Chapter Text
The pungent smell of blood and sweat soon filled the thick air inside the Golden House.
"Oh, so you intend to fight me? Good, I won't kill you, Captain. I'll just play along - to feel the thrill of battle!"
Kaeya knew fully that Childe might have been dangerous, but at this point it was more like clinically insane: He certainly enjoyed a good battle, but Childe was ready to go all out at any time, as if the possibility of him admiring Kaeya slowly stumble to his downfall would somewhat satisfy his bloodthirst.
That, to be precise, would never happen.
Kaeya knew his flaws in combat better than anyone, and thanks to that he would never get in a position where he was cornered and ready to lose, he had been appointed Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius for a reason, and Tartaglia probably knew as well.
Still, Tartaglia was no easy target, he too had an important military position for a reason, and that's what bothered Kaeya the most, the very high chance of the battle dragging on for hours, and the possibility that the ginger man could lose control.
It happened several times before when the two encountered enemies during the evenings spent together in the shadows, the nights resting on Kaeya's balcony, or the days walking through the meadows of Starsnatch Cliff, gliding with the wind of Mondstadt and eating sunsettias while enjoying the landscape, sitting on the fresh grass, picking some of the cecilias around them, somehow, every meeting seemed to require some degree of violence when Childe got involved, but Kaeya couldn't bring himself to blame it on the Harbringer.
"Childe, you know how this is going to end, no, we both know. So why don't you stop being a stuck up prick and calm down?"
"I surely would, Kaeya, but you knew from the start what you were getting into. You were aware that it would end like this, yet you still put those damn whirlwind asters in my hair and pretend we were inside a dream. Flash news, Captain, this is the real world."
Kaeya groaned at the memories of the bright days spent on lovely fields, eating fruit and drinking some dandelion wine, but what hit him harder was a kick straight to his stomach that brought him back to reality: the blue haired man quickly regained composure, swiftly avoided any hits and unsheathed his sword, furrowing his brows.
"I regret having to do this, but if it will help make you understand how incredibly childish this all is, I shall grant you this one fight."
He opened his eyelids fully, cold, icy blue irises staring right through Childe's whole being; and oh if Childe could feel that taunting stare on his skin, it was like piercing shards pointing right at him.
Thus, Kaeya took his first step, he quickly ran for Childe, charging hit after hit with the utmost grace, as if the speed at which the fight was going wasn't that big, after all.
"You really know how to entertain me Kaeya, I'd say the time I spent chatting with you wasn't in vain, after all."
"Instead of trying to flatter me, why don't you focus on your sword? You're the one who wanted this, and you know that I won't back down either now that this has officially begun, you might just actually end up severely wounded, you know, Ajax?"
"Keep that name out of your dirty Khaenriahn mouth."
"What, can't handle the truth? You sure talk a lot for being this sensitive to certain topics, aren't you, pretty boy."
There it was, Kaeya being his usual flirtatious self, making Childe grow angrier.
The ginger man finally pulled out his bow, a light contraption of string and colored magic matter: quickly shooting his arrows at the Captain, their visions too were dangerous were dangerous when combined, a single slip-up would mean freezing out for a handful of seconds, and when the battle was this heated, even a second could mean severe injuries.
"I must really say, it's a shame that I spent so much time idling around when you can get this serious, my! You're really spoiling me today."
As Childe muttered the words he instantly grabbed Kaeya's ponytail, who was swiftly running by to land a hit.
The Knight moaned in pain, feeling the sudden way his head thrusted backwards, but he quickly retaliated with a kick straight to the other's face, cutting his forearm in a non-lethal manner so that he could get Childe to back off his hair.
"You really think I'm not going to hurt you? You are deeply mistaken Ajax, you wanted me to fight seriously, and I'm no coward. I'm almost sad you seriously thought this low of me. After all, I'm not the Harbinger here, the Knights are known for maintaining some sort of decency."
"Oh Kaeya, can you really not separate me from my work? I really thought you were different than this, especially after those oh so sweet letters that were sent right to Snezhnaya, and with fresh bouquets of violetgrass too. Turns out you really are a traitor hiding under a mask of lies, Diluc was right then! But I warned you, do not use that name, and now I have to make sure you learned your lesson!"
"Oh? I can't use your name but you can bring up my brother? Seems awfully unfair of you, but again, I'm not the one that stoops lower and lower with each sentence."
