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It should be a calm day. The sky is clear, the bustle of life is at its normal hum, Starscream is as on top of the world as he would ever get. Yet, there isn’t any peace within him. Inner turmoil still burns. He won - he took Bumblebee as his own and together they won . He had all that mattered. They banished Autobots and Decepticons alike - built their Cybertron on the neutral parties who just wanted to live on a restored Cybertron.
I accomplished everything I set out to do - why am I still not fulfilled? Am I even happy? What is missing?
His arms fold over the balcony overlooking the ruling Vos. His old stomping ground, renewed. The Prince returned to where he belongs. Yet it feels foreign. The place didn’t change - he must have.
A possibility he is loathe to entertain.
He lets a hand dangle over the edge, claws loosely dangling as if the wind is moving them. His gaze is unfocused, and roots to the sky. The air; where he always was most at home. Home is an uncomfortable concept - war had changed that. War had changed everything.
“Star?”
The voice of his conjunx brings Starscream back down to reality. His troubled thoughts still swim, and he hesitates before doing anything. Turning to face Bumblebee is not an option, his face will betray everything. He despises talking about it. He is desperate to ignore it.
“Another good day, isn’t it?”
His tone is level, with a measured amount of force to keep it that way. To not betray any emotion, positive or negative. He’s attempting to pass it off as an offhand comment - though the sinking feeling of dread in his spark tells him everything he needs to know before he hears Bumblebee speak.
“You’re withdrawing again.”
Bumblebee is right, but Starscream’s whole body tenses. He hates it - despises it. His upper lip curls as if ready to let out one of those low growls of his; before he stops himself. It takes a moment of pure silence to steady himself. He knows Bumblebee’s intentions aren’t negative in nature. He shouldn’t bristle as much as he does.
Yet his mind still does not cooperate.
“So?”
The curt response doesn’t seem to make Bumblebee give even the slightest pause - they’ve been through this routine so many, many times before.
“At some point you’ll have to talk about it. You can’t just keep bottling it in. Eventually it will-”
“It will what?” Starscream turns on his heel, a glare cast at Bumblebee. The action makes Bumblebee flinch back slightly, and Starscream relents, apologetic in expression as he turns back around. “You need to worry about matters that concern you. Like running Cybertron. I’m fine. I always was. I always will be.”
“You do concern me!” Bumblebee interjects forcefully, walking forward and grabbing Starscream’s arm, forcing Starscream to turn to face him. “I love you - of course you concern me! You come before everything else! When are you going to see that?”
The outburst ends in dead silence, Starscream left to stare at Bumblebee - the latter in distress. All this time, all those soft conversations, finally hit the breaking point.
“I…” Starscream starts, before averting his gaze. Guilt stabs at him. “I was hoping I could go on ignoring it.”
“Ignoring it in hopes of what, Star? It doesn’t just go away . You know that. I know that.”
“I am aware.” A curt edge rises in Starscream’s tone, a scowl appearing.
“Star.” Bumblebee reaches out to take Starscream’s hands in his, drawing Starscream’s attention. “I know you spent a lot of time in an environment where no one cared. It’s clear no one ever listened to you. But I’m here now. This is different. This isn’t the Decepticons. We’re not at war. We are together . And as hard as it might be for you - you need to start trusting in me and talking to me so we can work through this together. Right now? We’re about as trusting in each other as Autobots and Decepticons used to be. I want to give you a chance - you shut yourself down and close off from everyone. Do you think I don’t care? That I won’t be here for you every step of the way? Why is it you won’t talk to me, Star? What is it that I am doing wrong? Is it me? Or is it the way you’ve been treated still taking hold of you?”
At first, Starscream has no response other than to stare, dumbfounded, at Bumblebee. Every single point is true. Starscream always knew it, but never wanted to address it. Always falling back into his old ways - closing off was always the quickest solution. Forcing himself into the next task to avoid staying on it for too long. Failing - getting hurt - restarting the cycle again.
“You say this as if it’s easy to talk about.” Finally, Starscream speaks, turning his head away.
