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Attention all readers of the Ladyblog!
We are pleased to announce this year’s fanfiction challenge! This year, the finest original stories submitted will be published in a collection with proceeds going to the Akuma Victims Foundation. Stories will be selected by you the readers via our online voting system!
The grand prize winner for best original story will receive an actual meet and greet with Ladybug and Chat Noir!
The runner-up will receive a meet and greet with Paris’s sexiest superhero, Rena Rouge!
Five third place winners will receive a signed poster of a miraculous holder and a €50 certificate to LaDonna’s!
Submissions will be accepted until Sunday night! Good luck, and bug out!
***
“Is this real?” Fluff asked as Wayzz scrolled through the web announcement on the Ladyblog. Around them, the other kwamis were reading in rapt interest.
“Completely,” Trixx said in a confident tone. He was floating off to the side with his arms crossed in smug satisfaction. “Mistress Alya told me so herself. She tells me everything, you know. We’re quite close.”
“Yes, yes, you have a permanent holder. Whoop-de-do,” Roarr said with a frown. He turned his attention back to the screen. “So, someone just has to write a story and submit it, and the winner will receive a meeting with the Master and Chat Noir?”
“Whelp, that’ll cause a ruckus,” Ziggy said from off to the side. The kwamis turned to him as he loudly chewed a piece of gum. “Imagine what’ll happen if that there winner turns out ta be some kinda hottie that Chat Noir falls for. Whadaya rekkon that’ll do ta the Guardian? Or worse yet; what if Mistress Marinette falls in love with another rustler?”
Wayzz rolled his eyes. “I hardly think they’re so flighty that they’d instantly fall in love with some random citizen.”
“Please,” Kaalki said with a huff. “Marinette fell in love in .05 seconds with Adrien because of a broken rain shield, and then dumped him like a heated pocket fresh out of the microwave box the second Luka played her a song. The Master is wise, but flighty. Seriously flighty.”
“Kaalki’s right,” Sass said from across the room. He was playing cards with Oinkk. “Poor Luka fell head over heels for the Master, but she ditched him 22 minutes into their big date.”
“From what I heard, Lady Kagami did the same to Adrien. She also only took 22 minutes into their big date,” Longg chimed in. “I think it was on the same day, too.”
“This is all true,” Wayzz said as he adorably rubbed his chin in thought. “As the Master’s loyal kwamis, we should do what we can to assure both she and Adrien wind up together.”
“But how would we even do that?” Mullo asked, confused.
“Simple,” Wayzz said. He cracked his knuckles. “We enter the contest.”
There was a pause.
“Can… Can we even do that?” Longg asked.
“This is a good idea, and I love you,” Barkk said from Beside Wayzz. He nuzzled the turtle kwami.
Kaalki glanced to Fluff. “Is this a good idea? Will this mess anything up timeline-wise if we interfere?”
Flluff glanced off into space for a moment. Then his eyes rolled back in his head as he started to spasm. “Oh God,” he muttered. “Oh no… OH GOD!”
The kwamis watched as the rabbit blacked out and fell to the floor.
“He didn’t say no,” Ziggy pointed out.
The kwamis all nodded in agreement. Mutterings of, “he’s right,” and “that’s good enough for me” could be heard throughout the room.
“Someone use the webbed nets to send an instantly message to Plagg,” Stompp said. “He should join in, too.”
“It’s called electronic mailings,” Wayzz said in his I’m-smarter-than-you-are voice. “And I just composed a message. Ah! He must be on the old phone Adrien lent him. He’s already responded.”
“What did he say?” Mullo asked.
“Um, let’s see… Ah. ‘Fuck yes I’m in’. Why does he always curse? Ah, and then there are some winking smiling faces. And some fruit? Is that an eggplant and a peach? I thought he liked cheese?”
Mullo shrugged. “I seriously don’t get him, like, half the time.”
“So, who’s going first?” Kaalki asked with a flip of her mane.
“I’ll go!” Mullo said. Excitedly, the mouse kwami flew to the keyboard and cracked their knuckles. “I’ve had a story in mind for a while now! Full of action! And danger! And romance!”
