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Reggie didn't know how he found himself in this position. Well, that's not entirely true. He knew exactly how he ended up here, he just didn't know how it got to this . One thing was for certain, though - Luke was to blame.
It started out innocently enough. Just an idea Luke threw out there one day after school when Reggie was driving them to the studio.
"What if we, like, practiced kissing on each other?" Reggie let out a laugh at that.
"Where did that come from?" He glanced at Luke quickly before turning his attention back to the road.
"Well, think about it. I haven't kissed anyone yet, and you haven't either." He paused for a moment. "You haven't, right?" Reggie could feel the heat rise to his cheeks as he shook his head. "Okay, good. So, my point is, we haven't had any experience kissing! And I certainly don't want to kiss someone only to have it suck."
"So, you want to kiss me and have it suck?" Reggie joked, though something in his stomach flipped at the thought of kissing his best friend.
"It would only suck at the beginning," Luke defended. "But we would get better!"
"Okay, sure, Luke," Reggie shook his head as he laughed. And just like that, Luke changed subjects, as if the conversation never happened and soon they were at Bobby's house.
Reggie knew Luke. Knew that Luke would get these grand ideas in his head, only to never follow them through. It wasn't that he wasn't determined - hell, Luke was the most determined person Reggie ever met - it was just that he knew the absurdity of his own plans. He could recognize when his ideas were too big, too off the rails. And Reggie knew that this would fall into one of the piles of Luke's forgotten suggestions.
Which was for the best, if Reggie was being completely honest. He could joke and go along with it because he knew it wouldn't happen. But if Luke was serious? If Luke actually did want to kiss Reggie for practice? Then Reggie was in big, big trouble.
Reggie had a sinking suspicion that the way he felt around Luke wasn't entirely platonic anymore. But who could blame him? Ever since Luke went through puberty and his facial structure got more angular and his muscles became toned and defined, he was becoming a state of the art teenage heartthrob. It was more than that, though.
Luke was always there for Reggie. He was a constant in his life that Reggie would be lost without. He was there when Reggie needed a shoulder to lean on after his parents had a fight, or when Reggie was just having a bad day. Luke was there with open arms, enveloping him in warmth and love.
And when they performed together? Reggie could swear that Luke had some sort of magnetic pull that yanked Reggie to him. He couldn't escape it, even if he wanted to. There was a fire that shone in Luke's eyes as they shared a microphone and Reggie was willing to burn in them.
So, yes, Reggie thought he might have a feeling or two for Luke. And he knew that if he were to kiss Luke, he would be too far gone to recover. There would be no turning back.
But life never seemed to care about Reggie's feelings.
It had been a few days since they had the conversation and nothing came of it, so Reggie figured he was right, that this was just another discarded idea.
He was sitting on the couch, tuning his bass before practice when Luke came bursting through the studio doors.
"Oh good, I thought I missed it." Luke ran a hand through his hair as he walked toward Reggie, plopping down on the leather next to him.
"You know practice isn't for like another half hour, right?" Reggie looked at him quizzically.
"I know. But, I also know that Alex and Bobby won't be here until practice."
"I don't…"
Luke smirked, as he scooted closer to him. "Our talk, dude, remember?" When Reggie just stared at him blankly, he continued. "Kissing practice! I figured now would be the best time."
Shit. So he was serious.
"I-I thought you were joking about that."
"Why would I joke about kissing? This is probably, like, one of my best ideas. Think of all the girls we could impress! Well, and boys, in my case." Luke grinned at him, his eyes sparkling. "C'mon, you have to admit it's a good idea."
It's the exact opposite of a good idea , Reggie thought. He had to come up with a way to get out of this without admitting why he couldn't kiss Luke.
"Wouldn't it be weird? Kissing your friend?"
"Only if you make it." His tongue poked through his teeth as he smiled brightly. As he took in Reggie's wide eyes and panicked look, Luke paused for a moment, before he cocked his head and caught Reggie's gaze, his eyes softening. "It's alright if you don't want to. I'm not going to force you."
"It's not that. It's just…" Reggie trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
"Just what?"