After a couple more arrows being shot awfully close to Kaeya's sides, with one actually landing through his hip, Childe quickly pulled the mask he sported on his head to his face, and suddenly a sea of purple covered the ginger man and his weapon.
"I heard about your delusion, are you really that desperate though? I hoped you would last longer than this. Has the voyage from Snezhnaya tired you out?"
"Will you shut up and fight me already? You have been chatting and commenting for archons know how long, shut up or I'll have to really kill you."
“Very well then. You seem to be quite eager today. I’ll comply just this once.” Kaeya proceeded to avoid the hits from childe’s purple spear, his blue sea of hair swiftly floated in the air, crossing blades with him in an intricate dance only the two of them knew. Metal clinked and slid, wounds and bruises opened, and as soon as kaeya tried to breathe in, the ginger man grabbed his neck only to slam him against the wall, slightly above the ground: “I’m getting tired of your little games Kaeya, stop being a child and trying so hard to avoid me. Give me the stare you gave me before, won’t you?”
Childe was right, Kaeya’s resolve was still not strong enough to decisively injure the harbinger, but line after line Kaeya felt himself grow irritated.
“I only give my all to worthy opponents, and right now you’re just being delusional, you were almost better when we sparred at my house.” The captain spit out acid through Childe’s ears.
“Don’t be so mean, we know that you’re starting to lose your cool, look at you.. you’re slow and breathing heavily. Maybe you’re taking a liking to my manhandling? I never knew you were such a filthy man, Captain!” Kaeya lightly scoffed. “I’m not the sociopath who begged for a fight.”
He answered with a punch to his nose and a sword hit that luckily only cut off a few red hairs. It wasn’t much, but still enough to divert Childe’s focus for a couple seconds, during which Kaeya hurried to run behind him cutting the blood flow with a decisive hit on the glimmering artery that protruded from the slightly sweaty skin.
Tartaglia gasped for air and slightly stumbled, caught by surprise: after a groan he regained composure, landing several continuous hits on Kaeya’s sword, pushing through it and managing to make the Knight fall backwards with an open wound on his shoulder.
Childe planted a heel near the arrow deep into Kaeya’s hip, making the smaller man hiss and sigh in pain.
“You make such adorable sounds when you’re hurt, captain, but don’t you worry, when I’ll be finished with you you’ll be on your knees, begging for mercy!”
The blue haired man struggled to retaliate with words, so he just slid the tip of his sword into Childe’s calf, who quickly whined in pain, leaving Kaeya time to roll away and cough out, needing some air.
Unfortunately for him, Childe was quick to run back towards him.
He got back up, even if his joints hurt like hell, even if the arrow inside his hip was begging to be removed.
“I didn’t want to come to this, but it appears we’re still even, though you haven’t used your vision once. That’s okay, I’ll just force you to, in order to preserve your own life!”
The ginger man said, evidently growing in size while purple elemental energy covered his body in a thick, strong armor.
“I’ll take that as a compliment, though it pains me to know you want to end.. our friendship, like this. I’ll finally plant some sense into that head of yours.”
He quickly swallowed a ball of saliva that formed inside his mouth, ready to unleash the skills that he held back as a knight for so long, Archons, not even Kaeya himself knew if he was still able to use such raw force anymore.
It was brutal, a primordial fighting force that resonated from his time in the abyss.
So it began, throwing his eyepatch away, he fully opened both eyes, giving the chilling stare that Childe desperately wanted, maybe even more terrifying.
A killer’s aura completely covered Kaeya in dark, sloppy matter, with a suffocating and daunting presence that couldn’t be tamed.
“Promise not to get mad darling, but this is going to hurt.” Kaeya said in a soft, almost frighteningly caring tone.
“Don’t you worry about me loverboy, I’m all grown up, I can handle a single knight.” Childe almost purred, completely ecstatic about the situation.
Kaeya proceeded to land several hits on his armor, testing the depth out and seeing just how much force he had to use.
“You won’t get anywhere like that, love. Let me show you how to land a proper hit and then you can try a little harder, no?”
Childe’s big hand easily grabbed Kaeya’s torso, lifting him and throwing his body in the air, just to drown him with his vision in what seemed like a blue whale made out of water.
Kaeya hardly swam through the tides, finally rising up and plunging back to perforate completely Childe’s hand.
The captain’s wet hair was still dripping onto the floor, now dirty with red of the blood that just spilled from the ginger man: heavy and hot breaths filled the room, as Kaeya quickly channeled his Cryo through his sword, slightly freezing Childe’s blood.
