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They were just going for a walk.
It was meant to be just a walk, too. Something fun, something that they’d do without having to worry about…everything. But nope! No, they couldn’t be that lucky. Because Sapnap was Dream’s friend, and if that taught him anything it meant that he had the weirdest of situations crop up. Like weeds in a field after a rainstorm. Was that a good metaphor? He wasn’t actually sure, he just—
Anyways, onto how their walk became not just a walk.
They were striding along one of the trails along the outside of one of the many sets. Sapnap didn’t remember the name, they all had weird ones. Like Amanda was the Manberg set. The L’Manberg set (yes they were different because sometimes they had to shoot scenes in the past with Schlatt and Quackity and they hadn’t quite figured out time travel yet. Except for Karl, but that was…another story) was Jane. Las Nevadas was Guadalupe. Obviously, Snowchester was just Chester. And Logstedshire was Woody. No one wanted to know why, it was just that.
Well, Logstedshire was also currently a smoking crater, so he supposed that it definitely wasn’t that set. But that wasn’t exactly much of a difference because they’d gone through three different Janes or something (was it two? For the demolitions expert, you’d think he would be able to—)
Anyways, that was what he was thinking about. Then, Karl suddenly froze where he was and grabbed onto his arm. Pausing, Sapnap glanced over at him. “What’s up, Karl?” A few steps ahead, Quackity had paused and turned to look back at them. There was a confused look painting his face.
“I can hear something.” Moving his head around, Karl frowned. “Crying?”
“Is it from you?” Quackity joked. When Karl didn’t fire a joke back, he tipped his head to the side, frowned a bit. Then his eyes widened. “Wait, actually, I hear it, too.”
“What, like, whaa?” Sapnap joked, and both his fiancés simultaneously shot him a look. “What?”
Karl huffed lightly, nudged his shoulder. Then, he turned and strode towards the bushes. Of course it’s the bushes. Why is it always the bushes? Sapnap wondered. If he was right, and he was pretty sure he was, Quackity mumbled the same thing as their fiancé got closer to said bushes.
“Uhm, Karl, maybe let the fighters—” Sapnap cut off when Karl started rustling through the bushes. “Or, you know, just dive right in. Perfectly fine.” Rubbing the back of his neck, he glanced over at Quackity. The winged man shrugged, feathers fluffed up slightly. After a few moments, Karl gasped, and both of them turned. “What is it?”
Karl pulled a baby out of the bushes.
“Oh, sweet holy Moses!” Quackity yelled, stumbling back. Turning, Sapnap grabbed onto his hand as his arms pinwheeled, pulled him back upright before he could fall over in an undignified way. “Thank you. Also, Karl, what the—”
“Ssh, ssh!” Karl quickly hushed them, nose wrinkled. Turning down to the literal baby he had cradled in his arms , he bounced it once and kept talking to it soothingly. “I think they’re like…I don’t know, a couple months old?”
“They?” Sapnap echoed, frowning slightly.
Glancing up, Karl shot him a look. “Well I’m not going to just undress this kid right here and check , you idiot.” Sapnap shot him a look. Expression smoothing out, Karl sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, that was rude and I shouldn’t have said that. Why don’t we get this kid home, we’ll figure things out there. Can you forgive me?”
“Yeah, yeah. Thank you.” Sapnap replied. Nodding, Karl bundled the kid closer, and they started walking back towards their house.
This was going to be a fun day.
+++
Note to self—never have kids.
Sapnap kept his hands clamped over his ears, looking over at Quackity. His fiancé had his wings thrown over his head, hiding pretty much his entire body from the world outside. Still, even with his own hands, Sapnap could hear the sharp, piercing noise of their current surprise charge wailing. Karl was trying to calm them down, which might have been working but may not have been. Sapnap wasn’t sure, he wasn’t exactly a baby person by any means.
Taking his hands away from his ears, Sapnap winced. Instant regrets. Like the first time Quackity had taken him flying in a rainstorm. Instant, absolutely, fully, one hundred percent instant regrets. Still, Sapnap had to type. So he did.
And he did not envy the recipients of his messages.
<Sapnap> it won’t stop crying
<Sapnap> Ranboo how do you and Tubbo do this
<Sapnap> what monster made babies cry
<Sapnap> someone come help
<Philza> hold on mate
<Philza> what do you mean
<Wilbur Soot> Sappitus Nappitus did you steal a baby
<Sapnap> we found one by one of the sets and it won’t stop crying
<Sapnap> someone please come help Quackity’s going crazy, Karl’s trying to handle it, and I am about to bash my head into the couch until I knock myself out
<Philza> I’ll be right there
<Philza> none of you hurt one another, we don’t have any replacements and I don’t feel like dealing with a respawn
Oh thank everything. Sapnap thought, returning his hands to his ears. Sure, it didn’t block out the sound completely, but at least he had some protection against the literal assault. This was worse than explosions. At least when he was detonating something or setting it on fire, he was having fun. His ears weren’t bleeding, sure, but it definitely felt like they were.
