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Steve opens his eyes to a dark room. He recognizes the shapes of furniture in their bedroom in the darkness. There’s a slight light coming through the windows, but it’s still too dark to be morning.
Steve is a deep sleeper. When he goes to sleep at night, he doesn’t wake up until the sun is up. It makes him wonder what could’ve woken him up. The room is calm and quiet, showing no sign of disturbance.
Bucky makes a sound behind Steve, moving the bed slightly. Steve smiles at his lover’s restless sleep. They’re polar opposites at night. Steve will often wake up in the same exact position he fell asleep in, while Bucky tangles himself up in the sheets, moving around every five minutes.
Steve’s mind is still foggy as he hears Bucky grunt again. It takes a moment for him to register that the sound is not from Bucky’s usual sleep vocabulary. Bucky sighs, groans, mumbles, and moans in his sleep, he doesn’t grunt.
The sharp sound comes again, louder this time, followed by more movement of the bed. Steve reaches for the lamp on his bed side table, turning it on and casting a warm glow over the bedroom.
When he turns to look at Bucky it all clicks. Bucky is tensed up, head pulled back in a painful way. His jaw is clenched tightly, eyes moving rapidly behind his eyelids. Another grunt leaves his throat as his body twitches, rocking the bed.
“Shit.” Steve mumbles, mad at himself for not putting the pieces together earlier. He quickly jumps off the bed, moving to sit on Bucky’s side of the bed. That way Bucky won’t fall out.
Next is protecting his head that is too close to the wall for comfort. Steve carefully leans over Bucky, reaching for his own pillow to put against the wall. Bucky has hit his head when having seizures before, it can’t always be prevented, but Steve will do everything he can to protect him.
Bucky’s neck twitches every few seconds as he keeps grunting. Steve cringes at how painful it looks. He knows Bucky will have a sore neck for a couple days if he keeps moving like that.
“You’re doing great.” Steve comforts, reaching out to brush the hair off Bucky’s forehead. It sticks out in very direction on the pillow beneath him. Bucky’s body jerks again pushing another grunt out of him.
There’s no way to know how conscious Bucky is or of he can sense Steve’s presence, but Steve doesn’t care. Even if Bucky is unconscious, it makes Steve feel better to know he comforted Bucky.
“It’ll be over soon, Buck. Just relax.” The seizure shows no sign of an end. It seems to be mostly in Bucky’s head with the neck twitching, grinding teeth and eye movements, but his whole body twitches every now and then too.
The first time Steve woke up to Bucky having a seizure in his sleep, Steve panicked. They were barely even getting used to him having them during the day but had never experienced it during the night.
When they’re awake Bucky can usually feel it coming and warn Steve, giving them some time to prepare. When it happens in his sleep there’s no warning for either one of them. It just hits, and Steve wakes up to Bucky being mid seizure.
During the day Steve helps him focus on breathing and relaxing, which usually helps the seizure be a little less intense. At night, they can’t do that. Bucky’s body goes into full seizure mode, often leaving him with bad seizures.
He can see sweat beading on Bucky’s forehead. It feels like he’s been sitting here, watching Bucky for an hour, but in reality, it’s only been a couple minutes. They never last long, but it feels like forever when he watches someone he loves suffer.
“It’s almost done, you’re okay. Breathe.” Steve mumbles a constant string of comforting words, wanting to help. He can never tell what moment Bucky becomes aware enough to hear him, but he wants to help Bucky the moment he does.
Bucky’s whole body spasms again, his arm almost hitting Steve. His neck seems to relax a little as his body stills again. His head isn’t pulled as far back; it still looks painful. Bucky’s grunts sound more like groans. To anyone else they would sound the same, but to Steve there’s a big difference.
“Relax, you’re doing great.” There is a responding moan as Bucky seems to sink back into the bed. Steve pulls his sleeve over his hand, wiping the sweat off Bucky’s face. Bucky’s eyes and jaw are still moving slightly.
