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You Smell Like a Wet Dog
James made his way to the flat and was shocked when he opened the door to find Q looking quite human, naked on the couch. Either he’d just shifted back or he’d been shifted back for a while and hadn’t bothered with putting on clothes. When Q was in a strop he usually stayed in his cat form until he got over it. Q turned and looked at him, his nose wrinkling. “You smell like a wet dog.”
“What?” James asked, surprised. Wasn’t Q going to rip his head off?
“I have a heightened sense of smell and I can smell a hint of wet dog… Who—oh, obvious… Mycroft. How did that go?”
“Strangely.” James said taking the bag of junk food that Q loved into the kitchen. “He didn’t smell like a dog to me, Ford.”
“You wouldn’t be able to smell it. He doesn’t really smell like that…it’s just a subtle hint of it… You bought tuna.”
“Can you really smell that through a can?”
“Don’t have to, I can see the label through the bag. If it’s in oil I won’t eat it… I refuse.”
“Water, honey…” James promised. “I am sorry, Q. I was curious and should have asked, or at least attempted that in a place that wasn’t public.”
“Curiosity killed the cat you know.” Q shrugged. “I shouldn’t have clawed you so badly… I was angry. I hate being overrun by instinct…especially when I know better… Shouldn’t have been so angry.”
“I take it the laser pointer didn’t survive?”
“Nope…crushed into thousands of pieces. I made sure it died.” Q shrugged, completely unashamed (not that he had any reason to be ashamed) as he walked across the room and opened a can of tuna and eating a small chunk of the meat. “You know, this won’t quite make amends.”
“It was a start right?”
“Mmhm.” Q agreed. “Next time ask about things you’re curious about…” Q shrugged and looked at James’ arms. “You alright?”
“I’m fine. Less scratches than I probably deserved.”
“If it makes you feel better I don’t have rabies or tetanus, so that’s something.” Q sighed, sitting down on a stool next to the counter. “What did Mycroft want? Did he offer you money to spy on me? He does that sometimes.”
“Spy on you?”
“He likes keeping an eye on me and Sherlock.”
“No…he um…told me not to hurt you.” James said, mouth going slightly dry.
“Oh…” Q sighed, looking down and fidgeting uncomfortably. “He told you then…”
“Why didn’t you…” he had to swallow to speak “…tell me?”
“Because I knew you wouldn’t take it well. Sorry, but you’re not really the commitment type and I wasn’t going to unnerve you by telling you that you were the only person I could ever commit to…that would be unfair to you. I’m going to bite Mycroft next time I see him.”
“So you…for life?”
“Love you? Yes. It’s the animal half of me… We can smell it…pheromones and such…it’s easy to sense the right person that way. It just…locks into place.”
“You knew from the beginning?”
“Very close to it…yes.” Q shrugged. “And it’s not just a chemical thing it’s a mental and emotional thing as well, just…so you know. The sense of smell is how I always seem to know who’s in the room before they announce themselves… It puts the double-os on edge, which gives me an advantage…” Q smiled slightly. “It’s been like this since the very beginning back through my mum’s family. There’s only one and when they’re gone or if they leave or if we never meet them…there isn’t anyone else…”
“But, don’t you move on?”
“Why move on if you know what perfection is like?” Q asked with a shrug.
“Good point…”
“Are you…okay?” Q asked worriedly, his body curling slightly, in the way a guilty cat’s would.
“I’m…alright. It’ll take some time to wrap my head around everything.”
“You have time.” Q promised sincerely. “I can give you time.”
“Thank you, Q.” James smiled, putting his hand over Q’s on the counter. “Does this mean I don’t have to sleep on the couch?”
“You can sleep wherever you please, just don’t expect anything but cuddling from me.” Q chuckled. “Still not happy with you.”
“I deserve that…” James agreed.
“I know.” Q nodded in agreement before walking around the counter and pulling James into a hug. “I forgive you, but I’m still pissed off, alright?”
“Got it.” James nodded, burying his face in Q’s curls.
