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“Hyunjin?”
The boy in front of him stiffens at the call of his name and only after a few seconds, turns slowly to face him.
Seungmin stares. Silence falls unto the both of them— save for, the sounds of birds chirping and noises of a city slowly waking, with its inhabitants getting ready for the new day. Behind them, the sun is slowly rising, casting their surroundings in a warm pastel haze. Hyunjin’s blonde hair looks golden in this light— in fact, he was glowing. This lighting really gives justice to Hyunjin’s beauty— in addition to his golden hair, his carved jawline, and perfectly plump luscious lips, Seungmin thinks he looks like a real Greek god, a modern Apollo.
God, it was too early for Seungmin’s sleep-deprived brain to even think straight.
Despite the fact that he has class in a few hours, Seungmin was rudely awakened by the ringing of his phone and when he had answered, he was greeted with only a very cryptic message to “come to their spot”.
When he had checked the caller ID, he did a double-take. It was from Hyunjin.
Last time he checked, Hyunjin was supposed to be Seoul.
Seungmin doesn’t even have the energy to be mad at him. His mind completely consumed by confusion.
Seungmin stares and stares and stares, until he’s sure that the figure in front of him was no hallucination. But since he likes to be thorough, he rubs his eyes to remove them of sleep and pinches himself hard, just in case he was still dreaming.
“You’re not dreaming.” No shit. Hyunjin watches him amused.
Seungmin wants to kiss him.
Yeah, it was way too early.
If it weren’t for the chill raising the hairs on his bare arms, reminding him again that he was in fact only wearing his pajamas, Seungmin might have mistaken this moment to be a dream.
“Hyunjin? Wha—”
“I think I’m going to do it.” Hyunjin interrupts, smiling in a way that made him look squishy, which Seungmin always liked to remind him of. It takes Seungmin a while to catch up on what he means.
“I take it that your dance lessons went well?” Hyunjin’s eyes grow even happier if it were possible. His eyes sparkled and he rushed over to throw his arms around Seungmin’s wide shoulders.
“It was amazing! The dance teachers are real pros and the routines we learn are really fun— ” Hyunjin gushes. Seungmin listens, gently humming, taking the chance to thread his fingers through Hyunjin’s incredibly soft hair. It has gotten longer, he notes.
Hyunjin freezes all of a sudden. Seungmin wonders if he had accidentally hurt him.
Seungmin tilts his head until he realizes where Hyunjin’s gaze had fallen.
Oh.
In Hyunjin’s excitement, they had gotten way too close without even noticing.
Seungmin can feel Hyunjin’s breath fan against his face and he’s sure that if he looks at those lips he had always dreamt of kissing, he would crack. He averts his eyes quickly, mentally telling himself to calm down.
He wonders if Hyunjin can feel how warm his face is growing. He sneaks a peek to find that a blush on Hyunjin’s cheeks too.
Then, the arm around his shoulder pulls Seungmin even closer than before, until their chests are touching. He forces himself to return Hyunjin’s gaze. Hyunjin’s gaze is smoldering and Seungmin feels like prey that has just been caught. He wants to kiss him.
“Hyunjin... I’m really happy for you…” Seungmin tries to distract himself while untangling the arm from his shoulders.
Hyunjin lets his arm fall and instead opts to hold Seungmin’s hand. He interlocks his long fingers with Seungmin’s and Seungmin feels how clammy his palms are. They both stare for a while at their interlocked hands and for some reason, it feels different.
No matter where they are, Hyunjin’s hands had always sought refuge with Seungmin’s. But Hyunjin’s hands are slightly shaking for some reason.
He must be cold , Seungmin decides, and brings his other hand to cradle Hyunjin’s. Hyunjin watches the action with tender eyes.
He hears Hyunjin take a deep breath.
“Seungmin…” Seungmin lifts his head to meet Hyunjin’s gaze. While the latter brings his other hand to firmly cover Seungmin's.
“I can’t say how soon will it be but…” Hyunjin’s voice quivers for a moment.
“Seungmin-ah… You know that I like you, right?
Seungmin recalls the exact words that Hyunjin had uttered, the day that he confessed.
And then immediately afterward, Hyunjin proceeded to tell him that he was leaving for Seoul for two months to attend a dance academy.