“Be my guest,” Wayzz said. He gestured to the computer. “And remember, this is to help Marinette finally get with Adrien. Once they meet for their date night…”
“Y’all mean meet and greet?” Ziggy asked.
“Date night,” Wayzz said again, this time forcefully. “They’ll finally fall 100% in love. This is bound to work.”
The kwamis nodded in agreement.
***
Alya and Marinette were relaxing be the Seine, enjoying fruit smoothies as the akuma-free day rolled on around them.
“God, this is so nice,” Marinette said as she took a sip of her raspberry smoothie. “Just a normal day with a good friend. I’ve needed this so bad, you do not even know.”
Alya smirked and nodded as she took a sip from her cherry smoothie. “I do know, though, don’t I? Finally. And it only took you, what? Four seasons?”
Marinette blinked. “Seasons?”
Alya nodded and counted on her fingers. “Sure. You became Ladybug last summer, so all summer, fall, and winter you carried this alone. It took you until this spring to finally break down and tell me. So yeah, four seasons.”
“Oh,” Marinette said with a blink. “I guess that makes sense.”
“And I’m honored you did,” Alya said as she leaned against Marinette. “I get that you’ve got to protect yourself and others, but no one should carry something like this alone, you know. Seriously, this would break even the strongest person, given enough time.”
Marinette bit her lip. “I know, and, and I’ve been thinking about that. I think Chat should tell someone too, for his own mental safety. I can’t tell you how much having you around to talk to about this has helped things. I can’t imagine how bad things must be for him, what with his homelife.”
Alya nodded. “I can’t believe some of the stories he’s told us. Whoever his father is, he can eat a bag of Dick’s.”
“Eww!” Marinette said. She recoiled. “Alya, that’s gross!”
“That’s the point!” Alya said. “One full bag of sliders from Dick’s Burgers and Fries is enough to make anyone barf. Seriously, American food is disgusting.”
Marinette nodded in agreement. Lord knew she had tried to handle Dick’s with Luka once or twice, but after two or three, she felt sick to her stomach.
Sorry. I’ll stop.
Both girls perked up at the tell-tale sound of a ding from their phones. It was the Ladyblog notification sound.
“Ooo!” Alya said as she quickly checked her phone. “We’ve got an entry in the contest already!”
“I really wish you’d run that by us before posting it,” Marinette said, pouting. “What if the winner turns out to be a creep?”
Alya shrugged the comment off. “Then you’ll put him through a wall. I don’t get what you’re worried about. Seriously, can you or can you not shatter concrete with your bare hands?”
Marinette bit her lip. “Well, yes, but it still makes me uncomfortable.”
Alya’s eyes went wide. “Ummm, Mari?”
“I mean, I can’t actually crush a citizen,” Marinette continued, oblivious. “First off, heroes don’t murder. Second, that’d be so gross. Even with a red outfit, I’d be washing Tikki out for days. Not to mention…”
“Marinette?” Alya said again, cutting her off. “Have you ever given out the Mouse miraculous to anyone?”
Marinette stopped cold. “As of right now, no. I mean, I used it not too long ago, but aside from that, I was gonna give it to Mylene, like, later on.”
“Later this season?” Alya asked.
Marinette blinked. “Well, sometime this Spring? I’m sure some terrible coincidence will emerge where she’s the only hope for Paris. That’s just how things work. Why are you referring to things as seasons?”
Alya blew her second question off. “I saw your concept sketches of her in costume and they were adorable, but Mari, look at this. Someone wrote a story about being the mouse. How would anyone even know there’s a mouse?”
“I’m not sure?” Marinette said, confused. Curious, she took out her phone and started reading. “The Immortal Knife-Like Precipice of the Heart, by…” Marinette’s throat went dry.
“What?” Alya asked, concerned at the sight of her friend going pale. “What is it?” She looked at the author and frowned.
“Wait…” Alya’s face lit up. “Oh my God! She’s back! Oh snap, I’ve been waiting for something new from her.”
“How?” Marinette asked, her hands shaking. “How is this possible?”
