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Felix sat at the window of the little white-washed cabin on the beach where he was staying, and watched the sun rise over the golden beach below.
Yesterday he had been sitting on that beach with James, watching Della swim. The doctors had not pronounced Felix well enough to swim again, although he had been assured that someday he would be able to, with a specially-designed prosthetic hand and leg. So James had been keeping him company, there on the sand, and it had seemed natural for James to put his arm around Felix’s waist, and Felix had leaned against him, basking in the warm sun and James’ company and the sight of Della in the beautiful blue water, almost carefree again.
Felix had gone to stand and stretch, and had stumbled, still somewhat unsteady on his new prosthetics, and James had caught him. It had been a simple, friendly gesture - but Felix had looked up at James, the ocean wind blowing in his hair, shirtless, smiling down at Felix, and something deep inside of him had said, I love him.
It was the same thing he had thought about Della, one night in a French restaurant in Virginia, her golden hair catching the light just right as she laughed. That had been the night he knew he was going to marry her.
And then Franz Sanchez had happened, and Felix had lost half his limbs, and Della had nearly died. Now, here they were in a little cabin near the beach in San Francisco. It would be a second honeymoon, James had said. Time to relax, time to recover. To heal.
James had been the one to suggest it, and perhaps that was how he had ended up being invited along. He had tried to demure, but Della had insisted. Felix thought, perhaps, that having James along made her feel safer. After all, he had killed the men who had hurt them.
It made Felix feel safer too.
Felix had always known he went both ways. It wasn’t allowed in the CIA, of course, but he supposed that wouldn’t be a problem anymore. It was legal these days, even nearly accepted, some places - like San Francisco. Felix could have pursued James openly, might even have moved to England to be with him, except for two little problems: one, James was very obviously straight, and two, Felix was married.
Della knew he was bisexual. It had never been a problem between them - in fact, Della herself had always demurred around describing herself as straight. She had a complicated relationship to that kind of label, and a wild past. It wasn’t so much a problem that he was in love with a man, so much as that he was in love with his best friend.
He still loved Della, he felt sure of that. Even in that moment, sitting there with James, he had looked out to see her in the water and thought, I could never give her up. Not even for him.
But neither could he give up James for Della. James was his best, oldest friend, a man who had stood by him through thick and thin. If he had felt this way about anyone else outside of his marriage, he might have tried to distance himself from them. But that simply wasn’t an option with James.
Felix ran a hand over his hair, and sighed. He felt like an absolute asshole. After everything Della had been through because of his work, here he was mooning over someone else not a month after marrying her. He should have known he’d be a shitty husband.
Della walked out of their bedroom, yawning. Unusually for her, she was fully dressed already. Usually she made a habit of lounging around in her undergarments until she had had breakfast, coffee, and fully woken up.
She sank down on the couch next to Felix, cup of coffee in hand, looking pensive.
“Morning, you,” Felix said, smiling at her messy morning hair. “All dressed up and ready to go, so early in the morning?”
Uncharacteristically, Della blushed. She hesitated, and then said, “I didn’t want James to see me, not properly dressed.”
Felix blinked. This had never seemed to bother her before. Della was not a shy woman, and Felix had always thought she rather enjoyed having people see her not properly dressed - especially James, with whom she shamelessly flirted. Felix didn’t mind in the slightest. Both James and Della were the kind of people who flirted with everyone, instinctively, almost reflexively, and Felix loved nothing more than watching the two of them banter. It was cute.
“You haven’t had a falling out, have you?” he ventured, cautiously. “You and James?” The night before, after his revelation, he had left the two of them to swim together and pleaded fatigue, limping back up to the cabin for an early night.
“Not - exactly,” Della said. She looked down, and Felix realized that the expression on her face was one of shame.
“Della, what is it?” he asked, setting down his coffee cup and reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder. “Did he - do something to make you feel uncomfortable?” Felix knew James could be a handful, but he had always thought that his flirtations with Della were very much encouraged by the latter.
Della sighed. “No. Not at all. Actually, I think I made him uncomfortable. I - oh, Felix, I think I’ve really messed everything up.” She put a hand to her face.
“What’s wrong?” Felix said, alarmed now.
“Felix, last night - James and I kissed,” she said, quietly.
Felix waited for there to be more. After a moment, he said, “Well, but you do that all the time. As long as you’ve known him.”
This was unquestionably true. Felix had never minded it - in fact, now that he was being open with himself about his feelings for James, he realized that he had probably enjoyed the sight of two such beautiful people kissing. They looked good together, with James’s dark, rather sinister good looks, and Della’s bright blonde beauty. But even if he hadn’t been in love with James, he didn’t think he would have minded. He wasn’t a jealous person, and he knew that no matter who Della flirted with, or kissed, it was his bed she would be coming back to at night.
