Work Text:
After locking the door of his apartment, Fengxin immediately walked away from his apartment, with one strap of his backpack carried on his left shoulder. The sun’s rays are flaring so bright at 7 in the morning and he felt bitter thinking how such a thing could be so bright even when all it did was stay at the same place(well except when it sets) shining down on mortals like him, while he, a mortal who can roam around the earth ( well, only around his city though) lived a pathetic bitter life just because he’s too difficult to be with when someone did actually want to be with him. And when he did show his said pathetic side, that someone would gradually get distant, until he realizes that they actually walked out of his life.
Feng Xin continued to walk down towards the direction of the bus station (which by the way, is still quite far from where he is) but then suddenly, he felt himself wet. Huh? Wait a minute. It can’t be that..he looked up towards the sky and notice something that looked like transparent grains are falling down from the heavens. And suddenly, it was raining very hard! What the fuck!! Feng Xin thought and started to run in a frenzy as he put his bag over his head to protect his head and clothes from the rain.
Fortunately, he was blessed to see a small shelter for him to take refuge from the disrespectful (Feng Xin’s words. Not mine ) sudden pour of the rain.
“ What the fuck! That freaking sun was just shining down brightly earlier! How did it just rain so fucking suddenly! “ he said as he started to rummage around his bag searching for his handkerchief reserved for when he sweat or maybe, when he feels like crying and goes into the bathroom and let’s himself cry like the pathetic creature that he is.
He finally found it and started to dry up his now wet arms due to his running towards this place.
“ The fuck! Is the heavens playing me right now? Freaking thing. I can’t even have a peaceful way on going towards my workplace. The fuck is this life! “
“ You should be thankful that that’s your only problem. “ Said a voice in his head making him scoff as he continued to dry himself.
“ So what? I can’t even complain now if wanted to? “
FengXin heard a huff in his head followed by a “ Just saying. The rain may have been a nuisance to you. But you didn’t know. So many people out there, specifically farmers are so happy for it to finally rain because their crops needs it. “
“ Well, you have a point. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m fucking wet right now. Because the heavens just can’t wait to fucking make fun of me. “
“ Bold of you to assume that they have spare time to play with the likes of you. “ said the voice, which Fengxin realizes that did not actually come from his mind. It was actually coming from someone nearby. He just described it as some voice in his head due to the sound of the pouring rain. Or maybe, Feng Xin was just so used to speaking to himself like a madman for years now. He doesn’t even realize there was someone who actually wants to speak with him.
Unfortunately though, it was to spite him.
Feng Xin immediately turned his head to find out just who was the person responding to him in a sarcastic but intelligent manner(even though he’s reluctant to admit the fact). He wants to give them a piece of mind and tell them off and leave him be, when suddenly he looked and became speechless.
The said person was not looking at him. They were looking straight at the pouring rain as if saying that Feng Xin is not worthy to be given even one look of their beautiful eyes.
“ What the fuck…” he then said as if he was breathless for a moment.
The person, who is actually a very beautiful woman with a silver colored hair, turned her head around with a smirk on her face and said, “ Finally found out there was a person speaking to you nearby and not a voice inside your head? Hello to you too Feng Xin. “
What the fuck?! Mu Qing?! No wonder the voice sounds so familiar.
Mu Qing who is his long time enemy, who became his long time bestfriend afterwards alongside Xie Lian and lastly, became the subject of his affections (which she still is even now by the way) but he didn’t get to say anything before she decided to leave abroad to work due to her mother being ill and she needed money to pay the hospital bills. And even when they’re saying goodbye at the airport with Xie Lian, he still didn’t say anything to her about his feelings because he’s a coward who does not say what he wants to say. (Definitely like what most people would do simply because it’s hurtful and painful to get rejected. )
After a year of being at the states, Mu Qing had enough money to pay for her mom’s treatment and she decided to fetch her mom and let her get her treatment at the states because of her work there.
They still got in touch even when she was in there but then suddenly, their communication stopped. Feng Xin or Xie Lian tried to communicate with her but turns out that they can’t. She’s no longer active in social media and her number is always unreachable. The voicemails that they gave her was left unanswered as well.
Feng Xin got so worried he felt like he was out of his mind. He thought of following her at the states to check on her there but his work won’t allow it. He kept on wondering if she’s alright.
