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Make sure you’re following your heart.
In that moment between the bullet tearing through his shoulder and him collapsing to the hot pavement, Eddie finally heard it. With his eyes locked onto Buck’s, his mind was finally quiet enough for him to hear his heart loud and clear. And as he laid there, gasping for breath, brown eyes locked with blue, he knew exactly where it was leading him.
He’d been planning to break up with Ana since the moment he woke up in the hospital, when the intense disappointment of finding her at his bedside instead of Buck confirmed everything. But before he could go through with the break up, Eddie had come home to the news that Buck was with Taylor, and he seemed really happy. So, though his heart was aching and raw from screaming for him to follow, he ignored it. What Eddie wanted didn’t matter, at least not to Eddie. Buck’s happiness was all Eddie wanted, even if it wasn’t with him.
So Eddie had decided to try and make things work with Ana. She was sweet, kind, and way smarter than him. She was even great with Christopher. She was a catch, the full package. And Eddie hoped and prayed that maybe, if he just focused on Ana enough, he could be rid of his feelings for Buck and eventually grow to love Ana.
So far in the past month and a half it hadn’t worked, but he was nothing if not stubborn.
That was how Eddie found himself in the corner of his couch on a random friday night, Ana snuggled up to his side with her head on his good shoulder as they watched a movie. The volume was low, the lights even lower. It had been a pretty peaceful night. And though he still was not in love with her, which was why he hadn't kissed her since before the shooting, Eddie really had grown to love Ana as a friend. She was good company, and Eddie was so tired of being alone. He could find happiness in what he had with Ana. At least, that’s what he was trying to make himself believe.
The shrill ring of Eddie’s phone startled both of them, and Ana giggled as she sat up and paused the movie. He snatched the phone from the coffee table and muted the ringer quickly, hoping it hadn’t been loud enough to wake Christopher down the hall. It was late, nearing midnight, and that fact added a shot of concern to Eddie’s surprise when he saw Buck’s smiling face on the screen. He accepted the call immediately.
“Buck? What’s up?”
If he listened carefully, he could faintly hear the familiar chatter of dispatch talking over a radio, and that alone made his stomach twist with dread. The longer the line stayed silent, the harder his heart pounded against his ribs.
“Buck?” he asked again, his worry making its way into his voice. “Are you there?”
Then came a familiar sniffle, one that always sent a wave of anxiety crashing over him. His breath hitched as he started to say something else, but a broken, trembling voice cut him off.
“Eddie…”
Eddie’s heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach. “Buck? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“No,” Buck laughed, breathless and bitter, just on this side of hysterical. He sniffled again, sounding like he was trying to stop himself from crying. “C-could uh… could you come get me? Please?”
“I’m coming right now,” Eddie answered without hesitation as he shot to his feet, giving Ana a pleading look.
Catching onto his unspoken question immediately, she smiled softly and nodded, whispering to him. “I’ll stay with Christopher. Go.”
Eddie mouthed “thank you” and hurried to the door, shoving his bare feet into his running shoes and grabbing his keys. “Tell me where you are.”
“Um… I’m at-- Wait. Fuck. You… you have Chris. Never mind,” Buck breathed, sounding on the verge of a breakdown. “I-I-I’ll call an uber or something. I’m sorry.”
“Evan, tell me where you are,” Eddie demanded, clearly leaving no room for argument.
As he got into his truck, Eddie listened to Buck suck in a tremulous breath and release it before quietly telling him where he was.
“Are you safe?”
“Yeah,” Buck breathed, his voice devolving into a near whimper. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you dare apologize for this. I’m coming. Just stay where you are and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
…
Buck was silent on the phone as Eddie drove, his occasional sniffles and shaky breaths the only thing letting Eddie know the call was still connected. Eddie spoke gentle reassurances throughout the drive, telling Buck how much closer he was every few minutes. When he turned onto the street, the first thing Eddie saw was flashing red and blue lights. The street wasn’t busy, but of course a small crowd had gathered along the line of police tape. Two police cruisers were parked along the side of the road next to an ambulance. A couple paramedics were standing by it, talking to each other as if they didn't have anything better to do. Two of the three cops were trying to keep the dozen or so onlookers back, and one was speaking to a woman who looked pretty shaken up but unharmed. Eddie was thoroughly confused about what had happened, but his stomach was still twisted with worry.
