Chapter Text
“was that supposed to be a joke?”
“oh come on! Of course it was!”
No amount of time spent trying to understand Nikolai would ever result in success. Sigma was sure of it. People, as confusing as they were, were nothing as a whole beside Nikolai.
He was unpredictable, spontaneous, and constantly came up with things beyond comprehension. Sigma enjoyed a game of cards, but a game of cards with Nikolai would be two different games with two decks of cards and about 12 jokers. Nonsense.
There was also his strange attachment to Sigma, a weird fixation that he appeared to have. Was it personality? There wasn’t much Sigma felt of themselves worthy of such fuss. Appearance? A little more likely, but the only notable thing about Sigma was their split white-purple hair. Not that it was a vibrant purple, it was pretty dull. The length of it cascaded down their shoulders and back, with choppy bangs.
Nikolai shared a similar length of hair, though his was simply white. And while Sigma’s was usually messy and unstyled, Nikolai would braid and curl and do all kinds of funny things to it. To match this over the top styling, his outfits were full of glamor and flair. He stuck out no matter where he went, the stares and whispers probably only fueling his ego.
“Jokes are supposed to be funny.”
“Not my fault you don’t understand my humor! Well then, let’s move on.” Nikolai leaned slightly the one side, pointing a finger at the tip of Sigma’s nose. “Only one day until Fyodor returns from his trip! You do understand THAT at least, dontcha?”
“Keep you hands away from me.” Sigma frowned, feeling tense. “Yes. I get it. Your amazing plan. Leave me alone already.”
Nikolai giggled to himself, and gestured openly with grandeur “Yes! My plan with rival legend itself! The whole school will understand the powerful emotion of my love!”
Sigma didn’t say anything. There was no point. No matter what they said, Nikolai would continue his tangent.
Instead they just sat and sipped on their juice, nodding now and then so that it at least seemed like they were paying attention. Even if Nikolai annoyed them to death, being mean to somebody while they raved about something they liked was just too much of an asshole move.
Today Nikolai’s makeup was sharp as usual, big eyeliner and smoky hues. His eyelashes were elongated with false ones, and his lips were a glossy red. But it all suited him, all the glam. His eyes were ignited with passion that made him... pretty.
“Hey. You two.”
Nikolai stopped talking, and Sigma snapped out of his trance. The two looked up to find a familiar face looking down at them.
Osamu Dazai.
He was familiar for the simple fact that he was Fyodor’s closest friend. A little too close. And Nikolai absolutely hated it. He’d gripe about Osamu all the time, sending paragraphs of ranting over text. Sigma didn’t care for the guy either, but there was no reason to complain about it so much.
“What do you need?” Nikolai’s face fell, and he glared at Osamu with a chilling energy.
“Well, the both of you are close with Fyodor, and since he’s coming back from his trip, that means you must have plans with him, right?”
“What is it to you?”
The brunette laughed, placing both hands on the table to intensely stare at Nikolai.
“Look. I know you hate me. But I feel obligated to share this. I’ve got a pool party tomorrow. Fyodor’s going.”
Nikolai laughed, standing up so that he was on equal level with Osamu. He even leaned in the same fashion, and the two were inches apart across the table.
“Fyodor is anemic. He hates swimming, since it takes so much energy. He isn’t going to your stupid party!”
“Oh he will. What’s your creepy obsession about anyways? I asked him and he said yes.”
Sigma sighed. This argument was stupid. They packed up their remaining lunch, and started to stand to leave.
“Hey wait a minute Sigma.” Osamu’s sly voice called them back. “You should come too, alright? Fyodor likes you.”
Osamu was right. Fyodor was fond of Sigma. But Sigma thought little of it, and besides, If they talked about it it would just upset Nikolai.
“Okay I guess. Who else is going?”
“Oh, you know...” Osamu moved away from the table and closer to Sigma now, just about a foot away from Nikolai. “Chuuya, Mark, Ranpo... All those guys or whatever. Girls too... I actually got Lucy and Kouyou to say yes... and their friends are coming too. Lots of good people.”
This party seemed annoying. Sigma nodded anyways, peering over Dazai’s shoulder to see Nikolai absolutely fuming. But they said nothing, and just looked back at Osamu.
“Alright... how you actually got girls to agree to come is beyond me, but I’ll be there...”
Sigma looked over at Nikolai once more, gulping nervously. He was scary, really scary. When something got him going, he was going mad. They smiled at him in an attempt to ease him a little, then finally turned to leave.
...
Each morning, Nikolai invited himself inside so that he could hang out before taking Sigma to school. Today was no different. He knocked on Sigma’s door, and opened it carefully.
“Gooood morning! Hug?” Nikolai outstreched his arms, his proud entrance making him appear glowing. He always asked for a hug when he came over, just one. Sigma hated being touched. But they agreed this one time a day only, always. “Cmon, you can’t go out like this! Sit down, i’ll be just a sec.”
So insistent. Nikolai was so insistent like this. Sigma didn’t get why he cared so much about their looks. They sat quietly upon their bed, so that Nikolai could run a brush through their hair. They let Nikolai choose something more coherent to wear— yet even with his own flashiness, he never forced it upon Sigma. He just chose them a look that was a bit better matching, and reminded them to wear socks.
And the whole time, Nikolai would be humming, or ranting, or telling a story of some kind. But he was oddly calmer than usual. Today was obviously pretty anxiety inducing.
“Hey, Sigma, do you remember what that new kid’s name was? I can’t remember and it’s bugging me.”
He was always asking random things, it almost felt like a “joke”. Of his. But Sigma always felt inclined to answer anyways.
“Atsushi Nakajima.”
“Ohh, that’s right. Just wondering.”
“Do you need something of him?”
“Nope. Just curious.”
Weirdo. Sigma sighed. Their hair being brushed actually felt wonderful when Nikolai did it. He always took such fond care of it, gently going through it’s entire length and even trimming off split ends. Always complaining that Sigma never wanted anything done to it- but he never forced them to change it up. He would just laugh and say it was alright.
“You still have that bathing suit, right?” Nikolai set down the hairbrush, meaning he was finished and that Sigma could get back up.
Sigma nodded, looking at themself in the mirror. They had to admit, their hair looked a lot better after Nikolai brushed it. It always did.
“Good. Okay, I picked something for you to wear! You got it?”
“Oh... yeah.” Sigma had gotten distracted for a moment, but they retrieved the clothing from Nikolai and began to dress.
It seemed like Nikolai really wanted to say something, but he didn’t. He was rummaging through Sigma’s bag, pulling things out to sort before returning them. Why he did this was a mystery. But Sigma had nothing to hide, so what did they care?
“Finished? You look great! Much better than before!”