“ Mu Qing. Fancy meeting you here. “ he said as he regained a bit of dignity he has and not continue to gape at the woman like a fish. His voice actually sounded guarded as well because even though he was happy that she looks fine, that doesn’t mean that her sudden silence for years didn’t hurt him. It hurt him big time. It felt like he was stabbed everytime he remembered how Mu Qing ignored him and Xie Lian altogether without even a single “ Bye! I’m not gonna speak to any of you ever again. “
The woman snorted and said “ Can’t believe Feng Xin is able to speak an elegant word such as fancy. “
Huffing, he answered “ The fuck are you talking about? I’m perfectly able to say such words. But maybe just not with you. “ he then put on the strap of his backpack back on his shoulders after putting back his handkerchief inside the bag. He looked on the pouring rain that seemed to cease into tiny drops not wanting to get overwhelmed by the feelings he didn’t know he still had even after years of being separated from each other.
The man heard her chuckle. “ You don’t change do you? Still cussing to a fault without holding back. “
“ Says the one who just spoke to me sarcastically earlier. “
A small laugh and then “I was not being sarcastic though. It was the truth. Feng Xin, how is Xie Lian by the way? “ she asked as if Feng Xin is not right here and that his well being is not worthy to be inquired about.
“ Xie Lian? Fine I guess. Got married last month with the man whose obsessed with her for like eight years. That creep. He should be thankful that Xie Lian was equally in love with him cause if not, I’m definitely gonna break his neck. “ he said without sounding so bitter about it still not looking at her.
“ Hua Cheng? “
“ Who else could it be? “
“ Jeez really? “
Feng Xin shrugged his shoulder in response.
“ Well, I definitely agree with you on that creep part. That Hua Cheng, he always has that look in his eyes where in he wants to devour Xie Lian everytime he so much as look at her. Gives me chills everytime. “
The man snorted. “ Yeah right. “
“ How’d they end up together? “
It seemed like the rain stopped falling and even though he wants to stay, oh! how much he wants to stay and speak with her some more. But Feng Xin feels so tired about the feelings he had and so Feng Xin settled for a “ Why don’t you go and ask her yourself? “ and was going to walk away and continue to be on his way towards the bus station when he felt a tug on his back.
“ What the…” he said as he turned a bit to look back. He looked down and saw a hand holding the hem of his shirt. He then traced it with his eyes to see how said hand actually belong to Mu Qing(who else could it be! ). And said Mu Qing was not looking at him but looking down where she was still holding his garment and her face looks pinkish?? Or maybe that’s just some blush on she’s currently wearing.
“ I know we’re practically strangers right now, knowing how I didn’t communicate with you back then…”
“ Glad to know you’re aware of it. “
She raised her head and Feng Xin saw her rolling her eyes. Her beautiful eyes. Glad to know as well that she hasn’t grown out the habit of rolling her eyes whenever she hears something ridiculous. “ Let me finish first will you? “
Feng Xin shrugged his shoulder again and started to face her which made her let go of her hold on him, which the man regretted turning away because her hold actually felt good. “ Fine. What is it? “
“ So.. I didn’t even said farewell and I know that’s so rude... I said let me finish first! “ She said when Feng Xin looked like he was about to speak again. So the man couldn’t do anything but murmur a “ Fucking demanding. “ but he relented. “ But I want to speak with you and explain why if you just give me a chance to explain myself. “
Turning around with his back on her, Feng Xin said. “ There’s no need for you to explain yourself. You don’t owe me one. ” but his heart says the opposite because how he wants to know the truth about it.