“Ask next time.” Q reminded him one last time, taking a deep whiff of his scent before pulling away. “If make me a cuppa I’ll clean those scratches and bites for you.”
“Sounds good.”
“Thank you for the tuna…we ran out after that Cairo incident. I’ll be right back with some bandages.” Q kissed his cheek and left the room.
Would it really be so terrible to be committed to that man? James could trust him and he did. He was kind and gentle, but not without a backbone. He was beautiful in a way that wasn’t external—but he was handsome as well… Commitment scared James, people he committed to usually ended up dead…but something in him didn’t want to run away from Q…not at all. Q came back and began to tend to the scratches on his arms.
No…it wouldn’t be bad after all.
The phone on the counter beeped and James reached out for his free hand and grabbed it, Q was busy. He typed in the password and Q looked at him with eyes narrowed. “I’m a spy…you’ll have to do better than 3-6-7-3, Ford.” Q frowned and continued tending to James’ arm.
“Who’s it from?”
“John… It says: ‘Lock’s on his way over, have a window open. He seemed angry. -JW’”
“Oh, lovely…” Q sighed heavily.
“What does that mean?”
“It means a panther is racing across London. It’s a wonder he hasn’t been killed yet with his antics… A panther is hardly inconspicuous.”
“Sherlock’s coming?”
“Yeah…” Q sighed. “Be careful, he has bigger claws than me…and by that I mean he could probably eat me in a single bite if he wanted to…so don’t piss him off. He’ll probably tackle you, but don’t let him intimidate you…”
“Is he as scary as Mycroft?”
“No.”
“I’ll be fine then.”
“He’s probably more angry about me anyway, not you.” Q said, finishing off the last bandage before going to the window and pulling it open. Q went to the closet and threw blankets over the couch. “This could be fun.” Q said taking a sip of the tea James had made for him before his attention was back on the can of tuna, attempting to finish it, but before he finished it his ears twitched slightly. He hissed and shifted. James looked at the brown cat, shocked a bit. He’d never seen his hair stand on end so much, and had never seen the angry twitch in his tail—not without being on the end of the extended claws. James couldn’t help his eyes widening when a long, black, panther slipped through the open window gracefully, growling low, quiet.
James saw icy-grey eyes meet his eyes and winced back slightly…that was, of course when Shadow leapt off the stool and landed in front of the panther, hissing, ears flat against his head. James saw claws and was terrified for Q, but he dodged them and scratched at the face of the panther before leaping on his back and digging claws into the panther’s shoulders, hissing again and making an ungodly, furious, growling meow in the back of his throat. For a domestic cat against a panther, it was a sight…
“Could we perhaps do this the human way? I don’t suspect Ford would like me too much if I brought my weapon to the party… You two have claws but all I’ve got is a gun…so maybe calming down would be the best way to go.” James suggested. Shadow leapt away from Sherlock, tail twitching as he walked towards the couch. The panther looked after him, but he hissed at him before burying himself under a blanket.
“As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right. So change or I’ll hit you with a tranquilizer and put you in the nearest zoo.” Q threatened, slipping out from under the blanket as he got off the couch. There was a growl from the panther and he stepped forward, towards Q. “I’m not bluffing, Sherlock. Now.” James could never get used to it, but suddenly there was a tall, slender, leanly muscled man standing in front of him—completely nude and completely at ease with it. He looked like a taller, more angular version of his younger brother…only his hair was darker and his eyes were blue, not green. Had James not been an agent for so long the nudity might have bothered him. It was a bit obvious though that the brothers weren’t bothered by it all that much, what with it being a byproduct of their changing forms.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sherlock growled in a low baritone.
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I knew you’d react like this.” Q snapped.
“But you told Mycroft?”
“No, he stalked James, it was hardly my fault.”
“You found your mate and the first person who knows is bloody Mycroft. Mummy and Dad knew before me.”
“Well take it up with Mycroft, not me.” Q hissed.