Reggie felt like he was screwed either way. He knew Luke wouldn't be upset with him if he didn't go through with this, but well… this might be Reggie's only chance to kiss Luke. His eyes glanced down to Luke’s mouth, and god , Reggie wanted to know what they felt like against his own. Wanted to know if they were as soft as they looked, wanted to know how they tasted. He forced himself to look away, finding himself gazing into Luke’s eyes instead. The same eyes that would regard him with such warmth and kindness when the rest of the world would shut him out. And Reggie faltered for a moment, doubts swirling his mind again. Could Reggie bear to lose that? To lose him ?
But this is Luke he's talking about. Luke, who had been his best friend since grade school; who was there when Reggie ran to his house with his eye swollen shut and throbbing; who gave him his studded bass strap when his other snapped. Maybe it wasn't possible to lose Luke after all of that.
Steeling his nerves, Reggie decided he's going to be selfish. He and Luke have been through a lot. One kiss won't unwind their entire friendship, right?
"Okay."
"Yeah?" Luke's eyes brightened and his smile grew wider.
"Yeah. What could go wrong?" Reggie laughed, hiding his anxiety behind his words. A lot , his mind supplied.
"Okay, um. Well, you should probably move this." Luke motioned to the bass still sitting in Reggie's lap.
"Oh, uh, right." With his hands shaking slightly, Reggie pulled the strap over his head and leaned the bass against the side of the couch. Luke grabbed one of Reggie's hands, making Reggie turn his head to face him.
"Relax. It's just us." Reggie nodded his head and sucked in a deep breath through his nose, before letting it out. Right, it's just them. Nothing wrong or weird about that. Just… bros helping bros. Yeah. Reggie could deal with that.
Luke moved his other hand to cup Reggie's cheek, rubbing his thumb slowly across his skin.
"This still okay?" Luke asked, his voice low and barely above a whisper. Reggie just nodded, not trusting his voice.
Luke moved forward, brushing their lips together with a softness Reggie didn't expect from the other boy. Their mouths glided against each other for a few moments before Luke pulled away.
"So, uh, how was that?" He asked, a shy look on his face.
Reggie knew it was nothing special, knew that it barely counted as kissing probably, but he couldn't deny the way his stomach did flips, the way his heartbeat quickened, the way his palms felt incredibly sweaty. He tried to subtly wipe his hands across the rough fabric of his jeans.
"We could probably, um, both use some practice. Not that it wasn't good! It just wasn't, like, great." Reggie could feel his face heat up in embarrassment. "I mean it was great, just not uh-"
Luke chuckled at his rambling. "Reg, dude. It's okay. That's what this is for, right? To get better."
"Yeah," Reggie breathed out. "Right." Suddenly, Luke's eyes widened with realization.
"Oh!" Luke jumped off the couch and grabbed his acoustic guitar. "I actually had a melody I wanted to run by you."
Reggie tried his best to pay attention to what Luke was playing, he really did, but his heart was pounding against his chest, and that made it a bit difficult to concentrate. Thankfully, Luke didn't need much feedback as he basically had perfected the chords and Reggie could get away with nodding and agreeing with whatever Luke said.
By the time practice rolled around and Alex and Bobby made their way to the studio, Reggie was still replaying the kiss in his head. Luke's lips were smooth and warm against his own. If he concentrated hard enough, he thought he could taste the faint artificial cherry flavoring of Luke’s chapstick. And the kiss just felt so right . Not that Reggie had much to compare it to, but that wasn't the point. The point was that he already desperately wanted Luke to kiss him again.
And that he was so, so screwed.
As the weeks went by, and their kissing sessions became more frequent, the more Reggie realized that he was in love with his best friend. He found himself wishing he could kiss Luke just for the hell of it, not because he wanted to get better at it, and certainly not because he wanted to impress some girl. Reggie wanted to hold Luke's hand, to run his fingers through his messy hair, to spend the night cuddled against him. He wanted to do all the couple-y things the people in his mom's movies would do that he found repulsive when he was younger.