“Who cares?” Alya asked. She was practically giddy. “All I know is there’s a new fic up by my favorite dumpster fire author. God, remember what happened the last time she posted? I mean, I kinda do? There was so much going on that day. I’ve got, like, five overlapping memories. Crazy week.”
Marinette made a gurgling noise as she turned her attention back to the fic in front of them.
The Immortal Knife-Like Precipice of the Heart: A Memoir by Jessica Steel-Tiger
***
“Who?” Wayzz asked, confused.
“The Master uses this name when she writes her kissy stories,” Mullo said, typing furiously. “If the goal is to get Marinette to hook on with Adrien…”
“Hook up,” Wayzz corrected.
“Hook up,” Mullo said, slightly annoyed, “Then she needs to be the one submitting.”
Wayzz thought about it for a second. “Yeah, that tracks. Wait, you had her password?”
Mullo nodded. “Yep. GonnaBoneAdrien1010.”
“Bone?” Barkk perked up. “Did someone say bone?”
“Not that kind of bone,” Wayzz said as he rubbed his face.
Barkk frowned and settled. “I like bones,” he mumbled.
Wayzz tried to shake it off. “So, what do you have so far?”
“Take a look,” Mullo said, smiling.
***
It was a dark and stormy night. The rain was falling in sheets. Sheets of rain. Because it was raining.
But in the rain, danger awaited. Wet and scary, and dangerous. Like the rain… On a precipice. That was wet.
“Foolish human! Now, you shall finally fall to me, your greatest rival! MR. PIGEON!”
Chat Noir looked up, helpless, as Mr. Pigeon stood triumphantly over his bound form. He was tied up and dangling from a flagpole over the city. Below, the citizens of Paris walked by, unaware of the dastardly awful events taking place just overhead. In the rain. It was very uncomfortable and wet.
“Let me go!” Chat Noir yelled, still helpless and wet.
“NEVER!” Mr. Pigeon answered. “Not until you give me your miraculous!”
Chat Noir looked down at the city and gulped. He was stuck. His powers had been used, and he was defeated. Also, he’d been bitten by a werewolf. In the rain.
***
“Wait. Hold up. A werewolf?” Wayzz asked.
Mullo shrugged. “They’re scary, and the story needed extra suspense.”
“He’s right!” Oinkk chimed in. “Werewolves are scary.”
“Yeah, that tracks,” Wayzz muttered.
***
“If only my partner was here,” he whimpered. “She’d know just what to do. I’m so lost, and my daddy issues are preventing me from making responsible decisions!”
***
Marinette swallowed hard as she read the story on her phone.
‘Yeah, that tracks,’ she thought to herself.
***
He reached for his miraculous and started to remove it when suddenly, there was a crack of thunder.
It was raining. I may have forgotten to say that, but it was totally raining. And dark. And there was lightning behind Mr. Pigeon.
And both Hawkmoth and Mayura were there, so it was really scary.
And a werewolf.
Chat Noir was in trouble.
“Take his miraculous for us, Mr. Pigeon!” Hawkmoth cried out. Beside him, Mayura cackled in evil glee.
The werewolf stood on top of a skyscraper and howled as a lightning bolt flashed behind it. Things were really scary.
“I’m sorry, partner!” Chat cried out.
“STOP! RIGHT! THERE!”
Everyone stopped and turned to see a silhouette standing on an even taller skyscraper. A lightning bolt crashed behind the mysterious, mouse-eared hero. The lightning may or may not have made the shape of an M behind her. It was very dramatic.
“No!” Cried out Hawkmoth. “It can’t be! Not, not Multimouse!”
“How did she escape my death trap?” Mayura exclaimed. “How?”
“Hoooooow?” The werewolf howled.
“Simple!” Multimouse said with a mousy smirk. “I shrank myself down and slipped out of my bonds before the saw blades could cut me in two!”
“Curses!” Mayura said, snapping her fingers. “I forgot her most incredible power! Making herself into smaller but equally important copies of herself! But I was playing dramatic music! How can you escape a trap while dramatic music is playing?”