He feels the same way as he did back then. The same fluttery feeling expanding in his chest.
And that underlying feeling of uncertainty for what comes next.
He’s leaving again, Seungmin tries to convince himself. That’s what he has to tell you.
Seungmin braces himself for the worse. Maybe, if he pretended to not care, it would make it easier to move on. Still, he hoped that he would be wrong. Maybe, Hyunjin had decided to finish high school with him. That he wouldn’t leave right away when he and Seungmin haven’t even had the chance to go on a single date yet.
Seungmin held his breath in anticipation, unconsciously clenching his fists.
“Will you marry me?”
The way Seungmin and Hyunjin first met was almost straight out of a cheesy romance novel, Seungmin could vouch.
Seungmin was out on an errand for his parents. He knew that it was one of their ways of making sure that he actually took breaks from studying all day. Still, he was grateful for the fresh air and the opportunity to stretch his legs.
As soon as he left the convenience store in their neighborhood, a carton of milk clutched under his arm, he was instantly greeted by the summer heat.
It was a reminder that it was the summer before his final year of high school. And he had no other plans besides studying for the upcoming college entrance tests like many of his peers. He felt the early beginnings of sweat forming on his hairline.
He put his earbuds back in his ears and started down the route back to his house. The catchy tune of his favorite band easing the anxiety that usually spurned when he thought about his future.
Now, don’t get him wrong. He knew exactly what his future would look like.
He was going to be a prosecutor. Someone worthy enough to follow in his father’s footsteps.
Of course, Seungmin didn’t want to really be one. It was just the sort of answer he always had prepared when he was asked by relatives and teachers. But only a handful knew the truth.
Seungmin wanted to write books.
Ones that were just as good as the ones overflowing from his bookshelves.
But for that, he knew that he first needed to get into a college, preferably under an English degree, which he could probably pass off as his pre-law to his parents.
He stopped in front of the pedestrian lane, waiting patiently for the light to turn green. It was already 5 pm in the afternoon. The streets were bustling with office workers on their way home from work. He watched their tired faces as they dragged their feet one foot of the other like corporate zombies.
‘That’s your future.’ A small voice in his mind chided.
He tore his gaze away from the group and instead focused on the sidewalk opposite his.
In his peripheral vision, he spotted something furry moving along the bushes. From what he could tell, it was a small puppy. One of those breeds that belonged to one of the more upper-class households.
But what was she or he doing here?
He squinted his eyes, trying to make out if the chihuahua was a stray or not. From where he stood, he could slightly make out a bright pink color around the puppy’s neck. So not a stray.
Maybe he or she was lost?
Seungmin certainly couldn’t let a lost puppy roam the streets. The sun was beginning to set and he was sure that his or her owner was probably worried sick, searching for them.
Besides, he was sure that his parents wouldn’t mind a little detour.
Finally, the traffic light turned green, and Seungmin quickly made his way to the lost pet, who seemed pretty content with the attention he or she was getting from nearby strangers. He scooped the puppy up in his arms without any trouble and set out to find his or her owner.
Luckily for him, his search ended almost immediately after stumbling upon another teenage boy in one of the nearby stores, which judging on the way the boy was sobbing his heart out to the poor shop owner, Seungmin could only assume that he was the one he was looking for.
It was a meeting that was both extremely comical and cliché.
Whenever he brought up the incident to Hyunjin, the latter would grow flustered and yell, saying that it was the normal response of any pet owner to be distraught.
Oh, Seungmin understood that part perfectly.
What he didn’t understand was why his own heart skipped a beat upon laying his eyes on the boy’s tear-streaked face, topped off with a very unattractive string of snot dripping from his nose.
Still, Seungmin found him to be the most beautiful boy he had ever seen.
Later on, he learned that the puppy’s name was Kkami and that he and his owner, Hyunjin, had been on a walk when Hyunjin had paused to tie his shoe, and accidentally dropped Kkami's leash in the process.
Now, that was the dumbest thing Seungmin has ever heard.
As fate would have it, the two of them were actually from the same school. And in the same year which Seungmin found out himself, when he spotted Hyunjin down the corridor, hanging outside his classroom with some friends.
Turns out, Seungmin was just not as observant as he thought he was.