And for a moment, he thought that maybe, just maybe, Luke felt the same. Maybe the kissing they've been doing actually meant something to Luke.
They had been spending more time together, and sure, it was mostly so they could kiss, but Luke had been by Reggie's side even when they weren't alone. He was constantly throwing an arm around his shoulders or brushing his leg against Reggie's as they sat next to each other. Every time they touched, it sent electric currents right through Reggie's body, leaving his skin buzzing and warm.
Sometimes, Reggie would turn to look at Luke, only to catch him already staring at Reggie. And maybe it was just a trick of the eyes, but Luke's cheeks would seem to burn bright as he quickly glanced the other direction.
So, maybe Reggie’s feelings weren’t as unrequited as he thought. And maybe, he was currently working up the courage to confess.
But for now, Reggie was content in just pouring himself into his song journal, writing some lyrics about hazel eyes with flecks of gold and sunkissed tan skin that seemed to glow in the sunlight. It was vague enough that if anyone found it, they wouldn’t immediately connect the words to Luke.
He hoped.
As Reggie sat on the couch, tapping the eraser side of the pencil against his lower lip, trying to brainstorm the next lyric, the door to the studio creaked open, ripping Reggie from his thoughts. He quickly shut his notebook and shoved it under the cushion behind him.
Luke sauntered in, that familiar glint of mischief in his eyes.
“Hey Reggie,” he started slowly. He locked the door behind him and turned his attention to Reggie, and in that moment, Reggie felt a little bit like he was the prey and Luke, the predator. And he wasn’t entirely sure he hated the feeling.
Luke stalked toward him and straddled his lap, sliding forward until only a few inches of space existed between their faces. Reggie gulped at the proximity. Even though they had kissed numerous times, he couldn’t help but get flustered each and every time. It didn’t help that Luke seemed… different.
“H-hi,” Reggie breathed out. Luke closed the gap between them, and instinctively, Reggie’s hands settled on Luke’s hips. As their mouths worked together, Luke licked along the seam of Reggie’s lips, coaxing Reggie to let him in.
Reggie could get lost like this, could get lost in the feeling of Luke. And he’s sure he would if it weren’t for Luke pulling back.
“I think we’ve gotten pretty good at kissing, wouldn’t you agree?” A smirk was on Luke’s face and Reggie wasn’t sure what kind of trick he was bound to pull. Under any other circumstance, those words would fill Reggie with dread, but now, with Luke looking at him with hunger in his eyes, it sent his whole body on edge with anticipation.
“Yes?”
Luke moved forward again, though this time he didn’t go for Reggie’s mouth. Instead, he whispered against the other boy’s ear, causing him to shiver from the warm breath. “But there’s other things we could get good at.” He trailed kisses from Reggie’s ear, across his jaw, and down his throat. Reggie’s hold on his hips tightened as Luke bit harshly at Reggie’s skin, before he soothed the pain with his tongue.
“L-like what?’ Reggie asked dumbly. But to be fair, it was hard to think clearly when all his senses were being bombarded with Luke .
“Like,” Luke continued leaving wet kisses along his throat. “Leaving marks.” He punctuated this by biting him again, this time where his neck met his shoulder. Reggie let out a moan as Luke licked at the wound again. He could feel Luke’s smirk against his skin and desire began pumping through his veins. Desire for Luke to continue, but also a desire - a need - to do the same to him.
He let his hands move under Luke’s shirt, feeling the warm skin, before he started tugging on the hem of the cutoff. Luke let out a breathy chuckle as he leaned back from administering open mouthed kisses along Reggie’s neck to yank his shirt off and toss it to the side.
As soon as Luke’s attention was back on him, Reggie surged forward, attaching his mouth to Luke’s clavicle, kissing and sucking at the tanned skin. The other boy grabbed onto Reggie’s shoulders for support, his blunt fingernails digging into skin.
They spent the rest of the night exploring each other’s bodies, kissing and biting and licking every spot on each other’s necks and chests that they could. Reggie’s skin bloomed with dark red spots, and though the dull throbbing sensation of the marks wasn’t necessarily pleasurable, his stomach flipped on itself when he thought about the fact that Luke made them. And he did the same to Luke.