“That was your fatal mistake!” Multimouse yelled. “The music machine you used changed songs!” She jumped, much like a kangaroo mouse, from the ledge she was on and landed in front of Mayura. “You made the mistake of playing A Un Paso De La Luna! That song makes me dance, and when I dance, I’M UNSTOPPABLE!”
“Curse my love of Reik, Rocco Hunt & Ana Mena!” The blue villainess screamed in terror as Multimouse punched her so hard she exploded. BOOM! Like, in a huge ball of feathers and fire. IT WAS AWESOME. With a triumphant cry, she caught the Peacock miraculous in midair.
“Mayura! My evil wife! No!” Hawkmoth cried out as he dropped to his knees.
“Nooooo!” The werewolf cried out, distraught. For you see, the werewolf was their cursed son. It was secretly he that Hawkmoth hoped to use his magic wish on, but because Hawkmoth was evil, he never told anyone. He just wanted to cure his son, who had been cursed while at a My Chemical Romance concert sometime in the mid 1990’s, back when you could get cursed at concerts. He also got herpes. It was a rough night.
“Mooooom!” The werewolf howled as it sprang on Multimouse. But this was a mistake, as Multimouse, the most powerful and beautiful of all heroes, was able to sidestep the attack and karate chop the werewolf in the neck. With one hit, she lopped the beast’s head clean off, causing the beast to also explode. BOOM GOES THE WEREWOLF.
Multimouse was so powerful that her hits caused explosions. That’s just how cool she was. Also, her hair looked great.
“How dare you!” Hawkmoth shouted. “Mr. Pigeon! Defeat her instantly!”
“Coo! As you coommand!” The pigeon villain answered. He jumped on a large pigeon made from smaller pigeons and commanded his pigeon-glider to fly at Multimouse. “Feel my feathered wrath! Coo!”
“Ha!” Multimouse said with a smile. “It appears you forgot something!”
Mr. Pigeon’s eyes went wide in shock. “She’s right! I forgot how awesome she is!”
“That’s right!” Multimouse said. With a flick of her jump rope, she destroyed the pigeons and also Mr. Pigeon. They exploded in a ball of fire. Pigeon fire. It smelled fantastic. Like a restaurant. A pigeon restaurant.
“Ha!” Hawkmoth said as he cut Chat Noir’s line. “Now your partner will surely die!”
“Oh yeah?” Multimouse said. “Multitude!” And with that, she split into two beautiful and awesome heroes.
“No!” Hawkmoth said as one Multimouse used her jump rope to catch Chat Noir while the other punched him in the face, causing him to explode.
“Good thing I’m awesome at saving people and karate! And being a mouse!” Multimouse said as she reformed and took the rescued Chat Noir in her arms.
“Multimouse. You, you saved me,” Chat Noir said, breathless. Multimouse pulled his bound form close to her body and brushed the awesome hair, and worry, out of his eyes.
“Of course I did,” she breathed. “I love you. I’ve always secretly loved you! Ever since that day in the rain!”
“The rain…” Chat Noir trailed off as he suddenly put everything together because it was actually really obvious if he just thought about it for like five seconds seriously come on IT’S NOT HARD.
“You’re, you’re actually my best friend and classmate, Jessica Steel-Tiger!”
Multimouse blushed and nodded. “Yes, and you’re my classmate with daddy issues whom I’ve been helplessly in love with, despite my having more chemistry with a dropout on a barge. It’s me, your secret crush!”
“If only I’d paid more attention to the sexy, talented, designer, paralegal, ballerina and baker that was right there behind me in class for English, History, and Math, and has broken into my house on at least one occasion.”
With that, Chat Noir dropped his transformation to reveal himself to be Abrean Abreste, international perfume model and super spy.
And then they kissed. A lot. And sexed.
And then they were married and happy and it was great.
The end.
Please like and subscribe.
***
Wayzz tapped his chin in thought. “Well, that was… A story.”
“Why’d you say like and subscribe?” Barkk asked, curious.
Mullo shrugged. “That comes up all the time in stories I read and watch. I figured it was a human thing, like saying see you soon.”
“That makes sense,” Barkk said. “Also, your story is great, and I love you.”
