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The trial started today.
Andrew had left the Columbia house early that morning. Nobody else could come along, not even Nicky, who had been holding a mug all morning, pacing. Kevin could tell that Neil was also affected, but he handled any anxiety he felt differently. He’d most likely been up for a while, sitting on the couch and not paying attention to whatever was on the TV. Kevin knew that the trial was on his mind for different reasons, but he could feel a familiar anxiety settle throughout his body. The only way he knew how to get rid of it was practice.
It was easy to convince Neil to travel to the court. When Nicky saw them walking out the door with their gear he didn’t try to stop them, only sighed and warned them to be back before the sun set. Aaron had been put back into custody while the trial went on - something that neither Andrew or Nicky had been happy about - and Bee had given Andrew a ride to the courthouse that morning, leaving the Maserati behind. Neil drove there, giving Kevin the passenger seat for the first time in what felt like months.
Neil wasn’t the best driver, but they made it to the court in one piece. Kevin unlocked the doors and they pulled on their gear in silence, shoes squeaking on the floors and echoing throughout the empty stadium. Holding his racket in his right hand had been something Kevin got used to over the past year, but it felt like coming home when he passed it to his left as he stepped onto the court. Neil followed closely behind, glancing around as though he was seeing the place for the first time again.
It was strange to be anywhere without Andrew. Kevin was pretty sure that Neil felt the same way, but neither of them commented on it as they warmed up. They were silent as they ran through easy drills, passing the ball to each other and then slamming it into the goal easily. It lit up red every time.
It wasn’t supposed to.
Each goal that was made was more aggressive than the last. Kevin felt like he was trying to make a hole in the wall, his irritation only growing every time he saw red out of the corners of his eyes. Red from the goal lighting up. The red from Neil’s hair. Red, red, red, like color accenting the black uniform he used to wear.
“Kevin,” Neil called loudly. Kevin didn’t stop in tossing another ball to the goal, but he did manage to take a breath and turn to face his teammate. “You’re going to throw out your shoulder,” Neil continued, giving Kevin an unimpressed look.
Kevin matched Neil’s look with his own. “So?”
“I don’t feel like putting up with your complaining,” Neil replied. He half turned and used his racket to pick up a ball, shooting it at the goal no less aggressively than Kevin had been doing.
“I won’t.” It had never done him any good to complain about what happened on the court(or off the court), so he didn’t. The only thing he’d do was point out flaws. Everyone had to give their all or they weren’t giving enough.
“Somehow, I don’t believe you.”
Kevin just hummed. Well, he also picked up the ball and aimed it so it just missed Neil’s head when he threw it. “Focus,” he said, turning away from Neil. “Get your head in it or get off the court.”
"You get your head in it,” Neil snapped. He threw a different ball back at Kevin, only this one hit him in the arm. “You’ve been off for days.”
“So have you.”
Neil gritted his teeth as though he was going to start growling. “At least I don’t try to hide it.”
Kevin couldn’t help but actually toss a ball into Neil’s stomach at that. “Okay,” he said, disbelief dripping off his voice. “You’re always ‘fine’, and it’s obvious that nothing is wrong because you’re ‘fine’.”
“Fuck you, Kevin.” Neil turned around and started stomping off the court. “Just admit you’re not used to Andrew not watching your ass 24/7 and get over it.”
“I’ve been without him much longer than I’ve been with him,” Kevin spat out. He wanted to punch Neil in the face, but Neil would most certainly fight back, and he’d fight dirty. And if Andrew heard about it... “Besides, it’s not like he’s been around me as much with you around.”
Neil stopped walking. When he turned back around, he had a look of forced calm on his face. “Maybe he just got fed up with your shit personality.”
Kevin just shrugged, both because he knew it pissed Neil off and for the fact that he already knew people got sick of him. Seth, Allison, the twins...he was an acquired taste for a reason. “Even if he did,” Kevin said, with a smile that was very much not a smile on his face, “it’s not like he has a reason to be around me anymore.”
“You’re right. He doesn’t.” Neil started to walk away again. “So stop freaking out and stay out of our business.”
“Would you like me to move out of the rooms too?” Kevin asked, just to be an asshole. “I’ll bunk with Matt and be far away from you. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
Neil flipped him the bird over his shoulder and didn’t pause again. “Have fun walking back!”
“It would keep me away from you!” Kevin shouted after him.