“Ford so help me—”
“You’ll what, scratch me with your claws? I’m terrified. How many times have I heard that threat and not seen any action.” Sherlock raised an eyebrow. “If you touch him, I’ll kill you.” Q said coldly, flatly. James had never heard his voice so angrily. “That goes for Mycroft as well, but Mycroft knows better, unlike you. I won’t even have to hide your body, Sherlock, I can leave all the evidence I want because I don’t exist. All I’ll get is a slap on the wrist from M and a lack of invites to Christmas, but I hardly care about that.”
“I will threaten him all I want. Especially a man who has such obvious commitment issues. He’s going to hurt you, Ford, and I won’t let him.”
“You think you know so much, Sherlock…but you’re wrong. Think about touching him and you won’t get a warning.”
“Sure thing, kitten.” Sherlock mocked. The tension in Q’s body slowly lessened.
“Put on a blanket, I’d rather not have you naked in my home.”
“Why? Are you feeling exposed? Or are you afraid he doesn’t know where to look?” Sherlock challenged.
“I’d personally rather not have to look at you, actually.” Q sighed, tossing a blanket at Sherlock. He huffed and wrapped it around himself. Q left the room for a moment, leaving James and Sherlock to stare at each other.
“You’ve slept with three different people within the past month. Really not very good of a partner are you?”
“It wasn’t—”
“Let me guess, you’re blaming it on your work aren’t you? Well you should take better care or better yet stop working if you can’t stop seducing everyone. I’m quite sure it drives Ford out of his mind having to smell you so covered in other peoples stenches.”
“I can’t always control—”
“Do you honestly enjoy hurting my little brother? I could always find a way to keep you from straying.”
“Sherlock!” Q hissed, coming out of the bedroom dressed in a pair of pants and one of James’ t-shirts. “It’s not your place just as much as it wasn’t Mycroft’s place to say anything to James. Both of you need to get out of this aspect of my life before I throw you out of all of it.”
“He sleeps with other people, Ford, don’t make me explain it to you, I know you can do more than just see it through surveillance.”
“Sherlock, stop it. We’re taking this like normal people, and unlike you I can understand that he has a job and he loves it. I know there are problems, but guess what, nothing is perfect and we’re working on it, so get out of my business.”
“Should claw him just for thinking about—”
“Sherlock!” Sherlock winced at the tone and took a step back as a man came in through the door. “Get out of your brother’s damn life. I didn’t see him butting into ours, so grant him the same kindness or you’ll be sleeping on your own for a month.”
“John, perfect timing, as usual. Tea?”
“That would be lovely, Ford, thank you.” John smiled before glaring at Sherlock. “Sit down, now.” Sherlock grumbled but sat down, petulant. “Good, now that everyone in the room is at least attempting to act like an adult we can actually hold a conversation.” John rolled his eyes before smiled at James. “Sorry about him, mate. He’s a protective idiot when it comes to his brother.”
“He’s always an idiot.” Q commented.
“But he’s my idiot.” John shrugged. “I’m John Watson” James took his hand.
“James Bond.”
“Navy man?”
“Yes, army?”
“Yes, Afghanistan. There’s something about the Holmes boys falling for men who carry guns apparently.” John shrugged, dropping James’ hand. “How are you taking it?”
“Pretty alright.”
“There isn’t exactly a manual for ‘dealing with shape-shifting boyfriends’, I know…but Greg and I have drinks to keep us sane on Thursdays. You can some out any time you like.”
“Thanks.”
“Trust me, you need a break from the Holmes boys every once in a while, but if it makes you feel better, Ford’s the most sane of the lot.”
“It does a little bit.” James chuckled.
“How do you take it?” Q asked.
“However you like it is fine, you make the best tea I’ve ever had.”
“Thank you.” Q smiled before he prepared the cup and handed it to John.
“Do you think he’s calmed down yet?” John mouthed to Q. Q looked over at Sherlock and then shrugged. “Can we have a human conversation now or are you still throwing a hissy fit?”
“I do not throw hissy fits. You mistake me with a smaller breed of cat.” Q—for his part—didn’t hiss at his older brother. John shook his head and looked at James and Q.
“I suppose he can sit in there and sulk. Us adults can talk in here.” John sighed. “I’m guessing you two met at MI6 then?”