Sigma stood back before a mirror, unsure how a plain, light blue top and rolled denim shorts was something to be impressed by. They knew Nikolai would probably much prefer that they wore something flashy like himself.
“Are we going to the party right after school? Or are we coming home first.”
Nikolai though over the question, while handing Sigma their sorted backpack. “We can stop by my place to freshen up first. Ugh. Stupid party. Threw a wrench in everything I had planned... though some of it may still work out...”
The two of them ate some cereal together, while Nikolai continued to rant. Sigma regretted mentioning the party, though they knew it was inevitable anyways.
“What shoes do I wear with this?” They were just getting out the door, and Sigma had to ask. Sometimes Nikolai said a certain pair matched better, so he had to pick them. Sigma only owned 4 pairs, but there was still differences between them that Nikolai would insist.
“Oh! How about these ones, I’ll fix the laces for you.”
Why did Nikolai have to tie their laces? They knew how to do it on their own, but he still did it anyways. He said that Sigma wouldn’t tie it tight enough, or that it looked funny. So Sigma stopped asking and just let him do it.
“I’m pretty excited for later, how about you?” Nikolai looked up at Sigma, long eyelashes batting. He’d been waiting for the perfect opportunity to ask Fyodor out- and today was the day he’d do it.
“I guess. I’m happy for you.”
“Oh, Sigma! That’s so nice of you to say!” Nikolai clasped his hands together in an animated way, “It’ll be perfect! I’ll still visit you when we start dating, so don’t you worry!”
That’s right. If Nikolai’s swooning payed off, and his romantic life bloomed... He would spend a lot of time with Fyodor. Would he still visit each day? No problem, Sigma figured. They could manage on their own. Plus, nobody would nag them about ‘looking presentable’.
Nikolai was so full of life that he skipped out to his car, twirling gracefully before opening the door. “I feel like my life’s going to be so much better from here on! My purpose fulfilled!”
“You’re batty.” Sigma muttered, buckling themselves in carefully. He was seriously obsessed. It was creepy sometimes.
Purpose.
Sigma wondered, was that really Nikolai’s purpose? To date Fyodor? No. A purpose was something a lot more meaningful than that. Nikolai was probably just being playful.
Sigma wondered what their purpose was.
...
Four years ago.
Headlines fill the local papers, News reports play on television.
A train car had been derailed in a freak accident, rolling itself on its side and causing several others to slam into each other.
An entire car of people was killed, flattened, and mangled. Many others suffered severe injuries. The scene was disgusting, gruesome, and some survivors died in the hospital afterwards.
There was a young survivor that had been impaled in the chest and leg by pieces of metal, most likely watching their entire family be squashed while writhing in pain. Though it was this metal that most likely saved them- having pushed them further into the air to avoid much other injury. Naturally, such a sight would have anybody pass out in absolute despair, and they fell into a coma very shortly after arriving to the hospital.
Nobody came to visit this person for a while, their immediate family now long gone. Other extended family was unreachable, or had no connection to them. Three years were spent in comatose following the incident, but it was just about two years before things began to change.
“... yes, they’ve been here a long while with no visits... the person paying for their treatment is apparently elderly, she can’t ever make the trip out here.”
“Really? How sad...”
Curious eyes peeked their way behind the hospital curtains, tracing up the bed and landing on a young, sickly face.
“We aren’t sure if it’s ever possible for them to wake. Their vitals are steady, but they show no signs of picking up.”
“Hm. Interesting...”
“You know Nikky, They’re not more than a year younger than you. Physically, that is. If and when they wake, they’ll most likely be younger mentally. Assuming they retained much memory at all. It was a horrific incident...”
Bangs fell over Nikolai’s right eye, but he continued to stare at the person before him. Cautiously, he approached the side of the bed. With a quick glance over at his mother and back, he extended a hand to touch the top of their head.
“What’s their name?”
“Sigma. Their hair is beautiful isn’t it? It’s probably just as long as yours too Nikky...”
“But it’s so full... and the colors are unreal... i’m envious, honestly.” Nikolai ran his fingers through their silky locks, studying their appearance overall very carefully.
“Well... you asked what I do for work, so there you go. I’m not usually the one to take care of comatose patients, but I check their vitals and such regularly. You know, they never gets visitors. How about you spend some time here. I’ll meet you by the front desk later.”
“Sure mom. See you.”
It was quiet. The air in the room was cool. Outside, the sun shone beautifully, with clear skies and summertime cicadas. But inside, the room was drab, pitiful. Light hardly reached between the curtains, so Nikolai pulled them back further.
The sun illuminated Sigma’s dull face, the most visible physical injuries long faded. But Nikolai wondered if the mental scars would ever fade, they probably cut deeper than anything else.
They looked so drained, thin, and weak. It was like staring at a corpse... but they were beautiful beside the sadness, Nikolai could see that. He sat upon the bed, for a better look at their face. It was partially hidden by their overgrown hair, which was really a shame.
“I wonder what you were like before all of this, Sigma. What did you like? Were you talented at anything? What were your aspirations?”
Nikolai asked, with no response but soft breathing and beeping machines.
“Let me show you something, my dear Sigma! A performance unlike any other!”
Nikolai spent a while talking, as if he were introducing himself to an audience. He paced about, showing off fanciful moves and pocket tricks. He imagined that Sigma was awake and invested, asking questions and suggesting tricks.
“Is this your card? Ha! Of course it is! That’s the oldest trick in the book, but it wows you still!”
Nikolai’s heart began to sink, slowly coming down from his high. No matter what he did, showed, said... the result was never different. Sigma never flinched, their heart rate never increased, no words ever spoken back. It was a little unsettling, as a performer who prided himself on the reactions of others.
“I pity you, Sigma. Let’s be great friends when you wake.”
So every weekend, Nikolai began to visit the hospital. He begged his mother to let him come, and he’d spend time having one sided conversations with Sigma. He studied everything he could find about the train car accident, and dug up information about Sigma with the help of a couple acquaintances.
There wasn’t much TO find however. Sigma had been homeschooled, so there was little to find of their records. They lived with just their parents and uncle in a small town, and had been traveling to the city to visit their grandparents- or just one of them. How ironic, that they were on the way to the grandfather’s funeral, when they all passed away.
He learned of how the accident left Sigma, and felt tears pool up in his eyes while reading reports. He found pictures in files whilst snooping around his mother’s computer, showing the injuries that Sigma had sustained. The gore made him vomit twice.
It felt like his own responsibility to visit Sigma, and aid the nurses any way he could. They allowed him to trim short bangs into Sigma’s pretty hair, and help with physical therapy sessions. It was important to keep their muscles strong while in such a state.
It almost felt like... all the time spent with Sigma was helping their condition improve.