Maybe his hopes weren’t entirely out of left field after all.
Tonight was the night. Reggie was going to tell Luke how he felt and everything would work out. At least, that’s what he told himself as he was pacing back and forth outside the studio. Yeah, everything would be fine. He took a breath and readied himself, pushing the door to the studio open.
He knew Luke would be here. Luke always came to the studio and worked on their songs well into the night on Fridays, if they didn't have some shitty gig to play. Luke would be sitting on the couch, either workshopping some lyrics or fine tuning a melody, his tongue poking out of his mouth as he worked. And Reggie would walk over to him, confess his feelings, and Luke would reciprocate and then… Well, Reggie hadn’t thought that far ahead. But that didn’t matter because they would figure it out. They always did.
What he didn’t expect to see was Luke throwing things left and right out of the garbage bags of clothes the boys would leave at Bobby’s.
“Uh, hey Luke.”
“Hi, Reg,” He didn’t even glance in his direction, just continued what he was doing. That made Reggie’s confidence waver.
This was not going the way he planned already.
“What are you doing?” Reggie’s voice cracked as he tried to act nonchalant, and he cringed inwardly.
"I have a date tonight, remember?" Luke looked back at Reggie for a moment before he went back to rummaging through the bag of clothes.
No, Reggie certainly did not remember. He would've remembered the way his stomach dropped when Luke said the word "date." He would've remembered the way his heart seemed to stop beating. He would've remembered the tears that threatened to spill over.
"Oh. I guess I forgot." Reggie forced out, trying to plaster a fake smile on his face. He should be happy for Luke. That was the whole point of this, really. To get dates and impress them. Why did he have to let his dumb feelings get in the way?
"Hey, dude," Luke was walking towards him, his hands out as if he were approaching a cornered animal. "You okay?"
And that sent Reggie over the edge.
"No, Luke. I'm not okay." He snapped, locking eyes with the other boy. "I feel like I've been toyed with for months. I thought that maybe I wasn't imagining it, but I guess I was just kidding myself. Do you even care about my feelings?"
"Of course I care." Luke defended, his fists balling up around the fabric of whatever it is that he was searching for.
"Do you know what it's like? To have something you desperately want just out of reach?" Reggie could feel the tears sliding down his cheeks, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.
"Reg, what are you-"
"I thought I actually meant something to you. I thought that you started to feel the same way about me. But I was wrong. And this," Reggie motioned to the space in between them. "Was such a stupid mistake."
He turned toward the door, not even sure where he wanted to go, just knowing he needed to be as far away as possible from Luke. He heard Luke shout something behind him, but he was already running.
So that's how Reggie found himself, laying on his bed, his cheeks stained with tears, wondering how he let it get so far. And, okay, maybe Luke wasn't entirely to blame, but it made Reggie feel better if he could pretend it was solely Luke's fault. But deep down, Reggie knew he had let himself get into this position. He had basically given his heart to Luke on a silver platter. He entrusted it to Luke. And Luke let it fall and shatter around them.
He shouldn't be surprised. He knew that it wouldn't end well, but he let that tiny bit of hope keep growing, and clung onto it like a lifeline.
And now he faced a problem. How was he supposed to move forward from here? The wound was too fresh, too sensitive, to pretend everything was normal. But if he avoided Luke, well, that was out of the question. Alex would definitely notice something was up and then he would ask questions and then Reggie would have to admit to what he and Luke were doing and it'd become an even more complicated mess.
No, Reggie would just have to suck it up and act like everything was fine and hope his emotions didn't fuck anything else up.
It was harder than he thought to act normal. He missed the constant presence of Luke in his life, even though he was still technically there. Sure, Luke would talk around him, but he never talked to Reggie. He would barely acknowledge his presence. It was like Reggie wasn't even there. And that broke Reggie's heart more.
He was willing to pretend everything was fine and like nothing happened, but Luke just pretended like Reggie didn't exist.