Mullo nodded with a huge grin. “Wasn’t it awesome? I loved the part where they kissed!” Mullo hugged himself and spun around in circles. “I’ve had this in my head for weeks!”
“This is… Okay, can I say it?” Longg chimed in. “This is pretty bad.”
“What’s so bad about it?” Mullo asked, slightly offended.
“Where’s the danger? The mystery? Where’s the wow-factor?”
Mullo gestured to the screen. “Did you miss the part where she fought everyone and then sexed?”
“That’s not how the word is used,” Longg said. He scooted Mullo out of the way and cracked his tiny knuckles. “Okay. So, let’s do a chapter two.”
“But this was a complete work!” Mullo said, dejected.
“You’re a complete work,” Longg snapped back. “No, this needs something sleek, and dangerous… Like a spy.”
Ziggy glanced over from his makeshift bed of scrap fabric. “Y’all been watchin’ too much of that magic glowin’ box, Longg.”
“Oh, hush you,” Longg said with a growl. “Now, let me show you what a real story is like.”
***
Alya and Marinette’s phones dinged with another notification.
“Another chapter?” Marinette asked, confused. “Seriously, who’s on my, erm, who’s posting these?”
“Oh wow,” Alya said, smirking. This one’s worse.”
“Liar,” Marinette said as she read.
“…No, no. You’re right.”
***
Chapter 2:
The Barrier of Infinite Darkness That Is Lined with Tears
Jessica woke up with a start. She had spent the night with Abrean Albreaste on a rooftop doing sexy things, and now she had to go to school where human children learned how to do things like math and cook and use phones. As she left her home, she saw her best friend, the beautiful, super-smart Konami. She was a Japanese girl with two legs and sharp eyes. She was all human, and all awesome.
“Hi Konami,” Jessica said, nervous because Konami was so cool that Jessica had a crush on her.
“Jessica, you need to know something,” Konami said. She took her to the side, where there were things to hid behind, like a tree, or a man. “I am a super-secret spy, and so is Abrean.”
Jessica put her hand to her human mouth. “Really?” She asked.
Konami nodded. “Yes, and because you sexed him, you now have spy powers, too.”
“That’s impossible!” Jessica said, shocked. “I can’t have spy powers! I’m just a normal super model baker paralegal ballerina seamstress! Like all human girls!”
“It’s true,” Konami said. To prove it, she levitated off the ground.
“Spies can’t fly,” Jessica said, confused.
“A spy cannot fly, but a super spy can,” Konami said. “Try it. You now have Abrean’s spy powers in you. Because you sexed.”
“Okay,” Jessica said. She tried real hard and flew into the sky. Like a pigeon. “Now what?”
“Now,” Konami said, her eyes narrowing. “We fight Super Hawkmoth.”
“Who is Super Hawkmoth?” Jessica asked, confused. “I thought Multimouse killed Hawkmoth last night. In the rain.”
“She did,” Konami said. “But Super Hawkmoth is even more powerful. He’s here in Paris, and he’s a vampire.”
“No!” Jessica said, shocked.
“It’s true,” Konami said. “And what’s worse is… He’s Abrean’s father!”
“No!” Jessica said, more shocked.
“Use your super spy powers. You know it’s true,” Konami said.
“You’re right,” Jessica said. “And because I am now a super spy and also Multimouse, I will defeat Super Hawkmoth.”
“Why are you telling me your secret identity?” Konami asked, confused.
“Because I also love you, Ko-chan,” Jessica said, blushing red, but more of a spy red than regular red. “And because I want you to fight by my side as Ryuko, the supreme dragon warrior of justice!”
And with that, Jessica gave Konami the dragon miraculous. Konami transformed into Ryuko, the most incredible warrior ever. Aside from Multimouse. And together, they flew to the school.
“Abrean,” Jessica said as she touched down beside him on the roof of the school. The students were doing their daily roof lesson to learn things like breathing and how to put on pants, like all human children do. “I have something to tell you.”
“I see that you’re flying, which means I made you into a spy,” Abrean said. His face was full of worry. “I am sorry.”