“Seungmin!” A sudden weight draped itself over Seungmin’s shoulder from where he was sitting on one of the outdoor benches. Without looking up from his novel, he blindly raised a hand to pet the extra weight, also known as Hyunjin.
He allowed himself a second to appreciate the softness of the other boy’s long dark locks, while Hyunjin gave an appreciative hum in response.
If anyone saw them right now, it would probably give the wrong image.
Seungmin finds that he doesn’t mind at all in the slightest.
Deep down, he hopes that it wouldn’t bother Hyunjin either.
(“I’m pretty sure, Seungmin and I are soulmates,” Hyunjin suddenly blurts out in front of the rest of Seungmin’s friends during one of their lunch periods.
Hyunjin had wanted to meet his friends and Felix and Jisung were ridiculously curious about the new person in Seungmin’s life.
They had been discussing Felix’s crush on the student council president (“Chris— I mean, Chan-hyung and I aren’t like that!”) (“See, they even have special names for each other!”) (“Shut up, Jisung! That’s his name!”) and somehow the subject had shifted to the topic of soulmate. Nobody gives this declaration a second thought, already used to the way Hyunjin had appointed himself as Seungmin’s personal koala.
When Hyunjin and Jisung begin to fight for the title of “Seungmin’s best friend”, (“I met him first!”) (“He likes me better!”). Seungmin hides his warm face behind his library book, and finds that for some reason, he can’t seem to tune Hyunjin out like he usually does. The other boy’s words echo in his head nonstop like a broken record.
Felix shoots him a knowing grin, his freckles bunching up on his puffed cheeks.
Seungmin looks down and forces himself to reread the same sentence over and over until the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch. Despite his efforts, he remembers only Hyunjin’s words and none of his book.
Sighing, Seungmin gets up and begins clearing away his lunch, completely missing the way Hyunjin blatantly eyes him and the library book sitting on his desk.
Hyunjin likes to dance, Seungmin quickly finds out.
No, not in the way that Seungmin liked to play baseball when their school’s baseball team needed someone to step in.
Hyunjin liked dancing so much that he wanted to be a professional dancer.
Seungmin was jealous. Jealous at how secure Hyunjin seemed in his decision. Jealous of how much Hyunjin was good at it.
Of course, Seungmin never said anything out loud to him. Unlike Seungmin, Hyunjin had the talent and determination to go far, that much Seungmin could tell. And he liked watching Hyunjin dance. He was always in awe of how much control Hyunjin had over his own body. How his fluid movements could go from sensual to powerful in a blink of an eye.
Plus, Hyunjin had a good body. He was tall and lean like Seungmin but much more confident in his own skin.
Seungmin was sure that Hyunjin had heard enough compliments about his good looks that he knew how much of an effect he often had on people— including Seungmin.
They form a daily routine in which Seungmin does his homework as Hyunjin practices; the two of them alone in one of the school’s empty clubrooms. Seungmin liked to think of it as a reward, looking up from his notes to watch Hyunjin in his element, concentrating like he was already on the stage. Seungmin had already appointed himself to be in charge of reminding him to take breaks and hydrate.
“Do you still have my notes?” Hyunjin looks up from where he’s resting on the floor in a pool of his own sweat. Seungmin had just managed to convince him to take a break.
“Oh, it’s in my bag. You can just get it.”
Seungmin nods and gets up from the corner of the classroom where he was surrounded by books.
He finds what he is looking for but also spots a familiar library book tucked deeper into the older’s backpack. He sneaks a peek over his shoulder to where Hyunjin laid, with his eyes closed. He takes a look at the title and confirms that it is in fact, the very same book that he was reading last week.
When he brings it up with Hyunjin, he takes note of the boy’s flustered state and his poorly delivered excuse of “wanting to learn more English”. Seungmin doesn’t ask anymore questions, letting the older boy get back to practicing, now sporting a flush that Seungmin’s sure isn’t just from the activity.
Something blossoms within his chest, like something trying to escape. Seungmin takes a deep breath and pushes it down, telling himself that it’s probably not like that.
But when Seungmin notices the same pattern occurring with every book he borrows from the library, it’s already too big of a coincidence.
Still, he doesn’t say anything to Hyunjin and instead allows himself to hope.
“Hey Kim Seungmin! You have a visitor!”