“He’s a double-o.” Q nodded with a small smile.
“Really? You must be brilliant then.” John grinned. “It must be good for the adrenalin junkie in you.”
“Yes, yes, it’s all so wonderful, my brother is mated to a killer, torturer, and a sex addict who’s never—”
“Sherlock!” John snapped. The man went silent.
“Adrenalin junkie?”
“Takes one to know one.” John shrugged. “Why do you think I follow around that ass all the time?” John chuckled. “It’s good for me… I tend to get a bit destructive when I’m left to myself. Not as destructive as a bored Holmes…but, I don’t think anything is.”
“James is worse than Sherlock when it comes to boredom.”
“That can’t be possible.” John shook his head.
“He blows things up…it’s rather frightening for the poor people who have to endure it.” Q commented. “And the people who end up doing the paperwork to clear up the mess.” Q raised an eyebrow at James.
“I haven’t done that in a while.”
“Mm, true.”
“You’re a bit scratched up.” John commented.
“Laser pointer incident.”
“Yeah…um, Sherlock still has scars for that… It’s really best if you don’t carry one around Q.”
“What?” Q asked with a scoff. “Sherlock’s susceptible too.” John almost spat out his tea.
“What? He is?” John grinned.
“Mycroft started it…had Sherlock and I going crazy. The only problem is it affects me when I’m human, but only really affects Sherlock when he’s a panther. Yes, he will chase on though… The reason why he’s got a scar was because we were at a wedding and he wouldn’t stop it. Imagine having to try to sit in your seat with that damn thing moving against the wall. He’s lucky I didn’t manage to scratch out an eye.”
“I’ll have to remember that.” John smiled.
“Just as long as you don’t use it against me.”
“I like you.” John chuckled.
“It’s all fun until you’re a human jumping at something silly… It takes all credibility away.”
“I am sorry.” James commented.
“I know.” Q smiled.
“So, how long have you two been together?”
“Four-ish months. Five if you count the time he slept in my bed before I knew he was a bloody cat.”
“You did?” John asked Q, amused.
“He was having a rough time… Cats are cute and comforting.” Q defended himself. “He called me Shadow…still calls that cat-me Shadow. I like it.” Q smiled.
“I call him Hunter.” John shrugged, as if it were perfectly normal to give a name to someone who already had one. “He scared the hell out of me the first time I saw him change. Took me a week to adjust to it.”
“Yeah…I went to sleep with a brown cat and woke up with a naked Quartermaster.” James commented.
“Not my fault… I relaxed and it happened…” Q pouted. A black panther curled around the corner, sleek and silent before nuzzling the side of John’s hip.
“I’m still upset with you, Hunter…” John said simply. “But God you’re cute.” John smiled, rubbing his head gently. “Well, good luck you two…trying to figure everything out. It takes some time, but I’m sure it will work out for you. We’re doing alright ourselves.” John smiled, kneeling and pressing a kiss to the top of the panther’s head. “James, you’re welcome to meet up with Greg and I any time you’re in town. He’d love to meet you. Just text me, alright? I’m going to go rip his head off so that he’ll get off your backs.” John promised.
“Thank you.” James nodded.
“No problem.” John nodded. “Always great to see you, Ford, Mrs. Hudson told me to send you her love.”
“Tell her it was well received and returned. I love that woman.” Q smiled. “Give him hell for me won’t you.” Hunter hissed at Q, Q looked unaffected by it.
“Oh, don’t worry. I will. I married Sherlock, not bloody Mycroft. I don’t know how poor Greg lives with Mycroft.”
“Takes a strong man.” Q sighed.
“I know.” John nodded. “You, out the way you came. I’ll meet you at home and don’t think about taking detours. I’ll hunt you down.” Hunter huffed, but slipped silently out of the window. John closed and locked it for Q. “He won’t bother you two again, promise.”
“Thank you, John.”
“Well, if I don’t see you in the next month and a half…see you at Christmas.” John saluted them before he left the flat.
“I like John, he seems mostly sane.”
“No one in my family is sane.”