Della looked away. “Well - yes. But not like this. It was - we were both a little tipsy, and in our bathing suits, and I - I leaned in and kissed him, not a little peck like usual, but a real kiss - and then we were - touching - and I - ” She put her arms around herself. “If you hadn’t been right in the other room, I don’t know what we might have done together,” she admitted. “Felix, I almost cheated on you last night. I - I’m sorry.”
Felix imagined Della and James making out, and for a moment was utterly unable to speak. He thought that his first reaction to this revelation should probably not have been, God, that’s hot, and struggled to locate a more appropriate reaction.
“I’m not angry at you,” he said, after a moment. “I mean - hell. I’d probably kiss James too if I had the chance. It’s not as if you’re going to leave me for him.” And then he thought about his ruined career, and his missing limbs, and all the stress and pain he’d brought on her over the past year, and insecurity gripped him. “Right?” he added, less certainly.
“No!” Della said. “Never, Felix,” she said, staring up at him, and Felix could see the love in her eyes. “In sickness and in health, remember?” And she pulled him into her arms and kissed him passionately, the way she must have kissed James.
When they broke apart, Felix hesitated, and then asked, “Della . . . do you - do you love him?”
Della frowned. “I - I love you, Felix. You’re my husband.”
“I love you too, Della,” Felix said, and kissed her again, lightly. And then he added, “But that’s not what I asked.”
Della pulled away, and wrapped her arms around herself again. She looked down. “I . . . he’s been so kind to me since what happened. I haven’t wanted to, to burden you with it all - and he understands, I think. You wouldn’t think a man so ruthless could be so kind . . .”
“Yeah,” Felix said. “Yeah, I would.” He reached out and put an arm around her shoulders. “Look. Della. James is a wonderful man. He’s - loyal, and caring, and brave, and . . . handsome . . .” he trailed off.
Della looked up at him, and smiled, slightly. “You’d almost think you were the one in love with him,” she said.
“I am,” Felix said, quietly. “I think I have been for years now.”
Della blinked. “Oh.” And then, slowly, her face split into a grin. “Oh, but this is wonderful!” she said. She nudged her husband affectionately in the ribs with her elbow. “I guess we’ve got something else in common, then,” she said.
Felix laughed. “You mean aside from the marriage bands?” he said. He took her hands in his, and smoothed his thumb over her ring finger.
“Aside from that,” she said, laughing.
“So where is James now?” Felix asked. “I haven’t seen the old reprobate yet this morning.”
Della bit her lip. “He ran off,” she admitted. “After we made out - I - I think he felt like he’d betrayed you. I haven’t seen him since then. I think he went into town.”
Felix put a hand to his head. “Trust James not to stick around to talk about anything,” he muttered. “I’d better go after him. Tell him everything’s all right between us.”
“What are you going to tell him?” Della asked. There was a thoughtful look on her face.
“That he’s still our friend, and all that - nothing has to change between us because of this,” Felix said.
Della snuggled up to her husband, and laid her head on his shoulder, looking out at the ocean contemplatively. “Do you think maybe things should change?” she asked.
Felix looked down at his wife. “What do you mean?” he asked, curious.
“I mean,” Della said. “He saved our lives, didn’t he? And he’s terribly handsome, and . . . well, he’s not like any man I’ve ever met before. And he’s single.”
“What are you suggesting?” Felix said, frowning.
Della reached out to take his hand in hers. “We both want him,” she pointed out. “And he wants me . . . and he loves you. Why don’t we ask him to join us?”
“I - in bed, you mean?” Felix said, flabbergasted.
“Sure. And then, afterwards, if we have energy, on a date.” She looked up at him, mischievous. “It’s not that unheard of, you know. When I was in college I was sleeping with this married couple - it was some of the best sex of my life.”
“I - I don’t know, Della,” Felix said. The mental image of Della and James both in his bed at the same time made it rather hard to focus, but he clung to the scraps of rational thought in his mind. “He’s my best friend. It seems like - a hell of a thing to jeopardize all that just for a roll in the hay.”
“But it wouldn’t just be a roll in the hay, would it?” Della said, softly. She squeezed his hand. “You love him. And I think I could, too.”
Felix swallowed. He thought of James looking down at him on the beach, holding him so gently. “He’s straight,” he protested.
“Is he?” Della asked. “Have you ever asked him?”
“Well - no,” Felix admitted. “But you only have to look at him.”
Della laughed, and pulled her husband into a kiss. “People probably say the same thing about us,” she pointed out.
Felix chuckled. “Well, you’re not wrong.”
“Think about it, will you?” Della squeezed his hand again. “For both of us - me, and James.”
It took Felix several hours to find James in San Francisco. James was in a dingy bar in Bayview, alone in a booth near the back, nursing a drink. To Felix’s practiced eyes, he appeared to only be slightly tipsy - but given that it was eleven AM, and given the size of the drink in front of James, Felix wasn’t inclined to count that as a good sign.