“I am too, for now I know that your father is Super Hawkmoth, and that must mean that you are also a vampire.”
“It’s true,” Abrean said as he turned away. “My spy side keeps my powers in check, but my vampire side is full of darkness.”
“I love you, but I cannot be with a vampire,” Jessica said, turning away. “Until we save you, Ryuko and I will fight against your father.”
“But I can fight as Chat Noir!” Abrean yelled.
“No, because that would make you a Vampire Chat, and that’s really bad. Our love is doomed,” Jessica said, her face sad.
Konami took her hand. “Now we will be together until we are not,” she said.
Jessica nodded. Then they kissed and also sexed right there.
Abrean was sad.
The end.
Like and subscribe.
***
“Mari?” Alya asked. She noticed her best friend was literally shaking with rage. “Are you okay?”
“This… This is going up right now.” Marinette’s eye twitched. She glanced towards the bakery. “Which means whoever is doing this is at the computer… Right… Now.”
Alya continued to read through the story. “I have to say, this seems like the writing quality is way down from what I remember. It’s almost as if this was written by an alien. Well, that, or something that didn’t know what humans did. This is so weird.”
“Or by someone… or something… That’s been in a box for several hundred years and isn’t up on human interaction.” Marinette’s eye was twitching so hard Alya was sure it was going to pop out.
“Hey, um, you okay?” Alya put a hand on Marinette’s shoulder.
“Or maybe,” Marinette growled, “It’s the work of someone with a twisted sense of humor that thought this would be a fun practical joke. A stinky, scheming, mischievous little someone who would think something like this would be fun to do…”
From inside Marinette’s pocket, a tiny voice said, “…Oh shit.”
Alya watched as Marinette took off in a sprint towards home.
“Huh,” Alya said, confused. “I wonder what she’s so worked up about?”
***
“There,” Longg said. He dusted off his hands and gestured to the screen. “Better.”
“How is this better?” Wayzz asked. “She breaks up with him? And she can fly now?”
“It builds tension,” Longg said. “Seriously, how do you expect readers to follow what you’ve done if you have no tension?”
Xuppu, the monkey kwami, stared in confusion. “I have so many questions about this, you don’t even know. I know it’s been a while since you’ve been around people but, like, when’s the last time you actually interacted with a human being that wasn’t Kagami?”
“Are you… Longg, is this Konami woman supposed to be your holder?” Wayzz asked.
Longg scoffed. “Wha… What? No. Nooooo. I mean, I can see some vague resemblance, but, I, how dare you accuse me of favoritism. I mean, yes, Kagami is beautiful and smart, and does have a secret crush on the Master, but that has no bearing on my original character.” Longg crossed his arms. “I mean, Kagami isn’t a spy, is she?”
The kwamis thought about it.
“He’s right,” Mullo said.
“Can’t argue that one,” Oinkk agreed.
“FUCKING STOP! PLEASE!” Fluff cried from the floor. “You don’t know what you’re doing!”
“Fluff is right,” Wayzz said. He scooted Longg out of the way. “Let me show you how it’s done.”
***
Chapter 3:
The Passion of Wind-Swept Romance
At that very moment, Mino, Abrean and Jessica’s best friend, came to the roof holding a vial of liquid. “Here, drink this!” He cried.
“Mino!” Everyone said. They all high-fived him with their hands, which is how human males say I love you. Abrean and Mino high five a lot.
Mino gave the drink to Abrean and Jessica. They quickly drank it, because they trusted Mino, who was great and smelled nice and was really nice to everyone.
“What just happened?” Jessica asked.
“That was an anti-spy, anti-vampire drink,” Mino said. “I mixed it up in chemistry, just in case of vampires, or spies.”
“It’s working!” Abrean said. He glowed with a golden light and then smiled at Jessica. “I may have been part-vampire, but now I am all human! And able to love again!”
“I love you, too, Abrean. We should get married, and buy a house, and make three human children!”
“I agree!” Abrean said. He looked to Mino. “And while we’re on the subject, shouldn’t you ask the legendary reporter and model Alyo to be your forever wife-mate?”
