society, Kugisaki. It is a masterpiece that only people with taste can appreciate, with characters so well written—“
But Yuuji’s
fanboying
gospel was cut short when a smattering of whoops and applause erupted from onstage, as a man dressed as… Thanos in a thong—Thongos, he called himself. Ok.—officially started the day’s most awaited event, and that was to meet X-Men’s Hollywood actors, in the flesh!
It was then that Megumi verbalized what everyone was thinking at this point.
“I didn’t know Itadori knew what ‘poignant’ meant”
Yuuji Itadori raced towards the front of the crowd like it was an orgasm out of reach, tightly clutching onto the barricade (
also like he was clutching his [redacted]
).
He didn’t know when and how his friends managed to catch up to him, but when X-Men’s glittering line up of beautiful people came out on stage, both Nobara and Megumi looked to each other in complete understanding beside him-- of course Itadori was here to simp for Jennifer Lawrence.
And of course he’d spend every yen to his name just to catch a glimpse of this woman in nothing but a skin-tight blue spandex that left no curve nor valley to the imagination.
“I LOVE YOU JENNIFER LAWRENCE”
Yuuji proceeded to fucking shriek in broken English.
“I EAT AMERICAN FOOD FOR YOU”
Megumi and Nobara both took a step from Yuuji.
‘Nope! The weird guy? They don’t know him.’
To their horror, they watch a grinning mouth appear at Yuuji’s cheek, already salivating.
“Gotta give it to ya, punk. That IS one fine ass,”
Sukuna’s mouth let its long tongue lick around his lips. “I hope you got us some backstage passes, kid”
Megumi and Nobara shivered.
But clearly, Itadori and Sukuna weren’t the only ones going absolutely bananas for the X-Men, it might have very well been the entire building cheering for the cast.
It was until a bald guy in a wheelchair signaled for the audience to quiet down, did the sea of sweaty geeks calm down.
After a few introductions, and further hyping, the mic was finally passed to Jennifer Lawrence, whose character was apparently named Mystique.
Like a child showing off to his parents, Yuuji looks at Megumi and Nobara, pointing at Jennifer Lawrence as if saying, “Look! It’s her! That’s her! It’s actually her!”
Yuuji then proceeds to kiss three fingers raised up like he was doing a Boy Scout’s pledge, and raises those three fingers in the air, whistling three drawn out notes.
The idiot was giving her the Hunger Games salute, Jesus fucking Christ.
“Ehehe. Yeah, show her which fingers you’re gonna fuck her with,” Sukuna chuckles.
Which Yuuji responds to by forcibly jockeying Sukuna’s mouth off his cheek, shutting the curse up;
Yuuji Itadori drinks enough Respect Women Juice to give the Sahara a year of rain, alright.
Soon, everyone was giving Jennifer the salute.
Jennifer waves away the salutes, and stage-whispers into the mic with that raspy
and sexy, according to Yuuji,
voice of hers, and says, “Psst! Wrong fandom guys!”
The crowd laughs, as Jennifer awkwardly prattles about how she’s contract-bound to only talk about X-Men today, and that she really needs her job, ok?
And to be honest? Megumi and Nobara are starting to like her! I mean, who wouldn’t? Jennifer’s such a sweet, and down-to-earth girl. They’re glad that if there was anyone Yuuji was going to simp for, it’s Jennifer Lawrence.
“It’s such an honor to meet you, Tokyo!” Jennifer greets charmingly. “I was so excited to meet you guys, I didn’t even need to take a shot before I got here!” Jennifer shrugs with an exaggerated look on her face.
The crowd ate it all up.
“In fact, I was SO excited that I pumped myself up with enough anime references to say,” and in that magical moment, Jennifer Lawrence send finger guns down Yuuji’s way and winks--
“That’s one HECK of a JJK cosplay, man!”
And oh my Lord, it was like Yuuji died and went to heaven.
Even Sukuna was speechless.
But if Yuuji had to guess, Sukuna might have even been proud of him if only wasn’t you know, a jackass.