And one day Nikolai swore that he saw Sigma twitch. He dropped his playing cards all over the floor and hurried over to the bedside.
“Your hand! Your hand moved! I saw!”
Nikolai tossed and turned, night after night, and it was a week before he witnessed any more movement. And each day he’d hear from his mother how small movements like that were reported by a few nurses.
By now the season had begun to change, summer coming to an end. The autumn evening made the hospital room glow golden, light sparkling upon Sigma’s face.
Nikolai watched intently, quietly. He clasped a hand over his mouth, unable to prevent tears from welling in his eyes.
Sigma’s eyes flickered.
“Sigma! Sigma, wake up! Please, wake up my friend, you’ve nearly done it!” Nikolai was still quiet, his voice a squeaky whisper.
They were gorgeous. Steel gray eyes, dusted in blue. They sparkled in the sunshine, just staring upon Nikolai, empty.
They opened their mouth ever so slightly, and Nikolai paused in anticipation. No words came from their soft lips, so Nikolai offered encouragement.
“It’s me, Nikolai! Well, you probably don’t even know me, but I’ve been waiting for you Sigma!”
Nikolai watched Sigma gaze around the room, slowly blinking. He was tired, vision hazy. Tears welled in Sigma’s eyes too, but with a deep breath, they fell back into sleep.
Sobbing. All Nikolai could do was sob. It was so little, but so much all the same.
.....
Present.
“It’s party time Sigma! It’s time!”
Sigma sighed, walking next to Nikolai as he skipped through the school hall.
“Aren’t we going to your place to get ready first?”
“Well duh, yes. But still!! Very soon ill see him!”
The day felt like it dragged on today, each hour absolutely painful to sit through. Sigma soaked up a lot of Nikolai’s anticipation, and it manifested into their own. They listened to other students talk about it in multiple hours; Osamu Dazai was known for his extravagant house parties. His parents were never home, and they were rich. So naturally, they threw parties once and a while.
It never made sense to Sigma, why people enjoyed things like that so much. They weren’t against parties, but they werent all for them, either.
A pool party sounded kind of fun. Sigma wondered what everyone would be wearing. They knew Nikolai’s swimsuit consisted of short white trunks and a mesh top, but most others would surely have something less extreme.
“Hey! See you later, right girls?”
How embarrassing. Sigma buried his face in a notebook as they passed by a group of girls. All of them giggled and waved to the two, saying things like “see you Nikolai!” and “hi Sigma!”
No, please don’t stop walking- please dont-
Sigma thought this to themself, but unfortunately, Nikolai decided it right to stop and chat with them. Sigma kept positioned partially behind Nikolai, peeking above the notebook they held.
“So! You all have your suits ready, right? I’m excited to see!”
The three girls sighed, not because they were annoyed at Nikolai’s question, but because it reminded them of somebody else.
“Yes, but I’m NOT looking forward to Osamu’s flirting. I just want to feel cute, you know?” The girl with short blonde hair spoke first, and the other two nodded in agreement. “If it was your party, Nikolai, i’d feel much better about it.”
“I know, it’s really a pity. I’ll have one over the summer and trust me, he won’t be there!” Nikolai laughed with them, before continuing, “It’s Sigma’s first pool party! Nobody push them in the pool, okay?”
“Of course.” One of the softer spoken girls spoke up, “My brother might, watch out for him.”
“Oh come on Gin, Ryu would never do that, he’ll be inside the whole time, you know it!”
“Well, true actually!”
The four fell into a fit of giggling again, but Sigma couldn’t laugh with them. They hated the attention being onthem like this. It was embarrassing.
Finally, the shortest girl spoke. She twirled her long black hair with a finger, smiling ever so slightly. Her dangly, bunny shaped earrings swayed ever so slightly as she did so.
“Are you excited Sigma?”
Sigma didn’t know what to say, so they hesitated before simply saying “sure.”
“I think everyone is pretty excited to see you there Sigma. Maybe even as much as they are to see Fyodor and Osamu!” The blonde piped up again, her statement only making Sigma feel more anxious. Were they really? Maybe they should have paid more attention...
“DON’T even get me started.” Nikolai complained, dragging out his words with sourness. “If it wasn’t for Osamu’s looks and fancy house, he’d be so unpopular. Anyways...” and he blabbed on.
Finally, they bid the girls goodbye. Sigma kept an ear trained on them, listening in on their conversation. It seemed to be just general stuff about the party, and their voices faded into the crowd not after long.
...
“Hey there Sigma! Always good to see you!” Nikolai’s mom seemed to be in good spirits. She must’ve had a short day today, Sigma figured. Her schedule was weird. She greeted both Sigma and Nikolai with a wide smile. “Nikky, please do your chores as soon as you get back, and don’t be let it be too late! It’s the weekend, I know, but if you stay out too late it gets dangerous.”
“Yes yes, I know. We’re going to get ready now, so we can get there early.” Nikolai rested his hands on his hips. “I thought you said you worked all week. Why are you home today?”
“Oh, well, I just... needed a break, alright? Yes. Haha. Nothing else. Now, Sigma, don’t let him sway you into doing something dangerous. Please call me if you need anything. Anything. I’ll be by asap- it’s at that Osamu Dazai’s house right? I really hate that but...”
“Mom. They get it. Okay?”
“Right! Sorry, go on ahead... don’t forget sunblock!”
Nikolai groaned, grabbing ahold of Sigma’s hand and practically dragging them upstairs. They kept a note of Nikolai’ mother’s worried expressiveness, wondering if something would happen to warrant such trouble.
“The poolwater can damage your hair quite a bit. You should pull it up, at least while you’re in the water. And yes, Sunblock is important.” Nikolai lectured Sigma about pool safety, and they wondered if this was the same Nikolai that did a handstand on the roof of his car for fun. It was like whenever it came to Sigma, things were always worrisome, but for himself, he could be daring and bold.
“Here, lets put on our suits now, so that we don’t have to Change there.”
Sigma held the fabric in their hands, feeling the silky material for a while before heading into Nikolai’s bathroom.
They took off all of their clothes, like Nikolai said. But then they just stared into the mirror.
Their body, it felt so gross.
Ugly. The scars were ugly. They resembled something out of a horror film, both front and back. Raised and stitched and carved in all kinds of ways, with smaller scars lining their torso and legs in other places.
Doctors said they were a miracle, the metal pieces that had stabbed through them just barely missed multiple vital organs. Sigma remembered none of it. They remembered nothing of the accident, nothing of their family, nothing of their life prior to waking up in the hospital.
Everyone was always saying things like,
“So sad! It’s so sad what happened to you!”
“I feel bad, you must feel awful!”
“I bet you miss your family a lot. Sorry for your loss.”
