Work Text:
It has been a week since Midoriya Izuku's funeral. A whole week since Bakugou lost his beloved. It was a villain attack, it was supposed to be a usual villain attack where they fight the usual villains and defeat them and then go about their day as usual. But only if it was that usual day.
Bakugou disappeared after that day completely. He didn't show up to the school, didn't show up to his hero agency. Honestly he was angry that why are they back to normal this fast? Why are they pretending that Deku was just another hero who just so happened to die? Why aren't they shattered? Don't they miss him? Don't they love him?... Love him. Bakugou loves him.
Bakugou is not doing good. All the time, he thinks about him. How he used to smile and laugh. How his eyes twinkled. How when they were young, he used to follow his dear Kacchan everywhere, he used to look up to him. "wow Kacchan is so cool" "I wish I was as cool as you" "you have such a cool quirk" "I can't wait to receive mine". And how he came running to him, sobbing, crying his eyes out to tell him he turned out quirkless. Telling him that he was useless. It ached Bakugou's heart to look at him like that. Ached? Why was it hurting him so much? He couldn't understand.
How as the time passed. As they grew older, Bakugou started to avoid Deku. He had started to develop strange feelings for Deku which he at that time really couldn't tell what they were. So he settled for naming them hatred. He thought he hated Deku. He thought Deku annoyed him so he physically showed it to Deku that he hated him. He never missed an opportunity to insult him. He would call him names and shit. "shitty Deku" "you're useless" "you can never become the top hero without a quirk" "damn nerd". He knew he hurt him. At that time he thought that he wanted to hurt him. Somewhere deep in his heart he knew he's wrong and that's not what he wants but Bakugou ignored that calling to him.
And how they both ended up in the same high school. UA, the top hero school. And somehow shitty Deku had acquired a quirk. It boiled Bakugou's blood that now Deku stood on the same ground as him. He didn't leave behind his old attitude towards Deku because he hates him, he knew his feelings hadn't changed even though he repeatedly had to convince himself that what he felt towards him was hate.
But it is too late to admit, to finally accept that those feelings never were hatred. He loved him, from the very beginning. Since they were kids, he had always loved him even when he didn't know what loving someone meant. But it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing does honestly. Bakugou is sure that his life has no meaning anymore. It does! He wants to become the top hero! He wants to surpass All Might. He has worked so hard to achieve that. How can he say that nothing mattered anymore?! Bakugou is in a constant fight with himself everyday. He doesn't want to do anything, he doesn't want to talk to anyone, doesn't wanna meet anyone. He wants to disappear, he wants to die, he wants to go to the place where Deku is right now. His dear Deku. Izuku.
One usual night, Bakugou is laying down on the floor of his living room. It didn't matter where he laid, didn't matter if the hard floor will hurt his back in the morning. All the other kinds of pain seemed very tiny infront of the pain of losing the one you love the most. Bakugou has long lost the count of how many times he has cried since Deku's death. He doesn't wanna hide it anymore, he doesn't care how uncool the old Bakugou would find this.
Bakugou is talking in the air. He talks like this almost every night. He hopes Deku can hear him. He hopes Deku comes to him, sees him, looks at his broken state, being strangled by his regrets every other moment. But then why would Deku visit HIM of all people? He's finally at rest, free of the person who did nothing but hurt him, making him feel like shit about himself. But he still wished Deku came to him. Maybe he was being selfish but it didn't matter.
He says:
"So today was just like any other day. Nothing different, nothing new. Oh I almost burned down the apartment when I was making myself something to eat. I kind of wished that it did burn and I died... Is it wrong to say that? Okay I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't want me to say that. And also, shitty hair came today to check on me. As if anything is wrong with me. I am always perfect. Anyways, he told me that everyone wants me to come back to the school, that they missed having me around. And when he was about leave, he told me to take as long as I want. Take long for what? Nothing's going to change anyway. I know... I know that you won't come back so why does it matter. Deku, I know I have no right to say this but I miss you so much. God it hurts so much without you. Why did you have to die for me to say that I love you? I'm a horrible person. I didn't deserve you, never did. I wish somehow I could reverse the time back to when you were alive and we were still young and when I first realized that I fell in love with you. To love you so so much when you were still here with me. I am not asking for forgiveness from you because I know that's too selfish of me. I deserve everything that's happening to me, every emotion that I'm feeling right now. But not you, you never deserved to die, you were too pure, too young. I wish I was in your place, I wish I had died instead of you that day. But you did die and as much as it hurts I can't do anything about it. I just want you to know that I love you Deku and I know you want the best for me. You always wanted me to do my best. And now, I promise to you that I will become my best for you. I know you would want me to even right now. I will get better, I'll go back to that damn school, work hard and you'll see Deku.. You'll see that I will become the top hero! Not for me but for you!...... I love you, goodnight Deku"
And then at last sleep came to him and Bakugou slowly drifted off to sleep. He hardly slept this whole week. Everyday it was the same, stirring constantly as he laid there, waiting for the sleep to come to him. That day, finally it did come. That night he dreamt that he was on a dance floor, slow music playing in the background, people looking at his direction lovingly. No... their direction, he had Deku in his hands when they were swaying away to the slow beat. He looked so beautiful. Deku had one of his hands on Bakugou's shoulder and the other one in Bakugou's hand, the hand that Bakugou held in his own had a shiny gold band on it-- it was a wedding. They were at their own wedding having their first dance. Deku whispered in his ear "I don't want this night to ever end". Bakugou really wished this night, this dream never ends.
The end.