Seungmin looks up from his conversation with Felix. He sees Hyunjin peering in from the doorway and he instantly gets up. Felix and Jisung watch them, snickering and nudging each other.
He feels the rest of the class’ eyes’ following them. Turns out, Hyunjin wasn’t just popular for being one of the best dancers on the dance team, half of the school have also fallen victim to his insane visuals.
Eager to get some privacy, Seungmin takes Hyunjin by the hand and drags him up to the rooftop, closing the door behind them, Hyunjin following obediently, clearly amused.
For a few seconds, they watch the clouds pass by. In the distance, they could see their homes and the nearby hill that they had dubbed as “their spot”. Once, Hyunjin had stumbled upon it on one of his early morning jogs and had immediately rushed to Seungmin’s house to tell him about it. It was the best place to get the perfect view of the sun as it rose and sank over the city skyline, Seungmin learned from experience. And even when Hyunjin left for Seoul, he found himself frequenting it often.
“I’m going to Seoul to join a dance academy.”
Seungmin turns to him and blinks.
“For how long?”
“Three months.”
Hyunjin smiles in disappointment.
“It’s the compromise that my parents and I agreed on. My dad has a friend who’s a choreographer and a dance teacher at some academy. He’ll decide if I have potential.”
Seungmin’s throat suddenly feels dry.
“I’m happy for you,” He struggles to get out and immediately prays that Hyunjin didn’t notice.
He’ll only be gone for three months, get a grip , he thinks and stands up straighter.
“When do you leave?” Seungmin asks nonchalantly, or at least he hopes it was a good attempt.
“In a few days. I wanted you to be the first person to know.” Seungmin hums, noncommittally.
Seungmin was the first person Hyunjin thought of when he heard the news, the thought made him slightly giddy until he remembered again what the news actually was.
Forcing himself to smile, he turned to Hyunjin who was peering at him curiously, as if afraid of what Seungmin’s reaction would be.
“I know you’ll do great. You know I always love watching you dance, Jinnie,” He included the pet name on purpose.
Visibly, Hyunjin slowly relaxed and his features brightened.
Was he really that nervous?, Seungmin wonders.
Hyunjin gathers Seungmin in his arms and lets his head rest on Seungmin’s shoulder. Seungmin’s— No. Their friends— always liked to tease that Hyunjin’s favorite place was his shoulder.
Hyunjin sighs contentedly, while Seungmin feels a flush creeping up his neck.
All of a sudden, a memory hits Seungmin. The library books.
"Hyunjin... About the library books--" Before Seungmin could finish, a bright blush grows on Hyunjin's cheeks and Hyunjin untangles himself from Seungmin to rub his neck sheepishly.
"Man, here I was hoping you'd forgotten." Seungmin blinks at him and Hyunjin gets the message.
"...I wanted to get to know you better," Hyunjin mumbles, looking down at his shoes as if they were the most interesting things in the world.
Seungmin's eyes widened. Hyunjin had been dedicatedly reading every book he had borrowed, just to catch a glimpse at the kind of things Seungmin liked. The thought made butterflies erupt in Seungmin's stomach.
Perhaps, he had been silent for too long that Hyunjin spoke again, now in an awkward panicky tone.
"I mean, since we're soulmates, it's only right that we have more things in comm-"
Without thinking, Seungmin throws his arms around Hyunjin. He could feel the heat emanating from the older, and after a while, feels Hyunjin's arms tightened against his waist. The two of them stay silent for a second, relishing in each other's warmth. After a few minutes, the older boy stiffens and Seungmin lifts his head to check on him, his eyes meeting Hyunjin's serious ones.
“Seungminnie… You know that I like you, right?” Seungmin’s stunned silence doesn’t deter Hyunjin from continuing. Hyunjin's hold tightens against him and Seungmin does his best to reciprocate-- hoping that his feelings would show through his actions.
“If you’re going to keep being so cute… I might not want to leave anymore…” Hyunjin mumbles into the crook of his neck as Seungmin buries his face in Hyunjin's hair, inhaling the scent. If there was anyone being cute right now, it was most definitely Hyunjin.
Before Seungmin opens his mouth to answer, they both hear an ungodly screech coming from behind the rooftop doors. They both instantly break apart, and without looking back at Hyunjin, Seungmin marches over and flings the doors open to find his two best friends and the rest of their class staring back at him.