They pitied, patronized, infantalized, and wept. Sigma wondered if they were meant to feel sad too. But they felt nothing, no remorse. How could they feel bad about something they never knew?
Their grandma never spoke of life before the accident. In fact, her own condition was so poor she hardly spoke at all. She had an assistant living at home that took care of her, and Sigma hardly even saw her.
So they stared, soulless in the mirror. What was the reason for all this fuss? They felt nothing. Confusion was the only emotion they ever truly felt.
A knock startled them.
“Sigma? Are you okay?”
Oh. Right. They were meant to be dressing.
“Yes. Just a moment.”
Sigma emerged from the bathroom soon after, and Nikolai gasped in excitement.
“Wow! You look amazing!”
Sigma’s suit, as per request, had a zip up top that completely covered their torso and arms. It was tight, but not so tight that anything was visible through it. The shorts were of an appropriate length, contrasting a vibrant purple.
“Thank you. You look nice too.”
Nikolai’s suit was still the same as Sigma remembered. Added now was a pair of big sunglasses, tan tote bag, and brown sandals. His hair was tied up into something messy, but his bangs still fell partially over one eye.
“Of course! I can’t compete with all the girl’s pretty bikinis, but I can look great in my own league! Let’s go! I’ve got sunscreen and things in my bag. You can put your spare clothes in here too!”
Sigma did just that, their neatly folded clothes crammed into the mess of a bag, and on went a pair of sandals.
“Bye!! Be safe kids!! Love you Nikky!”
Nikolai’s mom shouted from the doorway as they drove off, waving with a big smile plastered across her face.
Upon arriving at Osamu’s residence, Sigma began to feel the reality set in.
Their house was truly massive, certainly something of a mini mansion. It seemed impossible that somebody like Osamu lived in a house this big, but...
Sigma could already see a few people heading up the driveway and inside, a glimpse of the massive pool space just visible beyond the fence. Of course, loud music and laughter filled the air.
“Well, ready? Today is the day Sigma... Fyodor will finally fall in love with me...” Nikolai stared down at the steering wheel, his smile fading for only a moment before returning, bigger than ever. Perhaps he’d imagined the chance that Fyodor rejected his obsessive love... or perhaps...
He had other reasons for such.
Sigma heard somebody call their’s and Nikolai’s names the moment they stepped from the car.
The girls from earlier waved to them , and Nikolai grabbed Sigma’s hand once more to rush over.
“You look super cute Sigma!”
“It looks great on you.”
“Mhm!”
The three girls swooned over Sigma, getting pretty close to for a look at them.
Nikolai pouted. But he couldn’t for long before the smile returned. Truthfully, he was happy that Sigma was getting such positive attention... even if he was a little jealous.
“Hey, how about me?” Nikolai whined, followed by laughter.
“Oooof couuurse, but you already know that! You show me up every time.”
“Me too!”
“Three.”
Nikolai struck a pose, before they continued to head inside. “Heheh, I know~”
The house was just as dazzling inside as out. Grand, tall, with white walls and an impressive chandelier in the entryway. A red rug led you from the entry into the wide, openly laid out living space. Expensive couches, exquisite rugs, wooden tables carved in intricate ways. It was classy, with a large staircase curved up the side wall. There was a big dining table and hallway to the immediate left, while further back was a massive kitchen. It was straight out of a movie, or a magazine. Sigma felt anxious watching other teenagers conglomerate around the space, knowing something would certainly be broken....
“Hey! Keep off the fur rug! That’s the one rule we have— stop drinking by the couch!”
A short ginger was directing others away from the more expensive areas, and telling them to go to the OTHER living space if they wanted to hang out. This room was only for show, then? Or higher class guests than these...
“Oh Chuuuuya~ you haven’t had anything to drink yet, have you? Have something so you lay off of everyone, alright?”
“Shut up you asshat! You know what’ll happen if anything in here gets messed up! Our heads will be served— nevermind! Just shut it!”
Osamu appeared from amongst the crowd to jostle with the shorter, dangling a red solo cup between their fingers. What was interesting was that they had bandages concealing their entire chest and arms, as well as some down the length of their legs. Bright yellow swim trunks were the only indication they were in fact dressed for the pool, and not a halloween party.
Chuuya, on the other hand, had on a Hawaiian shirt, brown khaki shorts, and a brimmed hat. He clearly wasn’t swimming, but the attire was still summery.
Sigma turned to see Nikolai with his arms crossed, and a quick glance up and down and anybody could see his body language was rigid. His foot was tapping, and he ran his tongue along his teeth with a sneer.
“Hey. Osamu.”
The whole room was quiet. The only thing going now was the boom of music outside and laughter of those unaware of this skirmish. Sigma could see from the corner of his eye, out the huge back wall of glass windows, that people were still enjoying the poolside.
“Ah, Nikolai! You came! Don’t mind Chuuya, he hasn’t had his daily nap.”
Chuuya retaliated back at this remark, but Osamu paid no mind to the shove, and continued toward Nikolai.
Sigma squeezed Nikolai’s hand, following him as he started toward Dazai too.
“Where’s Fyodor. You haven’t given him any of this cheap beer have you? he’s classier than this.” Nikolai and Osamu were now inches away from each other, with Sigma just slightly behind. They didn’t let go of Nikolai’s hand, even when they felt his nails jab into their own.
“Cheap? Oh Nikky, you’re mistaken! This is the good stuff, only the best is allowed here. That applies to people too— you’re the greatest, aren’t you? Now lay off me or you’ll lose that status.”
Osamu’s usually goofy facade had faded into something absolutely terrifying, a presence unlike anything Sigma had felt before.
“Osamu, chill out. Don’t let this guy spoil everything for you, yeah?” Chuuya appeared to have become more sensible, resting a hand on his friend’s shoulder. His eyes were shut at first, but he soon opened and locked them with Sigma.
A chill ran down Sigma’s spine, and he burned a hole into the floor with a panicked stare. It was clear Chuuya was truly siding with Osamu, even if his claim spoke neutral.
Sigma felt rather unwelcome as a result.
“Don’t try anything funny with him, Osamu. You poison his mind, you mutt.”
“He’s already rotten, you know it. And I don’t like being compared to a dog, Nikky.”
Sigma began to panic. Blood was running down their hand because of the stabbing grip Nikolai had on it, and the air was so heavy it was hard to breathe.
“Nikolai, you’re hurting me.”
Their voice was a little louder than they’d intended, but it was successful in breaking the tense current. Nikolai drew his hand away and stepped back in shock, leaving a window of opportunity for Osamu to get a final jab in.
“Aww, you hurt your friend Nikky! You better learn to control that jealousy of yours, or you might do something you regret~ now, let’s enjoy the party on neutral ground, right?”