“Yes!” Mino said, smiling. Everyone clapped. Roof class was now over and Alyo came over. She was very pretty and made Mino feel good. “Alyo, please commit to be my wife forever and make children with me!”
“I will!” Alyo agreed. And they kissed and maybe sexed but it was hard to tell with all the high fiving.
“I guess that wraps everything up,” Jessica said, smiling.
“NOT SO FAST!” An angry voice cried out.
Everyone turned to see Super Hawkmoth floating in air. He was pointing his death staff at them, which was charging with a purple light. “You think you’ve escaped me? All you’ve done is seal your doom!”
“No!” Mino cried out. He suddenly transformed into Carapace, the greatest hero that has ever heroed ever, and threw up a gigantic green shield to block the blast.
Everyone clapped and high fived him. Alyo cheered and sexed. It was good.
“No, not Carapace!” Super Hawkmoth cried out.
“Yes!” Carapace screamed. “It is I, Carapace! Warrior of love and justice! And for the love of my friends, I will destroy you!” He then made his shield wrap around his body as he flew through the air and smashed through Super Hakwmoth, killing him dead.
“I’ve done it!” Mino cried out in joy. “I saved everyone and I’m getting married!”
“It’s a good day!” Alyo said.
“But now it’s time for class,” Miss Bustier said. “Come, let us do math and sorcery with tablets. Also, it is time for the sex.”
“Awww,” everyone groaned. “Do we have to?”
“School rules,” Miss Bustier said. She also high fived Mino. He was that great.
And then everyone sexed.
The end.
Like and subscribe.
***
“…I feel like you’re favoring your holder,” Sass said, rubbing his chin.
Wayzz shrugged. “I mean, maybe a little.”
“Why, erm, ahem. Why did they have relations at the end of your story?” Kaalki asked, confused. Unlike her compatriots, Kaalki had been out and about more than they had and as a result, she’d, erm, learned a few things about humans that she honestly could have done just fine without knowing.
“I figured that was a thing? It was in the other chapters,” Wayzz said, defensively. “Besides, it would be rude to leave anyone out. What if they’re hungry?”
“You included the teacher,” Kaalki pointed out, her face deadpan.
“Like I said, I didn’t want to be rude.”
Kaalki eyed Wayzz for a moment. “What… Okay, I know you were with Fu for quite a few years, but God knows what a prude he was, so this feels like a fair question. What do you think sex is?”
Wayzz scoffed and looked to the side. “Some kind of special friend greeting, I presume. Or a dinner. That would make sense.”
Mullo thought on that. “That makes sense. The Master does like food. Ooo! Do you think if we win, Master Marinette and Adrien will go to La Donna’s for sex?”
Wayzz smiled. “I certainly hope so. That would cement the relationship, no doubt.”
The kwamis nodded knowingly. “Yes, yes, this is good. They should order the sex,” the small magical creatures muttered to themselves.
Kaalki opened and closed her mouth a few times before she shook her head. “You know what? Sure. Let’s just go with that. Everyone sexed.”
“Indeed they did,” Wayzz said proudly.
At that moment, a small, familiar black cat kwami floated through the window.
“Plagg!” The kwamis cried out in unison. He’d been making a point of visiting more since Marinette had taken over as Guardian, but they still always acted like they hadn’t seen him in ages. Of course, Plagg didn’t object to their reactions.
“Alright losers, out of the way,” Plagg said as he floated towards the computer. “I’ve been thinking about what to do the entire trip over. I’m thinking something dirty, but not too dirty? Maybe something involving a panther woman? I can do an awesome panther woman.”
“We know,” several kwamis tiredly replied.
Plagg cracked his knuckles. “It’s a good thing you invited me to help. I mean, let’s face it. All of you basically suck when it comes to interacting with people. Me on the other hand? I’ve been soaking up pop culture for a year now. I am so ready for this. I… Oh.”
Plagg noticed what was on the screen and floated closer to get a better look. “You, uh, you already wrote something?”
“We did!” Mullo chirped. “I did the first part!”
“Huh,” Plagg said as he rubbed his chin. “Okay, cool. Um, so yeah. Just let me see what you’ve done so far. You know, to make sure you didn’t screw this up too badly.”