He was gone. Kevin sighed angrily to himself and decided to spend a little more time trying to practice, but eventually the feeling of being alone became too much to handle, and he barely cleaned up before leaving the court. Neil hadn’t been lying, so Kevin had to find a bus to take him to Columbia and then walk the rest of the way to the house.
~*~
The second day of the trial wasn’t any better. The night before, Andrew had returned to the house and hid away in his room. Neil was the only one eventually allowed in and the only one that saw him leave that morning. Kevin wanted to go back to the court, but he didn’t want to walk there and he didn’t want to go with Neil. He ended up asking Nicky for a ride, which was a disaster.
“Neil has the keys,” Nicky pointed out. “And I’m calling for an intervention! No exy today. We’re going shopping.”
“What?” Neil asked, coming out of whatever trance he had been in.
“For food,” Nicky clarified. “Well, eventually. I let you two do what you wanted yesterday, now we get to do what I want today.”
Neil aimed a glare at Kevin like it was his fault. “I want to go to Exites,” Neil said.
“That involves exy, so no.”
“I have the keys.”
Nicky laughed. “You think I don’t know how to steal things?”
“I’m fine with the store,” Kevin decided to interject at that moment. After yesterday, he didn’t care much if he was insulting Neil or if he was pissing the other off. Besides, he wouldn’t have to be in the house where it was hard not to notice who was missing.
“You finally said something worth hearing, Kevin,” Neil said as he got up. He stomped to the door and slammed it hard enough to make Nicky wince.
“I am so not going to take your guys’ bullshit today,” he said quietly.
Kevin shrugged. “I won’t start shit if he doesn’t start shit.”
“That’s like hoping a dog won’t bark at a leaf.”
“Then don’t bring both or either of us,” Kevin said. He knew it sucked for Nicky to be sorta between them, but at the same time, he had a hard time caring when Neil was an asshole. Not to say he didn’t dish the same back. It’s just that Neil magically knew every single fucking button to press. He always had.
Nicky shook his head. “Let’s go. If neither of you can get along, I’ll make you talk it out.”
Outside, Neil started honking the horn. Nicky grabbed his things and rushed out, getting into the backseat. Kevin almost wanted to get in the back with him, but got in the passenger’s side out of stubbornness. Neil drove a bit more recklessly than usual to get to the mall, parking and almost throwing himself out of the driver’s seat. Nicky shook his head as he got out.
“Alright, I’m not dealing with your attitudes until this afternoon,” Nicky declared. “For my own health, I need to look at things that are prettier than you two.” He waved and then walked off, disappearing into the small crowd.
The moment he was gone, Neil turned to Kevin and glared. “I’m not going into Exites with you.”
“Works for me,” Kevin said, smiling thinly. He didn’t exactly want to be by Neil either.
They both went into Exites. Neil wandered around aimlessly, as though he was trying to keep as much distance between him and Kevin as possible. Kevin attempted to do the same, drawn to the wall of rackets and staring at them. After a few seconds, he wasn’t seeing them anymore. Left alone with his thoughts was both a blessing and a curse, giving him a break from Neil’s bullshit but bringing everything else forward.
Neil could talk shit all he wanted, but it really was weird for Kevin to be left by himself for a while. Before, there had been the Ravens. There had been Jean and Riko, and then when he left there had been Andrew. And maybe Neil. But now, there wasn’t anybody to hide from or fight. Now, Kevin could walk in a store and stare at a wall of rackets without anyone watching his back and that was okay.
He’d just...need some more time to get used to it.
“How long have you been standing here?” Nicky asked, bringing Kevin back to the present. He had an armful of bags and a disapproving look on his face, looking Kevin up and down for a moment.
“When did we get here?” Kevin asked.
“I’m not surprised,” Nicky huffed. He turned, revealing Neil standing just behind him. “Here, Neil, hold some of my bags. Be a gentleman.”
Neil let Nicky’s bags fall to the ground. He didn’t appear to have bought anything for himself, but the glare he’d been aiming Kevin’s way all day had lessened. After a second, he leaned down to grab Nicky’s bags and followed him out. Kevin waited a moment before following.
“You two are just impossible,” Nicky mumbled when they reached the Maserati.
“It’s Kevin’s fault,” Neil said back.
“It’s both of your guys’ fault,” Nicky said sternly, pointing one finger at Neil. “Let’s go. We need to get enough groceries to survive the next few days.”
They drove to the nearest grocery store. Nicky made both Neil and Kevin come inside with him, grabbing a cart and pulling out a list. They spent the first few minutes around the produce section in silence, the only thing filling it being the music the store was playing and Nicky humming along to it. Kevin wished he and Neil could wander away and keep their distance, but neither of them took the first step.