Nikolai said nothing. He was utterly embarrassed, huffing once more before gesturing Sigma quickly away.
The bathroom was quiet, surreal. The music and chatter of the party was pretty distant here, and smell of bleach traced the entire space. The AC blew softly into the room and caused both of them to shiver.
They sat upon the toilet, hand help up toward Nikolai so that he could wrap it up in bandages. Sigma wasn’t surprised they’d found some inside of the bathroom cabinet, even it this was one of many.
Nikolai couldn’t hake eye contact with Sigma. His eyes were locked on their hand, a guilty sounding breath passing his lips.
“I’m sorry Sigma...I got a little carried away. I feel terrible for hurting you in my own foolishness.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“It isn’t! It’s not okay!” Nikolai let go of Sigma’s hand with a gusto, a frustrated growl leaving him. He tensed up as if he was going to hit something, anger bubbling over once more. “Why do I get so upset over things like this! Why am I so infatuated with one person that I hurt my friend in its wake! Argh!” He was yelling pretty loud, so Sigma covered their pained ears.
Nikolai continued, not paying attention. “I’m so head over heels that I keep tripping up! I’m an absolute disgrace to myself, and everyone that knows me! I hate it!”
He kicked over the wastebasket and fell to his knees. It was all very dramatic. Sigma felt his chest tighten a little.
“Sorry.”
“No... you don’t have to be sorry...” Nikolai shook his head, standing back up. Suddenly, laughter erupted from him once more, and his smile appeared as it had hundreds of times before. “Because, we’re going to enjoy this party! And i’m going to ask Fyodor out, and make it up to you! Everything is great!”
Nikolai was smiling, and his tone was cheerful. But his eyes were still full of a dark rage.
Splashing, laughter, food on the grill. The party continued on, even with the glances Osamu and Nikolai shot each other from time to time.
There was plenty of familiar faces, Sigma recognized just about everyone. Impressive memory was a trait he had, so he knew the names and faces of everyone he’d met.
He was a bit afraid of actually jumping in. People buzzed around the giant space, some relaxing in the hottub, some kicking their feet in the cool water. There were cool looking floats and things, as well as a couple people shooting at each-other with water guns.
Sigma wondered how the housekeepers put up with this- but for a teen party, it was still pretty clean. Of course, drinks were being consumed, and by the end of the night, it would surely be a mess.
A girl in a pretty red bikini hurried up to Sigma, who was sitting close to Nikolai on one of the many benches.
“Hey! You! Sigma!”
“Yes?” Sigma and Nikolai both looked up at her, Nikolai gazing judgmentally behind his sunglasses.
“I’m Teruko, i’m an upperclassman. Anyways, everyone wants you to play water volleyball with us! The nets gonna get set up in a sec!”
Sigma looked over at Nikolai, who shrugged. They supposed if Nikolai thought it was okay, why not.
“Am I playing this on your team, or-?”
“No. Against us. Oh, and I guess you can play too then Nikolai, you can be on his team.”
Nikolai hummed and corrected her.
“‘Their’ team. And yes , we will absolutely destroy you and your team of losers.”
Sigma felt sweat form on their forehead. This tension was playful though, nothing like earlier.
Teruko tied her hair up in a ponytail, the eyes of several onlookers drooling in her direction. “Okay everyone! The first match of Water volleyball is going to start soon, and you already knowww my teams gonna win!” Her proud demeanor earned agreement.
“Is that Teruko’s team?” Sigma stood up with Nikolai beside him, gesturing in the direction of two tall looking guys. One of them was insanely ripped, with fluffy brown hair. The other, who had on a pair of sunglasses, looked pathetic beside him; but he was no shrimp. His demeanor said that he was going to be a mean opponent of skill, not strength.
“Yes. Tecchou and Jouno. I have no idea how they can stand her. There should be one more too, but he isn’t here yet, it seems.”
“Oh. I got it. But that’s at least 3 against 2... who else do we have?”
“I’ll join your team.”
Nikolai and Sigma turned at once, a familiar accent drawing their attention.
“Fyodor?!” Nikolai gasped. Sigma was a little surprised himself, especially with how sneakily he’d arrived.
Fyodor was there, and he was just as he’d always been. Pale, with dark black hair and the faint hint of eye bags. His lips curled into a smile, and he ran a hand through his hair.
“This is great! Yes, join us! It’s so good to see you dear!” Nikolai was ecstatic. He used his sunglasses to push up his bangs, the eye he always kept covered revealed in rarity.
He always hated how it looked, but Sigma found it very enchanting. He was blind in it, so it was washed out in a milky hue. But such an appearance was not scary to Sigma as it Nikolai made it out to be.
“Yes, I will. Only for a short while, I’m pretty hungry.”
“Yes! Yes, yes no problem!” Nikolai was so obvious it hurt.
Nikolai helped Sigma tie up their hair, and even though it was uncomfortable, it was probably better than having it be hanging soaking wet.
The pool was cool and refreshing compared to the hot sun, but not so cold it was unbearable. It was really nice.
“Okay boys! And... Sigma I guess... I’m gonna show you all up right now!” Teruko laughed and canon balled into the pool last,making a big show of herself and splashing all the onlookers.
Sigma looked around nervously. There were girls still sitting around the pool, dipping their toes in the water. He recognized the three from earlier, who waved his way.
“Okay now, you know the rules right? Teruko’s team will set first. Go!”
One of the houskeepers was convinced to become a ref, and tossed Teruko the ball.
It was insane.
Fun, but insane.
Sigma had never felt such adrenaline pumping in themselves until that day, jumping in the water to try and hit the ball back and forth.
The other team’s fourth player never came, but it didn’t matter.
Nikolai was impressive, but the other team certainly took advantage of his blind eye. It wasn’t until one of the people watching pointed it out, that Sigma discovered Jouno was completely blind himself. You could hardly tell, he wasn’t a hinderance at all. It was almost like he had some kind of sensing power.
“Teruko’s team wins!”
The outcome of the game was extremely close, but it was Sigma’s distraction that earned the other team a winning point. Not that it mattered much, the energy was good and nobody blamed them.
Nikolai couldn’t help but pull Sigma into a hug in the water, his joy too great for Sigma to refuse.
Somebody tossed the three of them towels, and Sigma dried of carefully. Finally, they could remove the messy ponytail.
A couple people watched as they swung their hair out, as if it was a 4k slow motion shot from a movie. Sigma felt their face flush in embarrassment, and Fyodor mischievously poked them in the shoulder.
“That was fun. You two saw Osamu, right?”
“Yes, we did.” Nikolai scoffed at Fyodor’s suggestion, acting indifferent. His scowl slowly turned into a blushy smile. “So, Fyodor, I-“
He was promptly interrupted by a bunch of loud screaming and laughter.
