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Niki didn’t like touch much.
It wasn’t that she was scared of it, per se, but she’d learn to not trust anyone but those close to her. She learned to not trust anyone but herself, sometimes. It wasn’t that she didn’t want it, quite the opposite, in fact, but…
Her soulmark was a large black handprint ingrained on the side of her face, the black splotches extending towards her jaw.
Eventually, she knew that it would turn all colors of the rainbow, when her soulmate touched it, but the thought of knowing that some day the one person that she would be able to trust would betray her and lay a hand on her in such an unkind way…
She made the decision early on to just avoid any opportunity to be hurt. It was worth the sacrifice of never knowing her soulmate if she never knew who would hurt her.
She knew it wasn’t Wilbur, she knew it very early on, but he still hurt her. She hadn’t noticed it at first, but he had. He’d maybe hurt her more than anyone else ever had, and although she once again sought the comfort of an underground city, her’s was safer.
Her underground city was safer, it was nicer, it was everything that Pogtopia never was, and yet it lacked something. She knew what it was missing, but it made her heart ache to think of it. Her secret haven was missing everything that WIlbur was, everything that Wilbur used to be. His laughter, his smiles that brightened the mood, everything down to the sweaters that she used to steal.
Wilbur had been the only one to know where her soulmark was, hidden under layers of concealer every day.
He’d been the only one to tell her that it was all going to turn out alright, and yet he was the only one that had hurt her so, so much.
If this is what betrayal through friends was like, Niki wasn’t sure she wanted to find out who her soulmate was.
Who could it be, if she was stuck in this hellhole of a server?
She’d thought, once, that maybe it was Puffy, but it couldn’t be. Puffy had her faults but she’d never do… that, right? No, it couldn’t be. Puffy was far too sweet, and though their distance stung, it was for the best. Maybe their relationship was never meant to be.
Besides, they’d at least… held hands, right? Hadn’t they?
Niki found that she couldn’t quite remember.
The stone and wood that she’d made her home in seemed to suffocate her, then. It seemed to grasp at her throat, to cut off the air that she so desperately needed, and even as she stumbled out of her bed in favor of racing to the entrance, she wondered what it would be like to just… die. Would anyone find her? Or would her city lay forgotten in dust and memories that no one else had, destined to forever be a tomb for her skeleton?
Destiny was a fickle thing.
She doubted it often, though many others preferred to give their lives into the hands of some higher being. She’d put her life under someone’s influence once, and it hadn’t gone well. Niki would make her own destiny.
There was a nice field of flowers that she found. She could think, she could focus, though the smell of flowers brought up memories that she’d have preferred to let stay covered.
What would she do now, since Wilbur was back? She’d given so much only for him to take more, and though she hated Tommy, no one deserved to be wrapped around Wilbur’s finger and used as simply another toy.
She missed Puffy. She knew they weren’t supposed to love each other, she knew that they’d have never made it out together, but that didn’t stop the tears from falling. It didn’t matter that she would eventually find another to hurt her, she’d wanted her happiness with Puffy to last as long as it could, she wanted to love and be loved, she wanted her affection to be returned.
The sobs didn’t stop. They’d been held in for so long, they’d been bottled up and suppressed, they’d been pushed down and banished, and now they came back. Niki was tired of being forgotten, she was tired of being ignored. She was tired of being overlooked and pushed aside.
She just wanted someone to hold her hand as they danced through the sunlight, she wanted someone to guide her through her low spots, she wanted someone to run off with during the night in sweet, secret escapades, she wanted someone to love, she wanted someone to love her.
But the only thing that she had was her soulmark, black and hidden, forever telling a story that she never asked to be told.
At least WIlbur had never hurt her. Never hit her. Had he?
Her shoulders shuddered but she lifted her head up. Wilbur was back, but he couldn’t hurt her anymore. She still had herself, even when she had no one, and maybe that was okay.
But… damn.
She didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t want to have to face the world alone, she didn’t want to have to bear her burdens by herself, she wanted someone by her side to help her. Wilbur used to be that person, but now, no one was.
Niki kept her head up and screwed her eyes closed. She didn’t need anyone else (was that a lie?) . She didn’t want anyone else (that was a lie.) . She was fine (when would they see her lie?) .
How long could she keep her head up, while hiding that godforsaken black mark that marred her face? It burned, now, it felt like a thousand wildfires across her face- why did it hurt so much? It wasn’t supposed- it didn’t hurt, much, it was more a soft reassurance, but maybe they’d grown to be the same in Niki’s eyes.
There was a soft whispering in her ears, and it was comforting, unlike the other harsh words that so often she heard. She sighed, her eyes moving open slightly, then all at once.
Puffy knelt in front of her, a hand cupping her face, right where her mark was.
It was welcoming, such a soft display of affection, such a wonderful sign of she was here and never would leave again.
Seeing her almost made Niki break more, and before she knew it, she fell into Puffy’s arms, sobbing like she hadn’t just been a minute ago. Niki felt safe, finally after so long, she felt at home.
Maybe Puffy did care about her in a way that she needed, maybe Puffy was willing to be her support when no one else was, when she’d given up on everyone else.
Maybe instead of violence, instead of a story that ended in flames, maybe she could have a rainbow-painted handprint and a loving place to return to when the world crashed around her.
Maybe she could be loved.
Maybe she could love again.