“I’m here, Buck. Where are you?” Eddie asked, eyes scanning the scene a second time, though he doubted he had missed Buck. Eddie could pick Buck out of any crowd.
“Back of the ambulance,” he all but whispered, sending a chill of concern down Eddie’s spine as he got out of the truck.
“You’re hurt?” Eddie asked, ducking under the police tape, but Buck didn't get the chance to answer.
“Excuse me, sir,” an officer barked, stepping between Eddie and the ambulance. “You need to stay back behind the tape.”
“My friend is in the ambulance. Evan Buckley,” Eddie told him, struggling to keep the irritation out of his voice. Pissing off a cop wasn’t going to help Buck any. “He called me, asked me to come get him.”
The officer studied him carefully for a beat before nodding and stepping aside. Eddie tried not to glare too hard at him as he nodded his thanks and passed him. He ended the call as he hurried around the ambulance, and the moment he saw his best friend, Eddie's stomach lurched.
Buck was a mess. Sitting on the bumper of the ambulance, he was hunched over as if trying to make himself appear smaller than he was. He was trembling despite the thick blanket wrapped around him and the warmth of a summer night. A trail of dried blood ran from a cut on his hairline down to a blossoming bruise along the left side of his jaw. His bottom lip was split, and his right eye had a purple ring around it, broken up by torn and bleeding skin over his cheekbone. Eddie was sure there were more bruises and wounds that he couldn't see, just based on the way Buck was holding himself. The moment their eyes met, the dam broke, and Buck crumbled right along with it. He lurched forward with the force of his sobs, but Eddie was there to catch him.
He cradled Buck’s head to his chest, carefully combing his fingers through his hair as he whispered softly. “I’ve got you, Buck. You're okay. I've got you.”
One of the paramedics hesitantly rounded the corner of the ambulance, looking at Buck with sympathy in her eyes. “He wouldn’t let anybody touch him. Said he only wanted someone named Eddie. I assume that’s you?”
Eddie nodded, absentmindedly pressing a kiss to the top of Buck’s head. “Yeah, that’s me.”
“Since he wouldn't let me look him over, I don’t know how bad he’s hurt. You should probably take him to the ER.”
“I’m a medic,” Eddie told her, a little annoyed that she was talking about Buck as if he wasn’t there. “I’ll take care of you, okay?” he whispered to Buck, pressing another kiss to his hair. "I've got you."
As the woman walked back over to her partner, Eddie’s full attention was already back on Buck. He was trembling in Eddie’s arms, fingers curling into the fabric of Eddie’s shirt like Buck was afraid he was going to walk away. Eddie just held on to him a little tighter, letting him cry it out for however long he needed to.
…
Ana shot up from the couch as soon as Eddie opened the door, concern in her soft eyes. The second Buck noticed her, he went rigid and wide eyed like a deer in headlights.
“Oh god I interrupted your date,” Buck breathed, starting to back up toward the door, shaking his head. “Fuck, I’m-- I’m sorry. I’ll just… I should go…”
Eddie gently grabbed Buck’s bicep and pulled him into his arms. “You’re not going anywhere.”
Buck relaxed almost immediately, curling his arms around Eddie’s waist as he melted into him.
…
Once Buck was seated on the closed toilet seat lid, eyes downcast to the dark blue rug, Eddie got the first aid kit out from under the sink. Placing it on the counter, he slipped into medic mode, focusing on the task at hand rather than the fact that it was Buck’s injuries he was treating.
“I’d really rather you go to the hospital so you could get checked out thoroughly. I can tell your ribs are hurting.”
Buck just shook his head, curling in on himself a bit more. “I can’t, Eddie.”
“Unless your pain gets worse or you start having trouble breathing, I won’t make you go. Not tonight, anyway.”