Everyone’s head turned up to see none other than Osamu himself, standing one of the upstairs bedroom windows “HEY EVERYONE!” he screamed above the music, “IM GONNA JUMP INTO THE POOL FROM UP HERE! WATCH!!”
He was met with disagreement and worried rebuttals, but began to climb a little further.
Much to everyone’s great shock, A pair of hands suddenly snatched him inside, and there was a whole lot of rumbling sounds before Chuuya appeared at the window. “No he will not be!” The window slammed shut, and the buzz of the crowd turned into exhausted and relieved sighs.
The little bit of excitement had distracted everyone, and when Nikolai turned to speak to Fyodor again, he was gone.
“Damn it! Ugh... lets go get popsicles Sigma. I’d say let’s drink but... I’d rather wait till later.” Nikolai took Sigma’s hand and they made the trek toward the food counters.
Yep. Counters. This fancy outdoor patio space featured an entire mini kitchen of its own, complete with two grills and a fridge, as well as a sink and bar. It was full of food and drink, with a bartender serving everything.
“Two popsicles. Surprise us.”
Nikolai ordered, collecting the sweet treats for the both of them.
“So. Your plan got foiled again.”
Sigma and Nikolai sat along the edge of the pool, the physical exhaustion of the match finally starting to set in.
“Don’t remind me.” Nikolai took a lick of his popsicle, and Sigma felt their face get warm. Why was it so embarrassing to eat these things? “Wanna maybe get dinner later? Since i’m probably not gonna get what I want tonight.”
“Are you giving up? Nikolai Gogol, star showman, giving up?”
“Oh stop, you flatter me too much!” Nikolai giggled, and Sigma smiled back. He knew how much this day was supposed to mean to Nikolai, it hurt to see him give up so soon.
It was uncharacteristic. Unreal. Nikolai never gave up, he always got what he wanted.
...
Nothing. Nothing at all.
But a spark? A spark unreachable, untouchable by a being. A being of vast emptiness, with no shape or form.
A spark so curious, glowing brighter and brighter until it became a flame, a feeling. Warmth.
Senses, a faint sound here... a warm sound... laughter. A mouth that wanted to react, but couldn’t move.
Finally. The flame became a raging fire, and the being became human, desiring the warmth and touch of light. And the sound became loud and clear, raging and crackling on.
Sigma’s first memory was of pain, a cramped muscle.
They jolted upright. The room was dark, but as dark as the vast emptiness of before. There were sights and sounds and smells and colors and shapes. They began to breathe, quickly, afraid.
Their second memory was of another person. Not at the same time as the first memory. But completely separated, a time of it’s own.
This person had long hair and a wide grin. Their one visible eye glowing in the sunshine.
Sigma tried to speak, but their mouth made no movement. It forgot how.
“Hey Sigma! Good to see you again! The doctor says you can try eating solid foods today, are you ready?”
This was Nikolai.
Sigma remembered. They had heard this voice, this name, somewhere among the void. But he introduced himself every time they met.
“Im Nikolai, do you remember me? Well, I ordered you a chicken sandwich... sorry it has to be hospital food, they wouldn’t let me bring you anything else. Oh, and an orange juice!”
The amused reaction was internal.
Days became clearer, and more distinct, as time went on and formed itself. Soon there was more than just bits and pieces of light, but a whole coming together. Sigma found a fondness in being awake. They called it desire.
“Are you ready? Today you get to go outside! Isn’t this awesome?”
Sigma was sure they knew how to walk on two legs, but they wouldn’t move like Nikolai’s did. So they were confined to a wheelchair. Nikolai would push through the halls, while rambling on and on about anything he felt.
Little was able to be said in return, and no expression ever found itself evident on Sigma’s body. But they could hear it all, feel it all. The whispers of doctors, nurses. And something of them remembered, more and more of the static of the void formed words and memory.
But Sigma still knew nothing of themself. They spoke of them, but it was almost as if it were somebody else. Another form of Sigma, another world entirely alone.
“Okay, here we go!”
They passed through a doorway, and Sigma felt... cold.... the air outside was different than inside. Wind blew across the courtyard, and some orange leaves fluttered about.
One landed on Sigma’s lap, and they turned down to face it. It was vibrant, but not without imperfections. They wanted to feel it...
“Oh! A leaf landed in your hair Sigma! Haha, wow...”
But Sigma couldn’t be distracted by Nikolai now, they were focused. And with all their focus, they felt a new energy in their arm.
They remembered something. How to move their hand on their own.
So much was new to Sigma, and each day they’d find more and more to learn and remember. Nobody ever directly explained who they were, however. What it meant to be a human being, what it meant to thrive.
For what purpose was Sigma here for? What reason was there to be alive like this?
Nikolai was a spark, a spark that drew them into every day. A spark that lit a flame. But he was far from a purpose, only an angel of such fires.
Days without Nikolai became days Sigma loathed, but they understood that he had responsibilities. Those responsibilities were important.
But they also began to understand just how much they meant to Nikolai. He was open and honest to nobody but them. He always expressed this, so the energy was comfortable and happy around each other.
Nikolai never gave up on Sigma. He never quit, he never said no. He never became angry with Sigma for messing up, or getting worse at times. He was only one to see Sigma walk for the first time.
It was cold outside, and a thick layer of snow coated the ground. Sigma was still new to walking then, and being bundled up in a winter coat and boots only made this harder. So Nikolai held their hand, steady and close.
“Isn’t it pretty! Look at it, I used to love playing out in this as a kid. You don’t remember what it was like when you were a kid, do you Sigma?”
Sigma shook their head. But there was an emotion welling up inside them they didn’t like... they didn’t understand it.
They extended a hand, catching a falling flake.
And exploded in tears.
“Sigma? Oh no no- are you okay? No, let’s go inside right now!”
Later that day, Sigma and Nikolai sipped on hot chocolate together. A friendly doctor explained that certain experiences could still trigger people with amnesia, if the emotion associated had been strong enough. Even if they didn’t remember what caused such a response in the first place.
Sigma thought about that a lot. They didn’t go outside anymore that winter. They labeled the emotion “fear.”
There was another emotion that Sigma felt, whenever he was around Nikolai. But they never knew how to describe it. There was no picture they could display to explain it, but Sigma felt it more and more.
Their heart would race, their face would feel warm and hot. It made Sigma nervous, but there was something more to it.
It was easier to move on their own now, little help needed from Nikolai or any nurses. They had most motor function down now, and were working with a speech therapist to get back to speaking. This person also helped work on emotions, what they meant, and how they might feel.
Sigma understood now. The feeling they felt around Nikolai.
But they still never said anything.
....
“I haven’t seen Fyodor around at all, this is so annoying.”