“What’re you making?” Neil asked, grimacing as though he regretted speaking at all.
“I’m so glad you asked!” Nicky replied. Neil’s grimace turned into a small scowl, but Nicky was already rambling about different kinds of food. “We’re having a celebratory dinner when Aaron wins.”
“If Aaron wins,” Kevin put in.
“When,” Nicky argued, whipping around quickly to aim a glare Kevin’s way. “I’m not tolerating any negativity, Kevin.”
“I’m not being negative,” he said, wanting to roll his eyes but resisting because he knew that it would be taken wrong. “I’m pointing out that we don’t know what type of people the jury or judge are. They could not understand the situation and convict him. Or, they could get it and let him go.”
“That’s negative, Kevin,” Nicky said.
“Have it your way, then,” Kevin grumbled. He knew it wasn’t negative. It just wasn’t what Nicky wanted to hear. He had learned that it was better to be aware of all the outcomes possible in a situation, as he had been blindsided once and refused to be again. It would be nice to have Aaron be released, yet he wasn’t going to think that nothing couldn’t go wrong. If Nicky wanted to be blindly optimistic, that was up to him.
“Listen,” Nicky continued, sounding far more serious than before. “I trust Waterhouse. After all that shit with... y'know, he fought with everything he had to make sure Andrew wasn’t put away for good.”
“Okay.” It might not have been the response Nicky wanted, yet Kevin knew it would lead to less issues in the long run. If he didn’t dispute Nicky’s belief, then the two of them didn’t have anything to argue about. It also didn’t hurt that Kevin didn’t want to be arguing with the two people he was alone with nor to have it eventually get back to either twin. The twins would take Nicky and Neil’s side, and both were not people you’d want against you. Andrew especially, not that Kevin ever wanted to learn what it was like to be on Andrew's bad side. But things happened.
“Okay,” Nicky said back, turning back around and pushing the cart ahead.
Neil stayed behind for a moment, taking a step towards Kevin. “You know, it doesn’t hurt to be a little optimistic, Kevin.”
“Look where being optimistic got me.”
“You’re alive,” Neil pointed out.
Kevin snorted. “Not living.”
Neil stared at him for a moment, then took a step forward. “Then start.”
~*~
The third day of the trial was easier than the rest. Nicky had spent a good part of the day cooking, pushing Neil and Kevin away when they offered to help at all. Though he and Neil weren’t quite on speaking terms, they were able to stay in the same room, so they pulled up an exy game and started watching. At about mid afternoon, Nicky crashed into the living room holding his phone, eyes wide.
“Yeah? Okay, what happened?” he asked, looking from Neil to Kevin and pressing a finger to his lips as though they were making any noise at all. “And he’s coming here?”
Evidently, the answer was yes, because Nicky jumped in the air and it looked like it took everything in him to keep from shouting with joy. Neil snorted lightly at the sight, turning back around to face the game. Kevin slowly followed his example.
After a moment, Nicky walked around the couch and stood in front of the TV. “Aaron’s coming back,” he said, relief evident in his voice. “It was ruled a non-criminal homicide. It’ll be on his record, but he’s not going to prison or anything.”
“Damn,” Neil huffed. “And here I thought this was my chance to be free of him forever.”
Nicky slapped his arm. “Shut up. That’s your future brother-in-law you’re talking shit about.”
Neil grimaced. Kevin didn’t know if he should feel bad or revel in Neil’s suffering.
The twins arrived about an hour later. Betsy didn’t stick around, only taking a moment to talk to Andrew while Aaron stomped his way inside. Nicky tried not to crowd him, but he wasn’t able to stop asking questions or rambling in general. Aaron looked tired but didn’t push his cousin away and perked up at the mention of food.
“Did they give you slop at the prison?” Neil asked, leaning over the back of the couch and grinning menacingly Aaron’s way.
“Fuck off,” Aaron said, just a bit quieter than he usually would’ve.
Andrew walked in a moment later, glancing once at his brother and Nicky before making his way over to the couch. He glanced once at Kevin, then stared at Neil for a few seconds until he stood up, and they made their way to the stairs. “Make sure you eat dinner!” Nicky called after them.
“I’m going outside,” Aaron declared, walking towards the backdoor.
“Alright,” Nicky said, glancing over his shoulder. “Kevin? Need anything?”