When Eddie started to step away, Buck grabbed the hem of Eddie’s shirt desperately. He didn’t look up from the rug, just held on like he was afraid Eddie would float away if he let go.
“Hey, it’s okay. I'm not leaving you,” Eddie soothed, curling his fingers around Buck’s hand. His grip loosened slightly, but he still held on. “I’m just grabbing a rag from the shelf over there.”
Buck finally looked up at him, studying his face for a moment before slowly letting go of the shirt. Eddie quickly grabbed a washcloth off the shelf and ran it under warm water. The moment he was close enough, Buck grabbed hold of his shirt again. He was stretching out the fabric, but Eddie didn't mind. If it gave him comfort, Buck could burn the shirt for all he cared. Carefully touching Buck’s chin to tilt his head up more, Eddie started to wipe the blood from Buck’s face. Silence fell over them, but it wasn’t as comfortable as it usually was between them. Buck was still trembling, and Eddie’s body was rigid with anger toward the person who'd left a fist-shaped bruise on Buck’s jaw.
“Who did this to you?” Eddie asked, forcing his voice to stay calm. Whoever they were, he wanted to make them bleed.
“My date.”
That startled Eddie to his core, but also confused the hell out of him. “Taylor did this?”
Buck shook his head. “We broke up weeks ago. I was on a date with this guy and he… he set me up. He was walking me to my car when his friends came out of nowhere. I fought back as hard as I could, but there were four of them.”
Eddie looked at him in horror. “So this guy took you on a date just to mug you?”
“It wasn’t a mugging, Eddie. They didn’t take anything.” When Buck looked back up at him, fresh tears had filled his eyes. “And “fuck” wasn’t the only f-word they were using.”
Eddie took a deep breath to keep his rage from boiling over, letting it out slowly as he knelt down in front of Buck. Dropping the rag into the sink, he took Buck's shaking hands into his own, but everything Eddie was about to say died on his tongue. Buck’s knuckles were bruised, with splits in several places and dried blood between his fingers. He really had fought back, and he’d fought hard. “I'm so sorry, Buck.”
“I’m pretty sure the only reason they didn’t kill me was because someone saw what was happening and yelled that they were calling cops. They took off immediately.”
With a feather-soft touch, Eddie ran his thumb under Buck’s eyes to wipe away his tears. "You're safe now. I won't let anything happen to you.”
"I know." Buck's lips twitched into something that couldn't even be called a grin, but he looked a little less terrified than he had before. "Thank you."
"I've got your back." Standing up again, Eddie set about pulling the things he'd need out of his kit. "I need you to take off your shirt so I can check you over."
Buck grimaced. “I might need some help. My ribs…”
It was a slow process, but Eddie managed to get Buck’s shirt off him with minimal pain. Eddie, however, felt a sharp stab in his own chest when he saw the kaleidoscope of bruises starting to form across Buck’s torso. Eddie’s fingers ghosted over one of the more angry bruises under his ribs on the right side. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep his anger caged.
“Is this a boot print?” Eddie asked, voice breaking.
Buck just nodded, smiling softly as Eddie made a low growling sound.
“I’ll kill them.”
“Eddie--”
“No, Buck. I want a picture of this guy, I want his name. I will hunt them all down.”
Slowly, Buck’s smile started to reach his eyes. He wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist, pulling him in and resting his face against Eddie’s abs. Eddie immediately deflated, running a hand through Buck’s hair. They stayed like that for some time, Eddie trying to give Buck all the comfort he could.
“Okay,” Eddie nudged Buck’s shoulder gently. “I really need to treat these cuts before they get infected.”
Once Buck let him go so he could work, Eddie grabbed a cotton ball and the bottle of antiseptic. "This’ll sting."