Nikolai laid stomach down on one of the many lounge chairs, while Sigma spread sunscreen over his back. It was the hottest part of the day, the party in it’s prime. They both sipped on some tropical tasting drinks, but only Nikolai’s had any alcohol in it. He finally cracked and ordered something when he heard girls talking about how hot Fyodor was.
“Hey, you’re good at this Sigma. You should become a masseuse.” Nikolai looked incredibly relaxed, and Sigma felt a little embarrassed after hearing somebody ask if they could get their back done next. “Sigma is my personal sunscreen applier, get your own!” Nikolai jested with them, taking another sip of liquid.
When Sigma was finished, Nikolai rolled back over and rested comfortably on the lounge. Sigma didn’t know what to do, so they just stayed seated on the side of it.
“Hey, come here. I’ll put some on for you too.”
“My back is covered. I can get my legs and face on my own.” Sigma frowned, tossing the bottle of sunscreen at Nikolai, whom pretended to be offended.
“Excuse me, uh, are you Sigma?”
Oh. What a surprise. It was the new kid, Atsushi. Sigma nodded, and Nikolai looked up curiously. He muttered something of “quite popular tonight, huh Sigma.”
“I am them. Is there a problem?”
“Well, yes and no... theres a couple really drunk girls in the house, and they’re saying that they won’t stop fighting unless you show up... and without Nikolai.”
“What?” Sigma stared up at Atsushi, who was fiddling with his hair nervously.
“It’s kind of getting out of hand... and Osamu doesn’t want to have to call the cops, so... please? Just really quick...”
Sigma looked up toward the house. Through the big windows, they could see a crowd gathered. They slowly stood, but something grabbed their hand.
“Sigma. Will you really be okay going alone?”
“What? I go to class alone all the time Nikolai. They need my help, so I’m gonna help.”
“Right. Sorry. Go on then. I’ll wait here for you!”
Nikolai called out to Sigma, who walked alongside Atsushi towards the house.
Just before entering, Atsushi broke the silence. “Okay so... maybe I lied a little. It’s not two girls- its just one, Teruko. And shes actually going on a little bit of a spiel... about you and Nikolai.
“Then why would-“
There was nothing more Sigma could say, before he was being pulled inside. In the center of a lively crowd, Teruko stood atop the expensive coffee table. One of the straps of the swimsuit was falling off, but she stood proud. Clearly drunk and really passionate about something stupid.
Sigma began to feel hot. Tense. There were a lot of hands on them, pushing and pulling. Until they were practically in the center themself.
“Here he is! Sigma! Just in time. I was talking about you!”
Sigma squirmed, but the one holding him back was Tecchou, the extremely buff person from earlier. There was no escape.
“Stop! Let me go now!”
“Sigma here is currently being held captive by Nikolai Gogol, you probably see them holding hands all the time, right? Well I’m here to save poor Sigma here!” Teruko hiccuped, stumbling backwards a little before continuing.
Sigma felt an anger like nothing before. Was that really what people saw of them? It wasn’t true.
“You’re wro-!”
Sigma’s voice was cut short, as another hand clapped over his mouth. It was Jouno now who did it, his smile absolutely sadistic. It appeared that he was enjoying this torment.
“Some of you may have seen what happened a few hours ago, right? Nikolai stabbed his stupid, long nails into Sigma’s hand. And he forces Sigma to do things for him, even though he’s innocent and helpless!”
That hurt. But Sigma was running out of breath. All this was overwhelming, so tears fell down their face.
“Look! He’s crying! My point has been proven! Now how about this, a little birdie told me that Nikolai hits Sigma too.”
No. No no no. Teruko began to reach for their top, and Sigma begged behind the hand for her to stop. She was laughing manically, and tugged at the zipper that ran down their shirt front.
The crowd seemed unsure of what she was saying, but they all wanted a peek at what was beneath Sigma’s shirt. They would do nothing to stop Teruko until they had their curiousity satisfied. They were hungry, like a pack of wolves.
Sigma tried desperately to push away, but their panic attack made functioning even more difficult. Teruko pulled the zipper straight down, in one long movement.
The rush of wind was sharp on Sigma’s chest, and they heaved awkwardly through sobs.
“Oh. Well that isn’t what I thought i’d see. Well, now I look like a jerk! Okay then, everyone, so I was in fact wrong! Sorry! Hehe!”
It wasn’t more that a few seconds before Teruko passed out, falling straight onto one of the onlookers.
The crowd mumbled to themselves, surely wondering what had just happened.
As angry as Sigma was, they couldn’t bear to do anything violent to anybody upon being released. In fact, Tecchou was the one who first apologized and offered a glass of water.
Sigma fell to their knees, feeling like a pile of jello, completely worn out. Did nobody even care? They were dismissing this situation in their drunkenness as “weird” . Surely somebody had taped what had happened, but what could Sigma do about it. They just sat on the floor, palms pressed against their raw face.
Cold. It was all so cold. Sigma recalled the dark void they once resided in. All so much, but nothing at all.
Sigma pitied Teruko. There must have been a reason for her madness, perhaps pent up aggression and self projecting of her own. Their anger quickly subsided. Teruko laid on the floor, drool pooling next to her face.
Trying to regain some dignity, Sigma zipped up their shirt. They got up slowly, the party buzzing on without much attention on them anymore.
It was just like that, they were so quickly forgotten.
Sigma slowly made their way back out to Nikolai.
Asleep. Nikolai was asleep, peacefully in the sun. All the people outside were still enjoying themselves, though Sigma did see a couple gesturing their way and whispering.
“Hey. Wake up.”
Nikolai popped upright in a second.
“Wha- oh, Sigma, is everything okay?”
Sigma smiled.
“Yes. Everything is good. The girls were arguing that if because I had split hair, I had split color pubes too.”
“bwAHAHAHA” Nikolai laughed, jumping up on his feet to slide his sandals back on. “Well, do you?”
“No. I don’t. But it was a reasonable argument. They made good points.”
“Well, if thats all I missed thats fine!” Nikolai stretched wide, yawning.
The sun was setting, so the poolwater sparkled golden. The sky was littered with several wispy clouds, illuminated in purply pink hues.
“Let’s go home. I’ll ask my mom to make us dinner, it’s not too late for that. I’m beat and I don’t want to spend another second with Osamu in my vicinity.”
“But-“ Sigma followed Nikolai, watching the stares of other people that he seemed to not be bothered of, “what about, you know, him?”
“Funny story Sigma, I heard some girls talking about him. They said he and Osamu were making love in one of the bedrooms. At least allegedly. I don’t need to see my crush get fucked by my enemy, so i’ll wait on my confession some more.”
“Oh, I understand.”