“It won’t be.”
Bumblebee’s agreement causes Starscream to snap his attention back to Bumblebee, a stunned look appearing.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Star. Things like this… It’s such a long time of being this way - it will take a while to get out of it. But you’re not alone, and you need to start realizing you’re not. You brought me all this way. You chose me. You did it for a reason. Think about why I got this far with you. Why did you do all this? Why keep me here instead of killing me and having Cybertron for yourself? What drove you?”
“I fell in love with you.” Starscream’s answer is straightforward, though Bumblebee’s silence in response causes Starscream to think it over, to think what it really meant when paired with Bumblebee’s words. “It’s about trust, is it?” He finally asks.
“Little bit by little bit.” Bumblebee affirms. “So why not start with what’s on your mind today? What were you thinking of, staring into the sky?”
Starscream pulls his hands back to himself gently, and leans back over the balcony. Bumblebee takes up a position beside him, staying quiet and willing to listen.
It was a different feeling - having someone who wanted to listen. Someone who cared. It went against everything he could remember. He could barely even remember times before the war, his mind far too preoccupied to access those memories, or even care about them.
“When I look over Vos, it’s the same.” Starscream starts, staring down at it. “I had the view so long ago. I had everything at my fingertips. I could do anything I wanted to do, push any way I wanted, make a better Vos, do… whatever.” He waves a hand airily, before slowly lowering it back down. “But now? I don’t feel the same way I used to. I don’t see my home - I see Vos. Just Vos. There’s nothing to attach me to it anymore. I’m not the same. I changed. I can’t be that Prince I once was. I’ll never be that again. I’ll never feel that way again. The war…”
He finally trails off, closing his optics and hanging his head. Bumblebee stays quiet, knowing there’s more yet to be said.
“I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought…” He moves his head up, opening his optics to stare out over Vos. “I thought I wanted this. That when I had Cybertron in my hands, that when I won and finally proved myself to Megatron, even to Optimus Prime, that I’d have it all.”
His hands curl into fists, and he grits his teeth. His lip curls into a snarl and a frustrated growl passes him.
“ Why do I not feel any different .”
He falls into silence, anger rising, then slowly dissipating. His claws uncurl and hang limply over the balcony edge. His gaze becomes distant, almost as if he were saddened, hurt even.
Bumblebee’s hand reaching out to gently touch his shoulder causes Starscream to look over at Bumblebee. For the first time, he sees genuine care on someone else’s face after listening to him. Listening to him. Bumblebee heard what he said and cared .
“You’re not frustrated?” Starscream questions.
“Why would I be?”
“Everyone else usually is by this point.”
“I’m not everyone else.”
“I… I’m learning that.”
“You’re learning a lot more than just that, Star. It’s a long road ahead of us. But you took the first step. You should feel proud for that.”
“I should?”
“You did something emotionally difficult. Stressful even.” Bumblebee smiles, moving over to hug Starscream. “You put your trust in me, Star. You let me be here for you. You’ve never done that before.”
Surprised, Starscream returns the hug, keeping Bumblebee against him. There’s a warmth in his spark that he just can never explain.
“We’ll figure it out, Star. It might not be today, but we’ll make this work. We’ll find out what will make this home to you again. We’ll put those doubts to rest. We’ll make ourselves happy.”
“Awfully optimistic, bug.” The nickname comes out with affection, Starscream raising a brow.
“You’re the one who opened up.” Bumblebee looks up toward Starscream, smiling. “It’s a two way street. You made the choice on your own, just as I did.”
“Alright. Shut up before I go back to withdrawing forever. I don’t like gloating.”
Laughter meets Starscream’s demand, causing him to squint at Bumblebee for a moment. Though watching Bumblebee’s genuine laugh does eventually get Starscream to smile. Though the laughter does not last much longer, as Starscream leans down for a kiss, effectively putting an end to it.
“I love you, Star.” Bumblebee’s voice comes out soft when Starscream pulls away.
“I know.” His response comes, pulling Bumblebee closer into his embrace.
“I love you too, bug.”