“No.” He didn’t want to draw more attention to himself than a simple word. Not that either of the twins were around, but he was even less sure of his position among them. He didn’t want to deal with being told point blank that he wasn’t part of it anymore.
“Okay. Dinner in like an hour,” Nicky said, walking back to the kitchen.
Dinner was quiet. Nicky had gathered them all at the table and spoke at times to fill the silence, but there was an unspoken agreement to not say a word about the trial at all. Aaron was walking free, and that was all that mattered. Kevin wondered if he was at all concerned about his record, about if it could affect his future, but didn’t move to ask about it. Andrew had sat at his right side and there was a butter knife right next to his plate.
“Aaron? Anything you want to do?” Nicky asked.
“Sleep,” Aaron immediately replied.
Kevin almost expected a jab from Neil, but the other remained silent. He was sitting on Andrew’s other side, fiddling with his spoon and staring at the hand Andrew had left on the table. Not for the first time, Kevin wondered what the hell was going through their minds. He knew he’d never be able to guess, but it didn’t stop him from trying.
“Anything anyone want to do?” Nicky asked, looking around the table. “Neil?”
“I’m fine,” Neil predictably said. He winced and there was a dull thud, most likely a kick aimed his way.
Nicky shook his head and didn’t waste his breath asking Andrew the same question, looking to Kevin instead. “Kevin? Anything you want to do?”
He wasn’t sure. The entire experience of coming to the Columbia house while the trial went on had been strange, and Kevin could feel the rift between the Monsters more prominent than ever. Before, it had been between the twins and their cousin, somehow pushing them apart but keeping them pulled together by a thread. Joint therapy was certainly helping Aaron and Andrew, and Nicky seemed to settle in a better place as well, so now the tension had to move elsewhere.
Things had been off ever since Binghamton and Baltimore, and yet it seemed like they were trying to cling on, anyways. Kevin would never be able to forgive or forget what had happened between him and Andrew, but for some reason he had wanted to. He had wanted to believe he’d made it up, or that it had been some kind of nightmare that he’d willingly given his trust to someone and had it broken. It hadn’t been that way with Riko. Kevin simultaneously felt safe and scared in Andrew’s presence.
And now...he knew the deal was off. He knew he didn’t need protection from Riko or the Moriyamas anymore. He could remain a fox and continue playing. There wasn’t a reason to continue staying with these people.
But where else was he going to go?
Kevin could feel eyes on him. He wondered how long he’d been silent. “I’m fine,” he ended up saying, taking a page out of Neil’s book that earned him a kick to the shin. He aimed a look Andrew’s way, but only got a raised eyebrow in return.
He wondered if Andrew was thinking the same things he was.
“You all are impossible,” Nicky grumbled. “It’s summer vacation and all that’s been on your mind is exy. You two - “ Nicky pointed at Andrew and Aaron, “ - have no idea what I’ve been putting up with these past few days.”
Aaron got up, his chair squeaking along the hardwood floor. “I’m going to bed,” he declared, grabbing his plate and bringing it to the kitchen.
“Okay!” Nicky called back, turning in his chair to watch his cousin go.
A few minutes later, Andrew and Neil got up as well. Kevin helped Nicky clean up to pass the time, loading food into small tupperware containers and into the fridge. When they had finished, the sun had barely set, and yet Kevin felt tired and drained.
Nicky appeared to have noticed. “You should get some sleep,” he told Kevin, patting one bicep a few times. “This week has been awful. Let’s go to bed and forget it.”
There was no forgetting it, but Kevin nodded and went to his makeshift bed on the couch and stared at the ceiling for at least a few hours, not quite able to turn his mind off.
~*~
The day after the trial was sunny and warm. Aaron was most likely sleeping the day away, because it was nearing one in the afternoon and he had yet to leave his room. Nicky and Kevin had been up early, and eventually Andrew and Neil had joined them for breakfast. Kevin had averted his gaze, not wanting to accidentally catch either of their eyes, and tried to avoid them. He ended up traveling outside, away from the others in the nice weather.
The backyard of the Columbia house wasn’t much more than some grass and a few weeds, but at one point someone had planted a few flowers near the house. They were pretty enough to look at, but not pretty enough to get his mind off of everything it was clouded with. The upcoming days were sure to be awkward, and for a moment Kevin wondered if Wymack would let him stay at his place for a while.
Things were awkward between them as well, but not as bad as this. It would probably be better to get away from Nicky and Neil and the twins - to take time to try to think . To figure out what was going on, and to get some outside influence. Maybe talking to someone like Betsy wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world.