The screech belonged to Jisung whose mouth was now covered by Felix’s hand.
Blushing profusely, he marched right past them down the stairs, ignoring their calls.
The sudden realization that Hyunjin was leaving had finally sunk in. The feeling of emptiness fully overwhelmed his feelings for the older.
He left Hyunjin by himself on the roof, and a few days later, Hyunjin texted him a goodbye.
Seungmin had cried himself to sleep that night.
“I want to be an author.”
His father raises his eyebrows.
Days after Hyunjin’s departure, Seungmin somehow finds the courage to talk to his parents about his future.
It wouldn’t be fair if only one of them would be going forward. He wasn't going to be a burden to Hyunjin.
So that’s what he does.
He talks and talks and talks. About his dreams; about everything.
All except Hyunjin.
He doesn’t tell them about Hyunjin, not when he’s not even quite sure where they even stand in their … Friendship? Relationship?
Once he’s finished, after he’s exhausted all of his words and energy in trying to make his parents understand his point of view. He stares unflinchingly at his parents, daring them to disapprove. His mother smiles in understanding just as she usually does, while his father takes a deep breath, rubbing his temples.
His parents aren’t mad, Seungmin notes. Just not pleased with his current ambitions, they made that very clear to him.
Seungmin still counts it as a win.
He’s sure that they’re still hoping that he’ll change his mind. And he might. Because of his careful nature, Seungmin still has to think of a backup plan.
He’ll try to convince them again another day. And when that doesn’t work, he’ll try again.
Hyunjin's not the only one who has the guts to chase what he wants.
(“I’m proud of you, you know?” Hyunjin mumbles from where he’s pressed against Seungmin’s side in their shared bed, in the apartment they own together in the future.
Seungmin smiles and whispers back. He brings a hand up to rub up and down Hyunjin's back, taking note of the older's deep breathing.
“It’s all thanks to you, Jinnie.” He whispers back, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's hair.)
The soft and clammy warmth of Hyunjin’s hand in his, the fondness in Hyunjin’s eyes highlighted by the soft rays of the morning beginning to rise behind the two of them, and the lingering question that was still left unanswered, reassured Seungmin that this moment was very much real.
Seungmin’s eyes widened. He probably stops breathing for a second. It takes him a while to find his voice; his mouth opening and closing like a fish underwater. Out of all the things that he expected Hyunjin to say, it was certainly not that. Hyunjin continues, his voice firmer.
“I’m going to be a professional dancer… And then…” Hyunjin’s voice was quivering. Seungmin takes that as his cue to answer before Hyunjin takes it all back.
Seungmin nods, dumbly. Hyunjin paused, his eyes questioning if what he just saw was correct.
"Yes," Seungmin says, pouring all the love and adoration he feels for the boy in front of him into the simple phrase.
He has never been so sure of anything in his entire life.
If he were honest, he has spent many long nights in bed thinking up different scenarios of how this scene would play out. What Seungmin would say if Hyunjin ever confessed. In all of his made-up scenarios, they all ended the same way.
It’s no different this time around.
He watches as slow realization dawns on Hyunjin’s face of what the implications Seungmin’s answer has on their relationship-- or lack thereof. They’re definitely taking this way too fast. But Seungmin finds that he doesn’t care.
All that he knew was that in the early morning light, Hyunjin looks ethereal.
Sure, Seungmin is terrified of the future. He still isn’t sure if he’s even good enough to be a writer. But one thing he learned from Hyunjin is that you'll never know until you try.
‘Can’t you be in love without determining your future first?’ Felix’s voice echoes in his head.
It might even be too soon to say that what he and Hyunjin have is love. But in the end, Seungmin finds that he doesn’t really care about all of that.
Even if straying from the road laid out in front of them, means that they’ll only have themselves to blame,
As long as he’s with Hyunjin, Seungmin finds that he doesn’t mind at all in the slightest.
Seungmin finds himself wrapped tightly in Hyunjin's arms. The latter whispering sweet words into his ear. He pauses, catching one of them loud and clear, and threads his fingers through the long locks that he loved so much.
Seungmin smiles fondly. He feels tears beginning to form in his own eyes.
"I love you too, Hyunjin."
Country roads, take me home
To the place, I belong
West Virginia, mountain mama
Take me home, country roads