“Almost over.” Steve encourages. “Just breathe and relax.” He shifts on the bed so he’s sitting as close to Bucky as physically possible. With one of his hands running through Bucky’s long hair, he rests the other over Bucky’s jaw, stroking carefully to encourage it to relax.
The movement of Bucky’s eyes stop and a few moments later they open a little. His eyes are watery, looking unfocused in Steve’s direction.
“Are you with me?” Steve asks carefully, not wanting to put pressure on Bucky. There’s a crease forming between Bucky’s brows as he looks up at Steve. He doesn’t say anything. Steve can see him struggling to find his words.
“It’s okay. Take your time.” Steve tells him. He reaches for Bucky’s right hand, holding it between his own.
“Can you squeeze my hand?” Bucky looks blankly at him for a moment before there’s a weak squeeze.
“There you are.” Steve smiles. “Can you move your other arm?” Steve asks, trying to assess the effects of the seizure. The metal glints in the warm light as Bucky’s arm moves a little.
“And your legs?” Steve has to use both hands to untangle the comforter from Bucky’s legs, he is incapable of sleeping still.
“No.” Bucky’ voice breaks through the silence. “Can’t.”
“That’s okay. It’ll come back.” Steve reassures him. Temporary paralysis can happen after a seizure. It doesn’t happen to Bucky too often, and usually doesn’t last more than a couple hours.
“How are you feeling?” Bucky looks utterly exhausted. He is pale, his eyes half closed, body limp, though that could be caused by the temporary paralysis. The seizure wasn’t as bad as Steve feared.
“Sleepy.” Bucky slurs. Steve smiles at that. If Steve had the seizure Bucky just had after only a few hours of sleep, he’d be more than sleepy. Exhausted, spent, worn out, bone-tired maybe, not sleepy.
“How’s your neck feel?” Bucky’s face scrunches up at the mention of his neck, as if he just noticed the pain. “That’s what I thought.”
“I had a seizure?” Bucky asks, sounding confused, like he just connected the dots.
“Yeah.” Steve sighs. He knows how tired Bucky will be today. Seizures are exhausting in themselves, having them disturb his much-needed sleep too really takes it out of him.
“Fuck.” Bucky groans. It makes Steve chuckle, fuck is right.
“Can you sit up? I’ll massage your neck.” Bucky looks blankly at him for a moment before slowly starting to get up. He struggles to gather enough strength in his arms, looking like he’s straining himself way more than necessary.
Steve reaches out to support Bucky’s body weight as he pulls himself up. Who knew sitting up without using his legs could be so hard? Steve starts rubbing Bucky’s shoulders, and Bucky sighs with relief.
“Do you remember waking up before it started?” Steve asks, trying to gather information to understand what happened.
Bucky shakes his head no, gasping at the pain. “But I could hear you.”
Steve moves his hands up in search of the painful spot in Bucky’s neck. Bucky moans, letting Steve know he found it. He can feel the tightness of overused, stiff muscles under his fingers.
“That’s good.” Steve says, hoping he was comforting for Bucky. He once again wishes he could do more. He would swap with Bucky in a heartbeat if it meant Bucky wouldn’t have to suffer anymore.
“Not really. I could feel everything.” Steve can feel Bucky’s shoulders drop under his hands. It breaks Steve’s heart that Bucky has to be conscious, experiencing every detail in some of them.
“I’m sorry Buck.”
Bucky shrugs his shoulders. He doesn’t wince this time. Hopefully because it doesn’t hurt as bad.
“I’m tired.” Bucky says, yawning as if on cue.
“Think you can go back to sleep?” Steve asks even though he can see Bucky struggling to keep his eyes open.
In reply, Bucky flops down on the bed and pulls the comforter over himself so only his eyes are peeking out. It makes Steve’s heart flutter and melt at the sight.
Steve suddenly feels how tired he is too. Now that the adrenaline has worn off, he can relax again. He lays down too, lifting the comforter off Bucky to curl himself around him.
There’s no way he’s letting go of Bucky tonight.