Felix ordered himself a beer, strode over and sat down in the booth across from James, causing his friend to jump at the sudden appearance.
“What, they don’t teach you to watch the entrances on your side of the pond?” Felix teased.
James didn’t crack a smile. “I suppose I’m losing my touch,” he said.
“You?” Felix said. “Never. Especially not with the ladies, huh?”
James’ lips thinned into an unhappy line, and he looked away. “So she told you,” he said. And then, after a moment, “I should’ve known better than to come here. The two of you deserve a chance to heal without me here to bugger it all up for you.”
“It was your idea to come here,” Felix said, taking a sip of his beer. “And you paid for half it. We wouldn’t’ve been able to afford all this, on one salary now, if it weren’t for you. Plus, you know, you saved my wife’s life. You’re the only reason we have a chance to heal.”
“And then I tried to get frisky with her,” James said, sitting back and crossing his arms.
“The way she told it, she tried to get frisky with you,” Felix said, sipping his beer.
James scowled. “Damn you, Felix,” he said. “Stop it. I don’t need you to coddle my feelings. If you’re going to punch me, do it and get it over with. Don’t sit there pretending everything’s fine, I can’t stand it.”
Felix sighed. “James, get your head out of your ass for five minutes and listen to what I’m actually saying. I’m not mad at you. Neither is Della. And just because I took a dip with a great white, doesn’t mean I need the two of you to coddle me.”
James glanced back at Felix, frowning, and he looked almost suspicious. “Why the hell are you being so calm about all of this?”
“I talked to Della,” Felix said. He took a sip of his beer. “She wants you, you know.”
“I did pick up on that when she kissed me, yes,” James said, drily. He lifted his drink to his lips.
“I won’t stand in your way,” Felix said. “If the two of you wanted to . . . I don’t mind. If you don’t mind sharing, that is.”
James accidentally inhaled his drink, and almost choked. Felix pounded him on the back to help him out. “Are you okay?” he asked, both concerned and amused by James’ distress.
“Yes - I - what did you say?” James managed.
“I kinda think you heard me, or else you wouldn’t have tried to breathe - what is this, pure vodka?” Felix took a sniff of James’ glass, which looked to be the same size as his own mug of beer.
“It’s a martini.”
“Yeah, mixed by a homeopath.”
“The situation seemed to call for a strong drink.” James gathered his thoughts. “What are you saying, Felix? That you’d be okay with me sleeping with your wife?”
Felix took his time answering. He didn’t know quite where to start. Della might have slept with a married couple before, but Felix was in uncharted territory here. “More than okay,” he admitted. “I like the two of you. And I like the thought of the two of you being happy together.”
James frowned, and studied Felix’s face, his eyes uncomfortably piercing. “This isn’t you being self-sacrificing, is it?” A slow, smug smile spread across his lips. “You’re getting off on this. You want us to sleep together.”
Felix felt his face turning red. “Well,” he said, and took a sip of his beer to cover his embarrassment. “You’re a very handsome man, James - don’t get a swelled head, now. I mean, I’m not blind. And Della’s one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met. So I mean . . . the thought isn’t .. . uh . . . isn’t bad. But it’s more than that,” he hastened to add. “I want her to be happy. I want you to be happy. I - hell, James. I love her, don’t I?” He stopped, and reached over to grab James’ alleged martini to take a swig of Dutch courage. Wincing at the sting of pure vodka, he took a deep breath, and said, “And I love you too. So. That’s how it is.”
James’ eyes glittered, and he leaned in, so close Felix could smell the vodka on his breath. “That’s how it is, is it?” he breathed.
“Look,” Felix said, hurriedly. “If - if you don’t - if you don’t feel the same way - I know you prefer women - we can forget we ever had this conversation, and it won’t change anything - I swear I won’t make this hard on you, James - I’m still your friend, you know, I’m not going to come over like a lovesick puppy mooning after you - “
“Felix,” James said, softly.
“What?” Felix said.
“Shut up, Felix,” James said, and leaned in to kiss him.
James was a good kisser. It was no wonder women were always chasing after him, Felix thought, shutting his eyes and leaning into James’ hand on his jaw.
A moment later, he remembered himself, and pulled back. “We should be careful,” he said. “You’ve still got a security clearance to worry about, after all. Even if I don’t.”
“Fuck my security clearance,” James said. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.”
“Hell, James, you should’ve said something,” Felix said.
“So should you,” James countered.
“You’ve got me there,” Felix allowed. He leaned over the table, and kissed James again. It was addictive, in the same way kissing Della had been. “Come back to the cabin with me, James,” he said, when they broke the kiss. “The bed there’s plenty big enough for three.”
James grinned. “I can’t wait.”