“That’s not nice,” Mullo said, frowning.
Plagg shrugged. “Still true, though.”
The kwamis waited with bated breath as Plagg silently read through their work.
The silence was broken by the sound of hysterical giggles erupting from the black kwami.
“Oh man,” he giggled. “Oh crap! Oh… Post this. Post this right now! Hoooooly shit. This is GOLD.”
“We’ve been posting as we wrote this,” Wayzz said, slightly defensive. “It’s already up on Alya’s Ladyblog.”
“She’s my permanent holder,” Trixx said with pride.
Plagg was laughing too hard to really notice Trixx puffing himself up. “I was gonna add my own personal touch, but this? This is perfection.” Plagg gave a tiny chef’s kiss as he giggled some more. “You guys seriously don’t know what you’ve done. I don’t even mind you calling out my kitten for his daddy issues. I just wish I could take a little credit for this masterpiece! I…”
He was cut short by the trap door to Marinette’s room nearly exploding open.
“Oh dear,” Wayzz said.
At that moment, Fluff snapped out of his coma. He raised his head, saw the trap door open, and screamed, “Oh shit, it’s happening now! SCATTER!”
The kwamis scattered and hid as Marinette stormed into her room like a thundercloud, her eyes locked on the computer resting on her desk, and the small, black kwami that hovered in front of it.
“I knew it. I FUCKING KNEW IT! You,” Marinette growled. Her eyes narrowed as her voice stretched into a rasp. “Yoooooooou.”
Plagg’s eyes went wide. He looked from the computer, to Marinette, to the computer, and then back to Marinette.
He could practically hear Tikki sighing from inside Marinette’s purse.
“Wait, hold up.” He said with a nervous laugh. “This honestly, seriously, is not what it looks like.”
“You little, meddling, sneaky, foul-mouthed JERK!” Marinette screamed. She picked up a nearby pillow and chucked it at Plagg, who quickly dodged.
“It’s not what you think!” Plagg said, panicked. “I didn’t do this! I seriously didn’t! It was the others! The others wrote this!”
Marinette looked around the now empty room. “What others?”
“The others!” Plagg cried. “I’m innocent here, pigtails! Honestly! I didn’t write any of this! Tikki! Tell her I would never do this!”
Marinette glanced down to her purse. Tikki popped her head out and shot Marinette a tired expression. “He would totally do this.”
“Traitor!” Plagg cried. “Seriously, I didn’t have anything to do with this! I mean, I was gonna, but they did such a terrible job I didn’t even have to, um… Boss? Pigtails? You, um, you believe me, right?”
Marinette suddenly went calm. Shed turned to her dresser. “Okay. Fine. I believe you, Plagg.”
Plagg paused, still concerned. “You… You do?”
Marinette nodded. “I believe you… But my spray bottle doesn’t!”
Plaggs eyes widened in horror as Marinette grabbed a spray bottle from her dresser and pointed it at the floating kwami. Plagg screamed as his Guardian proceeded to spritz him. A lot.
“Bad! Bad, bad, bad cat!” Marinette chided him. “How dare you write something that awful and post it from my private account! I cannot believe you did this, you little snot!”
***
From outside, the kwamis watched the chaos through Marinette’s skylight. They collectively flinched as a sewing box flew across the room.
“I’m so, so glad you invited Plagg over to help,” Sass said to Wayzz.
“He’s always there for us when we need him,” Wayzz said, nodding in agreement.
“Do you think we’ll win the contest?” Mullo asked.
The kwamis shrugged.
“I’ll ask Alya,” Trixx said. “After all, she is my permanent holder.”
“Well, at least we had fun!” the mouse said with a giggle. “We should write more!”
“But maybe under a different name,” Longg suggested. “Something more fitting.”
The kwamis nodded in agreement. Below them, they heard a crash.
“She’s gonna be going for a while,” Wayzz said.
“Anyone up for raiding the bakery for snacks?” Oinkk suggested.
The other kwamis nodded in agreement and started floating towards the front of the store as the sound of screams and breaking glass echoed over the Paris skyline.