Megumi and Nobara couldn’t really remember what happened for the rest of the segment, because they might as well have leashed Yuuji with the way he was going crazy for Jennifer, hollering to her that he got her lasagna and Cheetos in his backpack in more broken English.
In the end, the two are left to rein Yuuji in as he eagerly waits for Jennifer out the backstage entrance, fully armed with an X-Men comic book and that lasagna he promised.
Yuuji was practically vibrating in excitement.
“Yuuji, it’s been two hours. Let’s go back to campus,” Nobara groaned, moaning to Megumi how Gojo better pay for their babysitting hours.
“She's almost out, you guys--!” Yuuji cries back, as the stage doors finally open to reveal Jennifer Lawrence in a much more sensible outfit of dress pants and a smart, low-neckline blouse.
“Eyes up, Itadori,” Megumi mumbles at Yuuji, who was already getting slack jawed at the sight of Jennifer’s cleavage.
Yuuji swallows the massive lump in his throat, and snaps his eyes back up to Jennifer’s hooded ones.
“Oh hey! You’re that JJK guy!” Jennifer greets good-naturedly. She was smiling radiantly at Yuuji and his friends, first shaking Nobara and Megumi’s hands as she laughed, “Damn, you even dressed up as the main character’s friends! You’re all like Hermione, Ron, and Harry Potter except… well, your characters won’t actually die, eep”
“Do we tell her?” Nobara nudges Megumi.
“ Don’t you dare.” Megumi hisses back.
The dark-haired sorcerer then turns to Jennifer with a polite smile, and says in perfect English ,
“Ooh, we’ll try not to spoil it for you, Jennifer.”
Nobara snaps her head to Megumi.
“ Since when did you speak White??? ”
“Shut the fuck up, Nobara,” Megumi grits out.
Jennifer winked at Megumi, giving him an ‘I-get-you’ look and finally turned to sign Yuuji's comic book, only for him to freeze.
They both blinked at each other for a moment. One almost as awkward as the other.
Jennifer Lawrence though, god bless her, took this all in stride.
“No worries, dude, I freeze up, too,” she says while pretending to freeze up in jest. “Do you want me to sign your comic book?”
And if Yuuji wasn’t absolutely head over heels in love with Jennifer before, he certainly was now.
“I-- I…” Yuuji stammered.
Megumi and Nobara looked worriedly to their friend, there was no way in hell they were gonna let Yuuji fuck up now. Not after a whole afternoon of body odor and overpriced tentacle art, no way.
“Calm the fuck down, Itadori and give her the comic,” Megumi whispers to Yuuji.
And in a snap, Yuuji Itadori was bowing as low as possible, arms out with his offerings, exclaiming to the highest simping power-- “I BROUGHT YOU YOUR FAVORITE JENNIFER!”
Jennifer’s face lit up at the sight of the lasagna, “Oh wow! You got me food! Thanks for remembering!”
She takes the lasagna gratefully, and quickly signs the comic, “What’s your name?”
“Errr… Y-Yuuji.”
Jennifer returns the comic book to Yuuji, now signed--
‘Thank You for the Lasagna, Yuuji! You know me soooo well!
Stay Sweet <3
-J Law.’
And as if each and every one of Yuuji’s dreams came true, Jennifer leaned forward and gave Yuuji a quick peck on the cheek.
Yuuji couldn’t even react, because in a whirlwind, Nobara was taking a picture of Yuuji and Jennifer, a coral kiss mark on Yuuji’s wide-eyed face.
~
“Calm the fuck down, Itadori,” Megumi groaned for probably the hundredth time now.
But Yuuji didn’t care.
Jennifer Lawrence just kissed him.
He’s pretty sure he can be a little manic with disbelief.
“Yuuji, I swear to god, if you don’t stop, I’m deleting the photo from my phone.”
Nobara was done.
“NO--”
~
In the end, Yuuji may not have anything to eat for the next two weeks, but it was totally worth it.
He managed to convince Megumi to lend him some money.