“ But I do! “
Frowning, Feng Xin thought about why the cold Mu Qing gave so much fuck about this thing. “ Look Mu Qing, “ he said and started to face her again. “ you don’t fucking owe me anything okay? It’s not like I’m important to you. Why don’t you go to Xie Lian and explain to her. Surely, she’s more important to you than I will ever be. “
The woman’s eyes widened in response. It then turned to something like anger seeing how her face looks red and hearing how she replied, “ The fuck Feng Xin! You’re important! How dare you think you’re not! “
Feeling bitter upon what he heard, he replied, “ Really Mu Qing? I am? I’m important? But why didn’t you tell me a single farewell speech or even a word? That would be enough for me. Yet no. There was nothing! Not even a single ' bye shithead. I’m never gonna speak to you ever again. ‘ “
“ I have no choice! My mom’s hospital bills got fucking higher and I needed to pawn my gadgets! “
“ *snorts* really? That’s your excuse? Alright, let’s say that did happen. But then how about letters? Can’t even find time to write one? “
“ *sigh* I got so busy with work Feng Xin. I was on the run almost 24 hours a day, with several works barely even sleeping. “
Hearing that, Feng Xin felt like a shithead. While he was busy nursing his own wound and bitterness, Mu Qing was busy working herself to the bones barely having time to rest. Sigh. Why didn’t he thought of that? But maybe he did. His own hurts just probably prevailed.
Feeling guilty, he then said. “ You could have asked for help. It’s not like I needed so much money for myself. I could have given you some or maybe lend you the money since you being you wouldn’t want to owe anything to anyone. “
Feng Xin saw Mu Qing’s eyes widened a tad bit. But it was gone in a blink of an eye. She looked away though rolling her eyes and crossing her arms. “ Well, I never want to impose on you or burden you with it…”
“ Fuck’s sake, were friends! Didn’t people say friends help each other? Or maybe you just don’t consider me one? “
Rolling her eyes again, she murmured something as her face that returned to it’s normal color, suspiciously, became pinkish again. So he concluded that she wasn’t wearing a blush on then. “ What was that? “
“ I said, I never considered you one. Because…” the pink flush turned to red…
“ Because? “ he repeated ignoring how it hurts knowing that this woman doesn’t even consider him as a friend.
“ Because I…I’m..” she started to say but then, a phone ringing startled the two people standing. It was Feng Xin’s phone. The man decided to pick up his phone and excused himself.
After a few minutes of speaking to the phone, he turned back to Mu Qing who was still standing on the same spot where she was looking straight on the road. When she felt him come towards her, she turned her head towards him.
“ Hey, I’m sorry. But I need to go to work. There is an urgent meeting at the company you see…” he said and then he saw her nod her head and also, was that disappointment he just saw in her eyes?
“ I see. You should.. *clears throat* you should go then. “
“ Alright. But may I have your number? We can maybe..talk later? Or are you just having a vacation right now and tomorrow’s your flight to go back to the states? And that you’re just here to explain yourself and say proper goodbye for good measure? “
Rolling her eyes, she replied “ I’m staying here for good. “
“ Really? But your mom’s treatment… “
With that, Feng Xin saw how her eyes looked sad as she looked away saying
“ She’s..she’s gone. It was last year when she breathed her last. But before that, she said she lived a happy life and that she thanked God for giving her such a daughter like me. “
“ I’m..I’m sorry to hear that… “
“ It’s fine. Although I was devastated when she passed away, I also felt relieved that she no longer experience the pains she felt because of her illness. It was pretty much a joyous occasion all the same. Thank God for finally ending her pain. “
Feng Xin looked at her in contemplation then said, “ I’m surprised. “
“Huh? What is there to be surprised about? “
“ According to your personality, I mean no offense but you look exactly like the person whose fucking resentful and holds grudge like a leech. I just thought that maybe, you’re gonna get angry with God and blame him for taking away your mom. “
“ Well, you aren’t wrong. I did lash out at Him at the first period of grief. Grief sure makes you do things out of desperation to relieve yourself out of the pain. But then gradually, after a few months, I realized that mom is in safe hands now. No longer feeling pain. And so I changed my mind and started to be thankful to the Almighty for his mercy and ask His forgiveness for my own stupidity for lashing out at him.“
Feng Xin scoffed. “ You’re in pain. Surely He can understand that. “
“ I know. But that is not an excuse for my rude behavior. “
“ You sound like Xie Lian just now. Fucking saints. “
“ *snorts* Were not saints alright? We just learned that living humble life is definitely better than a prideful life. “
“ Well, sure if you want to get advantaged of all the time, feel free to do just that. But humble life? Nah, that’s not for me. “
“ You’re exaggerating. Humble people are not taken advantage of all the time. In fact, I think that we ourselves are the ones taking advantage on ourselves. “
“ Why do you say so? “
Turning away from Feng Xin, Mu Qing uttered “ Because, we always think that we need to be somebody else to be able to live. We try so hard to fit into the standards of the world just so we can feel loved for like what? 5 minutes? Feel liked for seconds by posting a picture and getting appreciation from strangers? Feng Xin, don’t you think we’re so cruel to ourselves? We hide who we are just because we think the real us is shameful. And that by hiding, we think we’re protecting ourselves but actually, I realize now that that’s just bullshit in itself. We’re not protecting ourselves. We just don’t appreciate who we really are so we hide. “
What the fuck…is she talking about me? Feng Xin thought.
