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She glances down, hands shaking as they cup her Soul Gem close to her chest.
Mami’s training is coming along perfectly. In fact, the girl could give her a run for her money now. Kyouko was the only Puella Magi that could challenge Homura in a way that forced her to act beyond reaction. Sayaka Miki was foolhardy and tough, in one timeline taking an entire RPG to the chest just to slow down; and then of course she healed herself, and just kept going until she couldn’t.
Mami was strong, now, brave and tough and less likely to collapse in on herself when the world proved its darkness beyond what she knew. Kyouko would pick up her pieces, Homura knew she would. Kyouko would be there to be leaned on and would take the weight without issue.
Homura’s eyes remained locked onto her Soul Gem.
Mami could do it, she knew she could. Homura had practically beaten ideas of salvation out of her head and filled them with mercy – it was a mercy to put someone down after all. It wasn’t weakness to grant them salvation in the form of a bullet or a sword. It was a kindness.
Kyouko would do it, Homura knew the extents that girl would go to in order to keep herself alive. She was a survivor, and Homura had always, no matter the timeline, felt that Kyouko was the most dependable person she’s ever met. Kyouko would do it, no questions asked.
Sayaka, if she were here, would not even hesitate before putting her down. She may be the most fragile person Homura has ever had the displeasure of meeting, even more than Mami, but her hatred for Homura spanned thousands of timelines that she never truly shook off. If presented the opportunity Sayaka would not even hear her final wishes before cutting her down with vindication and a smile.
Her eyes traced the edges, sinking their gaze into the clouds she could see.
Madoka…thankfully she wasn’t here. She would do anything she could, even sacrifice herself, to keep Homura from dying. She would be useless for what Homura wants, but wasn’t she always? Homura wanted Madoka to be protected and safe, Madoka goes and sacrifices herself to a world that forgot her. Homura wanted to keep Madoka happy and warm, Madoka decided to wish herself into an entity that does nothing but take in the despair and coldness of uncountable universes.
Madoka.
As though that thought summoned her, the reflection she usually saw stared back at her through her Soul gem. Same pink hair, fluffy and soft, long enough to tie around herself four times. Same golden eyes, wide and tender, yet looking at everything at once and nothing at all. Same wide smile, empty and meaningless, yet soothing and calming at once.
Her eyes watched as her Soul Gem reacted to her burgeoning emotional state and dimmed slightly. More silver crept over the gold, more dark slithered over the purple.
I cannot find the words to describe how much I despise everything you are, and everything you did, and everything you have become.
Homura ran a thumb over the edges of her Soul Gem, tenderly feeling the corruption slowly spread throughout the very essence of her being. She’s been battling this since her timeline count reached five hundred – the sheer amount of despair she kept feeling for every failed timeline should have turned her long ago, but she kept fighting.
But I figured it out, now.
Her eyes lift from the Gem and stare at an empty space in her room, where she imagines the sight of what Madoka used to look like. What Madoka used to be. Soft pink hair that pinned itself in twin-tails. Tender pink eyes that looked upon the world with awe and glee. A soft smile that lifted for everyone and anything, and no hard edges to witness.
I hate you. So deeply. So passionately. I despise you, Law of Cycles.
Her eyes take in the imaginary silhouette of her best friend. Of the only person Homura could imagine herself with. Of the girl she’d given her heart to, and felt it crushed to sand beneath a heel.
I love Madoka Kaname. With everything I am I adore her; I adore everything she could be and everything she was. And I hate her for turning into you. And I hate her for haunting me.
Her eyes drifted back down to her darkening Soul Gem and she scowled, dropping a Grief Cube from her shield and feeding it the Despair. She took in how, usually, just one or two would be enough. It took her six Grief Cubes.
Not yet. Mami’s not strong enough yet.
She watched in wry amusement as her Soul Gem began darkening already.
But soon.