The knight felt no remorse in that moment, only pure bloodlust and adrenaline, at this point he too had lost his mind.
With a sickly smile he spoke again: “Just know, Ajax, I really enjoyed the time we spent together, Archons, I almost thought we could become more than you coming to my balcony from Snezhnaya because you missed me, you know, something more official, maybe? But since you do not feel the same- it really hurts, you know - I won’t have to feel any remorse.”
Kaeya lied through his sugar-coated smirk, taking back the sword just to hit the ginger’s hand violently, shattering the layer of ice.
He let a breath out, only for it to vaporize with the hot weather. His vision unfortunately had affected himself too, being wet from Childe’s vision: his skin was starting to freeze up too.
“Stop lying Kaeya, you always care too much. You told me yourself, you’re still sorry about the people you couldn’t save, your country, reduced to ashes because of the Archons’ selfishness.. even Diluc you’re sorry about! You’re so full of sorrow that you can’t even go a day without wine.”
“Shut up.” Kaeya firmly ordered. “You don’t deserve to talk about those things.”
This time he screamed.
“You don’t deserve to talk about me as if you knew me, as if you ever really cared about me. This is the problem of you fatui scum, your greed. You’re so consumed by greed you ruined what could’ve been better for the both of us. Since you were the one who started this all, I won’t let you speak to me like that, since you like talking about Khaenriah, treat me like royalty and maybe I’ll listen.” .
Some tears fell from Keya’s icy eyes, solidifying before hitting the ground because of the knight’s Cryo, almost expanding two meters from him now.
He was starting to feel really cold, almost unable to move.
Childe was left speechless, he had rarely, if ever, seen Kaeya drop his facade: no sweet words coating the truth and no honey-filled kisses to make Childe forget about the topic at hand.
“I’ll give you this one thing Kaeya, let me at least be good once. I originally was sent to you to gather intel, but you managed to make me stay a while. At least someone who you loved hasn’t died yet, as for betrayal though, I can’t really say the same.” the ginger laughed maniacally, heavy steps going towards Kaeya.
“I’m sorry for Teucer, if only he knew what kind of asshole you really are.”
The knight grit his teeth before crying his heart out, plunging onto him, crossing swords once again.
He went all out, hitting without knowing where he actually got the strength to do so: he shattered the harbinger’s armor, shattering his mask too.
At that point, while he was jumping towards him, Childe went suddenly back to his normal size; slamming his body back into reality, he threw his sword away and managed to change trajectory just in time, rolling beside him, trying to ignore the arrow that sank deeper in his gut, making cold blood ooze from the wound.
“Did I go too far?”Childe panted heavily, consciousness almost slipping away from him.
“I think I did too.” suddenly Kaeya answered, biting his lips at the hurtful words they exchanged. He should’ve known that he couldn’t stay mad at Childe, not even if he wanted to.
“You were pretty good, I’m jealous now, did you train without me?” Childe giggled like a child, head slowly turning towards Kaeya, all bloody and messed up.
Blood spilt from his head, his hand, and his whole body in general, it was almost all crimson.
When the captain suddenly realized he hurried and applied pressure to how many wounds he could.
“Oh Archons, I am so sorry, Can you hold out for me? Why isn’t the Millileth here?!” Kaeya panted out.
“Oops, my fault.” - Childe sighed playfully, looking directly into Kaeya’s irises. - “they should be here any minute though, we made quite the ruckus. I’m fine, you don’t have to worry so much.” tears started to droop from the sapphires of Childe’s eyes ``I'm.. I’m so sorry Kaeya, I didn’t mean to.” Kaeya was tearing up as well, his hair slightly going over Childe’s injured torso.
“Don’t cry, you’re.. you’re such an ugly crier, stop. Smile for me, c’mon. You.. you have no need for apologies.” Kaeya’s cheeks were growing icy with tears, small crystals growing on his tan skin.
“You really are the worst liar ever. Please go warm up and get that arrow checked out, I’m sure it’s hurting a lot.”
“Stop worrying about me, you’re bleeding out, for the Archons’ sake! If you die on me, Ajax, I swear I… I don’t know what I would do. Please, I’m begging you, don’t die, not like all the others did.” Childe managed to choke out a laugh.