Looking at Feng Xin, she continued. “The ones we really need protecting from are not the people around us but we in ourselves. We curse ourselves for not being strong enough, not beautiful enough, for not being outgoing enough. What can we do? God made us differently. That’s all there is to it. So if you can’t appreciate who you are, don’t expect other people to appreciate you the way you wanted to be appreciated. “
After speaking, there was silence between the two. They merely looked into each others eyes. Feng Xin can’t help but marvel on how beautiful Mu Qings eyes could be. Even after all these years, he still find her eyes so mesmerizing, even more mesmerizing than the last time he saw her up close.
The two were startled once again as Feng Xin’s phone rang again. “Shit.. “ he said and looked into it again. “ I’m sorry but I really have to go… Uhmm your number? “
Mu Qing smiled and said, “ Actually, if you would allow me, I would like to stay at your apartment? For old times sake? I actually went to Xie Lian's house before I came here. She told me your address that’s why…”
“ You mean to tell me that it’s not a coincidence that we meet here? “
“ Yeah. The rain got me as well as I was searching for your apartment. I saw this shade, took refuge and this is where you found me. “ she said shrugging her shoulders.
With unconcealed disbelief, Feng Xin can only shake his head.
“ Fucking thing, you already went there to Xie Lian’s and you dare ask me how she is? “
“ How else would I make you stay and speak with me then? Your face clearly told me you never ever wanted to speak to me again. But I was…” she trailed off and there was the blushing part again.
As he looked at Mu Qing, Feng Xin somewhat realized something. But he needs to clarify things first. “ Mu Qing, just why do you think I’m important to you? You said so yourself that you don’t consider me as a friend, so just why are you so keen on wanting to speak to me and explaining yourself when you don’t owe me anything? You even went to me personally, when you could’ve just sent a letter or even email me. Surely Xie Lian has my email address no? “
Rolling her eyes, Mu Qing replied. “ If I don’t want to write a letter I won’t do it. If I want to do something personally, I’ll do it personally. That’s just who I am asshole. Or have you forgotten? “
Snorting, Feng Xin replied, “ I haven’t. Alright. You’ve said it. Now how about you answer my question hmm? “
She rolled her eyes again but there is a full blush on her beautiful face. She then said. “ Alright. Listen carefully asshole because I’m never going to repeat saying this thing ever again. “
“ I’m all ears. “
Rolling her eyes then clearing her throat, “You’re important to me because…”
“ Because? “
“ I’m… I’m in love with you. I have been for years. “
Even when he knows what she will actually say, Feng Xin still finds himself eyes widening and feeling breathless. He then utters such words like a fool. " Wait what? You ..you said..”
Rolling her eyes once more, she uttered sassily. But Feng Xin can tell that it was weak. “ you heard me asshole. And I’m never going to repeat it again. I already warned you of this. “
Gulping, he asked, “ You mean it? You’re not kidding me are you? “
Rolling her eyes in exasperation, she said “ Want a proof then? “
“ how..”
And before he knew it, Feng Xin suddenly felt something soft pressed on the corners of his mouth. Turns out, he was being kissed without his permission. The culprit then pulled away before he can even react saying, “ There.. I think that’s enough proof no? “ as she looked away.
Smiling like an idiot, he reached out for her, arching his arm to her waist making her yelp.
“ Wha..” she said as she looked at him, their faces so close to each other.
“ I think you should do better than that. “ he said and then dive in to kiss her full on the mouth. He felt her freeze for a moment, before she relaxed into the kiss. Reciprocating it.
And Feng Xin realized then and there that maybe, maybe sudden outpours are actually not that bad. In fact he thinks, that it was actually a blessing in disguise.