He still had no clue how Karl handled this.
When he glanced over, he realised that no, Karl was not handling it. There was a pained expression on his face, splashed with concern and worry and panic and a thousand other indecipherable emotions. Above it all, he had a frustrated twitch to his shoulders, and his face had a certain kind of twist to it. He’s freaking out. This isn’t fun for him. Sapnap thought, curled on the couch. All of a sudden, he did feel a small pang of guilt. After all, he should be helping at least one of his fiancés, and instead he was just worrying about his own stupidly sensitive ears.
Reaching over, he nudged Quackity’s leg with his own. There was a flutter in his wings, and then Quackity peered out at him. His own hands were clapped over his ears, he had a panicked expression on. Right. Dimly, Sapnap remembered hushed whispers over a campfire, underneath the stars. Where Quackity talked about an abusive past partner. Not one who got too physical, thankfully. For them, obviously—Sapnap would have tracked them down and probably brought Dream and George to keep him and Bad from tearing the person to pieces. He didn’t say that to Quackity’s face, but someone that volatile…it had its effects. Some of the show’s scenes had to be shot in parts, just with reactions and j-cuts versus with normal cuts and sound and everything. They had to work around it, not that it was a huge deal. Just something that they had to do. Had to remember and keep in mind.
Which included screaming.
Which probably meant that this was literal hell for Quackity.
Quackity’s gaze held his. Sapnap smiled at him reassuringly, mouthed, “Everything’s going to be okay.”
There was a nod. Despite it, it didn’t seem like Quackity really believed him. More like he was trying to desperately convince himself Sapnap was right…and failing at it.
Motioning for him gently, Sapnap held his arms open. Quackity crawled over to him, and soft feathers wrapped around him. There was still wailing, and he saw Karl looking over with a worried expression. As Quackity buried his head in his collarbone, Sapnap held onto him and then mouthed to Karl, “I’m going to take him to another room.”
Still bouncing the baby, Karl nodded.
Quickly, Sapnap scooped Quackity up. Then, he started hurrying for the stairs, kissed his fiancé’s head as he moved. Quackity’s arms wrapped around his neck and then he ducked into one of the private rooms. As soon as they closed the door, the sound proofing on the walls kicked in and the baby’s crying was thankfully, blissfully, cut off.
Setting Quackity on the bed, Sapnap hurried to the door and checked it. Then, he turned back to Quackity, who was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. His eyes weren’t quite focused on anything, and Sapnap settled down beside him.
“Quackity?” He asked, noting the lack of response. Alright. He’ll be okay, he’s done this before, he mused. “Hey, I’m just going to touch your hand, alright?” There still wasn’t a response. When Sapnap gently rested his fingers on the side of Quackity’s wrist, there wasn’t any movement, either. So, Sapnap slowly moved his fingers down to his fiancé’s palm, then lifted his hand and started gently massaging his palm and knuckles. The whole time, he kept talking. Quietly, but still talking. Not about anything in particular, really, nothing he even remembered. He was rambling, full-on, Dream-style rambling about anything and everything. About dates he wanted to take them on, both with just Quackity and him or him and Karl (because he knew Quackity worried about when he was gone editing, worried about them thinking he was abandoning them. It was because of that stupid person and their volatile personality and angry words, and Sapnap and Karl both knew it wasn’t Quackity’s fault. Schlatt stuck around to help, had been there to get their fiancé out of that situation in the first place. Sometimes, Sapnap worried it wasn’t enough, that they weren’t being supportive enough. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be brave enough to tell Quackity this, though). Prattling on about old adventures he and Dream used to have before they started this whole crazy server where they got to meet so many amazing people and lived through some pretty insane things. Talked about dreams and stupid stuff like that. Reassured him Phil was coming soon and that he could help.
He knew that Quackity was starting to come out of it when his fingers tensed around Sapnap’s.
Glancing down, Sapnap reached over with his other hand, gently carded his fingers through Quackity’s hair. (They’d talked about it before, multiple times. It helped. Otherwise, he wouldn’t dare touch his fiancé, not if he thought it would make it worse or if he didn’t know what it might do. He wouldn’t dare.) “Hey.” He whispered. Blinking, Quackity looked at him, smiled tiredly.
The door opened.
Glancing over, Sapnap watched Karl cross the room. He looked as tired as Sapnap felt (and probably how Quackity felt, too). “Phil’s taking care of the baby.” Karl mumbled, dropping down, face first, into the covers on Quackity’s other side. Unfolding his wing, Quackity draped it over Karl’s back. “Thank you, sweetheart.”
“How do you feel, Karl?” Sapnap asked.
Karl screamed into the pillows, which was probably a pretty good summary.