“So you did end up on your knees begging, I was right. Please say hi to Teucer for me, won’t you? I’m sure the Millileth will take care of me properly, but I’m afraid I won’t see him for a while.” a hiss escaped his lips, eyes slowly closing.
“No, hey, listen, don’t pass out! Childe, come on, I’ll pay for the wine tonight, I’ll make fruit skewers and cecilia tea, just please- I’m begging you, stay.”
Words came out broken and drenched in tears, heavy whimpers in between them.
“You’re such a pretty crier, you know, darling? I’d fight you a million times over if it meant seeing your pretty face like this again.” The ginger struggled to comb a strand of hair behind the knight’s ear, making him laugh softly.
“You’re crazy. You really are.”
“Maybe, but I know you like it too, no?”
The Millileth barged in,and upon seeing Childe so heavily injured, they hurried to lift his body and bring him to the closest care point.
Tartaglia held up a hand towards Kaeya, eyes still open and mouth ajar.
Kaeya was held back by the guards, screaming and shouting, until he finally avoided their hands and ran towards the two guards, who were pale and shocked to say the least.
“What?”
The knight suddenly stopped and felt his knees giving out once he heard for himself the two words he never wanted to hear, ever.
“Excuse me, could I.. see him?” there was an evident crack in his voice, just like his body, which collapsed to the ground to meet Childe’s corpse, who still had that surprised expression on his face.
“I really am sorry, Ajax, I should’ve been the calm and composed one, I should’ve stopped you, I..” - his voice went out in a cry, unable to even speak - “We promised, yet I’m so useless I couldn’t even keep a single promise.”
With his glove removed, he caressed his lover’s cheek, tracing a finger onto his lips, and through his messy orange hair.
Just as Kaeya slid a hand on his chest, he burst into tears again, sensing not a single movement.
He desperately tried kissing his forehead, his cheeks, his nose, in the small hope of it being all a joke, he kissed his cold skin until he too passed out from exhaustion, still tightly holding Childe’s hand.
- months prior -
Fresh air blew through the red locks of hair, Childe was slightly smiling, sun kissing his features, while enjoying the soft grass beneath him and the flowers around.
“You know, I didn’t believe you actually wanted to picnic with me, but I have to admit that it’s pretty nice being out here, Captain.”
He turned his head, meeting eyes with Kaeya, who was licking the honey off his index finger after putting some onto the fruit skewers.
“You seem like you’re enjoying the view a little too much.”
“Not my fault you’re pretty and a tease.” Kaeya let out a laugh, leaning in for a small peck on the corner of the Harbinger’s lips. “flatterer”
“Have you ever had cecilia tea? I went to Starsnatch Cliff to get the fresher ones.” The knight soon followed. “It’s lovely. You make a great cook, you know?
“Are you implying you want me to make breakfast for you? You know we can’t get too close, maybe I could get away with something, but I don’t know if the Tsarisa would be as forgiving as Jean.”
Kaeya sighed, slightly backing off from the man, but Childe suddenly grabbed his hand to get close once again.
“Of course I know, it was just a compliment. You alway manage to stir up something delicious. Still, we do need to talk about something - Tartaglia suddenly put a snapdragon in Kaeya’s hair, who warmly smiled in response - uh, this is kinda difficult, but I don’t think I can come so much to Mondstadt anymore. La Signora has been strangely suspicious of me, and I feel like we make way too much noise meeting at night.”
“Oh, I understand, I’ll be more careful then. Though, I have a place where we could meet with no disturbances.”
“Don’t make me all excited, where is this place supposed to be, then?”
The knight quickly grabbed a whirlwind aster and put it behind Childe’s ear, moving down to caress his cheeks.
“Now, don’t be all greedy. Meet me at Dadaupa Gorge tonight and you will see, I promise I won’t kidnap you or anything.” Childe chuckled, grabbing Kaeya’s chin with two fingers, lifting it ever so slightly.
“I’d like to see you try, sweetheart.”
“Don’t test me, Tartaglia.” a smirk spread on both their faces, ending in laughter.
“We should eat the skewers before slimes come and try to steal them.”
“You’re right. To us, then.” Childe smiled, digging right into a skewer, smearing honey onto his lips.
“Say, Kaeya, could you promise me one thing?”
“Depends, you know I’m not really into making promises.” the knight’s head slightly tilted to the right.
“Don’t stop me if I ever lose control with you. Just let me be for a while.”
“Ah, well, I don’t think I could keep a promise like that.”