Buck shrugged, closing his eyes and holding his face up to let Eddie do what he needed to do. The unbridled trust Buck had in him never failed to take Eddie’s breath away. Buck only hissed a couple times as Eddie disinfected every cut on his face, then moved on to Buck’s hands. Once Eddie was satisfied that every bit of broken skin was disinfected, Eddie moved on to patching up the bruised split at Buck’s hairline. It wasn’t deep or very long, so Eddie was satisfied once he’d placed three butterfly closures over it. And then he started checking the rest of him. Buck's skin was warm as Eddie gently pressed his fingers down to check his ribs and stomach. Buck grimaced and hissed, but didn't seem to be in too much pain.
"I’m pretty sure your ribs are just bruised, but there could be a slight fracture. I really should take you in for x-rays.”
Tears sprang to Buck’s tired eyes once again. “Please don’t make me. I… I can’t handle anyone else touching me right now, Eddie.”
“Not tonight.” Eddie softly ran the back of his fingers down Buck's cheek to soothe him. “But you really do need to go tomorrow.”
The other man sighed, defeated yet clearly relieved. “Fine. Tomorrow.”
“Does anything else hurt? Did I miss anything?”
Buck shook his head.
"You want a shower?"
"Just wanna sleep."
"I think that can be arranged," Eddie smiled, ever so gently brushing the last of Buck's tears away. "Why don’t you go put on something soft? That shirt you love to steal is clean. It’s in my drawer."
That got Buck to smile. Only a slight raise of one corner of his mouth, but it was something.
"And you are not sleeping on that couch. You don't need to make your pain any worse. I want you to take my bed instead."
"Eddie--"
"Buck, I can sleep on the couch. It's okay."
“No, I…” he cleared his throat and licked his lips nervously, cringing at the taste of blood from the split. “I was going to ask if you could stay with me.” Buck’s eyes shimmered as he looked up at him. “I really don’t wanna be alone.”
Eddie smiled, taking Buck’s face into his careful hands and pressing his lips to Buck's forehead. “Go get changed while I lock up, and I’ll be right in.”
Finally, Buck’s smile reached his eyes. “Thanks.”
Once Eddie led Buck to his room and was sure he was okay to dress himself, Eddie left him to it, shutting the door quietly. He sighed as he leaned against the wall for a moment, trying to rein in the rest of his anger. But that was when he realized.
Ana was still there.
Heat covered Eddie’s face and his eyes went wide as he rushed down the hall to the living room. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I completely abandoned you."
Ana giggled, leaning against the arm of the couch. "It's okay, Eddie. Some things are more important. How is he doing?"
"Still pretty shaken up and scared," Eddie sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "I need to get back in there with him. I don't want to leave him alone for too long."
"Eddie," Ana breathed, giving him a soft smile as she approached. "I have a question for you."
Brow arched with intrigue, Eddie studied her face. He could tell plain as day that she wasn't upset. In fact, she looked almost… amused. “Okay…”
"Are you in denial? Or have you just not realized you're in love with Buck?"
A chill of shock flowed down his spine. "What?"
"You heard me." Her smile grew even though it was quite obvious where this conversation was already heading. She even giggled again. She really wasn’t upset at all. “You haven’t so much as kissed me on the lips since you got out of the hospital. And, though I am completely okay with you leaving when he needed help, this wasn't the first time you left in the middle of a date because Buck called. Most of the other times weren't even real emergencies.”
“I’m sorry,” Eddie sighed, glancing back down the hall to make sure they were alone. "I think… I was already in love with him when you and I first got together. But I swear to you I had no idea. I wasn’t trying to lead you on or- or use you. I just--”
“Eddie, calm down,” she giggled softly. “It’s okay. I’m not upset. A little disappointed, sure. But who am I to stand in the way of love?”
“I just need you to know that I never meant to use or hurt you. But after… after the…" he gestured to his shoulder, still unable to say the word. "I realized."
"Then why on Earth did we keep dating?"
Eddie shrugged helplessly. "He was with Taylor, and he seemed happy. I didn't want to ruin that for him. And I don’t want to ruin our friendship by telling him how I feel when I know he doesn't feel the same. I thought, maybe if I stayed with you long enough, I'd be able to let go of this… infatuation and fall in love with you."
"And how did that work out for you?" she asked, her voice still dripping with amusement. She clearly already knew the answer.