After a few days of being treated like he was nothing, Reggie's sadness morphed into anger. Why the hell was Luke acting like this? Was he really willing to drop Reggie? Just like that?
Straightening his shoulders, Reggie walked through the studio doors, causing Luke to look up from his lyric notebook. They locked eyes for a moment before Luke cleared his throat and mumbled some excuse to leave, getting up from the couch.
"No." Reggie moved in front of Luke, blocking his path to the door.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I know you don't have anywhere to be, so we are going to address whatever problem you have with me so we can go back to being normal." Reggie could hear his own voice shaking as he kept talking.
"Reggie, I don't have any problem with you. Now, can you please move?" Luke stepped to the side to slide past Reggie, but the other boy matched his movement.
"Then why are you ignoring me? Why can't we go back to normal?" Tears threatened to fall as Reggie asked the last question. He missed Luke more than he wanted to admit, he missed having a constant in his life.
"Because there is no normal anymore!" Luke raised his voice, annoyance seeping into his tone. Reggie froze. He groaned as he ran a hand down his face. "I'm sorry, Reg. I didn't mean to. Look, just… let me by."
Reggie shook his head. "Talk to me, please." He whispered, his voice broken.
"Why? You didn't let me talk that night. You're the one who ran away."
"I-I didn't mean-"
"What? You didn't mean to yell at me? Didn't mean to say I don't care about you? Guess what, Reg? I do!" Luke placed his hands on Reggie's shoulders. "I care about you so fucking much, it hurts."
Reggie's world was spinning around him, everything moving way too fast for him to keep up. But there was that pulling sensation in his stomach, the same one that he felt that night. "Then why go on a date?"
Luke pulled his hands back slowly as he talked, “Because I found your journal.”
Oh.
Oh no.
If Luke had found his notebook, then that means that he read the lyrics - the lyrics about him . The ones where Reggie could admit to himself that he was in love with his best friend. And if his immediate reaction was to act coldly and distance himself, well, then there was the answer Reggie was looking for. Luke obviously did not feel the same. Worse, he was probably disgusted with Reggie.
Fuck.
“I can explain-” Reggie rushed, though he had no idea how he was going to explain any of it.
“Save it, I get it.” Luke shoved his hands in his pockets as he kicked the floor with the toe of his shoe. “You like someone and you were trying to find a way to end this. It’s fine. I get it.” He repeated, his tone uncharacteristically emotionless.
“I’m so sorry, I- Wait.” Reggie shook his head as Luke’s words caught up to him, confusion etched onto his face. “You think I like someone?”
“Yeah? I mean, you don’t just write love songs about no one. And I didn’t want to get in the way, so I figured I would just stop it. Look, I’m not mad at you - god, Reg, I could never be mad at you - I was mad at myself. I fell so hard for you and I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have gotten emotions involved but I did and I-” He cut himself off, eyes cast downward. “She’s a lucky girl, whoever she is.”
“Luke,” Reggie started, his voice a little wobbly. “Those songs are about you.”
“I- What?” Luke looked up from the ground startlingly fast. “What do you mean they’re about me?!”
Reggie couldn’t help himself from laughing. “I mean, you dummy, that I like you .”
A smile stretched across Luke’s lips at his words, his eyes regaining their sparkle.
“Well, why didn’t you just say that!” Luke wrapped his arms around Reggie’s midsection, picking him up and twirling him around, resulting in Reggie yelping and demanding to be put down.
When Luke finally slowed to a stop, he kept his hold around the other boy. His eyes flickered down to look at Reggie’s mouth and Reggie could feel himself blush under Luke’s gaze.
“Can I kiss you?” Luke asked, his grin still bright.
Instead of answering, Reggie closed the small gap between them, their mouths slotting together like they have countless times before. The kiss was short, not lasting more than a few seconds, but they were both smiling as they pulled apart.
“You still need some practice.” Reggie commented, trying his best to be serious.
“Oh? Guess you’ll just have to help me with that.”
“Guess so.” He laughed as he pulled Luke into another kiss.
And yeah, Reggie could get used to this.