“At least I tried.” Childe chuckled, and after a while of silence, he let Kaeya lean onto his legs, kissing his forehead and brushing his long hair with his hands.
“I’m sorry, I ruined the mood, this was supposed to be a relaxing day out.” Childe said, lowering his sight.
“Don’t be sorry’, instead, let me clean your lips, won’t you?” The captain whispered, still caressing his face.
“You’re right Kaeya. Want to go hunting after this?”
“Sounds perfect.”
- present time -
Kaeya had gone to Snezhnaya to attend Childe’s funeral, he felt so dirty being with his family, knowing that his hand contributed, to say the least, to the ginger’s death.
Still, he held little Teucer with his arms, comforting him and promising that everything would go well.
He knew fully it was another one of his lies, and the tone with which he lied to the little kid hurt more.
He laid a cecilia flower on top of the marble stone, letting Childe’s siblings do so too.
He went to mourn with his parents, and presented himself as a close friend, nothing more, nothing less.
“If I am ever needed, please don’t hesitate to send me a letter. As the Cavalry Captain of Mondstadt, I will do anything in my power to help. I know death can be tough, and surely you loved your son very much, so since he can’t help, I will.”
He stated quietly, biting his lips, disgusted at how far sorrow and guilt was bringing him.
Kaeya decided he would stay a while to help the family, doing chores around the house and babysitting the children, Childe’s parents were starting to get old, and with three children of course it was hard.
He woke up, put on his usual friendly knight mask and played in the snow with the kids.
One day, though, Jean had required him to go back to Mondstadt, probably to scold him; so he packed and left, assuring that he would send letters regularly with supplies.
Kaeya felt so shameful wearing blue, that he had to stop putting on his gilet in order to stay mentally sane: he returned to Mondstadt with only a shirt and black pants as his outfit, deep eye bags covering his face and the dreadful look of death on himself.
He went to the Favonius Headquarters, the town was staring at him like a circus animal, and then Jean came running towards him, soon many of his friends joined in a tight hug.
Diluc was there too, frowny and distant as always.
“What is this welcome ceremony? Did I worry you all this much?” He quickly laughed, smiling with his charming expression, begging mentally that they would let him go quick enough.
“We were worried sick Kaeya. I know you were grieving, but not replying to my letters only made us worry more. We’re sorry if this seemed overboard, your presence matters to us, after all. I think you might want to spend some time alone though, you must be tired.”
Jean said in her usual comforting but stern tone, smiling and warmly holding his hand.
“Yeah, I think that’s what I’ll do. Thank you.” He smiled once again and went straight to his office, dropping on his soft chair like a dead weight.
“I really am the worst.”
The knight sighed, furrowing his brows and covering his face with his hands.
After a period of silence, he took a piece of paper, starting to write neatly a letter.
“Dearest Acting Grandmaster,
I’m sure you’ll be scared when you’ll read this letter, but please bear with me while you read my words.
Thank you all very much for your appreciation, our years together, and all the quests we finished together.
Now, I’m not the type to twist around the subject a lot, but this is perhaps the hardest topic I ever put on paper: I’d like little Klee to keep my office as hers, Lisa shall have all my books, I have countless intel neatly written on note pages, Outrider Amber will have all the plants that I keep inside my garden, and please share my inheritance between Diluc, who shall also get my house, and the family who lives here.
As I have no homeland to return to, please send my body to Snezhnaya, to be buried at the same cemetery inside the city of the family who’ll have the inheritance, bury me near their son, in a sea of the freshest cecilias you can find.
Thanks you all for caring about me, these years really were the best.
I’m sorry to leave so suddenly, but duty calls, right?
Yours truly,
Kaeya Alberich of Khaenriah.”
He enclosed in the letter a photo of a house, written on the back an address, then he closed them inside an envelope with a wax seal; on top, “for Acting Grandmaster Jean”.
Kaeya shot up, grabbing a bottle of the finest dandelion wine Diluc had given him for his birthday, opening a drawer only to grab a fine, yellowish powder.
He mixed the substance right into the wine, then sat by the windowsill and admired the evening landscape.
The knight chuckled, drinking the wine slowly and closing his icy irises just as slowly.
Finally gathered the strength to undo his ponytail, he sighed and smiled once more.
“I’m so tired today, but I’m sure tomorrow will be better, won’t it?”
Tears once again rolled down his cheeks, laughing one last time before collapsing onto the floor.