Nikolai strutted confidently by everyone, Still not minding the glances. Sigma assumed this was because he expected everyone to swoon over him anyways.
They both entered the car calmly, Nikolai’s laughing very faintly before his face grew into a scowl. He slammed on the steering wheel and gripped it tight.
“God dammit! Nothing ever goes my way, does it?! What the hell!” His eyes were overflowing with tears, but his waterproof eyeliner still didn’t budge. It was pretty impressive.
“Please stop yelling Nikolai. There will be another chance, like you said.”
“No! I had my chance, Sigma! I had it! And why did you lie to me just now? About what happened in the house? No way some girls specifically asked for you and not me! What did they do to you for so long!?”
The car was hot. Really hot. Sigma was already overstimulated, they didn’t know how much more they could take.
“I told you what happened. Please don’t raise your voice at me.”
This was the first time Sigma felt Nikolai’s anger directed specifically at them. Nikolai had never gotten angry at Sigma before. Ever. But now he was seething with rage, the fire in his eyes more passionate than ever.
Nikolai wasn’t like a flame, now, he was the fire. And it ignited something in Sigma too, kindling his own passions.
“No! You’re lying to me and I need to know the truth. So don’t you dare cover your ears at me! Answer me! Now!”
“And why does it matter, Nikolai, if I do or don’t tell you what really happened!? You assume the worst constantly, you nag on me like I’m a child! Well i’m not! And i’m sick of it!”
Ouch. Sigma felt their own heart grow pained, face scrunched in an unusual way. Yelling at Nikolai felt wrong.
“So you admit that you LIED? why?!” Nikolai’s voice quivered, “why would you need to lie to me about anything? I’m always honest with you, so why....”
Sigma’s face fell back to its usual state of blank. They blinked, with wide, teary eyes, lowering the tone of their voice after a sharp breath.
“Because I didn’t want to hurt you Nikolai... because... I love you. And I know what happened in there would upset you a lot. And you might end up hurting yourself, or somebody else in your own rage. I love you Nikolai. A lot.”
Silence.
The eye contact became too much for Sigma, and they stared down at the floor instead. Nikolai’s face went through several changes. Scowling first, then jaw dropped, then wide eyed and sincere.
His voice was breathy, and on the brink of tears.
“Sigma...” the confession caught him off guard, and he was likely thinking of the times it was completely blatant that Sigma felt this way. Nikolai had been so blind infatuated in loving Fyodor...
That he couldn’t see what love was right in front of him.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you.” Was all that Nikolai could get out.
The ride home was in silence, until Nikolai parked. “So, it’ll probably be a little bit before my mom gets something cooked up. Do you want to go up to my room until she’s done? So we can clean up and stuff? Can’t leave that chlorine in your hair.” The twilight made his face appear dewy.
“Yes. That’s fine.” Sigma returned a soft grin.
“Hey you two! How was the party?” Nikolai’s mom looked cozy, her hair done up in a towel and body covered in a velvet robe.
“Fun.” They both answered in unison, laughing afterwards.
“Mom, can you cook us something to eat? We’re hungry.”
“How does takeout sound?” She countered.
“Deal.”
Up in Nikolai’s room, the LED lights illuminated it blue.
Nikolai sat facing away from Sigma on his bed, starting to undress without a word. Sigma quietly retrieved their clothing and started into the bathroom.
“Hey, Sigma.”
“Hm?”
“How about shower and a bath? My back is sore from laying on that stupid lounge chair.”
“Together?”
“Yeah.”
Sigma nodded. Nikolai looked defeated, but there was something about this offer that made them wonder if there was a reason for it. They sensed nothing lustful, nothing foul. It was simply a kind gesture.
The two headed off to Nikolai’s mother’s bathroom instead, because it boasted a separate bath and shower. The bathtub was also big enough to fit both Sigma and Nikolai at once, and they weren’t small by any means. Nikolai stood at a comfortable six feet, and Sigma around five-eight.
They’d showered together before. There’d also once been a time where Sigma would only bathe if it were Nikolai helping with it.
“Let me wash your hair and back first Nikolai. You smell.”
The water showered down upon them, a refreshing warmth. There were plenty of fragrant soaps too, and the space was already perfumey. The hint of chlorine was residual, unfortunately.
“So mean Sigma. I ought to spray soap in your eye for that one.”
“No way!”
It was all in good spirits. They couldn’t help it, and there was no way the dreary energy would last long. Nikolai blew a few bubbles with the soap container, and Sigma popped all of them gladly.
It surprised Sigma to feel Nikolai touch their back ever so gently. The area where the scar was raised.
“Nikolai?”
“Sorry. I just... I never paid attention Sigma, even all the times I saw you naked. I mean, I knew, but,”
“What is it?” Sigma froze up a little, unsure.
“You’re really really pretty. Stunning. I’m stupid.”
Sigma turned around, a brow raised in concern and doubt. Nikolai withdrew his hands from their hair, where he’d been lathering up shampoo.
“What are you talking about?”
“I said that you’re pretty. Gorgeous. It’s crazy.”
“I don’t need you to tell me that. I’m a freakshow. It’s alright to admit it.”
Nikolai scowled. He reached out and continued to scrub Sigma’s hair even while they were facing forward.
“No. You aren’t. And If you keep telling yourself that I’m going to have to take away your cookie privileges.”
Sigma burst out in laughter, pointing a finger onto Nikolai’s chest. “Well then you need to stop saying your eye is ugly. It’s pretty hypocritical of you to be telling me to love myself when you still cover up your nicest feature. Not fair.”
“Ah, I get it. Valid point.”
Sigma turned back around so that Nikolai could finish rinsing the shampoo from their hair. They’d both be leaving conditioner in until after the bath, so that it actually did something.
The bath was filling while they showered, so it was perfect when they were ready to get in.
They soaked, aching bodies soothed by the steam and bubbles. Sigma sunk in further and further, until only their knees, nose, and eyes remained above water.
“I have something else to ask you Sigma. Not to come back to this topic, but I thought of it just now.”
Sigma sat up a little more so that they could properly hear, and Nikolai continued.
“When I first saw you... I went that night and found all your files. It was hard to tell, but even the record stated it. You had bruises prior to that accident. Pretty big ones too. Their aging made it obvious they weren’t from the exact same time.”
“Oh, I see. But you told me this already, I’m pretty sure.”
“Huh?”
Nikolai looked confused, so Sigma elaborated.
“I don’t remember when, but I know i’ve heard you say this before. Perhaps it was one of the things I heard while I slept. Because a lot of what I heard was you.”
It was quiet again. Sigma was smiling contently, unbothered.
“Sigma.”
“What now?”
Nikolai took a deep breath, pushing some of his fallen bangs back upward.
“I love you too.”