The flush that creeped over his cheeks burned like a five alarm fire. "Not well."
With a soft sigh, she placed a delicate hand on his jaw and guided him to lean closer. Her lips were soft against his cheek, even with the clear finality in the action. Ana stroked her thumb over his cheekbone as she looked up at him. "I don’t know Buck that well, but I can tell that he loves you, too. I'm pretty sure everyone can see it but you. So stop sabotaging yourself and let yourself be happy, Edmundo."
Eddie smiled, pulling her into a hug. "Whoever you end up with is a lucky man."
"And so is Buck."
…
Once Ana was safely in her car, Eddie shut and locked the door, then kicked off the sneakers he hadn't realized he was still wearing. He went around turning off the tv and lights, leaving only the hall light on to cut a path through the darkness. Quietly, he tiptoed down the hall and opened Christopher’s door, smiling when he saw the boy curled around his stuffed shark, sound asleep. Closing the door until it was just barely cracked, he moved down to his room and opened the door slowly, knowing exactly how to keep it from creaking.
To anyone else, it would seem like Buck was already asleep. He was curled up on the right side of the bed, perfectly still, with his back to the door. But Eddie was attuned to Buck in a way that no one else was, except for maybe Maddie. And because of that, Eddie instantly picked up on the soft huffs of breath he had heard too many times before. Buck was silently sobbing.
Whoever made Buck feel the need to learn how to do that was at the top of Eddie’s shit list.
“Buck?” Eddie whispered as he slipped into the room, shutting the door most of the way behind him.
Buck audibly sniffled, and in the small patch of light he could see Buck wiping away his tears as he sat up. “I’m so sorry I ruined your date, Eddie. I shouldn’t have stayed. I made Ana uncomfortable--”
“Hey hey hey, no,” Eddie soothed, settling himself close enough to Buck that their knees touched. Careful of his bruises, Eddie took Buck’s face into his hands and guided him to meet his gaze. They could barely see each other in the small sliver of light from the hall, but it was enough to make Buck’s tears shimmer as they rolled down onto Eddie’s hands. “You did not ruin anything, okay? And Ana understood. In fact, she said to tell you she hopes you feel better.”
“She’s nice.”
Eddie smiled. “Yeah, she is. It was honestly the nicest break up I’ve ever had.”
When Buck’s eyes widened, Eddie realized he shouldn’t have said that.
“No, Buck, it was not your fault. It was mine. And honestly, it was a long time coming.”
“I should’ve called someone else instead of bothering you, but I just… I wanted you. You make me feel safe. I’m sorry.”
“Buck,” Eddie said softly, keeping his touch light as he wiped Buck’s tears away. “There is nowhere else I’d rather you be than right here with me, where I can keep you safe and make sure you know how loved you are.”
Buck nodded in understanding, but he didn’t look convinced as he laid his head on Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie combed his fingers through Buck’s unruly hair slowly, lightly scratching his scalp. He kept Buck securely held to his chest as he laid down, and Buck settled into him as Eddie pressed a kiss to the top of his head.
“I’m so sorry that this happened to you,” Eddie whispered into the darkness. “But you’re safe now. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I know.” Buck lifted his head just enough to look up at Eddie, giving him a small smile. “Thanks again for coming to get me.”
Gentle fingers still in Buck’s hair, Eddie pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “Always.”
With his smile now coming a bit easier, Buck nuzzled his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck, his nose pressed into his pulsepoint. Eddie curled an arm around him and held Buck close, running his fingers up and down Buck’s back in soothing patterns.
They weren’t together, and they weren't quite ready to be just yet, but that was okay. Even in the darkness of the room, it was plain to see that they were finally heading that way, but Eddie wasn’t in a hurry. Buck was safe, the three words Eddie had longed to say were on the tip of his tongue, and he finally had the courage to let them escape. Now he just needed to wait for Buck to be ready. And for Buck, Eddie would wait forever.
“I’m going on all of your dates with you from now on.”
Buck smiling against his skin was the best thing Eddie had ever felt.
“Sounds good to me.”