The backdoor opened, and Andrew stepped outside. He glanced at Kevin once while reaching into his pocket, pulling out his cigarettes and a lighter, raising an eyebrow as though daring Kevin to comment. It wasn’t like Andrew cared about where he smoked in the past, so if he’d come out here, there had to be a reason for it.
“Come here often?” Andrew asked, tucking his lighter away and blowing smoke into the air.
Kevin blinked. It wasn’t like he was surprised Andrew said that, but it was still a weird thing to hear. He shrugged because Andrew already knew how much he was here, as Kevin was only at the house when the others were, too. “You know the amount I’m here.”
“Listen, Kevin,” Andrew said. “Here. In the backyard.”
“How often am I in the backyard?” Kevin asked, very nearly laughing at the question. He didn’t often think Andrew was odd, but this was. “That’s seriously what you want to know?”
Andrew held his cigarette away and huffed through his nose. “You’re hiding, Kevin. You’re getting worse at it.”
“Well, I have the luxury to be bad at it now.” That was one of the positive results that came from what happened. Kevin didn’t have to make sure to cover his back when he needed to get away. He could just do it and not care if someone saw him. It was strange, but it was nice.
“A mindset that will get you killed.”
Kevin shrugged. “You don’t have to worry about what I do anymore.”
“You’re right, I don’t.” Andrew paused for a second, then finally looked at Kevin. “You do.”
“I know.” He did know. He had to watch himself for a while now. While Andrew didn’t do a bad job watching over him, there was still a part of him that was more focused on Neil than Kevin. It had hurt at first, but Kevin was over it. Andrew’s actions helped him be too.
“Then act like it.” Andrew dropped the butt of his cigarette and took a moment to crush it under his boot, turning towards the door. “We each held up our end of the deal.”
“I know,” he said, because it’s really all he could say. “And, Andrew? You don’t need to worry about how I act about myself. The deal is done.”
“Good.” Andrew opened the door, pausing for just a second. “Go home, Kevin.”
Kevin stopped looking at Andrew and waited for him to enter the house. Go home - like such a thing was simple at all. Kevin had never considered his home to be the dorms or Colombia house or with the Monsters. He wasn’t sure where to go at all, other than Wymack’s.
For a moment, he remembered thinking about getting away so that he could figure out what he wanted to do without having anyone like Andrew or Neil in the way. Wymack could help. Slowly, Kevin got up and went inside, glad that neither Andrew or Neil were downstairs. Nicky was, and the moment he saw Kevin gathering his things, he let out a loud sigh.
“You don’t have to leave, you know,” Nicky said. “Just ‘cause he tells you to - “
“I’m not leaving because Andrew told me to,” Kevin argued. It was mostly the truth.
“I’m not going to stop you.” Nicky ran a hand through his hair and frowned at the floor. “You know you’re welcome here, Kevin. It’s probably good to get away from...whatever is going on here. But you’re not being thrown out.”
Strangely, it was comforting to hear. Kevin wasn’t stupid enough to think he’d get such a message from Andrew. “Thank you.”
“You know he still cares about you, right?” Nicky took a step forward and laughed humorlessly. “In that fucked up way of his.”
Kevin remembered that it had taken three people to pull Andrew off of him just a few months ago. He wanted to say something to Nicky about how he wasn’t sure if Andrew cared too much or too little. He was at the very least possessive, and maybe tried to be protective, but caring? If he hadn’t seen the few moments he’d acted around Neil, Kevin would be sure that Andrew didn’t have a bone able to care in his body.
“What did he tell you?” Nicky asked after Kevin stayed quiet for a few seconds.
“To go home,” Kevin replied.
“To Wymack’s?”
Kevin shrugged. “For now.”
“Well.” Nicky took a few steps back, giving Kevin a clear view of the door. “You’ll be welcome here because I say so. Technically, it’s still my house.”
He was barely able to summon up a smile, but Kevin managed. It was mostly genuine. “Thanks, Nicky.”
Though he clearly wanted to say more, Nicky kept his mouth shut as Kevin walked out. He stared once at the Maserati as he walked down the driveway, but looking away from it was easier than he thought it would be. He made his way towards the nearest bus station, and while walking alone filled his body with old anxiety, it also felt strangely freeing. He knew he was walking away from something , but he could be heading towards something else, too.
It was different. Not a bad different, but not quite good, either. Kevin felt alone, but not in a bad way. He still had the Foxes. In a weird way, he still had the Monsters. And he still had himself, which was more than he thought he’d keep after this year.